I agree. I am very glad that he wrote this article because it expresses exactly what goes on with me. I'm completely vulnerable - and want to be! It's also true that it's important for a woman to be married to the right man. I believe that's what Noone was getting at. You've got to be careful.

I agree with some of what each of you has said thus far. Each of us comes to a relationship with very individualized thoughts and feelings that have grown within us over our lifetime. There is no right or wrong when we enter into a loving relationship with our life partner. As long as that relationship is built upon open communication, trust, and deep love, each for the other, the relationship will thrive.

As women, I believe that we feel differently about discipline at various times in our lives dependent upon our age, our marital status, circumstances, etc... Sometimes it is hard to accept, other times we crave more.

Speaking solely for myself, I have chosen to be submissive and obedient to my husband. This was not decided for me; I'm a college educated woman who made a clearly informed decision. My husband did not approach me and advise that he was in charge of me and that it was his way or the highway. It was/is a choice that I find benefits me, my husband and our relationship. I brought it to him.

I elected to accept my husband's guidance as the head of our home.
Do I always agree with his choices? Heck no! However, in that we discuss each and every issue prior to a decision being made, I do submit to his final judgment should mine differ.

As for the spanking element, I think that I speak for MANY women when I say that spanking goes well beyond intercourse and orgasm. It reaches a part of the soul that nothing else can reach. And yes, I believe that my husband realizes that at that moment, he knows all of me and I know all of him. Words certainly don't get to that place, and frankly, neither does intercourse (even when it's phenomenal!)

Spanking that is done out of love for the woman is a very powerful thing. The naked state that Noone described is one that allows the woman to be free; then lying across her husband's lap is a connection that can't be described simply. Perhaps it would suffice to say that it produces a complete sensation of trust and a feeling of complete submission to the husband.

Noone was right on target when he said that after a spanking, the woman is psychologically and physically exhausted. I believe that this is because that place deep in the mind and soul has been reached and "freed"; a complete catharsis is often achieved.

I respect that this may not be the experience for everyone, however, we must respect the effect that discipline within our relationships has for each of us. As long as the key ingredients of love, trust and communication are present, it is a private matter between the two.

Katie

There is a lot in there I can relate to. Spanking can be incredibly cathartic to me, especially when I've got stuck in a destructive loop.

I've not got the feeling that Noone's advocating changing a woman into what her man wants her to be. In both articles, it struck me more as a warning note - the woman must choose her man carefully because when she's vulnerable, the wrong man might take advantage, whereas the right one will build her up to be the best person she can. And also a warning to men that mis-chosen words could destroy their women.

--

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Hamlet, somewhere.

When I'm being spanked by my husband, I DO feel vulnerable (especially nowadays, when he is agood deal more ruthless than he used to be about doing it!) and I do feel absolutely blissful afterwards, relaxed, calm, submissive etc, ready for anything. But i can't say I feel as if my husband could destroy me with a word, or turn me into anything he wanted me to be, nor can I say that I think this would be at all advisable. A man who can turn a woman into anything he wants her to be may turn her into something very unpleasant.

We had an example of this recently in England. a school caretaker murdered two little girls. He persuaded his girlfriend to give him a false alibi for the time of the murder. she must have known there was a good chance he'd done it (though she claimed she didn't). she apparently had no will to resist him. She became what he wanted her to be all right, a perjurer, an accesory to murder, and a convict. Under his influence, she was lost to all sense of decency,morality and common humanity.

I have read this article and I like it greatly. It certainly sound to me like this man has not only understands his wife, but takes great pains to show her love and protection.

I particularly enjoyed the visual of being naked.

I know first hand that when Gary undresses me for a spanking, just how vulnerable and exposed I feel.

And it is at this time, when my trust in him is crucial. I need him to love and protect me despite the sting.

And when it is over and I am left with raw and vulnerable feelings, anything he says can be very influential. And he has always been his utmost kind and gentle even when he needs to verbally press a point that is hard to hear.

Or he can be as erotic or as comical as need be.

I am certainly most impressionable when I am in his arms recovering.

But I trust him to do what is right for me. And he also trust that I can accept his care and love for me to guide the best he can.

I know that this article has been interpreted (greatly in fact) in many ways.

But I think that Noone has a real handle on what his wife and many women feel. He also seems to see that the mutual trust the couple share allows for them to get the best from each other...

...Blush

Blush wrote what I think:

I think that Noone has a real handle on what his wife and many women feel. He also seems to see that the mutual trust the couple share allows for them to get the best from each other...

I agree, Blush. I'm not ashamed to admit I love Noone's posts---and no, I'm not a stupid woman with no brains, I'm an intelligent forceful woman who kicks ass when needed. But when it comes to my husband, I offer ass, I don't kick it. That's my preference as a woman and as a feminist, and if others don't like it I don't give a fuck.

Feminist Fi

For the record, Noone's article resonated very much with my own feelings and experiences. Thank you, sir, for writing it.

J

... you'd be much missed if you stopped.

In this thread, you seem to agree with Noone about the facts he's describing concerning women's propensity to submit to men. Your reference to Maxine Carr, who provided the alibi for the Soham murderer, chimes perfectly with Noone's:

At this point, the man can make the woman anything he wants her to be. He can make her a strong wife, a weak woman, a prostitute – anything. That is why women need to pick their men carefully.

The fact of widespread submission of women to men is lamented by feminists, and by authors of books like Women Who Love Too Much, and used by apologists for women to excuse wrong actions, and by people who speculate on the masochistic nature of women ... and confirmed by nearly every contribution to Taken in Hand. This widespread tendency is undeniable.

And I don't think you try to deny it. What you seem to hate in Noone is that he brazenly rejoices in this power.

Well, I defer to the majority of women commenters in this thread: they love it! And they're prepared to take the risk of falling into the grip of a would-be pimp or wife-beater.

Where I'd differ from Noone is that he clearly believes that this is the right relationship for all men and all women. Or perhaps he'd say 'real' or 'healthy' or 'non-self-deceiving' men and women, or something like that. I don't buy that: we're just talking about a statistical generalization here. I'd love to know what the proportions of men and women are for whom this is the best relationship.

And as I said on another thread, I differ from Noone in thinking that a little more humility is in order in the face of the great gift represented by a woman's submission.

That some men undeniably can [make a woman anything they want] is a fact. Maxine Carr is an obvious example. The propensity of women to be influenced by emotional rather than ethical choices is something Florence King writes about in 'Lump it or Leave it' she quotes Tacitus as having said "when a woman has lost her chastity she will shrink from no crime", meaning she'll do anything for her man. There's something revolting about this idea. Part of me still rebels against the whole submissive thing anyway. "Why on earth do i want this?" I sometimes still ask myself "what the hell is the matter with me, why can't I just be satisfied with a normal relationship without all this weird stuff?" This feeling doesn't surface very often, but it tends to erupt when I read some of the more extreme things on this site.

Ok - first of all let me apologise to Theo. I was having a bad day and decided to pick on what I read into your wording rather than the main gist of your post.

Secondly - I have been following this thread with a great deal of interest. And I have finally put my finger on what it is that raises my ire so much when I read Noone's post. And that is the idea of spanking as do-it-yourself therapy.

The human psyche is a wonderful thing. Something we can't begin to understand. Trained professionals are only relatively recently making successes in "breaking through" the layers of psyche. We have psychological layers for very good reasons. What I hate is that Noone seems to think that breaking through these regularly, using pain as the catalyst is a good thing.

Without the proper training, no man (or woman) should ever try to reduce another to their component psychological parts. Noone wrote:

She is no longer her own woman. When he is finished, she is so weak physically and psychologically that she can be destroyed by his words.

How can you even begin to guess what words will break her and what words will build? What makes you think that you will ever have that knowledge? I don't care how well you think you know someone - there are some things you just don't know. Why? Because you don't even know them about yourself. Surpressed memories, buried emotions, painful experiences long since past and forgotten. You don't know what is there. And forcing it out of her using a spanking is one very very very dangerous move my friend. Vulnerability and catharsis are one thing, but you are advocating using your power to strip her (potentially) of her own mind and sanity. If there are issues buried so deep that you need to do break her this far to find them, then I suggest that your lovely lady seek help from a professional with you, before it becomes necessary for her to do so because of you.

Being Taken In Hand has caused me to make certain modifications to my behaviour, but it has not changed the essential me, and I don't think anything ever could.

Good luck - your wife is a lucky lady - some of us need and want that in our relationships.

For the less tactile men, or for the women that are not psychologically reached through spanking (or are rather repulsed by it), can't the man reach his mate's naked soul in otherways? I've often brought my bride through anger, swearing (and yes, directly at me), weeping, and emotional brokenness just by talking and listening, sometimes without even touching her at all. It is the real man who 1) Knows how to reach his wife in whatever way she responds to, and 2) How to love, respect, and build up his wife after she is broken. This is where his character really does show, and it show her how much he truely does love her.

My suggestion is this: Some women are reached in this way through spanking, some are reached in other ways, but that ALL women do want this kind of complete intimacy KNOWING that her man really will be the partner and protector of her heart and of her very soul.

No sense repeating reasons already stated in this forum. Only to say this: you must be the leader in your household before anything else.

Spanking is a very powerful emotional reminder for my wife. Sure there is something erotic about her spank-able behind, but beyond the eroticism, there is an unspoken element to re-focus and reaffirm my position as head of the household. She knows this and cannot escape it. Actually, she wants it this way.

She requires boundaries. When she steps out of those boundaries, she has to bare her beautiful behind. She expects me to show mercy and although I can, she recognizes that she must submit. Her anxiety and silent tears sometimes commence before she removes a shred of clothing. Worse for her is it might be several days before I spank her.

Me becoming the leader of the household, taking leadership over my wife and disciplining her is one of the keys that has saved our marriage. By the way, another benefit is attitude. No longer do we fight over nonsense lest I take her over my knee!

Now here I go again wondering, is there something wrong with me because I don't feel like this when I get spanked? I absolutely adore being spanked but I've never had an orgasm of the soul or anything like that. I read about women having all these dramatic emotional reactions to spanking and I wonder should I be feeling drained, dissolved, destroyed or orgasmed or whatever? so I thought I would pray to the God of spanking and ask Him.

"Should I be feeling more than I do when i get spanked?" I asked."Last night, after my husband spanked me, I felt sore and I felt sexy, like always. Should I feel more than that?" And He spake unto me and answered:

"Verily, I am many things to many women (and not a few men too). Some women have orgasms of the soul, others do not. Do not trouble thyself about it. Just lie there and take it. And" he added sternly "Hearken to the voice of mine instrument, thy HRH (Highly Respected Husband), and Do Not Wriggle So Much, lest thy sufferings be greatly increased and he goeth back and start again."

I had a fascination with spanking from early childhood, and as I got older I realised that it was something I really did want in my life, not just something to fantasise about. I do have fantasies that I don't actually want to happen to me in real life, but they are all spanking-related, like being spanked in public, or being in some scenario where I am just somebody sex-slave or something, without any outside life at all. I don't actually want to live like that, but I fantasise about it occasionally.

I was very alarmed when I first read this article because it described spanking producing a sort of violent emotional reaction that I never have, being spanked makes me feel good, but it doesn't do anything as wildly dramatic to me emotionally as it seems to do to a lot of women. I suppose the way I feel after being spanked is the way a lot of women might feel after a sauna or a massage or something, refreshed and relaxed and glowing happily, I don't have any drastic emotional catharsis or anything. Which, since I get spanked with great frequency is probably just as well!

I enjoyed 'Secretary' very much, and the spanking scene is wonderful. I was eager to see it long before I actually did, as my husband saw it on a plane going to the states and described it to me, "He doesn't half give her a walloping" was how he put it. The actual nature of the relationship between the hero and heroine didn't appeal to me personally, although it obviously suited them. I mean, I thought it was hilarious when he put the saddle on her and the carrot in her mouth for instance, and she obviously loved it, but I'd just feel daft doing that.

I don't know whether your fascination with spanking means you would really like to try it or not, maybe should the occasion arise at some future date you could suggest trying it to the man in your life. Just a light one maybe? If a man only uses his hand, it never really gets that agonising, and if you keep your clothes on it's really a doddle. If it still makes you feel ill then it probably isn't for you.

Thank you, Noone, for posting this article. I appreciate its honesty and revealed nature of a man and a woman, together. I am new to this site and new to the prospect of this life style. So forgive my ignorance, will you?

I have met the most wonderful young woman, and she has turned me on to this site. It seems that we share everything in common so far. We have found nothing that we dislike or mistrust about each other and for the first time in my life (37 yrs), I am able to release ALL memories that I have of tragedies and sufferring and she feels the same.

That being said, we trust each other completely and she is "my little girl" (not literally now). I am proud to be the "gentlemen of the house" and I want to do right by her, always! She is in need of healing and I want to give that to her. Though, neither of us are impressed with violence. We have had our share of abuse in the past. How and when, should I proceed I wonder. Maybe lightly at first? Maybe just a really good row (as all of you seem to call it)?

I would never hurt her to damage her in this life or any other and she knows that. But! I am a good father and I do believe that it is the fathers (husband's) role to help her to be the best lady that she desires to be. I anxiously await response and advice. Thank you.

Tim

See my answer to this article. Noone's description of usage of spanking in relationships goes far beyond erotic and/or disciplinary purposes. In my opinion he navigates perilous waters.

Things he wrote elsewhere on this site strongly suggest that he himself has a respect for autonomy of women, so probably in his own relationships there is a strong counterbalance that keeps them balanced. However he did not include any hint of this respect in aforementioned article, so from my point of view it really can serve as an abuse manual for a person with narcissistic inclinations.

In our Taken In Hand relationship there is no physical discipline of any kind, and that suits us both best. My husband is a police officer and he has all the authority without needing to spank me or otherwise discipline me. What he will do is speak in a certain tone that I'd never disobey.

What does he do when I get crabby and irritable? He wrestles me down and takes me. This seems to work for us like being spanked works for others on this site. While it's never rape as I always want my big strong manly husband, there is an intensity in these acts that explodes my irritability out of existence and leaves me feeling dreamy-eyed and peaceful. My husband also finds it very relaxing.

Dear Confused, the actual location is Hamlet, II,ii, 226-264. Hamlet speaking to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern:

"Denmark's a prison.... for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."