lost
How can I make myself a taken in hand wife? I know this is what my husband desires by his actions. I'm a very strong minded and verbal person when it comes to something I feel passionately about.Therein I believe lies my problem. This leads to a lot of fighting because my husband is very strong minded too. How can I be taken in hand without losing who I am? How can I stop my mouth? How can I stop upsetting him?
A readers' forum post by Lovinglyinhand85 on Sat, 07/02/2009 - 00:48
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#1 lost
Dear lovinglyinhand,
Just a suggestion... You might try simply expressing to your husband your desire to be "taken in hand", and grant him the liberty to shut your mouth for you when you can't seem to exercise the good sense to shut it yourself. It's been my experience that a sharp slap is usually sufficient to help a girl recollect herself properly.
Best wishes.
#2 You might want to show your h
You might want to show your husband this site, or you might want to talk with him & tell him that you know you can get mouthy and it irratates him - and then ask him what he would like to do (if he could) to make you stop. If he is inclined to a Taken In Hand relationship, he might tell you he believes you should be spanked/ disciplined. That could open the door to discussing this type of relationship.
According to my husband, S, I had this problem quite a bit when we were married and his control has really toned it down. Now, we've been married a long time & I didn't tone down over night! I went to work with a sore backside quite a bit in the beginning - but the more he reminded me of our promise to one another & loved me through the difficult times, the easier it came for me to keep my mouth shut. Through time I did realize that he was often right about things & when he wasn't, he apologized and asked for my forgiveness. This, especially, helped me obey. I have the utmost respect when someone can genuinely admit they made a mistake (no one is perfect!)
BTW - if you are not into face slapping, then another way for your husband to get your attention is to walk up to you and give you a very hard swat on the butt! It will shock you more than hurt & perhaps get you to take a moment to consider your words.
Anyway - talk to him... you might be surprised at what you hear.
Good Luck!
M-
#3 Becoming
I think jbmaverick pretty well said it. Let your husband know this is what you want, agree to start slowly and only move forward as you're comfortable.
That you're "strong-minded" isn't a hindrance in any way. It's just a part of who and how you are. I doubt many women on this site would say they "lost themselves" by being Taken In Hand by men who love and care for them.
The big answer you'll repeatedly hear is communication. Talk about it, think about it, explore ways in which you can begin implementing Taken In Hand, understanding it's not a straight path, but rather more like a dance. You may take three strides forward quickly, then suddenly fall back for a while.
Just talk to him about it!
#4 Not so lost anymore
Well it took one nasty fight to figure it out but I finally figured out how to shut my mouth. I have showed my husband this site and he is slowly starting to research this site and implement this into our marriage. Things are getting so much better. I am so much calmer and more in tune with my husband's needs. Thank you everyone who took the time and replied to my post your advice has most certainly been taken to heart.
#5 CONGRATULATIONS! I wish you
CONGRATULATIONS! I wish you and your hubby the best as you beging this journey into Taken In Hand. Keep us posted on your adventure!
#6 Face-Slapping
Odd that I didn't catch this sooner. To me, face-slapping is a sign of CONTEMPT. I have NEVER slapped the face of ANY woman. In turn, any woman who has slapped MY face AUTOMATICALLY **TERMINATED** any friendly communication thenceforth. Contempt, or ANY display thereof, has NO place in a friendly relationship, let alone a romantic one.
Mike Starre
#7 Face-slapping
I liked jbmaverick's suggestion; I'm not sure why some people have such a strong reaction to face slapping. I don't think anyone here is suggesting anything injurious. A slap to the face is no more likely to do harm than a slap to the bottom, if it's done right. (Obviously, it should not be hard enough to knock her off her feet, or even wrench her neck; just a sharp little sting to the cheek.) This seems to be yet another one of those D/s versus DD divides.
(It often seems to me that the only kind of forceful physicality the DD people are willing to embrace is spanking; and to me that seems kind of artificially limiting and boring. People who describe their relationships as D/s usually seem to enjoy employing a wider array of actual dominance tactics. Spanking is only one option among many ways for the man to forcefully assert his physical domination of his woman.)
Yes, it's true that slapping someone's face can be a sign of contempt; or perhaps it would be better to say, angry domination. That would make it seem contemptuous only if the woman was slapping the man; but not vice-versa. And I would expect that his slapping her face would only be justified in response to a clear display of contempt by the woman -- probably some kind of rude and disrespectful verbal sassing. For the dominant man to do that to his wife is, to my mind, both a vivid expression of his anger, and a clear demonstration of his power over her. But I think it can be justified in response to blatant verbal disrespect. Because verbal abuse is at least as much a sign of contempt; and to some of us, verbal abuse seems even more harmful; words cut sharper than than slaps.
I don't imagine I would ever be inclined to slap my man; not as long as I was feeling sufficiently dominated by him. I would simply feel way too intimidated to do such a thing. But if he were ever verbally abusive, then it sure might be tempting. (And, I suppose, if I were feeling like he was not being dominant at all, but wussing out in some major way that really dismayed me. In that case it would be kind of like a test or something -- "So, are you going to just let me get away with this, or are you going to be a man about it, and take control for a change?" -- that kind of thing.)
However, if the man is justified in slapping his woman's face when and if she gets rude and nasty to him, then he should also have the self-control to watch his own tongue, and not get verbally abusive towards her. Because she won't have the option of slapping him for it. (Or else they might get into an angry "slapping contest" which would almost certainly be rather lop-sided in favor of the man's strength, and possibly quite dangerous to her, as it could quickly escalate to some real violence on the part of one or both.)
If I did get sassy, I would much rather have my man respond with a quick little slap to the cheek, than by walking away, or tossing verbal abuse back at me. I think that could straighten me out real quick. And if I ever did slap his face, I would probably expect to get it right back again, only worse. (But hopefully he would be able to control himself enough not to do any injury; and maybe grab me and turn it into a hard spanking instead.)
I guess the bottom line is that I tend to see verbal abuse as very dangerous to a loving romantic relationship, it's a kind of poison that can kill love quicker than almost anything. So, however the man can put a stop it, quickly and forcefully and short of actual injury, that would be a good thing. And for me, the best way to stop it would be a quick little slap. Maybe for someone else another alternative would work better.
I don't think I could stay with a man who responded to verbal sassiness on my part by just walking away. I need a man who is more actively dominant than that. (And even worse if I slapped his face and he just walked away and pouted and sulked, instead of taking control of me like a man. In my book walking away from a confrontation is one of the wussiest things a guy can do. YMMV, etc.)
#8 Not so lost anymore update
In addition to my new way of life I have been reading the Surrendered Wife and it has helped our marriage be that much more intense. Please keep commenting!
#9 The "look"
My husband has developed a "look" so to speak since we started taken in hand and that I believe is what has kept me in hand. I never cross that line once he gives me the look.
#10 the look
My husband also gives me the look & most days it works. When it doesn't, I am over his knee...
#11 Face Slapping is very Powerful
Once I was struck in the face, and I was amazed at how much rage it evoked in me. Hours later, I was so angry. It wasn't my husband, so maybe when it's your man, your reaction is different.
I think it's very personal--you know, when you are over his knee, you are looking away, you can hide your embarrassment or griping or whatever, he has control. Having him look you in the eye and slap you would feel very different, to me. It would be hard not to hit back.
And maybe it depends on the things that influenced you when you were growing up. In my own family, it was quite taboo. Maybe if my folks had been okay with it, it would seem like such a big deal.
Face slapping could be very useful, or very damaging.
Handle with caution.