Creating an unbreakable bond of love takes time

I have always had fantasies. Strong images of being loved, but being stopped. Not stopped in a controlling or negative way. But stopped with loving limits, and then if necessary, being spanked. I had always considered this a sexual fantasy, but somewhere there was a grain of truth. After all, I wanted to be loved.

My entire life was mixed with the wrong type of man. I kept choosing muscle for strength. When I met Gary, he was clearly on to me. But he probed and prodded and was able to take my unrefined ideas and create a reality and distinct personalities for us. And in doing so, created us a wonderful life. He started by establishing a very strong ‘unbreakable bond’ of love.

Through this entire process he also put in place his clear role of authoritarian and Head of our House. He knew I would need time to adjust to this dynamic, and always explained what he was doing although left little wiggle room for challenge. We were both sensitive to each other's needs, but Gary made it clear that my needs were to met first. If not, I was quick to ignore myself. And that in itself was the same as disrespecting Gary. As much as I needed him to hold me accountable, I still needed to adjust to the actual events. Or as I often heard, “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”. It didn't take long for that to make sense. He was patient. I fell into trusting him to make the decisions, knowing he always took my feelings into account before making them final. He always validated me.

It was a year before he spanked me. I wanted him to and he was taking his time! This was the final piece to my fantasy and he was moving slowly. He started by spanking me erotically peppered with infractions, and for the longest time, left me wanting more. I suppose that since my style is not one of misbehaving or being ‘bad’ that my biggest challenge was pushing limits. Gary was clear to make my limits hard or I was forever looking for the loophole.

I am a very organized person and have no problems running my life and household. So for us, even though spanking is used for some behavior, it is more widely used for connection. Even if I have been naughty, and Gary spanks me for discipline, it still seems to fall under the connection umbrella as we are so close afterwards.

And then there is the exploration of my submission. Many a very hard spanking falls under this category. The emotional output has never been too taxing on either one of us. We both seem to thrive on the love and interest we share. And of course we both realize that life has its invasions from time to time and some bumps do occur. But Gary is so consistent in his observations of me that a small bump is merely an inconvenience, or sometimes a breather. But it is a lifestyle and we are both committed.

Blush

Taken In Hand Tour start | next

Have you seen the following articles?
Liberated through submission
Is there consent?
She wants to be taken in hand against her will?!
I don't want to be a servant or slave
Why I, a dominant man, prefer a strong woman
Spanking is the last resort
How I met my husband, and how that impacted my life
Why being taken in hand helps
How I turned the fantasy into reality
Help! The one I love nowadays rarely wants sex!

2003 Oct 11 - 00:34 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

The virtue of patience

Patience is so important in a man if he wants to be the head of the House. Why rush it? Gary did good.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Jun 17 - 19:54 | login or register to post comments

The Foundation..

I have never had as many heated discussions with others on these discussion lists as when I introduced the dynamic of patience. It seemed as if I had two heads as I described the time it took for Gary to put spanking as a form of accountability, let alone sex, into our ring of love. When we met it was obvious we both liked each other a lot. And since we are both married once before, I was in the mind of 'hurry up and let's get to it'. Gary being far more prudent felt that since that he wanted this 'forever', he had the time to build the foundation. To find out as much as he could about me. To discover each other in all sorts of lights. What I refer to as 'losing your charm'. If I still liked, respected and responded to him when the chips were down, then we had tremendous possibilities. And even then I was lobbying to 'do things to me Gary!'. A mantra he hears to this day. Woman my age feel if they lay it on the line early on. 'I am looking for a dominant', then they can bypass all the remote possibilities and not have to expend themselves personally. Really??? And I am told that if you sleep with someone quickly you can get a real feel what they are like. Again, Really???

When does love or caring come into this equation? How do you sleep, allow someone to dominate or worse spank you if they don't love you? The unthinkable to me. I could respond to a watermelon before I could respond to a man I just knew where I was naked and give me orders or had limits. But there is this idea of 'elimination' that I just never got. I suppose I am highly lucky because Gary is truly dominant and being Taken In Hand by him is something he just 'does'. He is a quiet spoken man, but he is articulate, refined and to the point. You can feel safe, threatened or challenged by him. But he is a force to be reckoned with. Even without the suit.

His biggest and most valuable asset? His patience. With me, I am fascinating to him, and since he makes rare decisions without facts or at least calculated guesses, he can wait until the time is just right so we can get the best out of everything, each other being the highest of the order. The idea of waiting to others, especially in their 40's is almost laughable, so I'm repeatedly told. I've been shown otherwise and now imitate myself in his fashion. And it works! Gary does indeed do good.

...Blush...

by Blush on 2005 Jul 22 - 01:03 | login or register to post comments

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