Force of will

Many women are happy for the man to use physical force to control them, but for me this is not what works. There have been a few times in our marriage when my husband has used his physical strength to overpower me, and these occasions only caused me anger and distress; I didn't find it pleasurable at all.

What I find attractive and exciting is being brought to a state of submission by my husband using the power of his will rather than his physical strength. If he were to grab me and spank me forcibly when I was in a temper or sulking or something, it just wouldn't work – I need to be brought out of the temper first. That he can do this is something I've only recently discovered, and it has greatly enhanced our relationship.

Since he has started giving me much more serious spankings than I've ever had before, I find myself sometimes thinking I just really can't bear any more. On the first occasion he spanked me like this, I struggled off his knee about halfway through and said, “I can't take any more, I just can't!”

“Yes, you can,” he replied, with this new authoritative manner that I find unbelievably sexy; and he very gently but firmly pushed me back over his knee, but he used only minimal physical pressure. It was the authoritative voice that hit me right in the libido and made me go back there and stay there (more or less). If he'd just used brute force to keep me there, which he quite easily could, it would just have left me shaken and upset. It's the mental rather than the physical forcefulness that is the turn-on for me. I've always known he's physically stronger than I; it's finding that he's capable of dominating me with the strength of his personality that has been the big turn-on for me.

Louise C

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2004 Oct 22 - 08:43 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

Force of Will

It seems to me that for physical force to work, there must be a kind of mental toughness or mental force there as well. For example, if my hubby were to spank me for breaking rules because *I* wanted it... it would be a sad and hollow thing for me. It would be as though, well, I were still in charge. That is why I agree... there has to be some force of will. Some... indefinable something that says...I've got your best interests at heart, and this is the way it is.

A true Taken in Hand relationship, IMHO, requires that the man want it too. There is nothing that is sexier than knowing that he does not want me to do something and is willing to do what it takes to ensure that. That can't be conveyed to me, at least, purely through physical means. There needs to be a look, a word, a tone... that says that "I am bending you to my will and you will be bent".

grace
every now and then I look up at the sky smile and wave for the satellite picture.

by gemg on 2004 Oct 22 - 17:40 | reply to this comment

Bending me to his will

Yes, that's exactly how I feel about it. Finding that he can do this has been tremendously exciting for me, and has added a new and very satisfying dimension to our relationship. Physical force on its own would not work for me at all. That look, that word, that tone, yes, that's it exactly.

by Louise C on 2004 Oct 23 - 07:12 | reply to this comment

Being overpowered mentally

For me, it is always about being overpowered, but the key thing is the overpowering on a mental level. This can be effected in a variety of ways both physical (spanking, strapping, bodily overpowering, restraining, locking me up, tying me up, etc) and purely mental (the look, a word, the shake of his head). It only works if the authority is there and I feel it in my mind.

The authority of the man must be real -- with my husband there's no question of who's boss, and he's not the swaggering Dom type either, he's the quiet type with Presence. I never met a man I wanted to obey before. With him I do.

by Katrina on 2004 Oct 23 - 10:29 | reply to this comment

Brute Strength

In my mind there is something inherently different in the man capable of dominating by brute strength and the one who dominates through the force of his will. I am intrigued by the thoughts of being dominated in this way. Any man stronger than myself can physically dominate me, but it would take a special breed who could dominate with his personality...and leave me feeling loved while he did it. The confidence and compassion required to accomplish this is what I find so appealing.

Blue Sunset
BlueSunsetGirl@hotmail.com

by BlueSunset on 2004 Nov 29 - 20:00 | reply to this comment

mental force

I so very much agree with you that the mental force works so much better than pure physical force. There is so much power in it, and...yes...I also find it incredibly sexy.....Sonya

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Feb 23 - 20:23 | reply to this comment

Exactly!!

This is exactly what I was trying to say the other day when I posted something and it came across all wrong.

Thanks to everyone for putting it so eloquently!

Marie...

by Marie on 2005 May 2 - 14:13 | reply to this comment

The danger of abuse

All this talk of alpha males is worrying, the natural result of this is abuse and rape. There is no clear line between dominance and abuse. And men who want to be alpha males may over-compensate and abuse, is that what women want? if so, they ultimately condone rape. Appalling.

by chris T on 2007 Apr 2 - 17:26 | reply to this comment

Say it again!

It is the spoken commands that just make me so hot. I think it is because my husband is not much of a talker and has never been one to express his opinion. Now in a taken in hand relationship he does and I love it. I ask what he wants for dinner and he just tells me; I don't have to wonder. But it is when he says "spread your legs" etc that my brain just goes into overdrive, and I enjoy it all. It is interesting the power of verbal cues on one's sex drive.

As for alpha males - I love 'em. They don't need to over-compensate or abuse; they just have to say a few words.

by olga on 2007 Apr 2 - 18:44 | reply to this comment

Alpha vs. abusive

Chris T,

I have been with both an abusive male and an alpha dominant male. While on the surface, in many ways the two might look similar, the difference is in their partner's emotional health and the spirit in which everything happens.

With the abuser I didn't feel loved. I felt insecure, afraid (not fun roller coaster fear), unsafe. I had panic attacks, it was not a good time for me. There was not one bit of security.

With the alpha dominant male, I feel loved, protected, safe. I feel confident, excited, peaceful and calm. Secure.

While my husband IS physically forceful, dominant, "controlling" (I put that in quotes cause I know it has a bad connotation but I don't consider it necessarily bad, it just depends on the person and if it's consensual) I take offense at him in any way being referred to as an abuser.

I DO understand this need to categorize various "activities" as abusive, like some little checklist. However you also have to look at the spirit of the behavior and how it makes a person feel.

For me, there is an incredibly clear line between dominance and abuse. And it's a line that you can only see clearly from the inside.

by Z on 2007 Apr 2 - 19:57 | reply to this comment

why one or the other:

Why is it EITHER mental domination OR physical domination? Maybe that's not what's being said, but that's what I'm reading. I understand if some people only want/need/respond to one or the other, but there are many men perfectly capable of both types of dominance.

by Z on 2007 Apr 2 - 20:00 | reply to this comment

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