PUT women in their place

KrosRogue's misadventure could have been ameliorated through application of the PUT principle. PUT is an acronym that stands for:

Patience

Patience in dealing with women is both a necessity and a virtue. Women change their mind. (Just ask one; it is their constitutional right!) A young woman in love can flip-flop on the head of a pin in a nanosecond!

A mistake which self-absorbed men commonly make is expecting too much too soon. Even worse, men sometimes compound the problem by giving too little while expecting too much.

Understanding

Men need to understand women – especially one woman. To understand one woman well is more helpful that trying to make sense out of a thousand women superficially.

To comprehend a woman requires a mental grasp on her mind as well as physically taking her in hand. To do this, a man must both be able to interpret her signals as well as have some sympathy for her as a person.

Part of the understanding is that, although they may not like it when their bottom is smarting, most women do not view spanking as a rape-like violation of their person. Rational women understand the difference between discipline and abuse.

Unless brainwashed by politically correct ideology or otherwise have bats flapping about in the belfry, women do not summon the police as the result of a spanking or threat of a spanking. In fact, in reflection, most discover it to be a positive experience. Failing that, they usually are willing to admit to themselves it was probably deserved.

Timing

Born of patience and understanding, timing is everything. There are decisive moments in relationships. Windows of opportunity do not remain open forever. Women move on to other things.

Women attracted to men give signals that are, in effect implicit permissions. Despite attempts by the politically correct to rewrite the laws of nature, seldom are these permissions explicit. (Often it is the old no from her lips with yes in her eyes.) Men either act on these permissions or they will eventually become despised.

Acting too soon is like picking and eating green fruit. It can be hard and quite bitter. Waiting until it is too late has difficulties similar to eating rotten fruit. Things can get messy!

Knowing when – or when not to act – is an all too well kept secret in handling women. Relationships cannot be forced. The interaction must develop at its own speed.

Noone

Take the Taken In Hand tour

Have you seen the following articles?
The freedom to be an alpha male: the joy!
Never do without sex again
The sexuality of ‘non-sexual’ dominance
The difference between dominant and controlling
Tradition, feminism, Victoria and Albert
To let go
When I'm in overdrive...
He who dares, wins
Changing for myself
Equality isn't all it's cracked up to be

2004 Dec 13 - 13:33 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

Most women?

Whether most women view spanking as a positive experience is, I would think, highly debatable. It is evident from KrosRogue's experience that there are plenty of women who do not care for being spanked. And I think a man definitely does need explicit permission before acting on the impulse to spank a woman. You cannot just assume that a woman will stand for it.

by Louise C on 2004 Dec 13 - 14:19 | reply to this comment

Explicit Permission?

Louise C wrote, in part:

... And I think a man definitely does need explicit permission before acting on the impulse to spank a woman. You cannot just assume that a woman will stand for it.

The problem is, most women are not explicit - and do not want to be explicit - when when they talk about emotional needs or desires.

In fact, women often don't ask explicitly for mundane things:

She: "Would you like some more tea, dear?"

He: "No thank you, darling." (Goes back to reading the newspaper).

She: (exasperated, reaches across the table to get the teapot) "Men!"

He: "Why didn't you say you wanted more tea?"

See You Just Don't Understand by Deborah Tannen for more about explicit versus implicit communication as a gender difference.

If a man asks/waits for explicit permission, or an explicit request, he is not doing what the Taken in Hand woman wants. She wants him to "take charge".

by CarlF on 2004 Dec 13 - 22:10 | reply to this comment

Explicit permission

Obviously it is necesary for a man to find out beforehand whether a woman wants him to take charge or not. Certainly as regards the spanking thing, which is something that could be very upsetting for a woman who really doesn't want it. I mean, KrosRogue, for instance, could have said something to his girlfriend like "If you don't stop nagging me I'm going to spank you", and then judged from her reaction whether she found the idea agreeable or not (this sort of situation occured with several men in my past).

And you can't just assume, in this day and age, that a woman is going to be willing to let you take charge (I don't think, actually, that you could assume it in any and age, with some women). A woman who wants a man to take charge does have to tell him so I think. I certainly had to tell my husband, it's not something he would have thought of doing for himself without my input.

by Louise C on 2004 Dec 14 - 05:55 | reply to this comment

To each his own, and let's not forget that!

I am a submissive woman in a long-term Taken In Hand relationship, but this guy's crass generalizations really p!$$ me off. Whilst many women may get turned on by the image of John Wayne spanking Maureen O'Hara and similar fantasies, let's face one thing: only a minority are naturally submissive and willing to accept the authority of a dominant male.

As for this: "Despite attempts by the politically correct to rewrite the laws of nature, seldom are these permissions explicit. Often it is the old no from her lips with yes in her eyes." How many times has this excuse been used as a defence of rape? In fact, "most women" do INDEED view spanking as a rape-like violation of their person. Laws of nature have nothing to do with this! Whilst many women with these desires may find it difficult to verbalize them, any man would surely be foolish to act without express consent.

And Noone talks of 'probably deserved' spankings as if only women ever 'misbehave'!!!

Let's get back to the fact that this is a the lifestyle we have chosen, deliberately chosen, because it meets a deep inner need on our part. But it is a minority lifestyle, and I'm sure most women who are so inclined would wish to give their consent to someone who believes in the underlying equality of the sexes. It is important to realize that this belief is not negated by Taken In Hand dynamics.

Nina

by Nina on 2004 Dec 14 - 07:31 | reply to this comment

Indecision And Instinct

My most recent difficulty was a conflict between my resolve to immediately terminate any budding relationship in which the woman displayed repulsive behavior and my desire to remain involved with this particular woman. I had a gut feeling at the time that I should have just ended it as cleanly as possible.

Rarely have my instincts ever been wrong, and this was no exception. Her response to what I did justified my mindset, but not my impulsive action.

KrosRogue

by KrosRogue on 2004 Dec 14 - 10:52 | reply to this comment

Opposites attract?

I am not Taken In Hand and would never permit a man to strike me- not without having his sorry butt hauled off to jail. (I also find 'spanking scenes' in old movies disgusting, and fantasize about giving the heroine a gun so she could blow the S.O.B.'s head off and find somebody decent.)

Why do I check the site? I'm afraid I have these intense, arousing fantasies of all the men on this site, bound down, with their buttocks bared. I proceed to each one, paddling him until he screams that is just a pathetic bully who deserves this retribution. (Oh, man, I'm getting turned on !)

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Dec 15 - 22:51 | reply to this comment

Spanking

I don't 'permit' my husband to spank me, he does it because he knows I like it. He has no personal interest in spanking, other than appreciating the effect it has on me. It's something I want, so he's not a bully, in fact it would be more of a bullying tactic for him to not spank me, because I would find that very frustrating!

by Louise C on 2004 Dec 16 - 20:42 | reply to this comment

You would then be the pathetic bully

Taken In Hand reader (or Pat),

If you were to tie my husband up against his will and assault him, you would be the pathetic bully, I am afraid. Whereas I consent to spankings from my husband, my husband certainly does not consent to them from you. In the end you would be committing assault, and should be the one to go to jail. I completely understand how you can not want a Taken In Hand relationship and I can understand how you might not understand them. I would hope that you would take my word for it that I love my husband, he loves me and I ask for him to spank me. Spanking me makes us closer and we love the effect it has on both of us. This type of marriage was my decision; he was not even a spanko before we met.

If you do not want your husband to lay a hand on you, I applaud you if you call the police if he ever does. You should: that would be abuse. I would support your right to do that. I think it is sad that you are too closed-minded to extend the same consideration to me.

Take care,
Tevemer

by Tevemer on 2004 Dec 16 - 22:49 | reply to this comment

Not Me

Wasn't me this time, Tev. I don't want to paddle anybody's husbands unless they like it. Have nothing against Taken in Hand..for someone else. I only resent the assumption on some people's parts that this way of life would or should work for everyone.

"Pat"

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Dec 17 - 07:31 | reply to this comment

Taken in Hand won't work for everyone.

Darn it Pat! Now we have a real "Pat" I will have to come up with a new generic name for Anonymous Readers! Perhaps Chris (who was Pat's SO), Sam...or I do not know I will have to think about it.

I do not agree that Taken in Hand should work for everyone. I personally think it could work for more people than the numbers of people who live this way now, but I still think it is a minority choice. I doubt that it will be the norm, although I wish it was more acceptable. The reaction by "Chris" above is sadly the one I expect. People seem to have the live and let live idea, unless people do not want to live like them!

I disagree with much of what Noone says because he seems to write as though Taken in Hand should be the norm, but what he says about individual relationships rings very true for me and my husband. I find myself both identifying with what he says about relationships individually AND disagreeing that this is the way it "should" be for most if not everyone. Couples should feel free to live how they feel is right for them, without letting popular opinion rule and limit their choices.

Take care,
Tev

by Tevemer on 2004 Dec 17 - 14:26 | reply to this comment

Taken in Hand not for everyone

I agree. In fact, back in my fundie church days, I knew a couple who believed the doctrine that a man be head of household etc. But she was clearly the dominant partner, he was clearly submissive, and their marriage struggled for years over this with many conflicts, marriage counselling through the church etc, and much disatisfaction.

My husband and I fit very well into a Taken in Hand relationship, I guess he is naturally dominant, and I am naturally submissive, and it was just dumb luck that we met and married in a church with such a view about marriage. It worked great for us.

Years later, after we had left that belief system, I realized we still operated with hubby as the head. But why?--we are no longer in even a Christian faith, let alone Bible fundamentalists. Others I knew didn't live like we did (though some, like my sister, did.) I went on a bit of a soul search, so did hubby.

We decided we were happy with our marriage. In fact, we seemed to get along better than most couples we knew. I know from talking with girl friends that we sure seemed to have sex and enjoy it a lot more frequently.

We weren't D/s or into anything BDSM--I don't get spanked or physically Taken in hand, nor do I want to be-- didn't seem to fit in with the DD crowd--again, no spanking. Certainly didn't fit in the conservative Christian crowd (we're pagan.)

This site is about the closest I've seen to where our marriage fits.

But I certainly wouldn't say it is right for everyone! If you want a different type of relationship, then go for it!

by Bramble on 2004 Dec 21 - 00:42 | reply to this comment

this is really old in the archives but...

I don't believe that the responsibility should all be on the man here. Carif said:

"If a man asks/waits for explicit permission, or an explicit request, he is not doing what the Taken in Hand woman wants. She wants him to "take charge".""

I don't see how lack of communication is a beneficial part of any relationship. I would think that good communication is even more necessary for any type of non-standard relationship structure. And Taken In Hand in all it's forms is currently non-standard.

I think if someone can't say what they want and need, then maybe they shouldn't get it. Men shouldn't have to be mindreaders. No one should.

Certainly women in this type of relationship want the man to take charge. But...at the same time, how can he take charge if he has no idea what her needs are? If she refuses to communicate? And if it's the beginning stages of the relationship he has no way of knowing if she IS this type of woman, unless they communicate.

Turning someone over your knee as a first communication effort is...well...good luck with that.

by Z on 2007 Mar 24 - 19:38 | reply to this comment

Scared off

Besides, even if she was a taken in hand potential. She still might be scared off if she just has it thrown at her unexpectedly.

by fireinu on 2007 Jun 19 - 22:00 | reply to this comment

Husbands showing their wife who's boss

My love to the real men everywhere who take the initiative and show their women who's boss. Accolades to all the women everywhere who appreciate the differences between the two sexes, who are grateful and happy to have been born female, and who enjoy living under the control of their men. Our men make it possible for us to truly enjoy being feminine. Thanks, guys!

by happy to be dominated on 2008 Mar 25 - 21:56 | reply to this comment

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