From vague awareness to a beautiful relationship

Let me think... back then we rode around on dinosaurs and, more importantly, there was no Internet. This has major implications in the development of my sexuality. People with non-standard sexual tastes could easily go through their whole lives thinking of themselves as uniquely weird deviants. One might never realize that there were others with similar feelings. One might never experience the satisfaction of hearing somebody else putting into words those hard to express feelings. I was alone.

I was vaguely aware that I was turned on by spanking because of my reaction to the spanking scene in Robert Heinlein's I Will Fear No Evil which I read in my early teens. I was uncomfortable with these feelings. I threw out my copy of the book. I don't think I ever talked about them with anyone for years.

I married when I was 21 and had my first child at 23. I don't think I could have committed to submission then. It didn't occur to either of us to put the word "obey" in the marriage vows. And yet, looking back, I can see it was attracting me. There were many things that I was unhappy with about myself. For example, I was easily angered and lacked self-discipline. I identified with Kate in The Taming of the Shrew and wanted a Petruchio to fix my personality flaws. It probably would have been too unreasonable to place such a burden on my husband when we were young. And yet, in the long run, my husband did become my Petruchio.

He grew into his authority. Or maybe I grew into seeing it. Over time, I came to think of him more and more as a strong, wise, good person. I respected him, trusted his judgement and learned to turn to him for guidance.

Meanwhile, perhaps ten or so years ago, I got plugged into the Internet and discovered the world. Among my discoveries was the knowledge that being turned on by spankings was a fairly mild kink and I was able to tell my husband about it. It became part of erotic play for us but recently has developed into something more. I had a growing awareness that I didn't want to just play at spanking. Somehow, my husband physically disciplining me embodies his authority over me. It has become real, not a game and I still don't quite understand what is happening. Whatever it is touches me very deeply.

LadyK

Take the Taken In Hand tour

Have you seen the following articles?
Why you shouldn't mention the ‘M’ word
Why you should not withhold spanking!
She wants to be taken in hand against her will?!
How my husband took my clothing choices in hand
Seduction of the independent female
Asserting dominance physically forcefully
Actions speak louder than words
What Taken In Hand is, and what it is not
Dominant to the last
The erotic power of real control

2004 Mar 18 - 22:19 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

Nice Jayne

Thats a great article Jayne.

Through life we all live and learn. As I learn, I realize that even those who grow up in the most moral households will have the natural desires and fantasies to experiment with. Ever wonder why so many pastors children totally break from what Mom and Dad preach? So many of them want to taste the fruit of fantasy that they could not under their parents care. All that moral pressure they grew up with breaks out when they are free. When they are free they experiment and experience their desires. Then, usually they come full circle later in life after they realize how destructive so many of their wild dreams are.

I am new to the idea of erotic spanking between a couple. However I always thought spanking should be a serious matter. If a couple use it for arousal or erotic pleasure, its their business. You have shown that erotic spanking doesnt always have to ruin the concept of discipline spanking and may lead to even greater things in the relationship. I am sure so many others have had the same experience and thank goodness it worked for them. Thanks for sharing that Jayne.

www.ramileous.com

by Ramileous on 2004 Mar 18 - 22:57 | reply to this comment

Re: LadyK

Hey LadyK,

Thanks for sharing your experiences, you have come a long way, I am happy for you.

You helped me to confirm and come to term with my dilemma: it is not reasonable to expect boys my age to be my "Petruchio," and those who are wise enough to be an "authority figure" are usually too old for my taste :p They make good friends, cool mentors, and sweet playmates. I can even "submit" to them in a playful scene, but I cannot seriously commit to a Taken In Hand power relationship with any of them, at least not as lovers.

So, in response to your comment that *I* somehow need to be taken in hand... I would say, later, maybe ^_^

Thanx again for sharing your experiences.

-sudolly
-----------------------------
the belief in truth is precisely madness - Nietzsche

by sudolly on 2004 Mar 19 - 03:42 | reply to this comment

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