If "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" is a simple book, I think it's the kind of simplicity that many marriages need. In fact, it was after I read Dr. Laura's book that I began a concerted effort to cherish and focus on my husband. This has enhanced our marriage more than I can say--in fact, it lead to this website and the whole "taken in hand" experience.

Stephen asked for specifics and these are a few of the things I do: I go to bed at the same time as my husband and make myself available for sex, a back rub, a head rub, or just a listening ear--whatever he needs or desires. He works very long hours and isn't home for dinner, so I cook his favorite foods on the weekends, rather than asking him to take me out. I figure I can go out to dinner during the week. I make a point to thank him at least weekly for working so hard and providing so well for our family. Recently, I wrote him a letter detailing all of the reasons I love him-I put 44 reasons, one for each year of his life.

Of course, as Stephen points out, this is not all "give, give, give." Dr. Laura was correct when she said that such attention earns a woman all of the love in return that she wants. My husband continues to amaze me with the ways in which he demonstrates his love and concern for me. Charlotte

I'm going fishing this morning - in fact, I'll be leaving in a few minutes. After cooking a nice dinner for me last night, my missy packed a fishing lunch for me and had it ready to go when I got up a few minutes ago. She went to bed early with me last night to take care of me there too. Think I'm not a happy camper? Cherish goes both ways, and I do my best to make sure that she is cherished and taken care of in those areas that are important to her.

It's when I read comments like these that I'm glad my husband doesn't pay much attention to this site. If he starts reading about all these perfect wives he's going to start getting ideas. Wives like these are a menace to low-achievers like me. I would think it unlikely that he'll ever come across Dr Laura's book, but I shall keep a sharp eye on him just in case.

While I know Louise is probably just kidding, I do think it's important to say that I, for one, am not perfect. There are A LOT of things that I don't do. It's just that I've made my husband my number one priority in life, followed by my children. Ungirding these priorities are the attention that I give my personal health and my spiritual orientation. That said, I know that I am in a very fortunate position of not having to work outside the home, of having household help, of having children old enough to be doing their own things most of the time, and no expectation from my husband to cook for him during the week. All the same, because of my health (a chronic illness) there is much that I would like to do that I don't do because doing so would interfere with the time and energy I give my husband. Certainly, if I had the pressures that most modern women face, and mothers of young children face, I wouldn't be so "perfect." On the other hand, it is a win/win situation. When I give my husband everything he needs emotionally and physically, he returns the favor by giving me everything I need. Any perfectionism as a wife (unlike any other area of life) is well rewarded! Charlotte

Well, not entirely. There have been serious clashes between my husband and me in the past over my lack of interest in housekeeping, and he has occasionaly made unfavourable comparisons between me and other women who are more domestically competent than me, which I always found very hurtful. However, when I once asked him in the course of a row why the hell he didn't marry one of those perfect women, he replied that they weren't as interesting as me, which I found a great consolation!

However, when I read about a woman like some of the wives eulogised above I find myself thinking 'oh crikey, one of those women'. It would be nice in a way if my husband was like the husband of the woman above who says he doesn't care how lousy a housekeeper she is, but he does. Since the regime change, things have been better, I have made more of an effort with the housework, and he has made more of an effort not to be critical of me. But still when I read about Stephen's perfect wife I find myself wondering if really, really, he would rather have someone like her.

I'm glad your fishing expedition was a sucess. No, my husband isn't a fisherman. I think you have to have a contemplative nature to like fishing, and my husband doesn't. He likes making things, metalwork is his hobby, he build steam trains and jet engines and things. He can spend hours and hours out in his workshop doing remarkable stuff with lathes and milling machines and things. When he comes in in the evening, if he leaves the light on out there it means he's planning to go out there again later for purposes unconnected with metalwork, involving me (this time of year he leaves the heater on too).

I think he is quite happy really, he's very self-sufficient domestically and doesn't really expect me to do much for him. It's just that I hear about all these books saying that women should do this and that for their husbands and I wonder, is that what he'd really like? You're right about him knowing me very well, he does, sometimes I think he knows me too well! I do cherish him in my fashion, it's just not the fashion described in those books.

My wife works outside the home. I run a business from my home office. Hence, I spend more time in our house than she does.

She sorts the clothes and treats spots because those things require better color vision than I have. I do the rest of the laundry (i.e. the actual washing, drying, folding etc.)

Most of the time I load and unload the dishwasher. She cooks more often than I do but that is a matter of talent.

Why do I do housework? Certainly not because housework is a "husband's duty". Rather, it's because housework is trivially easy and is a great way to pass the time while I wait for a client to get off of his behind and call me back.

Amazingly enough, my wife finds plenty of ways of cherishing me besides making dinner. She answers some of my emails. She notices that I'm running low on printer paper and buys more. She picks up the business mail from the post office.

Sometimes, when she sees that I have had a lousy day, she stands in front of me and unbuttons her blouse or slides a perfumed wrist alongside my neck, or takes my shoes off. Sometimes she just touches me.

Ladies, keep in mind that most men are easy to please. The littlest things often work the best.

If you can't think of anything else, sit in front of him, unwrap a small candy (a "kiss" is particularly appropriate) and stick it in his mouth. Then go back to whatever you were doing.

Very well put Stephen. As a woman I would like to say that I love taking care of my hubby. Doing little things for him like rubbing his feet (he's on them at work), leaving notes, massages, cooking for him, being available sexually, etc. I love to see the look on his face when I do those things for him. I can tell he appreciates it. I can't really explain why I love doing it. I just know how I feel. I guess it makes it easy to do because he's such a wonderful hubby though. He helps out with housework because I work full-time. He always gets things done around the house, I never have to say anything to him. I wouldn't nag him even if he didn't. I get told from the girls at work that I shouldn't "cater to him". Well, when they complain about their husbands, I just sit there and smile. Then I just usually brag about mine. If they only knew what our relationship was like they would probably think we were wierd. We are not like a lot of marriages these days. That is probably why so many get divorced? If they knew that I was available sexually to him all of the time and knew my submissive nature they would probably fall out of their seats.