Is this a victory?

Power and Love quotes this interesting article from Salon.com:

Women secretly want men with authority, but they fall for insecure passive-aggressive guys who view every aspect of life as a power struggle, or for cranky killjoys or petty sadists [....] The women have won, if you've won when you have worse sex than your grandmother did. Secretly they don't find these men very exciting, either. And they don't feel feminine when they're with them. [...] What's often lost in the insistence on equality is quality – how the people feel about each other, how much love they can give each other. We now feel queasy about the romantic language of our ancestors, who used the metaphors of slavery and devotion unabashedly. But is there another language with which to speak of love? Love does involve two people putting themselves in the power of each other. [...] The heterosexual act of love does involve women putting themselves literally in the power of men. And we no longer trust enough to do so.

Taken In Hand Tour start | next

Have you seen the following articles?
The subjection of women
The joy of the master-queen dynamic
Secretary: the film
Authority in a Taken In Hand relationship
Accommodating needs can't be done by the book
What I get out of it
Women who take responsibility for their own actions
He's in charge. . . but I do it my way
The Night Porter: movie review
Women want men who are more dominant

2003 Oct 13 - 22:01 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

Kinda sad

It's kinda sad that we're come so far as women, only to find we've lost so much. What can we do about this?

by Helen on 2003 Oct 15 - 17:42 | login or register to post comments

Change

What can we do? Change. Not let ourselves be browbeaten into remaining in this state.

by Jenny on 2003 Oct 19 - 20:34 | login or register to post comments

From the male perspective.

Ladies, you could try showing your men the respect that you demand from us. We haven't had a liberation movement to teach us how to be assertive about our needs.

You could also begin raising your sons to be independent and self-sufficient instead of crippling them so they remain dependent upon you (and later a wife who won't respect him either) for their daily needs. This may not help you much, but your sons will bless you forever.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2003 Nov 18 - 10:39 | login or register to post comments

Raising Sons

I totally agree that women need to raise their sons to be independent, strong people who will one day have a family of their own for whom they are responsible. When I was a kid, grandmothers used to lament about women who 'raised daughters, but had sons'. Those grandmothers were right. Many women, myself included, were raised to be strong, independent, responsible and determined. Being such, I desired a man with those qualities or more - but I didnt get that initially.

In my first marriage, I married a man who had not been 'raised' by his mother, consequently he relied on me too much and I viewed him as dependent, incapable of cutting the apron strings, etc. He was unable to lead, and used a passive aggressive nature to get what he wanted.

I am now happily married to a man who is strong, independent and driven. His number one priority is me and our children. We have a Taken In Hand marriage, he is definitely 'in charge' and we all know it. He has and continues to teach our children (mine, his & ours - 8 boys!) to treat women with the utmost respect, he teaches them to value their girlfriends or wives feelings and desires before their own and he teaches them that they should ensure their family's wholeness.

More people - men and women - need to teach (raise) their sons to be men, rather than remain children who are reliant on someone else to do the things they should do themselves! You are right when you say that the women these men marry will thank you for it. My daughter in laws are quite happy that they have the type of men who put them first & foremost.

M-

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2008 Aug 17 - 19:23 | login or register to post comments

From boys to men

M, you are so right. I had two sons and I made sure they were raised as gentlemen. Even as very small children they would each race to the door to open it for someone (male or female), struggling to do so because it was stronger than they were. I could not have been a prouder mom at those times. As they grew they also learned about being assertive, leadership, and being true to themselves. Each were known to go out of their way to befriend those that had need of a steady friend and protector, being the ones that helped their handicapped schoolmates by pushing their wheelchairs, sitting next to them in class or lunch, making sure the bullies left them alone. Both my boys have always walked their own paths, not really caring what others thought of them and by the time they were seniors in High School, were the most respected and idolized young men in the school. Even the teachers and administration were impressed with them for their honesty, loyalty and integrity.

My oldest used to get frustrated with the girls because they were constantly pestering him, even the ones several years older than himself. He could not understand why they wanted to be around him. Now you also have to picture him. He is six four, 220 pounds of heavily muscled man and has always been a bit shy around the girls. He is what we Americans call the typical Jock. For you old Archie fans he was like Moose. But I could tell you why. He was all alpha male. He was polite, would hold the doors for the girls, give them a shoulder to cry on if they needed one, make the abusive boys back down if they were hurting their girlfriends, and was everyone’s knight in shining armor. What’s not to love? My youngest has a different take on life, being more like me and seeing everything funny. He tends to use humor to defuse a situation. This does not mean he is not Alpha. He too does his own thing, follows his own very special code of honor and is still beloved by everyone he knows.

If you cannot tell yet, I do a bit of bragging of my boys most days. They have turned into wonderful men. Like all young people, they are treading the waters of finding their own relationships and I try to let them do it in their own way and time. They have good heads on their shoulders and make good decisions for themselves. They know what it will take to make them happy. I do think I will guide them to this site. It may make their lives more focused in their relationships and give them and their chosen a deeper love and understanding of what they are and what they want. Imagine what the world would be like now if we all felt this way?

Libby

by Libby on 2008 Aug 17 - 21:14 | login or register to post comments

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