How Taken In Hand exorcised my inner demon

Last night my husband took me in hand physically for the very first time. Oh, he’s spanked me before but not with the satisfaction and immediate results that were apparent last night.

I have this inner voice; my husband calls it my demon. You know, that insidious voice that tells me I’m fat, ugly, irresponsible, and lazy. It’s something that I’ve always struggled with but lately it hasn’t been as loud.

For a long time I was severely depressed, my self-esteem was almost nil, and I was anxious about everything from meeting new people to the horrible looming future. However, recently, within the last year to be exact, my persona has totally changed. I am now a confident, warm, upbeat, very spirited young woman. It’s taken a lot of therapy, support from my husband, and a little anti-depressant to get there but the change has been tremendous.

However, yesterday I got a visit from my old self. I was going to take my two kids to the pool but I couldn’t find my pool pass so a voice in my head crept in whispering “irresponsible.” Then I got busy and was unable to take a shower so another voice joined the first saying, “Ugly, dirty, gross.”Then I tried on some old summer clothes to take to the beach and they didn’t fit so yet another voice chimed, “fat, fat, fat.”

To top it off I couldn’t find my anti-depressant prescription so that voice whispering “irresponsible” started screaming in my head. By the time my Husband, CD, got home I was a mess.

Once I got my older daughter to bed I went downstairs to CD’s office to talk to him and see if he could help me through this. He was kind and loving while I whined and simpered, beating myself up. Then his demeanor changed and he became the dominant husband we’ve recently uncovered since discovering the Taken in Hand site two weeks ago. He got very firm with me and said, “Just stop it. That’s enough of the pity party. Tell the old C, that old demon, that it’s time for her to go.”

I whined that he was being mean to me and I needed his sympathy and support not his annoyance. At that point he looked at me calmly but firmly and said, “This is B.S. We’re not getting anywhere, bend over.”

I argued with him a little but in the end went over his knee and he really let me have it. Soon I was crying, but you know what? All of the sudden, while he was spanking me, my spirit changed. I felt the weakness, the spiritual and emotional pain drain out of me. My heart and soul felt stronger and I started laughing. CD asked me if the old C was gone and I was able to answer confidently, “Yes!”

My tail was warm and throbbing but my soul was renewed while the soul zapping demon was shown the door. Now we know that when I fall into old bad habits, all that my husband has to do is take me in hand to get me back on track!

Carrie

Have you seen the following articles?
Secretary: a deeper understanding
Safe
A Taken in Hand relationship without spanking
Are you under misapprehensions about Taken In Hand?
What is Taken In Hand about?
Quiet authority
It's sexual even when it's not
Surrendered in love
How I met my husband, and how that impacted my life
Why you should not withhold spanking!

2004 Aug 11 - 13:18 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

Exorcising the Demon

The endorphins and the insistence that you are worthy from a loving partner are a good adjunct to your therapy.

I'm happy to hear you are in therapy and not relying on hubby alone to solve your problems. That IS taking responsibility for yourself. Congratulations.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Aug 13 - 14:40 | reply to this comment

Hmmm...

Sounds to me that you ARE relying on your husband to take control of your problems. It is great if it works and definitely much better than taking anti depressants, but I guess its likely to be a short term solution and you are going need it regularly. Won't he start to wonder what's in it for him? It doesn't sound like it is addressing the problem at a deep level - for that counselling is definitely the best solution. It is serving as a release of tension, which is fine, as long as both of you realise that is what it is.

My husband would definitely see a difference between 'beating myself up', which is my problem ( and he'd agree strongly that I was irresponsible, lazy etc)and 'beating him up'- not physically, of course, but by being disrespectful, disobedient etc. He'd know that spanking me could only help with the latter, the former stemming from insecurity in childhood and way beyond his remit.

Keep us posted as to how long this keeps you on the right track. Best wishes. Amani

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Aug 14 - 06:09 | reply to this comment

Respecting ourselves

I am seeking counselling on a regular basis but one of my H's rules is that I am not to disrespect him OR myself. I agree with the first comment:

The endorphins and the insistence that you are worthy from a loving partner are a good adjunct to your therapy.
You are right when you say that my low self-esteem moments stem from insecurities from childhood but to say that that's my problem and none of his business seems cold and I thank my lucky stars he doesn't agree with you.

Carrie

by Carrie on 2004 Aug 14 - 15:46 | reply to this comment

Hasn't she got any mates?

Whenever anybody talks about having therapy I always think of that bit in 'Crocodile Dundee' where the girl tells Dundee that someone has been talking over her problems with a therapist and he looks at her in puzzlement and says 'hasn't she got any mates?' Talking to your husband is much more likely to do you good than talking to a therapist, also I would think it's a lot cheaper. What you describe as low self-esteem just sounds normal to me, I think those sort of things about myself from time to time, but it passes. You can't expect to feel great about yourself all the time, life just isn't like that.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Aug 14 - 17:42 | reply to this comment

Could a rule against disrespecting yourself be a problem?

Hi Carrie, Amani here again.

I think maybe I was a bit harsh before. Your husband sounds wonderful and far be it from me to question the rules he has made. I'm sure many of the rules in our house would sound bizarre to outsiders.

Actually, thinking about it, I wouldn't mind if my DH made a rule that I wasn't to disrespect myself. It does sound 'cold' I suppose that my self-esteem is not his problem, and I definitely rely more on friends than DH to sort myself out when I'm down. I think he feels that I 'should' feel bad when I am irresponsible or lazy, in order to improve myself.

In a way, following a rule is the easy part but do you ever find yourself not showing your feelings of low self esteem because its 'against the rules' to be disrespectful to yourself?

I also think that spanking is probably more effective than therapy, and takes less time too. All our relationships are different, and that is why it's such a fascinating site.

All the best

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Aug 16 - 15:45 | reply to this comment

My Cure For Depression

I was diagnosed with depression at 19. I went to counselling on and off until 30 and felt only short term benefits from it i.e. only when going through the counselling and for a short period afterwards. Only a few months ago I asked my partner to take me in hand after 7 years together which he did. I feel that this has made a real difference to our relationship and really brings my immediate focus back onto the realtionship and how my depression is affecting us both. I have to say one smack to my backside brings an immediate smile to my face and helps me focus back on the two of us instead of just me and what is wrong in my own life. I feel I now wasted years in therapy and wished I had asked my partner years ago to take me in hand.

by Mousling on 2004 Aug 18 - 16:29 | reply to this comment

thanks for all your responses

Hi all,

I just wanted to thank those of you who responded to my article. Amani, thanks for seeing my point of view. I feel that this is going very well. I don't necessarily enjoy going over hubby's knee at the time but it sure does make me feel happy, loved, and back in control of my emotions for days afterwards. It has also really forged a link between hubby and myself that I felt was missing before. Now he treats me with such tenderness that I feel spoiled!

by Carrie on 2004 Aug 24 - 01:40 | reply to this comment

loving it

I absolutely LOVE being manhandled by my husband.. when he takes control - it lets me know how much he really wants me.. hehe I look foward to it!

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Sep 3 - 03:40 | reply to this comment

What you describe as low sel

What you describe as low self-esteem just sounds normal to me, I think those sort of things about myself from time to time, but it passes. You can't expect to feel great about yourself all the time, life just isn't like that.

People who don't suffer from depression can't and don't know what it is like to go into that mental spiral of self loathing. It doesn't stop by itself, nor do I at least have the ability to pull myself out of it.

Carrie, stories like yours give me hope that at last I've found a way to circumvent these awful journeys.

by Letty Lynn on 2004 Sep 22 - 17:18 | reply to this comment

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