Taken In Hand saved our marriage from doom

I'm ConfusedOfHomeCounties's husband and I just wanted to make a quick comment to follow on her wonderful article....

I met C. a little over 11 years ago while I was at university aged 20. My father had just walked out on a 25-year marriage, as it had completely broken down. My parents never argued, at least not in front of my sister and me, and it always seemed as if Dad treated Mum as an equal in most things.

When I first met C. I had more or less the same idea of how our relationship (and later marriage) should work: we should be equals in all things. Well, as she said in her article this didn't work very well, but we managed to keep things together for several years with what seemed like a very happy marriage interspersed with searing rows over the most petty of things. We have been married now since 1996, and we started seeing each other in 1992.

From my side of things, us being equals in the relationship never felt entirely comfortable, but I felt that I couldn't express this to her for fear of hurting her feelings or provoking a row. I always had this suppressed ‘old-fashioned’ feeling that the husband should be the head of the household and that he should be responsible in all matters, including caring for his wife's needs. I was afraid that what happened to my parents would happen to us unless something was done to correct the situation; but I didn't know how to broach the idea that I felt that I should be in charge of the household without provoking a row!

When C. and I began playing with spanking and mild D/s in our erotic play, it opened my eyes to a new side of her that I didn't know existed, and her suggestion that I should spank her for discipline was like a light switch being thrown. I knew that I could explain my feelings to her without a row – the only problem was I had no idea how to begin!

Yes, the first time I took her in hand I was as nervous as hell. I'd always been raised to believe that hitting a woman was wrong, so what the hell was I doing spanking the woman I love? To my shock and amazement, the spanking worked and what I thought was going to be a huge row was cut short, we both apologised, cuddled and felt better afterwards.

When C. sent me the email she mentioned in her article, I sat down and read through it, and I was finally able to open up to her and explain that I felt exactly as she did – that I should be ‘in charge’ and that we would see how things progress. What progress there has been in our relationship since adopting this lifestyle has been remarkable. As C. puts it so well, we are simply both so much closer to each other than we were before.

I feel so much less stressed and irritable at home, because I know now that if we start to row over something petty I can assert my authority to stop the row (most often without C. needing a spanking at all!) and if I am in the wrong I know that I can apologise without feeling that I need to defend my view as I did in the past. I also feel so much happier about being able to be myself in the relationship without having to bury my ‘old-fashioned’ side all the time and when I see C's adoring eyes looking at me I just feel so proud and comforted that such a wonderful woman trusts me enough to want to be submissive to me.

I truly feel that the Taken in Hand relationship that we have now has saved our marriage from eventual doom.

Baltazar

Take the Taken In Hand tour

Have you seen the following articles?
Acts of love
Who says you have to be submissive?
Is Taken In Hand about discipline?
Why men start and why they stop
Looking into the mirror of life
The healing power of taking her in hand
How can a strong woman signal her submissiveness?
Consent, control, connection
How I turned the fantasy into reality
The paradox of the strong and submissive woman
Do you have a commanding presence?

2004 Apr 9 - 05:28 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |