Why would a women want to be spanked?

Why would a women want to be spanked?

A woman's desire for a naked over-the-knee spanking is twofold. Part of her wants to be wanted. She wants to belong to someone who really cares about her. Part of her wants to be disciplined, cleansed, and perhaps even healed.

It is only at a level of getting beyond physical pain that spanking has any meaning. Otherwise, the exercise is a parlor game of make-believe of daddy's naughty little girl getting her bottom smacked for being very bad. A woman's emotional risks in pretending are no greater than going to the doctor's office, climbing up on the examination table, and putting her feet in the metal stirrups to have her private parts examined. Although exposed under the circumstances, she is not defenseless. She is steeled for the experience.

When a woman becomes vulnerable—and women become naked when they want to be vulnerable—she can feel whether or not she is loved. Her nudity is not so much a temptation for the man as a test of his character. Often, the woman is less aware of her state of undress as is a more naïve man. She sacrifices modesty for knowledge. After all, who or what a man truly is inside cannot be easily hidden from a naked woman!

The man who truly loves a woman is not always easy on her. There is a passion within him that burns beyond lust. It complements that of the woman in using her nakedness as a means to an end. The means is the spanking; the end is the relationship. So it is that the two can become one—which is what the woman wants anyway.

Although a woman may hate the idea that she needs a spanking, she will also often feel the need to be punished—wanting it to hurt and eventually despising a timid man—she seeks an experience that goes beyond being transformed from naughty to nice.

For the man, spanking springs from a desire to have the woman wholly—body and soul—coupled with awareness that this is how to have her! The man's involvement with the woman is not a business-like arrangement where one party can fire the other at will.

He wants this woman. He is active. She is passive, although she wants this man to have her. Together, they want each other.

Instead of seeking counseling or getting divorced, they work out their differences the old-fashioned way—on a very intimate and personal level. (Women never boast about having faked it during a serious spanking!) In the process, the man goes from what the woman admits is required to what she knows is necessary to get through to her. The spanking goes:

• from being erotic

• past anger (“That's enough. #$%&@, what are you trying to do!”)

• through being punishment (“Yes, Sir.”)

• to being a cleaning out of all sorts of emotional baggage that tumble out as a mixture of confessions and genuine crying.

Consequently, a wise man gives the woman getting spanked permission to say all sorts of things that she would never dream of revealing otherwise. The permission is not so much explicit as in his willingness to listen and understand whatever anguish she releases. The wise man will not hold anything she says against her as she expels whatever demons haunt her mind.

If the man gets down deep enough inside her—usually through a series of spankings that build upon the soreness in her bottom leftover from the last spanking—inhibitions go out of the window. Her carefully crafted mystique—her protective layers that keep just any man from getting too close to her—get stripped from her. She is psychologically undressed.

She is no longer her own woman. When he is finished, she is so weak physically and psychologically that she can be destroyed by his words.

At this point, the man can make the woman anything he wants her to be. He can make her a strong wife, a weak woman, a prostitute—anything. That is why women need to pick their men carefully. Because once a man taps into his natural power over a woman, she belongs to him.

Yet, if the man truly loves her, she feels joined in the ultimate consensual relationship.


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[This is an answer to a frequently-asked question: this page is part of the FAQ. Please try to ensure that your post is answering the question or discussing the above post. The question is: Why would a women want to be spanked?]


It IS powerful, and some women DO want that

This man speaks the truth—it may not be your truth but it IS mine & it IS powerful—some women—myself included—DO want this. If you don't—ok—but understand that some of us do. I'm mighty glad this guy is still posting and I hope he continues.

I don't want to be broken or destroyed

I think dominance can be taken too far, and the idea of wanting to be broken by a man strikes me as decidedly offputting. I don't want to be with a man who wants to break me or destroy me or anything like that, it is a thoroughly unattractive idea to me. i'd much rather be with one who likes me (with slight modifications) as I am!

Why I want this

Some woman definitely want this! I want this! When I met my man I pretty much knew he was strong enough to dominate me, and that's rare. He wasn't some jerk trying to push me around for the sake of his ego, he was so secure and confident that he made me feel safe just by being in his presence. It's HOT. I'd never felt like that before.

So, yep, he's "the one". However, that doesn't mean we don't argue.

I may be being "punished", but it is for holding all my feelings, stress, worries, concerns, tensions inside. It helps clear me up inside. It helps remind me that he is caring for me too, and I don't need to build walls around myself to be safe, because he is strong enough to protect me. It makes it OK express my emotions. It makes it OK to admit "I'm stressed, and I don't know how I'm going to handle it", because he's commited to helping me handle it, and if I forget that then he'll help me remember that too!

I'd also like to note that I asked for it. Literally. I asked him for this. I actually had to spend some time working on patiently convincing him to oblige. He was reluctant at first. Very reluctant. He absolutely did not want to hurt me, ever. I had to explain to him how good it felt. I had to tell him about the walls I built inside. I asked him to tear down those walls.

It took him a long time to get there. I don't know if it was the steam that escaped through the cracks every once in awhile that drove him to it, or if it was simply in an effort to satisfy a longing I had described to him, but we got there. Now he realizes where I need to be, for me, and for him. He realizes how to bring me there too, and I'm starting to realize what it feels like to really feel safe. Standing in the corner examining my "Wall" is important, necessary. Allowing that "Wall" to crumble, piece by piece, absolutely vital. Being safely held while the woman on the other side of the wall struggles out of the darkness of her vault and into the recieving light of the man who loves her, awe-inspiring love.

I'm completely vulnerable - and want to be!

I agree. I am very glad that he wrote this article because it expresses exactly what goes on with me. I'm completely vulnerable—and want to be! It's also true that it's important for a woman to be married to the right man. I believe that's what Noone was getting at. You've got to be careful.

Why A Woman Would Want to Be Spanked

I agree with some of what each of you has said thus far. Each of us comes to a relationship with very individualized thoughts and feelings that have grown within us over our lifetime. There is no right or wrong when we enter into a loving relationship with our life partner. As long as that relationship is built upon open communication, trust, and deep love, each for the other, the relationship will thrive.

As women, I believe that we feel differently about discipline at various times in our lives dependent upon our age, our marital status, circumstances, etc... Sometimes it is hard to accept, other times we crave more.

Speaking solely for myself, I have chosen to be submissive and obedient to my husband. This was not decided for me; I'm a college educated woman who made a clearly informed decision. My husband did not approach me and advise that he was in charge of me and that it was his way or the highway. It was/is a choice that I find benefits me, my husband and our relationship. I brought it to him.

I elected to accept my husband's guidance as the head of our home.
Do I always agree with his choices? Heck no! However, in that we discuss each and every issue prior to a decision being made, I do submit to his final judgment should mine differ.

As for the spanking element, I think that I speak for MANY women when I say that spanking goes well beyond intercourse and orgasm. It reaches a part of the soul that nothing else can reach. And yes, I believe that my husband realizes that at that moment, he knows all of me and I know all of him. Words certainly don't get to that place, and frankly, neither does intercourse (even when it's phenomenal!)

Spanking that is done out of love for the woman is a very powerful thing. The naked state that Noone described is one that allows the woman to be free; then lying across her husband's lap is a connection that can't be described simply. Perhaps it would suffice to say that it produces a complete sensation of trust and a feeling of complete submission to the husband.

Noone was right on target when he said that after a spanking, the woman is psychologically and physically exhausted. I believe that this is because that place deep in the mind and soul has been reached and "freed"; a complete catharsis is often achieved.

I respect that this may not be the experience for everyone, however, we must respect the effect that discipline within our relationships has for each of us. As long as the key ingredients of love, trust and communication are present, it is a private matter between the two.


Orgasm Of The Soul

Your comment made me realize how I feel during a spanking....Like I just had "an orgasm of the soul".
I feel total and complete, loved and cared for. It is far deeper than the satisfaction of sex.
I do not want to be spanked. I really hate it, and cry before, during and after. I find it worse than time outs or other punishments, but I feel like a wave of love during the actual spanking.

Spanking and the soul

Now here I go again wondering, is there something wrong with me because I don't feel like this when I get spanked? I absolutely adore being spanked but I've never had an orgasm of the soul or anything like that. I read about women having all these dramatic emotional reactions to spanking and I wonder should I be feeling drained, dissolved, destroyed or orgasmed or whatever? so I thought I would pray to the God of spanking and ask Him.
"Should I be feeling more than I do when i get spanked?" I asked."Last night, after my husband spanked me, I felt sore and I felt sexy, like always. Should I feel more than that?" And He spake unto me and answered:
"Verily, I am many things to many women (and not a few men too). Some women have orgasms of the soul, others do not. Do not trouble thyself about it. Just lie there and take it. And" he added sternly "Hearken to the voice of mine instrument, thy HRH (Highly Respected Husband), and Do Not Wriggle So Much, lest thy sufferings be greatly increased and he goeth back and start again."

My husband doesn't feel the need to control me

My husband doesn't need to 'control' me or make me 'feel vulnerable'—or worse, 'hurt' me—in order to be in control. It's the fact that he is so considerate and loving that makes me want me him to control me.


An incredibly powerful article

There is a lot in there I can relate to. Spanking can be incredibly cathartic to me, especially when I've got stuck in a destructive loop.

I've not got the feeling that Noone's advocating changing a woman into what her man wants her to be. In both articles, it struck me more as a warning note—the woman must choose her man carefully because when she's vulnerable, the wrong man might take advantage, whereas the right one will build her up to be the best person she can. And also a warning to men that mis-chosen words could destroy their women.


"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Hamlet, somewhere.

Confused of home counties

Dear Confused, the actual location is Hamlet, II,ii, 226-264. Hamlet speaking to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern:
"Denmark's a prison.... for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

Vulnerability - do you want it?

I like this article very much. It's not exactly how I feel, but it resonates strongly in my heart. It describes the kind of relationship I would like, and don't at present have, with my wife. She says she only likes "gentle love", but I have this notion that underneath this there lies a deeper dimension. I want to uncover it for her—and for me, of course! She is a dear, caring person and does many things to please me, but I instinctively feel there is a part of her closed to me. She doesn't want to make herself vulnerable. She wants to be in control of her emotions all the time—but in fact this is not how things are. Her emotions sometimes control her in ways neither she nor I like very much.

Now to Louise's comment: Louise dear, nobody is wanting you to be vulnerable (I can't speak for your husband.) Just be glad this site has such a variety of viewpoints expressed in a unoffending way for all to learn from and enjoy reading about. For me, this is all about trust. Trust is offered, and honoured. The more vulnerable the woman is, the more strongly she can express her trust in her man. The woman wants the opportunity to so completely trust her man that she becomes one with him, united in love. I, too, cannot help suspecting you would love the opportunity to show your trust in this way—wouldn't you, Louise? It's scary, though, and that is what puts many off.


Lucky lady

Good luck—your wife is a lucky lady—some of us need and want that in our relationships.

Vulnerability - do I want it?

When I'm being spanked by my husband, I DO feel vulnerable (especially nowadays, when he is agood deal more ruthless than he used to be about doing it!) and I do feel absolutely blissful afterwards, relaxed, calm, submissive etc, ready for anything. But i can't say I feel as if my husband could destroy me with a word, or turn me into anything he wanted me to be, nor can I say that I think this would be at all advisable. A man who can turn a woman into anything he wants her to be may turn her into something very unpleasant.

We had an example of this recently in England. a school caretaker murdered two little girls. He persuaded his girlfriend to give him a false alibi for the time of the murder. she must have known there was a good chance he'd done it (though she claimed she didn't). she apparently had no will to resist him. She became what he wanted her to be all right, a perjurer, an accesory to murder, and a convict. Under his influence, she was lost to all sense of decency,morality and common humanity.

The power to influence

Louise, you wrote:

I just don't find the image of a man being able to turn a woman into anything he wants, or being able to destroy her with a word etc, pleasant ones.

Possibly not pleasant ones (depending on what we are talking about) but it is surely a mistake not to face the reality that relationships with others can effect changes in one, and not always positive ones? The fact is, those we are close to can have a powerful influence on us, whether that is something one might want to admit, or not. That being the case, it seems quite reasonable to mention it and caution readers to be careful, as Noone did.

On the other hand, I find the idea that a man might have the power Noone spoke of quite erotic, not threatening, intimidating, misogynistic, or in any way diminishing. Just call me twisted. :-)

The power of trust...

I have read this article and I like it greatly. It certainly sound to me like this man has not only understands his wife, but takes great pains to show her love and protection.
I particularly enjoyed the visual of being naked.
I know first hand that when Gary undresses me for a spanking, just how vulnerable and exposed I feel.
And it is at this time, when my trust in him is crucial. I need him to love and protect me despite the sting.
And when it is over and I am left with raw and vulnerable feelings, anything he says can be very influential. And he has always been his utmost kind and gentle even when he needs to verbally press a point that is hard to hear.
Or he can be as erotic or as comical as need be.
I am certainly most impressionable when I am in his arms recovering.
But I trust him to do what is right for me. And he also trust that I can accept his care and love for me to guide the best he can.
I know that this article has been interpreted (greatly in fact) in many ways.
But I think that Noone has a real handle on what his wife and many women feel. He also seems to see that the mutual trust the couple share allows for them to get the best from each other...

Great post, Blush! I agree! Noone's posts are great!

Blush wrote what I think:

I think that Noone has a real handle on what his wife and many women feel. He also seems to see that the mutual trust the couple share allows for them to get the best from each other...

I agree, Blush. I'm not ashamed to admit I love Noone's posts---and no, I'm not a stupid woman with no brains, I'm an intelligent forceful woman who kicks ass when needed. But when it comes to my husband, I offer ass, I don't kick it. That's my preference as a woman and as a feminist, and if others don't like it I don't give a fuck.

Feminist Fi

On mothers..

Someone wrote:

pssst—Louise, the guy might make the woman, but who made the guy if not his mother?

In some cases, of course, the mother stifles the guy's natural inclinations...


"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Hamlet, somewhere.

Sums it up beautifully!

Feminist Fi wrote

I'm not a stupid woman with no brains, I'm an intelligent forceful woman who kicks ass when needed. But when it comes to my husband, I offer ass, I don't kick it. That's my preference as a woman and as a feminist, and if others don't like it I don't give a fuck.

F.F. You rock! when I read this I felt like shouting "Right on, sister!"

Feminist Fi

Yep, I'm a strong feminist but love that my husband is the head of the household. I have willingly given power to him. We communicate on everything, but he is the final arbitrator. We are incredibly happy and fulfilled.

Not all Taken In Hand women want to be spanked

In our Taken In Hand relationship there is no physical discipline of any kind, and that suits us both best. My husband is a police officer and he has all the authority without needing to spank me or otherwise discipline me. What he will do is speak in a certain tone that I'd never disobey.

What does he do when I get crabby and irritable? He wrestles me down and takes me. This seems to work for us like being spanked works for others on this site. While it's never rape as I always want my big strong manly husband, there is an intensity in these acts that explodes my irritability out of existence and leaves me feeling dreamy-eyed and peaceful. My husband also finds it very relaxing.

Thank you

For the record, Noone's article resonated very much with my own feelings and experiences. Thank you, sir, for writing it.


Thanks for giving me a good laugh

The idea that I could learn to be more tactful through my relationship with my husband caused me much merriment! If you only knew him! "Tactful" is the last thing anyone could ever call him, or the last quality he would encourage in others. You want to hear him when he gets going, everyone in a mile radius ducks for cover—'abrasive' isn't in it! When I told him I was thinking of not posting on this website any more because my comments seemed to have upset people he said "Rubbish, being controversial's what you're good at, you always have been. You tell them, girl! Get them stirred up, that's your job!" You see, he positively eggs me on! And, after all, I am supposed to be submitting to him, aren't I? I had resolved not to comment on anything on this site any more unless it was something I could agree with, but with him gleefuly saying "good for you!" every time I tell him something I say has drawn disapproval, this is going to be a tough resolve to keep to!

Keep posting, Louise ...

... you'd be much missed if you stopped.

In this thread, you seem to agree with Noone about the facts he's describing concerning women's propensity to submit to men. Your reference to Maxine Carr, who provided the alibi for the Soham murderer, chimes perfectly with Noone's:

At this point, the man can make the woman anything he wants her to be. He can make her a strong wife, a weak woman, a prostitute—anything. That is why women need to pick their men carefully.

The fact of widespread submission of women to men is lamented by feminists, and by authors of books like Women Who Love Too Much, and used by apologists for women to excuse wrong actions, and by people who speculate on the masochistic nature of women ... and confirmed by nearly every contribution to Taken in Hand. This widespread tendency is undeniable.

And I don't think you try to deny it. What you seem to hate in Noone is that he brazenly rejoices in this power.

Well, I defer to the majority of women commenters in this thread: they love it! And they're prepared to take the risk of falling into the grip of a would-be pimp or wife-beater.

Where I'd differ from Noone is that he clearly believes that this is the right relationship for all men and all women. Or perhaps he'd say 'real' or 'healthy' or 'non-self-deceiving' men and women, or something like that. I don't buy that: we're just talking about a statistical generalization here. I'd love to know what the proportions of men and women are for whom this is the best relationship.

And as I said on another thread, I differ from Noone in thinking that a little more humility is in order in the face of the great gift represented by a woman's submission.

Erupting feelings

That some men undeniably can [make a woman anything they want] is a fact. Maxine Carr is an obvious example. The propensity of women to be influenced by emotional rather than ethical choices is something Florence King writes about in 'Lump it or Leave it' she quotes Tacitus as having said "when a woman has lost her chastity she will shrink from no crime", meaning she'll do anything for her man. There's something revolting about this idea. Part of me still rebels against the whole submissive thing anyway. "Why on earth do i want this?" I sometimes still ask myself "what the hell is the matter with me, why can't I just be satisfied with a normal relationship without all this weird stuff?" This feeling doesn't surface very often, but it tends to erupt when I read some of the more extreme things on this site.

Fall into whose hands?

Women who want, have or actively seek a "Taken In Hand" relationship are far more aware of the kind of dangers that they face and the risks they take when looking for love than most. Erring on the side of caution is something that I have done many times in my search thus far, and will continue to do.

"Would-be" pimps and wifebeaters, unfortunately, are likely to be attracted to what they perceive Taken In Hand to be, dare I imagine because they feel that they're already halfway there. But from what I've read, the women posting on this site, whilst sometimes whimsical and always feminine, are not the desperate, weak-willed doormats that some seem to interpret them as. They are, for the majority, strong and self-assured and know themselves well enough to know what they want and take responsiblity for their own happiness.

Women who begin to think that their once-Romeo could easily be related to the Marquis de Sade should seek help and leave. (Not necessarily in that order). To do this, they need have incredible strength—because chances are that when the physical and sexual abuse starts in a relationship, the emotional and mental abuse has been going on for some time. The self-esteem of any woman in this position suffers greatly, and it becomes the hardest thing in the world to leave the man who has convinced you that you are worth nothing without him, as far from the truth as that may be.

The women that post here, however, seem to be fully aware of the dangers that they are inherently more exposed to in pursuit of their lifestyle. (I refer to the many threads I have read regarding rape, consent, discipline, abuse and the like.) I am sure that the majority of them are, if anything, more likely than their "vanilla" friends to notice the early signs of abuse. Not only that, but in knowing what it is they want, they aren't going to settle for less than the loving, committed, caring, gentle, strong and dominant man of their dreams.

The freedom to be herself

Hi everyone,
I've been reading this article and subsequent post with a great deal of interest and I wanted to add my two cents.

I wanted to share my experience from the other night. I had had a truly awful day and my emotions were simply overwhelming me. What I really needed was a cleansing healing cry but I couldn't get there on my own. So I asked my DH for help. He could have given me a good spanking but he chose not to. Instead he made love to me with such loving tenderness and all-the-while he gave me permission to let go. Well, there went the flood gates! But instead of destroying me with his words which he never would have done, he listened, comforted, and respected me; he built me up and made me strong again. That's what I think some of you missed in Noone's article, that last sentence,

Yet, if the man truly loves her, she feels joined in the ultimate consensual relationship.

And if you don't mind my adding, Noone, gives her the ultimate freedom to be herself.


The last sentence of your post: "And if you don't mind my adding, Noone, gives her the ultimate freedom to be herself." speaks volumes to me!

Before I met my husband, I had been through a divorce and was raising children alone. I had (and still have) a very successful career—all with the idea that I would be able to provide for my children even though they their dad and I split up. I did all the running around a mom does, all the housework when the kids were small, all the shopping, all the EVERYTHING—and from the outside looking in, I was good at it. But what only S saw was that although I was good at it, it wasn't what I wanted to be nor was it who I really was.

Being with S and living under his loving control allows me the freedom to be me. I felt that way when we married 8 years ago and I feel that way today. I can share my deepest desires and know that he will always take my needs and wants into account before he makes a decision. That, for me is a thrilling feeling—it is one of freedom, comfort and serenity that I did not have before becoming involved with S.

I would admit that I have changed since we married—but as I look back, I have only changed for the better. My out of control temper, my disrespectful nature when I am mad have all but evaporated except in the most extreme moments.

The bottom line is that I had to be someone else before S came along. I had to repress myself in order to make a living, be a good mother and generally survive. Now, I get to be me—to do what I want in life, to breathe alone some days, and breathe with my husband and children most days. I get to be the wife and mother that I was meant to be, rather than babysitting a grown man (as I had to do with my ex). I get to share my thoughts, hopes and dreams with a man who wants all my dreams to come true. I would not trade this relationship for any other!



Ok—first of all let me apologise to Theo. I was having a bad day and decided to pick on what I read into your wording rather than the main gist of your post.

Secondly—I have been following this thread with a great deal of interest. And I have finally put my finger on what it is that raises my ire so much when I read Noone's post. And that is the idea of spanking as do-it-yourself therapy.

The human psyche is a wonderful thing. Something we can't begin to understand. Trained professionals are only relatively recently making successes in "breaking through" the layers of psyche. We have psychological layers for very good reasons. What I hate is that Noone seems to think that breaking through these regularly, using pain as the catalyst is a good thing.

Without the proper training, no man (or woman) should ever try to reduce another to their component psychological parts. Noone wrote:

She is no longer her own woman. When he is finished, she is so weak physically and psychologically that she can be destroyed by his words.

How can you even begin to guess what words will break her and what words will build? What makes you think that you will ever have that knowledge? I don't care how well you think you know someone—there are some things you just don't know. Why? Because you don't even know them about yourself. Surpressed memories, buried emotions, painful experiences long since past and forgotten. You don't know what is there. And forcing it out of her using a spanking is one very very very dangerous move my friend. Vulnerability and catharsis are one thing, but you are advocating using your power to strip her (potentially) of her own mind and sanity. If there are issues buried so deep that you need to do break her this far to find them, then I suggest that your lovely lady seek help from a professional with you, before it becomes necessary for her to do so because of you.

The limits of power

I've been in that totally open position and I knew the man who took me there would not abuse it. However: NO one, not even he, could turn me into something I don't want to be. To think you can do this to a woman who is not willing, is ridiculous.

I've been in subspace. I've been "all his"..but...if he broke my trust by telling me to become something that is abhorrent to me, believe me, I'd come to my senses and kick him to the curb mighty quick.

Kudos to you and your fiestiness, Louise, and kudos to your husband who is not the least bit interested in squelching you or your wonderful spirit.

Always listen to the gut feeling

Being Taken In Hand has caused me to make certain modifications to my behaviour, but it has not changed the essential me, and I don't think anything ever could.

The ultimate consensual relationship

Great article!!! Some of us just need this from the man in our life. I am one who does. And I especially love the last line:

Yet, if the man truly loves her, she feels joined in the ultimate consensual relationship.

This line has more depth of meaning and truth that so many will never understand. I feel very blessed that I have a husband who takes me to that place!!

I don't want to be emotionally drained

It still seems way too extreme for me. I cannot feel that it is desirable to have what seems to me to amount to virtually a nervous breakdown when you get spanked. It obviously appeals to a lot of women, but it would be way too emotionally draining for me, even if I were capable of reacting in this extraordinary fashion, which I don't think I am.

I still don't think it is at all desirable for a man (or anyone) to have this degree of power over another person. I cannot imagine enjoying feeling that my husband could turn me into anything he wanted me to be, even a prostitute (that I fear would be a financial disaster at my age). Emotionally draining experiences have always seemed to me to be something to be avoided, rather than deliberately brought on.

I mean, I used to feel very emotinally vulnerable, easily upset etc after my husband and I had had one of our ghastly rows, and it's not a feeling I miss at all. As far as I am concerned, one of the best things about being Taken In Hand is avoiding emotional dramas, I don't miss them at all!

Leader first. Spanking second.

No sense repeating reasons already stated in this forum. Only to say this: you must be the leader in your household before anything else.

Spanking is a very powerful emotional reminder for my wife. Sure there is something erotic about her spank-able behind, but beyond the eroticism, there is an unspoken element to re-focus and reaffirm my position as head of the household. She knows this and cannot escape it. Actually, she wants it this way.

She requires boundaries. When she steps out of those boundaries, she has to bare her beautiful behind. She expects me to show mercy and although I can, she recognizes that she must submit. Her anxiety and silent tears sometimes commence before she removes a shred of clothing. Worse for her is it might be several days before I spank her.

Me becoming the leader of the household, taking leadership over my wife and disciplining her is one of the keys that has saved our marriage. By the way, another benefit is attitude. No longer do we fight over nonsense lest I take her over my knee!

Is spanking the only way?

For the less tactile men, or for the women that are not psychologically reached through spanking (or are rather repulsed by it), can't the man reach his mate's naked soul in otherways? I've often brought my bride through anger, swearing (and yes, directly at me), weeping, and emotional brokenness just by talking and listening, sometimes without even touching her at all. It is the real man who 1) Knows how to reach his wife in whatever way she responds to, and 2) How to love, respect, and build up his wife after she is broken. This is where his character really does show, and it show her how much he truely does love her.

My suggestion is this: Some women are reached in this way through spanking, some are reached in other ways, but that ALL women do want this kind of complete intimacy KNOWING that her man really will be the partner and protector of her heart and of her very soul.

Obviously not the only way


This was a beautiful post. I think you are right on the money about what I want from my husband. I am never more in love with him, and I never feel more secure in life when my husband is able to read what I need and is willing to do what ever it takes to meet those needs. Since he has been taking me in hand he has realised that knowing how to meet my needs makes us both happy. We are no longer two forces bumping into one another and stepping on one another. We seem to be able to melt together as one now, both going in the same direction. We are much more than the sum of our parts.

Take care,

I am very confused

I am very confused about something. I have no interest in being spanked, and in fact, any sort of physical punishment, nay, punishment generally, makes me ill. (This was the case when I was a child, too.)

However, I am very aroused by spanking scenes in movies (such in "Secretary") and the "thought" of being punished by the man in my life.

To be honest, I have a lot of fantasies that I do not want to act out. Lots and lots of them. So I understand that this may just be another one of them.

Or maybe not. I don't know. I am confused. I abhor physical punishment. And yet I am aroused by the sight of it, the thought of it.

Any comments from the more experienced here?


Fascination with spanking

I had a fascination with spanking from early childhood, and as I got older I realised that it was something I really did want in my life, not just something to fantasise about. I do have fantasies that I don't actually want to happen to me in real life, but they are all spanking-related, like being spanked in public, or being in some scenario where I am just somebody sex-slave or something, without any outside life at all. I don't actually want to live like that, but I fantasise about it occasionally.

I was very alarmed when I first read this article because it described spanking producing a sort of violent emotional reaction that I never have, being spanked makes me feel good, but it doesn't do anything as wildly dramatic to me emotionally as it seems to do to a lot of women. I suppose the way I feel after being spanked is the way a lot of women might feel after a sauna or a massage or something, refreshed and relaxed and glowing happily, I don't have any drastic emotional catharsis or anything. Which, since I get spanked with great frequency is probably just as well!

I enjoyed 'Secretary' very much, and the spanking scene is wonderful. I was eager to see it long before I actually did, as my husband saw it on a plane going to the states and described it to me, "He doesn't half give her a walloping" was how he put it. The actual nature of the relationship between the hero and heroine didn't appeal to me personally, although it obviously suited them. I mean, I thought it was hilarious when he put the saddle on her and the carrot in her mouth for instance, and she obviously loved it, but I'd just feel daft doing that.

I don't know whether your fascination with spanking means you would really like to try it or not, maybe should the occasion arise at some future date you could suggest trying it to the man in your life. Just a light one maybe? If a man only uses his hand, it never really gets that agonising, and if you keep your clothes on it's really a doddle. If it still makes you feel ill then it probably isn't for you.

Good suggestion

Thanks, Louise...if such a situation arises, perhaps I will try it...hopefully, any guy I would be with would understand that we were just "trying it out."


This is fascinating to me

Thank you, Noone, for posting this article. I appreciate its honesty and revealed nature of a man and a woman, together. I am new to this site and new to the prospect of this life style. So forgive my ignorance, will you?

I have met the most wonderful young woman, and she has turned me on to this site. It seems that we share everything in common so far. We have found nothing that we dislike or mistrust about each other and for the first time in my life (37 yrs), I am able to release ALL memories that I have of tragedies and sufferring and she feels the same.

That being said, we trust each other completely and she is "my little girl" (not literally now). I am proud to be the "gentlemen of the house" and I want to do right by her, always! She is in need of healing and I want to give that to her. Though, neither of us are impressed with violence. We have had our share of abuse in the past. How and when, should I proceed I wonder. Maybe lightly at first? Maybe just a really good row (as all of you seem to call it)?

I would never hurt her to damage her in this life or any other and she knows that. But! I am a good father and I do believe that it is the fathers (husband's) role to help her to be the best lady that she desires to be. I anxiously await response and advice. Thank you.


Respect and Caring

I am a woman with a very dominant personality. The men in my life have always admired my emotional strength. However, they don't admire in the relationship, nor do I. My late husband, after 25 years of marriage, was not thrilled with the idea of spanking me. I brought it up because I knew I needed it for years of chiding him and doing the dammedest things. I had to get in his face and threaten to end our marriage to wake up the sleeping man that I knew was there all along. He found out it was easier to spank me than listen to my ridiculous comments that he was pussy. I teased him for years about it. After a while I thought it funny and said to myself this guy is never gonna wake up. I don't beleive he doesn't see what I'm pulling on him. Oh well, I'll just do whatever I want.

Finally one day I asked him what his problem was? He replied he felt spanking me was abusing me. I said ok, you'll spank your daughter if she misbehaves but you won't disipline your wife for throwing things, having hissy fits, and walking all over you? Duh! I must have given him food for thought, because the next time I made a verbal poke, he put me over his knee. When he was finished he stated "Ok, still think I'm a pussy". I said No. He said "good don't forget it". From that day on, he didn't hesitate to let me know where the line was. I got one warning. Heed it or get by butt kicked.

It felt good not to have to worry about how my behavior affected our relationship. He finally started to tell me what I did that affected our marriage. So I then started working on making it a better one. Six months later he became ill and three months later he was gone. He said to me he was sorry he didn't realize sooner.

We go through life in a daze and always wondering if our attitudes and behavior are appropriate. We make unrealistic goals and demands for our husbands. If they don't stand up for themselves we will walk all over them. Where did we learn this? From daddy of course. Any daddy's little girl can tell you that.

Alas, I do not think I will have much luck at finding another man. This isn't funny, but I get a good gotcha feeling every time I call a guy's bluff. It's like-oh yeah, I put you in your weak ass in its place-one step below me. Now hit the road you aren't worthy of my time and trouble. To me all men are boys and I call them that. That is unless they got the guts to deal with me. Eye to eye, toe to toe, and you ain't getting your way gal. Despite the hissy fit, the yelling, the manipulating you still aren't getting your way and the answer is still no. Then they earn my respect as a man. If they can deal with me I know they are strong enough to deal with what life throws at you.



See my answer to this article. Noone's description of usage of spanking in relationships goes far beyond erotic and/or disciplinary purposes. In my opinion he navigates perilous waters.

Things he wrote elsewhere on this site strongly suggest that he himself has a respect for autonomy of women, so probably in his own relationships there is a strong counterbalance that keeps them balanced. However he did not include any hint of this respect in aforementioned article, so from my point of view it really can serve as an abuse manual for a person with narcissistic inclinations.


My partner and I are new to our Taken In Hand relationship and we are still learning about what it means to us. This feeling of vulnerability is essential to me. I know that he loves me and that he will always have my best interests at heart, so I do not fear being destroyed by him. Belonging to him is my greatest treasure, reinforced every time he spanks me. As I shed each level of control, the bond between us gets stronger.