Trials and errors – appeasement for anger
I just ended what appeared to be the beginning of a relationship because the woman made me very angry. She nagged me about some trivial thing that I can't remember. The nagging aggravated me to the point that I considered terminating what we had then and there. But I reconsidered and thought I would make one last effort at saving our budding relationship.
She had no say in the matter, and this was strictly non-consensual; I grabbed her, took her over my knee and spanked the tar out of her. She strongly objected and told me to never do that again. I told her that as my woman she would submit to my chosen form of punishment as I deemed necessary. She then told me I had no right to punish her for anything. I then said if that's the way she felt then there is nothing to hold us together, and then the relationship ended.
I should have started differently. I should have said up front how I would have handled problems with her behavior. Perhaps our relationship would have ended sooner or it may not have ended at all.
I am still at the “trial and error” phase of my new life. This is not an excuse for my actions. This is merely a reminder of how I should have handled my new situation.
Have you seen the following articles?
Why you should not withhold spanking!
Why you shouldn't mention the ‘M’ word
Empowering dominance
Chemistry is indispensable
In praise of Fascinating Womanhood
What do you mean, you want to be taken in hand?!
Don't forget your whip
The healing power of taking her in hand
Does being submissive mean not saying what you think?
When rape is a gift
Comments
#1 Trial and error
Oh, the sadness of life! Just think how many women there are , many of them posting on this website, who would just adore to have a man who would do to them what you did to your girlfriend! Oh KrosRogue, why couldn't she have been one of them?
But alas, she wasn't, and you have confirmed something that cannot be stated too often - that not all women want this kind of relationship! You have to find out whether she will stand for this sort of thing before you do it.
Oh, but just think how many women reading your article must be wishing it had been them! Next time maybe you'll both be lucky and it will be one of them. I hope so anyway.
#2 Consent
The importance of consent can never be overemphasized, when it comes to Taken in Hand relationships. With consent, a spanking can be sexy and loving: without it, it could be deemed abuse. So I think you are right that you should have sought consent for the kind of relationship you wanted to have before doing that.
#3 She didn't know how lucky she was!!!
I've read many of your comments KrosRogue and I've every sympathy with you. Like you say we all make mistakes and you've recognized yours and won't make that same one again. Next time you'll likely pick a lady that will want dd not one opposed to it.
#4 Trial and error
KrosRogue,
i must say that i admire you for your honesty and humility in posting of your learning experiences. Your transparency is very much appreciated and instructional, as not all people want to be that open and honest, especially in a public forum. You can be sure your comments are helping others who are seeking a TIH relationship and looking for the woman who will appreciate the control. And as Louise said, there are many women who would have loved to have been in your girlfriend's shoes --and i count myself among them.
#5 Dominance or Control..
It has been described that the difference between a man who dominates and one who controls, is that the one who dominates seeks consent.
I can understand where this man got upset and reacted, or even perhaps overreacted.
But if a dominant cannot show self control, then where is his true power.
In this case the gentleman was clear in his own mind on how he would respond to less than desirable behavior.
But without her knowing or consent, the action was rash.
And who knows where this young lady's emotional well being will take her after this.
So much went wrong.
But since we learn best from mistakes, perhaps this is why it happened.
I am glad I was not this lady.
If you don't know someone's history, it can do more damage than you imagine....Blush
#6 It's a matter of principle
I can appreciate KrosRogue’s dilemma. I was in a similar situation after my 13 year marriage came to an end. I was determined that my next relationship was to be different. I had come to realize that I was a dominant male. During this time I dated a number of women wondering how they would react if I turned them over my knee for a well deserved spanking. There were a few I did spank, but purely for playful, erotic reasons. (I remember being surprised by how many women enjoyed being spanked) Yet, I knew I desired something more than play. I knew myself well enough to know that I wanted a relationship with a woman who wanted her man to be dominant and to lead. For me, this was as much a matter of principle as it was a desire. So not long after I started dating my wife-to-be, I made it clear to her what I expected. Although I sensed from some of the things she said that she wanted this kind of life too, I was not sure how she would react. To my great relief and pleasure she readily accepted my proposal. So I understand how difficult it is to broach this subject in a budding relationship. This is why I admire KrosRogue for honestly admitting that he was at fault for choosing to discipline his girlfriend w/o her consent. He writes:
For more, see this article.
#7 A man who cares about consent
KrosRogue wrote about how he had ended a relationship when it had become clear that his girlfriend was not going to consent wholeheartedly to being taken in hand physically. To my surprise, he has received comments scolding him for having ended the relationship (as well as for having spanked his girlfriend without first talking to her about the idea – which he had already admitted had been a mistake).
It seems to me that if a man feels so strongly that he ends a relationship when it becomes clear that the woman he is with is not going to be (in his own words) “eagerly consenting” to a Taken In Hand relationship, that is evidence that the man cares deeply about consent! And yet some readers seem to think that he doesn't. I find this bizarre.
#8 Three Errors In Judgement And Action
I learned much from this past relationship. It was my first attempt at a Taken In Hand relationship, and as is quite obvious from my narration, I didn't handle it very well. My worst mistake was not following my gut instinct when I realized the relationship was going sour. There is a certain unmistakable feeling I get that tells me in no uncertain terms that an incorrigible incompatibility exists. My second mistake was losing my temper due to a manifestation of that incompatibility. I should have terminated the relationship before that happened. I had plenty of warning. My third mistake was trying to use a bandaid to treat a mortal wound, when I spanked the woman to try to get our relationship back on track, since it never was really on track in the first place.
KrosRogue
#9 KrosRogue's trial and error
I'm so sorry that wasn't me!!! I would have LOVED for you to take me over your knee without warning and spank the daylights out of me. What respect I would have had for you; and if I wasn't in love with you before it happened, I certainly would have been after the spanking!
#10 re:Three errors in judgement
Well, I certainly wouldn't want to be ASKED if I wanted a spanking, but if she had been me and you THREATENED to spank me, you would have clearly known by my reaction/response whether I would accept it. If a woman does not cite the law or does not threaten to call the police, better chance than not she'll accept your discipline - even if she half-heartedly protests. If she makes no threats, but instead MAKES EXCUSES, such as, "I haven't been that bad" or "I haven't done anything to warrant you spanking me", then by all means, I say take her panties to her thighs and smack her bottom good!
#11 I treated someone "as if"...
I treated someone "as if" she were my ideal woman, in a similar situation, recently, but without the "explosive" results. The big difference in THIS is that I told her from the beginning that my desires were complex, and even I couldn't capture them all in a comprehensive dissertation. For this reason, I told her that I would treat her "as if" she were the right one for me. Also, I informed her that it was essential to our relationship that she accept my "demands" and preferably enjoy them. I also insisted that her responses MUST be HONEST, and if she chose to deny any of my "demands", then that meant we were wrong for each other.
She balked on one "demand" that I considered ESSENTIAL, which was simply to make TIME for our new relationship to flourish. Her job requires her to work 80 to 90 hours a week, which leaves no time at all to nourish a fledgeling relationship. I INSISTED she limit her hours to 40 to 50 per week. Fearing the possible loss of her job or job benefits, she refused. Her schedule allows her barely enough time to sleep, let alone any time for other activities.
I ended the relationship, but we still remain friends.
Mike Starre
#12 I agreed you should have said
I agreed you should have said up front how you would have handled problems with her behavior.
#13 assault deserves jail time
No. By far your worst "mistake" was that you assaulted this woman. That is immoral, illegal, and contrary to the spirit of Taken in Hand. You needed general consent from her to be in a relationship where it is acceptable for you to spank her against her will. She didn't give it. Contrary to what another poster wrote, it is not necessary to "cite the law" in order for that law to apply. This was assault, plain and simple, and you should have gone to jail for it, just like one should go to jail for assaulting a person he didn't happen to be dating.
I have read several of your posts at this point, and you come off as a scary jerk, not someone who should be entrusted with the well-being and safety of a woman.