How long have you felt like this?
I wanted to ask all the women who desire being taken in hand, and to all the men who like to be in control in their relationship - how long have you felt this desire? How early did it start? Pretty much as long as I can remember, before I was capable of sexual desires/feelings, I have been interested in the idea of being mischevious and independant, but getting controlled and taken in hand by a man who is looking out for my best interests. And knowing that my man can take me in hand when I act out makes me incredibly happy and I love this type of relationship. I have always been ashamed of this and have hidden it, of course. But I have heard of other people having such fantasies from a young age. Was I born this way or something? Do I have to feel guilty about something that I've had for as long as I can remember? As a grad student in a field closely related to sociology, I think it would be great if someone ever did a study on this - to see how young people start desiring things like this and what causes it. But back to my question - how early did you start feeling this way?
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#1 how long have you felt like this
I can remember as a young girl under the age of 10, I would dream of being "taken" or overpowered in some way by a boy.
#2 Since I was 10 Years Old
I do believe that movies shaped a lot of my feelings about being Taken in Hand. Elvis died when I was 10 and I remember seeing "Blue Hawaii" for the first time during an all day Elvis movie marathon. The scene of Elvis taking the bratty teenager in hand was forever imprinted on my mind. Of course, I now own a copy of that movie!
I remember being both horrified and fascinated every time I would see such a scene on television or in the movies. I knew I wanted that kind of relationship with a man. It became sexualized once I became a teenager. Now I realize that this goes way beyond sexuality, although I find being taken in hand to be very sexy.
Shelly41
#3 Yeah, "Happy Days"
"The Fonz". It amazed me about the control he had over women. Oddly enough, I had no desire to control the multitude of women that he did. All I wanted was one. All I ever wanted was that sort of control over one *BELOVED* woman.
There was one woman who gave me the illusion of such control before she devastated my life at the time. In spite of the pain she caused me, I'll always be grateful to her for that sweet morsel of what seemed to me at the time to be total control over her.
I have never understood this desire I have for such control, and I doubt I ever will. All I know is that this site seems to have blessed this desire as being "normal", whatever that may mean.
Perhaps one day I will have a relationship with a woman in which such control will be more than a mere illusion. She is the woman who will cause me to die with the everlasting glaze of pleasure in my eye. I can think of no better way of passing from this world into the next.
Mike Starre
#4 How long?
Pretty much all my life i think. The focus of my interest from a young child was on spanking. There were plenty of images of children being spanked in books and comics and on TV when I was child (the 1960s), but they didn't really do anything fo rme. I still vividly remember the first time I saw an adult woman spanked by an adult man on a TV show (it was an episode of The Lone Ranger). I was about eight. From then on, many of my fantasies revolved around being The Woman Who Gets Spanked by the Lone Ranger (or someone similar).
I went on having these fantasies throughout my adult life as well, and I was lucky that I had a number of boyfriends who gave me openings to express my hankering for this, and who were happy to oblige.
I had very confused feelings though about actually wanting a man to be in control in everday life, rather than just as a sexual thing. Because I found I didn't like it very much when my husband was bossy with me in normal life, I just assumed it was a fantasy only, best kept for the bedroom. It was only after discovering this website four years ago that I realised that in fact it was possible that I really did want this to be real rather than just fantasy, and moreover that it was possible to make it happen. So it took approximately forty years to get there. But better late than never, eh?
Louise
#5 The chicken and the egg
So we are back to the age-old question about erotica of all varieties. Does seeing it arouse your interest...or does it attract you because you are already aroused?
#6 About 13
Ever since I can recall, I wanted to be a wife and mother. My parents were divorced, then my mom died when I was 10 so I wanted what I did not have. To me that included a strong man (unlike my dad) who was a wonderful provider and who would allow me to be a 'housewife' (probably because my mom worked 2 jobs to support us) in exchange for my obedience. I knew this when I was about 13.
When I became an adult, I realized that I liked men who were stronger than I was and that I especially liked someone who could overpower me in the bedroom. So, I guess I have known since I was about 13 that I wanted a strong man who would impose limits.
#7 Hard to say
I've never not desired this sort of relationship. I've always felt it was just a natural extension of my personality. I am a Type A's type A.
#8 Quite far into my late childhood
In my adult life I have always been interested in finding this out about other people. I feel that the part of me that yearns to be taken in hand has always been here. Of course as a pre-teen I caught glimpses of sexual content in movies, but I don't think that really influenced me all that much. Around 11ish my little girlfriends and I would play various games and one would play the "boyfriend" who happened to be more aggressive and take-charge (I never played that role, even then!). I often think these experiences helped to unleash my true nature that was until that point either dormant or expressionless within me. As a young teen I would have fantasies, very sexual and always of a man in absolute control. I used to think of these scenarios as I fell asleep.
#9 I can remember these feelings
I can remember these feelings starting around the age of 12. My parents divorced early, my dad was/is emotionally unavailable, and my mom was out chasing the dollar (no choice there) to support us. We also lived with a very controlling and bitter grandmother.
I used to daydream about my mother getting a new husband and him taking over the reins because I resented my grandmother ruling our household and disciplining us. It started there, and has evolved ever since into a romantic, safe, loyal partnership with my husband.
#10 how long?
The first memory I have is in kindergarten: I was a 4 yr old girl and I loved to play just with the boys during the recess, we love to play like Batman and I remember playing always as the Çatwoman but my favorite was when I was kidnapped and hypnotized by the Joker. So I obeyed Him in everything that He order me to do, I loved the sensation of feeling my self under the complete control of someone else,it was such a nice nice game, I think I enjoy it so much that I still remember it 30 yrs latter lol! ;)
A lot of feelings, dreams, desires and fantasies of this type had been on my mind since I remember so definitely think that this feelings are something that we born with...
löthianne
#11 As Long As I Can Remember
I can remember being, oh, 4 or 5 and wanting to play games particularly with my older cousin where I was the bad child who got spanked. Even around 11 years old, I remember having fantasies and playing games with friends involving spanking. Later, anytime I came across a guy who threatened to spank me, I became defiant and dared them to try. None were able to, as I was very athletic and strong (and fast), and the fight I put up was too good. I always acted triumphant, but inside I was disappointed. It took me until my mid-40's to realize and acknowledge my feelings and desires and express them to my husband.
#12 as long as I can remember
I am sure this topic was discussed about a year ago when I joined! So sorry for the repetition, but I have always felt this way. In the games we played as kids, I wanted to be captured by pirates, younger sister in family games etc. I ran around trying to stir friends' older siblings to somehow control me, sometimes with success, often without. Like another comment here, I would always be bitterly disappointed if I "won" and a male (or sometimes older female) did not respond as I wanted.
I remember being insanely jealous of a friend with 4 older brothers who were police (we were about 10 at the time) and them running around the house teasing her. (She, of course, would just cry and totally not appreciate it!) Anyway, I guess it became sexual when I did (early teens), but even now it is not always sexual really. Just that fantastic feeling of losing control.
I now play a fairly rough sport on a men's team and love the attention that gets me as well as the fact that they all (well most) care about me and will defend me if necessary.
#13 Oh just forever
I remember quite vividly watching my mother who very much controlled the household and my father, and wondering why Dad wasn't doing the decision making. I have ALWAYS felt that this is the "right way" for things to be even though I wasn't raised that way. Consequently, even though I felt that it was wrong, I married my soon-to-be ex husband. Now that I'm older and hopefully wiser, I will be making choices for my future that will be more true to me.
Charly
#14 Desires: erotic and not
As a therapist, it has been difficult at times to reconcile my own desires for Taken In Hand relationship with my profession. Unfortunately, psychotherapy has been largely influenced by feminist philosophy for some time. I recognized that my desire for this type of relationship with a male was present as early as age 4. The psycho-social development at this age explains a good bit as to why many of us can date our desires to this time in our life. As a graduate student, I was able to do some research into the erotic nature of discipline; however, much of the literature in sex education and research focuses on a BDSM relationship. I knew quickly that I didn't want THAT type of relationship. Unfortunately, my feminist influence overwhelmed my judgement in my choice of a relationship. My ex-husband, God bless him, was a big strong weenie; an equal mixture of scary and safe. I reveled at the "equality" of our relationship and silently mourned the lack of intimacy and protection I needed. It took me some time after our divorce to clearly define for myself what it was I did need in a relationship and to give myself permission to seek it. Until Taken In Hand exhisted, no other site offered the level of understanding about DD, its dynamics and how it fits within the framework of a relationship. My friends who are express their kink through BDSM do not fully understand my desires and I, honestly, find latex chafing. As a student of sociology, such works as "The Erotic Mind" by Jack Morin, as recommended on the Books page of this site, may offer you assistance in your studies.
#15 I have always felt this way t
I have always felt this way too- my earliest memories are probably when I was 5 or 6. I too can identify with the disappointment of winning when I put up a fight. I want to be overtaken!
#16 Christian looking for support here
I was raised for the first 13 1/2 years of my life in a home which was dominated and controled by my father. At first, I did everything I could to rebell against his ways, but it wasn't long before I was catching myself daydreaming about the day when I'm in a relationship with a man who will keep me "in line". By the time I was 16, I was in a relationship with the first guy who would ever control me in any way. At 17 I moved to KS to live with my grandparents and made a true love waits commitment. Unfortunately, I have since broken that commitment due to men in my life who I allowed to control me, but now I'm with a wonderful man who cares about me for who I am, as I am. I can't wait to show him this site. A friend told me about it -- and said that I needed to check out Taken In Hand to find support from fellow Christians who believe in the man being in control.
#17 Quite early
I can't remember all that far back in my life, but have certainly felt like this as long as I've had sexual feelings - I don't think before that, but I can't be sure. I remember one of the first thoughts I had about my first girlfriend was wanting to spank her, but long before that I used to have extensive bedtime fantasies of dominance. I think I had these thoughts when I was about twelve.
#18 Some of my first memories
Some of my very first memories are of this nature. At first I thought I was sick somehow...then just perverted. But, now, I have come to realize that there are many that have these desires and there is nothing sick or perverted, but actually NORMAL. I am a woman and want a man to be my lead... there is NOTHING wrong or sick about that. I was made to have these desires and feelings.
I remember as a child watching John Wayne movies wanting to be like the women in them - with the man in control.
#19 How long have I felt this way?
Looking back I realize that I was interested in Taken In Hand concepts in my teens. That is when I started to read romance novels. (I am 54) I continued for all of my life, working into erotica as I matured, and keep digging for what was missing in my life. Always... I have always felt this way. When the man hero in the books takes charge, I always feel moved, aroused and knowing I want that. That it would make me feel cherished. I have always felt this way. Thank you for your post.
Cheryl
#20 How long I've felt like this
For me, I have evidence that I've felt like this at as young as three years old. Then, it wasn't sexual at all. It didn't turn into a sexual desire until about nine when I hit puberty.
My husband, if I can speak for him as well, was introduced to the concept of domestic discipline when he was about fifteen, and was lured by it ever since. Needless to say, we're lucky we found one another.
#21 5 +
As young as I can remember and always. 5 years old, possibly younger. It is how I am made and I do prefer men who are the same rather than born again dominant in their 50s which always makes me feel suspicious of them. How can it be innate if they've only discovered it?
#22 Discovery
You can't "discover" something that isn't there, somewhere, to begin with. I think that the only discovery happening is that they are "discovering" that it's okay to be that way. They (if you allow me to be an arm-chair psychologist here) "give themselves permission" to be dominant, because men in their 50's are more secure about themselves than, say, men in their 20's or 30's. (My opinion, of course.)
#23 Always
I remember being fascinated by the nursery rhyme The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe. The part that I loved was where they say "she whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed." I actually used to masturbate ON TOP of the pictures of her spanking the kids. I must have been 3 or 4. It wasn't until maybe 2 years ago that I found this website and spoke to my husband of 9 yrs. (11 now) about it. He agreed, but it's been slow and inconsistant. He is never more attractive to me than when he is taking control of our relationship, and me in general.
#24 My affection expressed romantically
For me the desire for Taken in hand comes from the way I always happiest from making other people happy for example when I was young at christmas I would always enjoy seeing my siblings' happiness on opening their presents more than my own (still do).
I always enjoy looking out for my friends like after a night out I walk girls home I help people who are worse for wear.
Taken in Hand for me is the same thing but in a relationship style, the purest thing you can do is make someone else happy and to me it just feels right.
#25 Male sexual dominance
I have been sexually attracted to strong, physically powerful, dominant men ever since I hit puberty, which was a bit earlier than most, at age eleven. For a long time I only wanted a man to be dominant in the bedroom -- rough sex, erotic wrestling, ravishment fantasies, etc. Outside of the bedroom I wanted total equality. So it was more like D/s (Dominance/submission) than like Taken In Hand. But I was never into all the bizarre games and rituals and party scenes and hardware "toys" that often seem to go with the BDSM lifestyle. I wanted a strong, muscular man and I figured that his physical strength alone should be enough for him to be able to forcefully dominate me.
But my romantic relationships were never quite fulfilling to me; partly because it was hard for me to express my need and desire for a dominant man. Also, because I'm naturally quite assertive the men who were attracted to me often seemed to make the very bad mistake of thinking that I liked being in charge. Slowly over time I began to realize that it's hard to confine all the romance of a loving relationship to the inside of the bedroom. So I started to get interested in the idea of a man who could be dominant full-time in a loving relationship, and not only in the bedroom. But still, the bedroom is the main thing for me.
So for me it's entirely tied up with my sex drive, and that did not kick in until puberty hit. I'm a little bit puzzled and surprised by people who say they had submissive fantasies of being tied up and/or spanked even as children. I never imagined that children could feel that way, it's rather shocking to me to hear of it. I never felt anything like that at all when I was a child. I had no desire to be dominated, nor any sexual desires at all. Then when puberty hit, it hit me like a truck. It was a total, life-altering shift in my perceptions and my sense of identity.
#26 Early enjoyment of not being in control
I remember feeling happy when I was tied up as early as about 6. I asked my older brothers to roll me up in blankets so I couldn't move or to tie me up, not because I was horny but because I enjoyed the sensation of not being in control. Of course, I started to assoiciate that once-good feeling as wrong when I realized my mom expected me to be a man-eating future ceo/doctor/attorneygeneral/nobel prize winner.
#27 I was *born* this way... BUT...
Thanks for the question!
I'm so glad I found this website!!!
Suddenly everything is making sense to me!
I actually found this website,
because I was riddled with a very persistent
life-long erotic/sexual fantasy which I couldn't
understand with "logic" alone.
(The closest I got to is Incubus from tonight's
Googling, but once I found this website, I know
I am in the right place! FINALLY!!! :D )
Anyway, so I can't even pinpoint at which age
I began having my recurring-erotic-fantasy, so
it must be ancient...
But I do wonder if it was "reinforced" by a mild
abuse/harrassment by a stranger man who touched
me in a playground... It's possible...
Anyhow, I guess though, what's more important
NOW is what I do from this point onward, now
that I am no longer in "hiding" about this -
It's so GREAT to not have to hide this "real"
desire! Because we DO live in an age where there
is a strong consensus in the media for egalitarian
relationships.
I was so confused/befuddled(?) and felt "torn"
over this conflict within myself...
A part of me is like Artemis - and wants that
"brotherly bond" with a man, which would be more
"egalitarian" -
But when I think of the "most fun & exciting"
relationship of my life, it definitely was with
a man who was handling ME, and not the other way
around. But I think my man needs to be a bit more
complex and vulnerable than a "quietly dominant"
man. Just a hunch.
As I read a lot of the articles on this forum,
I feel like it's really helping me to "fine tune"
my take-charge man -
I think, for the SAME REASON, my same aged parents'
marriage suffered; I may be wrong, but I think my
mom WOULD HAVE BEEN a lot happier with a man who
took charge MORE, AND was more cherishing towards her.
OK. Well... Thanks for the question! :D
#28 how long have you felt this way
I can't remember not feeling this way. TAKE CHARGE and HANDLE are three words that really get me going. My take charge man who can handle me gives me the ultimate feeling of security and protection. Usually protection from myself.
#29 I am a Christian, and agree with this
Hello,
I just read your comments above. I am a Christain also and wondered how other Christians would feel about this website. I believe in the Complimantarian views at church and besides the spanking agree whole heartedly with the views on this site...
I feel people in traditional gender roles are so much happier.
Diana
#30 As long as I can remember
Since I was 11 or perhaps younger. I craved this. I would lay in bed, ride the subway, or wash dishes and dream up a whole scenario in my head all of which lead to me being spanked at some point and then being the dutiful obedient mate. I love this.
#31 LOLOL - "a Type A's Type A" -
LOLOL - "a Type A's Type A" - that's perfect!
#32 How long have you felt like this
Hello All
I've been a "lurker" here for many months...and as such, I'm sorry.
I can tell you that as long as I have been cognizant of male/female relations, I have been drawn to the size differential thing.
What can I say...the idea of a larger, stronger, but gentle presence in my life is a lovely dream.
I love the idea of the MAN being in control...kind of a benevolent dictatorship, you might say.
I am in a relationship/marriage (26 years) with a great guy, with whom I do not feel the above at all. He is the only guy with whom I have been intimate.
Help, please.
#33 wow, what''s wrong with me?
All of you are on here saying you have felt this way pretty much forever. I have never known I wanted a man to be in charge of me. I am forty-one years old, and have just discovered the deep desire I have to be controlled by my man. In fact in past relationships I have always been extremely independent, stubborn, "my way or the highway" type. Wow, what's going on here? Has this been a unconcious desire I have had that is just now surfacing? This is all new and I'm so comfused.