Introducing... Rachael: “Somebody to lean on”
[THIS IS AN EXAMPLE ONLY. THIS PERSON IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE. - Editor]
How intriguing to write a personal ad that is more than an eye-catching blurb! And to indulge my natural tendency to always want to say a little bit more…
I do long to be taken in hand. In the past few years I’ve been exploring and becoming more comfortable with that part of my personality. I say “that part” because, indeed, it is one part, and not one that most people who know me would ever guess at.
I’m twenty-seven years old, and am pursuing my second master’s degree. I’m intelligent, articulate, a leader, not afraid to make my thoughts known. I’ve always been capable and responsible, the oldest of four children and a first child down to my toes. People would say I was strong, and I am. And yet…
I long to lean on the strength of another, of the man who loves me. I remember trying to explain to someone once that I didn’t want to be the strong one in my relationship. She looked properly horrified for a woman of our era, and asked anxiously, “You don’t want to be weak, do you?” At which point I sighed, and gave up any hope of making her understand. Of course I don’t want to be weak, or at least not in the way she meant. I am by no means perfect, but I am proud of the woman that I am, and I will never place myself in a situation where I am not respected as an equal. But as deeply as I know that, I also know that I long to be protected and cherished and cared for… surrounded as in the arms of an embrace.
I’ve always loved Sheryl Crow’s song, “Strong Enough.” (Okay, not the part where she invites the man to lie to her. Honesty, please!) But she asks, “Are you strong enough to be my man?” I find that I always have the same question in mind. Not that I’m a difficult person who needs to be controlled. I’ve pretty much always been a “good girl.” But, like Sheryl Crow says, “I have a face I cannot show.” I need someone I won’t have to be afraid of pushing right over when I’m not “good”, who will pull me up short when I need it, even if I resist. Someone who will be strong enough to handle all the different parts of me, those times when I’m not feeling strong, or sweet, or on top of everything. Who will truly see me, and know me, and love me, and surround me with the loving limits that won’t let me go too far.
To this man, I will give my submission. “Submission” is a loaded word in our society, and a hard one for even many of the women who crave it to swallow. But in this context, it’s not about being silenced, but fulfilled. I read a fascinating article on Taken In Hand called The path. And while I didn’t agree with everything that was said, it included some powerful imagery of a man drawing forth submission from a woman. I’d always thought of my submission as my gift to give. And truthfully, I’m not ready to abandon that idea completely: a man is not owed my submission simply by virtue of being a man, and it is a great gift of trust and love that I have to bestow upon him. And yet, the notion of submission being drawn forth rings true as well. I know when I am in the presence of a dominant, authoritative man. There is a magnetic attraction, and I do indeed feel my submission being drawn from me. And there is just a feeling of rightness in it. I know that I need a man who calls that forth in me.
I crave discipline as well. For the past year, I’ve participated in a DD (domestic discipline) forum, and I have learned so much from interacting with the people there, about myself and about the possibilities of relationships like that. I need the accountability, the loving limits, the knowledge that I can only push so far. And I long for the intimacy I have witnessed in many of these relationships. I want to trust that deeply, to know and be known to the core. I have to admit I find it exciting as well, that I respond to authority, and to spanking, on a sexual level. But while the playfulness is fun, and so important, it’s not all about games for me. It’s about deep relationship, and it’s about who I am.
Mostly, I’m looking for the man I can spend my life with. Someone to laugh with, talk with, have adventures with, create a family with. I’m a Christian, and my faith is important to me, and I’d love to share that with him as well. I’m a fairly low-key person, but I love to have fun, traveling, being outside, listening to music, hanging out with friends. I can be silly and serious, friendly and introspective, a perfectionist and a procrastinator, easy-going and stubborn, sweet and (I’m sure) exasperating. As for the basic stats, I’m a little over 5'6" and have long brown hair and blue eyes. I’m living in Minnesota now, though I was born and raised an East Coast girl. I’m looking for someone fairly close to my age (not more than ten years older).
If you think you might be interested, I’d love to hear from you!
Peace,
Rachael
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Have you seen the following articles?
A love letter
Reaching out by offering yourself
Quiet authority
How I turned the fantasy into reality
The paradox of the strong and submissive woman
What Taken In Hand has done for our marriage
Spanking as connection
What the woman gets out of it
It's not about blame, so forget ‘fairness’!
Why being taken in hand helps
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