Hi the boss, I think this is a very positive move that could bridge the void between two people who love and respect each other and may be experiencing a temporary communications glitch.

It's also possible that the matter in which it is accepted will vary from couple to couple, and that it might be a very brave move for a woman to make, especially if she fears rejection (it depends on what prompted the HOH's withdrawal I think). I can think of times when it would have cheered me immeasurably to have my wife offer her bottom for my ministrations when I was feeling disconnected, but there are other circumstances when I would be less inclined to accept this peace offering...at least right away.

So it may not be a cure-all, but certainly is an idea worth a try for women whose men have gone into their cave.

Howard

I've never told anyone this but I've done this myself.

When my husband is angry or stressed or even just feeling low, i go to him and ask if he would like to get some of those feelings out of him. I offer myself for him to use to get some relief from the way he feels. When I do that, he knows that he can cane or crop me till he feels better, and he can keep on doing it until he feels totally relaxed and on a high. I love him to use my body in this way, because it feels good to me (I can be almost in another state of consciousness sometimes) and because it connects us so much. People outside this community don't understand that. They think violence is violence and what I'm describing is abuse, or that any woman who offers herself this way must have low self-esteem. That's a lot of bull. :) There's nothing wrong with my self-esteem levels and he has never abused me or misused this power I give him. We are so close and love each other so much.

Hi Howard,

Could you clarify something for me? You said that you can think of times when if your wife were to reach out by offering herself, you would not respond positively. I have been trying to guess what you might be referring to ever since. When do you think it would not be a good idea? Or under what circumstances?

My GF (brand new relationship) has offered herself to me - she's asked me to discipline her with hard spanking from the beginning. She wants to know I'll discipline her or what it will feel like to be disciplined by me, presumably. I understand this but despite being a dominant man, I don't want to do it. It's like it's not right at this point. It makes it more like a sexual kink and that's a concern to me as a Christian man. What do you guys think about spanking a woman severely before you've established a relationship? It seems like this is jumping the gun. Like Gary said in his article, and James said in his, there should be love first - it's an intimate, spiritual act. So do I discipline her like she's asked or do I stand firm and refuse to do so until we've established a good relationship?

It used to be that a man did not have sex with a woman until they were married. These days, it is the norm to have sex before marriage. One of(!) the advantages of this is that men and women can experience a key element of a future marriage without that life-long commitment/contract. Thus any major disagreements on this vital topic can be ironed out before committing to a life long relationship. In a similar way, I can understand that your gf wishes to experienvce being taken in hand prior to a fully committed intimate relationship.

Whilst I can understand your reluctance for the reason you have quoted, I also think it is an excellent opportunity for you both to grow the intimacy you feel is lacking. In summary, I would say, take this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your partner with both hands. It could become a very key element of your future relationship.

Why does she want to be disciplined now? You appear to be saying she and you do not have much of a history together and your relationship is not yet established. Is it the discipline she wants or you? Would some other guy do just as well? I think you're right to be concerned - it can't be part of your relationship yet because you haven't got one yet, so what is it about? I agree with James and Gary. My opinion only.

It seems the content of what the boss wrote in her original post could be summed up with one word “sacrifice.” In ancient times, a sacrifice was offered to appease the Gods. The sacrifice was not something easily given; it generally was something of high value. What could be more valuable than the bare bottom of a beloved who offers herself up with nothing more than faith that this shall appease her man?

the boss,

Humiliation and degradation were never the intention when I used the word “sacrifice” in my post. I intentionally used quotes around sacrifice to emphasize the figurative meaning than any literal definition.

I can assure you that the last thing on my mind when I wrote my comment was any debasing ideology. There is enough martyrdom in the world today, and I personally feel like it does not belong in my personal relationships.

Sacrifice to me means that one gives up something for a greater good. And in your original post, you intimate just that, “ I am suggesting that the act on the woman's part of submissively offering him her bottom to receive a spanking can snap the two of them back into that precious connection.”

In no way am I advocating self-sacrifice. Self-sacrifice to me is an ending, if one gives oneself self-sacrificially, what is left of one’s self to give?

Yes, I think that it could work. When my husband is sulky or grumpy he just needs something to change the mood. What usually happens is that I get sulky because he is grumpy. Then he gets worried because I am sulky. Then I feel guilty because I made him get worried, and so forth. I don’t know if your suggestion would work but it is certainly worth a try! I want love to offer my bare bottom to my husband in this way. It wouldn’t matter if the source of the tensions was me or work or anything else. Instead of withdrawing into himself he can do something positive, powerful and very connecting: he can let his tensions out on my behind. I think he would enjoy it if he could only bring himself spank me like that. This would be purely for him, not for me. I might quite enjoy it too, but if it is just painful then I think I would be willing to accept that. Even though it would hurt, it would be a good thing for me to do for him. I almost see it as a crude method of communication: “So that is how strongly you feel darling! Now I feel it too.” Or maybe it is an intimate form of communication? Certainly he should be able to continue until he feels better, or what was the point? Should it ever be required (and the situation will arise) then I really want to do this.

It is a strange topic to broach as he has never spanked in that context before. Maybe I could suggest the idea to him well before we reach that point. Then when times are rough I could say “Don’t tell me how you feel, show me, I want to feel it!” or maybe “It is something we would both enjoy and would get your mind off XYZ”. Surely hitting my backside must be more therapeutic than retreating to a different room, or swearing to himself or banging things randomly. It all seems a great idea in theory but I have no idea of whether it would ever work in practice! Most likely he will tell me not to be so silly, or will suggest that I am being depressed and will fell down about that too. I honestly cannot imagine him ever agreeing to this – more’s the pity.

To those ladies who have put this into practice, how have you asked your husband? I am not sure of the best way to start, so any ideas would be appreciated.

I'm not entirely sure what I think of this idea, as I have never tried it. But you argued it beautifully; and I can definitely see (in my own relationship) where it could possibly have a positive effect. It would have to be tried to find out.

One thing I certainly agree with other posters about is this: For me, the very worst thing my man can do in a tense moment is walk away from me. I would rather be brought close to him and spanked than have him walk away from conflict. He is human; and we all get frustrated from time to time. But I believe happiness can be found in improving the way we deal with that frustration.

After some time and communication on this subject, his responses to our conflicts (overall) has improved. However, he does still make that "face" sometimes and sulk. It is very annoying when it happens. I wish I could find a more kind way to say it, but that is the truth. I annoy him as well and certainly have my own faults; but that isn't the subject at hand.

Anyhow, sorry to be so long-winded. But I was just intrigued by the boss's idea and thought I might want to give it a go. See what happens. I do have a question though: How do you know whether he will find being asked for a spanking desirable... especially at a time when he is already frustrated? Could some men actually find it irritating?

~HollyCakes