Why did it take us 20 years?

I wonder why it took us so long to get to this place? We were married for almost 20 years before we started living in a Taken In Hand way. I asked my husband why he didn't take me over his knee the first year we were married. He said I would have run home crying to my mommy if he had. It's true! Besides he was raised to be patient and certainly never to hit a woman so I don't know if it ever even occured to him.

We get along so much better now and our sex life is so much better than it used to be. I would like to go to every newly married couple and shout out the glories of a Taken In Hand relationship. But as Louise says, this is not everyone's fantasy life.

It has always been mine, and I finally got up the gumption to tell my husband. He tried it and was no dummy to see that a well spanked wife is happier, sweeter, more obedient, and most importantly, very sexually turned-on all the time. He says he will never go back and I don't doubt it. I certainly never want to go back!

Forty-something wife

Take the Taken In Hand tour

Have you seen the following articles?
Is there consent?
What easy-to-say word gives every lover pleasure?
Safewords
The erotic power of unshackled male dominance
When rape is a gift
The resistant woman
Give new love a chance
Learning the ropes
The soothing effect of vowing to obey
Laying the groundwork for other possibilities

2004 Dec 31 - 11:34 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

20 years

I'm really glad that you and your husband are so happy. My husband and I had been together for 22 years (on and off), before we got around to this kind of relationship . It has made a big difference to our lives too.

Speaking for myself, though, the spanking is not the crux of the matter, since that was something we had been doing anyway. I mean, my husband had been spanking me all that time without it making me happier, sweeter, or more obedient (except on a very temporary basis). This is why I am slightly surprised by articles that suggest that spanking a woman can make an enormous difference to her attitude etc, because this was not the case with me. It required a sort of mental adjustment that was about more than spanking, since that was something we were doing anyway.

I think you are probably wise though not to shout out about the glories of a Taken In Hand relationship to newly married couples, better to keep it to yourself, "an illicit pleasure" as Confused of Home Counties says.

Spanking is an important part of our sexual and emotional life, and I certainly would hate to do without it, but it is not the thing that has made the big difference to my relationship with my husband, it is a change of mind that has brought about the change in our marriage. I seem to be sexually turned on all the time these days too, it's nice, but spanking isn't what has done it.

by Louise C on 2004 Dec 31 - 13:59 | login or register to post comments

leadership vs spanking

I think in a way you're right Louise. It isn't really about the spanking totally. For me that's what makes the sex so great and having a great sex life has a huge effect on the rest of our relationship. But it's the respect I have for my husband that has also increased. A lot of the increased respect comes from him being willing to stand up to me and to be the head of our home. He need not spank me at all to accomplish that. The spanking just makes it more sexy that's all! But even when he doesn't spank me I love it when he's more assertive. We have had company and just a look or a tone makes me realize when I'm starting to get to bossy(I tend to be that way). We both know no disciplinary spankings are going to occur while the company is here so there is no concern or thought of that. I just am more respectful because he is willing to insist that I act in a more respectful manner. And because he is willing to insist that I be more respectful I respect him more. Wierd isn't it! No one respects someone who lets them walk all over them. I am actually fairly willing to be led if he will simply take the reins.

We are both so much happier when he takes the leadership. So I guess the issue is the man taking leadership and the woman being willing to submit to the leadership. Forgive me for using the S word, I know it's a profanity to many!It's just easier to feel submissive and be submissive when he is assertive.

by forty something wife on 2004 Dec 31 - 22:39 | login or register to post comments

Sweeter and calmer now I am taken in hand

I too am a forty something wife. My husband and I have been married for ten years but just developed a taken in hand relationship within the last month. What a difference in our lives ! We both wonder what took us so long to discover it...all the signs of it being the right thing for us were there.

I had been conditioned to think a woman should never be submissive, I was living a lie, trying to be someone I was not.

Although I am a professional woman earning a six figure salary in my own right, I very much need to be counseled, guided and corrected by my husband. My husband is a caring, intelligent man. I had fallen into the trap of not appreciating him and not following him. I too now have a much better appreciation for his leadership skills.

Everyone around me has already commented on my being sweeter, calmer and more rational in everyday dealings. My husband says he is a very happy man and feels he is finally allowing himself to be true to the person he has always been inside.

See also this readers' forum post.

by Annie D. on 2005 Feb 2 - 19:33 | login or register to post comments

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