Can physical chastisement cure bad habits?
Personally, I find all spanking erotic. The more serious it feels when I am being spanked, the more erotic it feels afterwards. Although, since being in a TIH relationship, I have found that it is possible to be spanked in such a way that during I only feel pain, nevertheless, the after-effect is arousal. Indeed, I can't really imagine it having a beneficial effect on me if I didn't ultimately find it arousing.
I don't really believe that you can cure bad habits by spanking. You have to want to change the habit enough to do it. I honestly don't think that you can use spanking as some kind of aversion therapy. Fear of punishment does not seem to me a good reason for doing or not doing anything, especially not in my case, since fear is an emotion that tends to arouse defiance rather than submission in me. I used to be afraid of my husband when he lost his temper and shouted at me, but it never made me feel submissive, it just made me hate him.
I try to obey my husband (with mixed success) because I find it sexy. Being spanked for being disobedient, rude, bad-tempered or whatever doesn't actually stop me doing those things again, but it makes me feel more affectionate and loving towards my husband and therefore more submissive and therefore more likely to try to obey him in the future. But I can't be cured of bad habits by spanking; it just doesn't work that way for me.
I certainly don't think you should spank someone beyond what both of you are comfortable with. My husband very much dislikes it when he occasionally causes bruises; he doesn't like the idea of hurting me excessively. Charlotte, who has been trying to cure a bad habit through physical chastisement, said that her husband is reluctant to cause her too much pain. I think that is a good thing!
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Comments
#1 There is more respect now
I don't really know if being taken in hand physically can help me change a bad habit, but my interactions with my husband are substantially more respectful since we started a TIH relationship. I think some of it just his being willing to stand up to me. Him looking at me with that "ok that's enough, stop" look works wonders. His words have a huge effect on me. I listen carefully to what he is saying. We may be standing in the kitchen and I may not have been taken in hand phyiscally in a long while. But the fact that I have in the past and I might today keeps me in check. My anger and frustation are easily diffused by a look or a stern word. So yes, being taken in hand changes my behavior in that I feel more respectful.
#2 Being more respectful
Being TIH has changed my behaviour in a way, in that I do try to be more respectful and pay more attention to what my husband wants, but this is not because I am afraid of being spanked. Yes, my husband can diffuse bad temper or sullenness or whatever with a stern look or a word, but it is his ability to exert authority over me without aggresion or physical force that I find arousing, and therefore it works in that way, it's not fear of punishment that makes me behave better.
I find the idea that a person's behaviour can be permanently changed by punishment quite bizarre. If I really thought that my husband believed that it was possible to perfect my behaviour by spanking me, I would find this incredibly stressful, because I know that is never going to happen. I'm not perfectable and neither is he. We both have faults and smacking my bottom is not going to cure me of mine, and I certainly hope he doesn't expect it to, because if he does he's doomed to disappointment.
#3 changing behavior
Perhaps changing behaviors by punishment is possible. Louise, I have heard you say yourself that you are much better about certain things lately. I am much more interested in changing certain behaviors since my husband and I started this. There are only a few things I am working on so I don't feel controlled nor is it stressful. But I do find the knowledge that I might get spanked or even verbally chastised for certain behaviors a detterent. Him simply taking the time and energy to correct me in any way has a huge impact on my life. I have seen a change in one area that was a huge concern of mine as it has been a problem in my family (mom and dad) in the past. I don't want to follow in their footsteps. I am so thankful that my husband has cared enough to rein me in and I'm glad I have given him the authority to do it. I feel much more hopeful about not allowing certain problem areas to overwhelm my life now that my husband is more involved in helping me overcome these obstacles. He could help me without spanking I'm sure. Most of the time he does. It just might be a little harder that's all.
#4 Changing behaviour
If I behave better in some respects as a result of being TIH, it is not because of fear of punishment, which, as I've said, I do not regard as a good reason to obey anyone.
One of the main problems in our marriage was that my husband is a very quick-tempered man, and would sometimes lose his temper seriously, to an extent where I actually used to get quite frightened of him. This had a very bad effect on me. It was very difficult for me to talk to him about this, because I didn't really think it could change anything, but after reading this site and realising that this was what I really wanted, I thought it was worth a try. I told him that if he would try not to lose his temper with me, I would try much harder not to do the things that caused him to lose his temper. And, somewhat to my surpise, this has worked. I do try much harder, and he doesn't lose his temper with me any more, even when things have happened that have seriously annoyed him. We are more considerate of each other's feelings now, he tries not to hurt me by losing his temper, and I try not to give him cause.
I still get spanked, considerably harder than I used to, but I am still not afraid of this. The reason I try harder to please him is not fear of punishment, but greatly increased respect for him now that I know that he can master himself, and therefore master me. An increased desire to please him is what has helped me to alter certain aggravating aspects of my behaviour, in other words, love, not fear, is the motivation. Now that I am getting much longer, harder and more painful spankings than I ever did before, it is a 'help' in the sense that I feel increased submissiveness and arousal when I am spanked, but I do not fear these spankings, and punishment avoidance is not what makes me more obedient.
#5 thanks
i am new to this site and i appreciate all of your comments very much. it is one thing to hear a man's advice of how to deal with his wife and another is to read a woman's thoughts and feelings about the same matter. you are right, the spanking i give my girl is not actually changing her in a way she won't do "bad" things again, but gives her the feeling of being put in her place and it certainly increases her respect for me.
#6 Chastisement is only a tool, not the solution.
Louise,
Very good article. I have been reading Taken In Hand for about a month now and find it both unique and filled with superbly informative insight. That said this is the first article where I feel I have something to add to.
Physical chastisement doesn't by itself cure or change anything in a relationship. That activity is but a tool to help a person make changes that they already want to make.
Bad habits can be hard to break, especially when they have been validated for years by being allowed to continue and even rewarded by food, drink and other positive reinforcements.
Do chastisements solve the problem? No, but as a tool they can sure help bring it to a successful resolution quickly and with a minimum of stress to the relationship. Could these bad habits be corrected without physical chastisements? Absolutely, but I think that using chastisements provides a much more efficient resolution. One must remember that in any pair bond relationship, a problem for one partner will also cause stresses on the other. They also provide a lasting reminder that a behavior is unacceptable.
I thank all who contribute to this site for the opportunity to add my input as well. Special thanks to the site owner for providing this forum, you are providing a great service to all who seek a greater understanding of the human condition.
-A-
#7 Curing bad habits
I am sure that there are people who had been cured of bad habits with the help of spanking, but it doesn't work that way for me. Since I like being spanked very much, the threat of a spanking does not stop me doing things that I want to do. I do however try harder not to do the things that annoy my husband, not because I'm afraid of being spanked, but because I feel a stronger desire to please him now. Being spanked rather than shouted at does make me want to try harder to please him. In that sense spanking does help.
But it doesn't effect any permanent change to my behaviour. The things I get spanked for tend, ont he whole, to be things I will get spanked for again, and again, and again. There have been a few occasions when my husband has been so furious about something, that it has sort of sunk in that that is something I had better really never do again, but it is the extent of his displeasure, rather than the spanking, that works for me.
Things like bad temper, sulkiness, forgetting to do something I'm supposed to do, doing something I'm not supposed to etc, these are things that my hsuband knows are going to happen again. Spanking me about them makes him feel better, and me as well, but they don't effect a permanent cure for anything.
If there are people who can be helped by spanking to permanenty overcome personal defects then Ithink that's greatif it works for them, but I have not found that it works that way for me.
Louise