Moving into a Taken In Hand relationship

I wanted a relationship where we were both equals, and took joint responsibility for everything. When I met my now husband, we tried it: he thought that was how a marriage should be run, too. And it kind of worked for a while, but it got to the stage where even simple things like washing up would wait til one of us gave in and did it: with neither of us having any ownership over tasks, decisions, etc., it seemed that things were less likely to get done. Which led to arguments, which led to us making up, but somehow never talking about it afterwards, so the arguments repeated. And we couldn't quite see what was going wrong.

And then we started to introduce spanking into erotic play, which unleashed a torrent of very surpressed feelings in me. I'd be lying if I said they were new, but I had tried to surpress them since I was in my early-mid teens, and I did initially try to kid myself that they were new feelings. So after a while, I started to come to some of sort of acceptance that as well as having a strong, independant character I was also possessed of a large submissive streak, at least when I was around my husband.

So one evening, whilst I was cooking and he was doing something else, I muttered something about maybe if he gave me a spanking next time I started to get really snappy it might stop me quicker than the then only technique that did work – going off and sulking for a while til I felt human again. He agreed, and tried it – cautiously at first for various reasons, and then with more gusto – especially when it seemed it did work.

After a little while more, I told him more about how I feel, what I think I want, and touched on a whole mountain of confusion inside (did it in a really mature way, too – sent him an e-mail then hid til he'd read it *L*). He took on board almost suspiciously quickly, as if he'd been patiently waiting for me to realise something he'd noticed, and he worked on some of my confused thoughts.

Now, we both have semi-defined roles: we don't know what tomorrow will bring, so some flexibility is needed. There are one or two things that are understood as being so. For example, I'm the only one who gets spanked. And the difference was and is incredible. There have been a couple of moments since we started that would normally have led to a blow-up of one sort or another, that have now been resolved in under an hour. We both feel so much closer to each other, and everything has improved no end. In ways I still can't get my head around, submitting to my husband has empowered me to be my softer self around him, to shed the protection I need for the outside world and relax. I feel grounded, relaxed, calm; he seems far less stressed and also seems more relaxed and calm.

I am still confused about a lot of things, but I'll sort those out with time. I'm content just being me, and submitting to my husband

ConfusedofHomeCounties

Have you seen the following articles?
Is this a victory?
The alpha male and masculine power
The healing power of taking her in hand
Why you should not withhold spanking!
Why you shouldn't mention the ‘M’ word
The difference between dominant and controlling
What kind of site is this? D/s? TPE? CP? DD? ABCD?
Laying the groundwork for other possibilities
To be taken
The Taming of the Shrew

2004 Mar 26 - 07:10 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

Smoldering Resentment or Flames of Passion

Actually, I just filed a post on this subject to another newsgroup. I call it playing with fire. Only when a couple plays with the fire of spanking, they discover a fire extinguisher able to quench the flames of resentment that threaten reduce their marriage to ashes.

In our case, even though neither of us came from families in which our fathers spanked our mothers, we came to the marriage agreeing that men should sometimes give their wives a no-nonsense spanking.

Probably our greatest difficulty was in my wife's communicating her needs and desires for discipline. As with many women, she expected her husband to be a mind reader and I lost my magic (at the bottom of the cereal box) decoder ring somewhere back in childhood.

Despite lapses in communication, time has proven our strategy to be better than that of our parents - whose marriages lapsed into cold but stable relationships. The difference in the quality of relationship is so noticeable that, although my wife loves her mother dearly, my wife has lamented over the fact that her father never spanked her mother!

by Noone on 2004 Mar 26 - 14:08 | reply to this comment

Re: Smoldering Resentment or Flames of Passion

Noone said:

Actually, I just filed a post on this subject to another newsgroup. I call it playing with fire.
Which other newsgroup?

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Mar 27 - 03:53 | reply to this comment

Give it a go if you care about your wife

My wife and I are in our early 30s. 2 days ago I gave my wife her first ever spanking. It has been a running joke in our household that she has (until now) never been spanked or smacked. In dinner party discussions regarding physical punishment in schools etc, my wife has openly admitted to our friends that she never received a spanking or even a smack as a child. Two ot three times, friends have commented, "you could have done with one!" She has responded by laughing, occasionally playfully agreeing.

She is a witty, vivacious, self-possessed woman. She can however be a handful, and is never wrong!

2 nights ago, during a routine domestic squabble in which I was finding it hard to make my own voice heard, I decided enough was enough. I bent her across my knee and administered what can only be described as a good, old fashioned, no-nonsense spanking. she squeeled with indignation but my determination paid dividends.

My wife and I love each other. She admitted that she had deserved the spanking and that she was much happier for me to spank her than to continue with endless, pointless arguments that she is determined to win, even if she secretly knows she is in the wrong.

We have agreed that in future, in our house there will be rules and concequences, and that I am to take up the old-fashioned, traditional role of man of the house. We are confident that we can enjoy each other for many many years, she can be herself and I can enjoy her sparkling wit and strong personality. She can explore the bounderies of acceptable behavior in the certain knowledge that it will not result in a gloom, silences, frustration and anger on my part. If she oversteps the mark she will be spanked and we will move on. She is safe and nothing will be damaged because ofher sometimes daring behaviour. A lesson she is learning late in life, but better late than never.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Aug 3 - 21:29 | reply to this comment

Question for Confused

You said you and your husband had difficulties with the "little things."

"...but it got to the stage where even simple things like washing up would wait til one of us gave in and did it: with neither of us having any ownership over tasks, decisions, etc., it seemed that things were less likely to get done. Which led to arguments, which led to us making up, but somehow never talking about it afterwards, so the arguments repeated"
With this new relationship dynamic how has this fixed itself? Do you simply do everything and not complain, or did he step up to the plate and take on some of the responsibilities?

I'd love to know. My biggest fear is the trust issue and having to be stuck with even more than what I already have because my husband has deemed it "my role".

by Letty Lynn on 2004 Sep 26 - 06:02 | reply to this comment

To Letty

You asked:

With this new relationship dynamic, how has this fixed itself? Do you simply do everything and not complain, or did he step up to the plate and take on some of the responsibilities?
At the moment, there is no way I could do everything even if I wanted to - we both hold down full time jobs, and on top of that I'm currently studying intensively and job hunting. I do more, and do it more willingly, than I did before, and rather worryingly find that I enjoy "keeping house" - even the boring bits! As far as we are both concerned, housework is part of my "role", and not part of his. However, he does most of the washing up, and usually helps with whatever else needs doing - far more so, and far more willingly than before the change.

Trusting that he would muck in despite our common perception of our "roles" was incredibly hard for me. Like most people, he resented being nagged into doing something, and so consequently didn't. Now the nagging has by and large stopped (I'm human, I still fly off the handle over really stupid things occasionally), he's taking far more of an interest in the house - he's now got the space and freedom to take responsiblity for things in a way I never really gave him before.

--

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Hamlet, somewhere.

by ConfusedOfHomeCounties on 2004 Sep 26 - 21:35 | reply to this comment

enjoying being punished for being disrespectful

i would enjoy the exact scenario very much. I am a twenty some women has had erotic spankings from my husband since we first got togather. However I always craved something more from him.I am a very dominaering person and I think being spanked would help me be the submissive wife I long to be. My husband is easy going bY nature and sometimes i feel myslef bulling him,not dominating mind you-I am not into that. Just pushing him to see what he will do. I think if I had the theart of a spanking I would behave better. I actualley ammited this to him, we were talking about the site and I told him that if the next time i got mouthy with him he would spank me for it I would feel better,he knew i was serious ,he said maybee after I would behave better. I hope he actualley does it because I do not wish to mention it agian and I feel i realley need it.

by a girl who needs a spanking on 2006 Apr 26 - 12:52 | reply to this comment

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