Accommodating needs can't be done by the book

Men should treat a woman in the same manner that her vagina accommodates his penis. His fit should be:

  • soft enough to accommodate the most expansive of her desires,
  • tight enough to let her know that he has her surrounded,
  • loose enough to allow her freedom of movement,
  • stimulating enough to keep her excited, and
  • able to contain her when she explodes.
Where I have difficulty with personality analysis in interpersonal relationships – whether inspired by Colin Wilson, David Keirsey, or Isabel Myers – is when it becomes the ends rather than the means.

Women choose men whom they believe able to accommodate their needs. When men fail to rise to the occasion – whether it is failing to meet a high dominance woman's challenges, to be a good husband to the medium dominance woman and father to their children, or coaxing the low dominance woman out of her shell – then difficulties flourish like bacteria on agar.

Marriage is not so much about molding another person to accommodate one's personal tastes as it is about taking the relationship in the direction that it needs to go so that intangibles such as love, happiness, and stability retain some equilibrium.

Unlike flying sophisticated aircraft, marriage is more a seat-of-the-pants experience than it is reading the gages built by someone else. There are couples who have done everything by the book and still managed to send their relationship into a tailspin from which it never recovered.

Good husbands are often like old building supers. They know how to tap the pipes to get the steam flowing again on a cold morning. They are not above getting down on their hands and knees to find the problem. They also know when and how to pull things apart when something really does need to be fixed.

These abilities are not so much things they got out of a book as from living with a woman long enough to know her inside out. Good husbands do not have to know every woman – just the one to whom he is married and how to give her what she needs when she needs it.

Noone

Take the Taken In Hand tour

Have you seen the following articles?
What do you mean, you want to be taken in hand?!
Liberated through submission
Wanting a masterful man
Obedience
How often do you have sex?
Taken In Hand means different things to different people
Is chastity overrated?
He who dares, wins
Melanie surrenders
What kind of site is this? D/s? TPE? CP? DD? ABCD?
Is your new man dominant, domineering, or a dithering wimp?

2004 Sep 10 - 15:19 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

We are all vulnerable

I always find something interesting in your posts, and something I agree with. I often think that you almost-but-not-quite get it, but of course there's no reason that you and I should "get it" in the same way. As you suggest, as long as your wife is happy that's all that matters.

However, for the sake of argument or conversation, let me posit the following:

First, that men in general are physically bigger and stronger than women. That on average they have greater spatial/mechanical intelligence. And that in these ways they are naturally superior to women.

Second, that most women want a man who is somewhat more dominant than she, though the degree of dominance they want varies widely.

But, thirdly, that there are a number of ways in which women on average are naturally stronger or even superior to men. Women tend to be more verbally adept than men, do better in school when they have an equal chance, and are more resilient physically and emotionally. Women tend to have more emotional resources than men and thus often are less devastated by the loss of a long-term relationship. (Of course, I'm not saying that they aren't often badly hurt by men.)

Plus, of course, women own all the pussy.

Fourth, I think that many men are frightened of the power that women possess. Some of them deal with this fear by being domineering and insisting that they have absolute power over a woman, the power to make her anything he wants!

But a truly strong man can handle a woman's power without trying to take it from her.

Now, Mr. Noone, perhaps I was mistaken in wanting to place you in that category of domineering/insecure men.

But still, I'm sure that you value your wife very much. You would probably be devastated to lose her, either by death or divorce. No one truly has all the power in a relationship unless they don't value the other at all. We are all vulnerable. We all hurt.

by Miss H on 2004 Sep 10 - 17:30 | reply to this comment

Getting to the point

First, there is a reason for the biological differences between men and women. Nature is not stupid.

Second, the one-size fits all and unisex fallacies fell of favor a few years back.

Third, the process commonly known as *education* is largely a misnomer. The game played in schools is often conformity rather than actual learning.

Third addendum, women who do not use what nature has given them and fail to choose a mate wisely are biological blips on the human radar screen that disappear from the gene pool.

Fourth, too many very insecure or exceedingly jealous women believe that any authority exercised by men over women is too much power. (Often these women confuse verbiage with verbal skill.)

Fourth addendum, any man who wants absolute power is a fool.

Fifth, death is a part of life and life is often painful.

by Noone on 2004 Sep 10 - 19:25 | reply to this comment

Noone

I don't think I've laughed harder at anything on this site than I did at your comment. I find your comments thought-provoking, and often wonder if you were a woman in another life. lol

Keep writing. You strike a much needed note of sanity in what can be a series of ridiculous comments. Thank you.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Sep 10 - 19:42 | reply to this comment

We are in agreement on all points

And nowhere did I posit the "unisex fallacy."

My point was simply that any man who thinks he has absolute power over a woman--or any one--is a fool.

by Miss H on 2004 Sep 10 - 19:42 | reply to this comment

First-hand knowledge of vulnerability

I am aware of how foolish it is to let yourself be bothered by the things people post on the internet. So I've been pondering why I l felt the need to go public with my objections to Noone. I've been thinking about a lot of things people have written here, actually.

Here's the thing: I had a very satisfying relationship with a dominant man. I still have it in a sense. I was engaged to a man who was naturally pretty dominant without making a big deal out of it. We didn't practice domestic discipline, in fact we never heard of such a thing. But I respected him and trusted him and mostly deferred to him. And we got along very well.

But he has a rare genetic autoimmune disease that he didn't know about till the symptoms manifested themselves in his 30s. I don't want to go into the details, but it's a debilitating chronic condition for which the treatment is almost as bad as the disease. Suffice it to say that he is not at peace with his illness. He's angry at all that has been taken from him. He feels powerless and he can't stand for anyone, least of all me, to see him that way.

When he's feeling relatively well, we still talk almost every day. But we don't have a romantic or sexual relationship. When he's sick he doesn't want to talk to me and he doesn't like me to visit him in the hospital.

I don't mean to make this sound like some kind of horrid romantic melodrama. I'm trying to say that I know first hand how fragile and vulnerable all of us are, dominant men included. Dominant men most of all, in some ways.

And while I understand the appeal of submitting to a strong man--I think I am wired that way--I have come to think that part of the appeal of such relationship, for both parties, is that it allows us to live in denial of our human frailty. A submissive woman knows she's vulnerable but it's okay because she has a big strong man to take care of her. Her man gets to feel strong because a sensible grown woman trusts him and defers to him.

by Miss H on 2004 Sep 11 - 04:38 | reply to this comment

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