Do I tell him or show him that I want it
He's the one. No nonsense, in control, attentive to our family's needs, a provider, strong man in every sense of the word. We've been married for 5 years, and even though we live apart right now, he leads from there. The lists of things to do, he makes them for me. The questions about where I've been and where I'm going, he already asks. My clothes, I've toned them down abit without him having to wonder. My nights out on the town to clubs and bars, he's already stopped. How I spend the money, he's working on that with me now. Financial management is not my strong point. I bring in the money, since he's away right now, but he tries from where he is to keep me on a path that is needed for our family's future. He just wants me to keep it together until he can come back home and take over.
So, I feel like I'm already taken in hand. But am I if he doesn't know it? Or does he already know, but doesn't think that I do? I want even more of it. No I NEED IT! I need for him to lead everything. I need for him to lead me because I am so tired of leading myself now that he's away.
I told him about this site. I mentioned it a little. But I'm holding back. Should I wait until he comes home to tell him exactly what I need? If I tell him will it feel staged or genuine? Should I just let it go with the flow and see how things progress when he gets home? Should I use this time that we spend learning each other and talking since we are a part to explain it to him? I am soooo confused.
I know that I married the man for me because if no one else can, he can lead our family. I know that he is capable of being HOH because he does it so well from where he is. But I need more. I need for him to exert his control more often, letting me know that I belong to him.
For some time now, I've been telling him that he has "papers on me". I have been trying to show him that I need him to be even more in control, but I do it in joking ways because it feels crazy just saying it. When I do mention it, I always tie it to our religion and his role in it. I want it to be even more real.
How did everyone else do it? Is it a process? Do I tell him or show him how I feel? And if you think that I should tell him, tell me which article to use for him to read first because I don't know which words to say.
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#1 Tell Him
I think you have to tell him. Husbands mostly want to make us happy, but they are not mind-readers. I know it's really hard and embarrassing, but I learned with my husband that he simply didn't always understand what I meant unless I told him.
If he's willing to read articles at Taken In Hand, show him the ones that speak most to you. The ones closest to what you want. My husband never was much at reading when I wanted him to - he needed to learn to lead in a way that felt like HIM, and didn't want too much advice. But if he will read, that's great; I think it would be really helpful.
Writing my husband notes worked well for things it was hard to say, as long as I kept them short and to the point.
Mimi
#2 Talking about it
To be honest, the way you and your husband relate to each other sounds pretty Taken In Hand to me. However, if you have a craving for things to be even more Taken In Hand in nature, then I would certainly tell him so. He certainly doesn't seem to have any problem with being in charge, so I don't see why it should bother him to find that you like this.
I definitely had to talk to my husband about it, because we didn't really have a Taken In Hand marriage (though he has always been quite bossy, but I never took very well to being bossed). I needed to discuss things with him. It was a novel and surprisingly pleasant experience for me, as having in-depth conversations about feelings etc has never really been my thing, certainly not with my husband, and it really made me feel quite light-hearted, as though some kind of burden had been lifted from me, always keeping things to myself that made me unhappy, never talking about stuff. it made a big difference to me.
I think if you want to show him articles on here really the best thing is to show him whichever articles you feel describe what you most want, that you haven't already got. However, my personal experience is that some men are not really very interested in reading a lot of stuff about relationships (my husband isn't for instance), and probably it would be best if you can tell him yourself what it is that you want.
I have to say, though, that from what I read of your life, it sounds like you are pretty well Taken In Hand already.
Louise
#3 I told him and I feel better
I told him. I actually read him my posts. He wasn't disgusted by it. In fact he agreed with my desire to be taken in hand. He believes, as I do, that the man should lead. I feel like a small weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I didn't reveal my deepest and darkest secrets, but I did open the door to our future together. Thanks for your input Mimi. I look forward to this new journey that we are taking.
Neicey