What is the secret recipe?

It's rather ironic that I'm writing this having received a ‘punishment spanking’ a scant two hours ago. But I suppose that puts me in a good position to comment on how it feels while the experience is still fresh in my mind, my psyche, (and other areas as well!).

Foremost is the sense of security. The knowledge that the lapses in judgement that I make in this relationship will result in a traditional session of punishment, atonement, and forgiveness rather than putting the relationship itself in jeopardy is a comforting one. It allows me to be myself in a way that I have found difficult in past relationships.

Conversely, there is the insecurity too. The intense rush of emotional bonding that comes from the acceptance of this man's authority over my actions and my heart cannot help but feel rather overpowering. When one's dreams come true, the fear of waking up can be rather intimidating.

Arousal? Physically, my body will always involuntarily respond to corporal punishment by becoming aroused, but sex is the very last thing on my mind after receiving this kind of spanking. Being held, being comforted, being told that I'm loved, and forgiven, and everything will be all right is what I crave after being punished.

Conversely, the same scenario that seems so very non-sexual as it's happening may well be the same scenario that appears in my private fantasies for the next month, being replayed and refined in my imagination, and inspiring me to new heights of pleasure.

All of my emotional doors are blown wide open by such an experience, as if I've been caught up by the gale winds of some powerful authoritative force that I can't resist. I searched for this experience for most of my life, and now that it's here, the happiness and gratitude are overwhelming, and sometimes so is the resistance, and the uncertainty.

So what is the secret recipe? Not the spanking, per se. I've had many, many spankings by many different gentlemen, and none of them took me where I am tonight. Instead, I believe the intensity of this experience comes from the delicate combination of diverse and seemingly disparate elements: Take equal measures of pain & pleasure, strength & weakness, fear & elation, anticipation & dread, contentment & intensity, resistance & surrender. Bring ingredients to a slow boil. Stir in love, arousal, and a heaping tablespoon of contradiction, garnish with a pinch of the indefinable, and serve hot.

This is arousal that transcends the sexual, and even the psychological, and speaks to our very souls.

And ya can't get much more arousing than that!

Diamond

Take the Taken In Hand tour

Have you seen the following articles?
Equality isn't all it's cracked up to be
Maintenance spanking
Never do without sex again
Asserting dominance physically forcefully
Alpha male dominance
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Actions speak louder than words
Why a man might be reluctant and what to do about it
I don't want to be a servant or slave
What easy-to-say word gives every lover pleasure?

2005 Jan 28 - 08:07 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

The first thing on my mind

I sometimes wonder when I read articles like this whether I am missing out on something by not having these sort of profound emotional reactions to being spanked.

I think though it's probably just as well I don't. If sex was the last thing on my mind after being spanked I think my husband would be deeply disappointed, since for him the main benefit of doing it is that it gets me hot. If a disinclination for sex was the result, I think his interest in spanking me would diminish considerably.

by Louise C on 2005 Jan 28 - 09:18 | reply to this comment

Differences

Some women, like Diamond, find the idea of being with a man who will do things to them that really hurt and are against their will exciting and erotic, but do not find a painful punishment erotic at the time. Others do not find the pain of a good thrashing erotic in itself but are so aroused by the control it represents that sex is definitely on their mind when the thrashing is over. Some are masochists and/or spankos and find it directly erotic. Different individuals feel differently about these things.

by the boss on 2005 Jan 28 - 10:41 | reply to this comment

Comfort

I am one of those for whom the spanking can be non-erotic at the time. After it is over all I want is to be held. I feel so completely vulnerable that what I need right after is comfort. I can not get enough body contact with my husband. He will often hold me in his arms on his lap until I feel settled again. It is a wonderfully warm and safe feeling. Is it still erotic? Sure it is but I am attracted to my husband as the authority figure. That is what the turn on is, not the smacking on the butt. It is the fact that he will take me over the edge to a place where I am completely emotionally vulnerable. He will hold there for a short time to allow his control and my vulnerability to sink in. Then he stops and holds me.

Like Diamond I will often relive the incident in my fantasies later, so it must surely be erotic. There is almost always sex after. My husband likes very much to make love after to a completely submissive woman. It is the only time I really am completely submissive. About the differences the boss talked about. It is different for my husband. He finds the spanking part always erotic. He is turned on by the actual smacking part as well as the control part that is the big turn on for me. It can be different for different people in the relationship and still work very well.

Take care,
Tevemer

by Tevemer on 2005 Jan 28 - 14:31 | reply to this comment

Similar, Dissimilar

I find I can relate to a lot of what you say if we just jettisoned the word "punishment." The two punishment spankings I had in my life didn't do ANY of this for me. One did help me release some of my feelings. It was not against my will. I asked for it.

Part of what you are feeling, please realize, is also the effect of the endorphins released by the spanking. They are a powerful drug indeed.

"Pat"

by "Pat" on 2005 Jan 28 - 16:49 | reply to this comment

endorphins

"Pat",
It is curious if it was merely the endorphins released that causes me to have these feelings that I never experienced it before we started our taken in hand relationship. We had tried erotic spanking before and it did very little for us and left us with virtually no emotional effect at all. It certainly is more than a reaction to pure pain. It hits me on a much deeper emotional level than anything I experience during erotic spanking. Sometimes erotic spanking can actually be more severe than a discipline spanking. We play a lot more than we discipline and I only get the intense feelings like I described during more serious spankings. Sometimes I get some of those feeling without being spanked at all. I once got those feeling simply laying over my husbands lap. That feeling of helplessness and loss of control washed over me and brought me to tears before he even laid a hand on me. I felt the pure acceptance I do feel normally after a spanking without any spanking at all.

Perhaps the reason the two punishment spankings did not do this for you was because you are not wired for authority based relationships in the same way I am. It could also be that the person giving the spanking was not able to read you well enough to know when you reached that place of acceptance. For me to get there I first have to go through a phase where I feel complete panic and helplessness. I am sure it is different for everyone. I only really know my own experiences, although other people have described very similar experiences to mine and Diamond's to me many times.

I think it is more than just a release of endorphins, although I do not doubt that endorphins are released and that they do feel very nice. Or perhaps the way endorphins are released in my brain is dependant on my relationship structure. Who knows the brain is a very complicated thing and I do not pretend to understand it.

Take care,
Tevemer

by Tevemer on 2005 Jan 28 - 20:40 | reply to this comment

Differences

A lot of this mini thread is about different reactions women experience from spanking. In my view, a good spanking will manifest in a loss of control and that is about the only element that is common in people's language. I would argue it is the only thing important.

If one is going to make significant relationship change, there simply must be a loss of control. It is the most powerful way to change anything. Think about relationship events like death, loss of jobs,etc. and consider how they all involve a loss of control. Religious conversion involves loss of control or surrendering that control over to some Diety and sometimes can be transformational.

I think the same principle applies here on perhaps a less grand scale. The man has sexual control, the woman has given it up through consent and the spanking. They both already know how they want their relational pattern to go, again consent, and so now this loss of control combined with sexual control of the man allows them to 'imprint' this desired change and it permeates throughout their relationship in a moment.

Loss of control through sexual connection is a powerful way to gain desired change...it impacts the emotions, the psyche, everything. As long as the control of the man is in keeping with the consent of the woman, things are going to work pretty powerfully.

This is why the woman usually determines beforehand how she wants the relational pattern to develop. And she does determine that because this is the only consent she can give.

Frank Nelson

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Mar 1 - 05:23 | reply to this comment

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