Only been a week...

Only been a week...

A readers' forum post by Loria Amnekia on 2008 Oct 30 - 06:41 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article | previous forum topic | next forum topic

It's only been about a week since I talked with my husband about changing the way our relationship works, and already, I have noticed some changes. When we're alone, he's been more attentive and affectionate. He was very pleased when I trusted him to take our daughter and I out trail riding in our Jeep. (It was hugely fun, by the way.)

Last Friday, only roughly 24 hours after we talked about this, we were out shopping and I was getting tired and annoyed and starting to get into one of my bad moods, and I snapped at him. I don't even remember what I said. But he stopped in his tracks and didn't move till I apologized. Then he caught up to me and, while no one was looking, swatted me on the bottom and said "Stop it, NOW." I looked at him, startled, then apologized again. I spent the next hour or so grinning like a loon.

On Saturday, when I started getting moody and whiny, I stopped myself and apologized. A few taking in hand words from my husband got me out of my mood.

Is it strange to be seeing so many changes already? We haven't even really sat down and talked any further about it. We're going to this weekend. But we haven't yet. Has anyone else ever had changes start so quickly?

A readers' forum post by Loria Amnekia on 2008 Oct 30 - 06:41 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article | previous forum topic | next forum topic

That's really nice to hear!

A readers' forum post by pericles on Thu, 30/10/2008 - 08:52 | login or register to post comments

I do think one of the things we forget is that men come into marriage with their own hopes and dreams, and that those hopes and dreams get squashed down for a lot of reasons, but don't really ever go away completely (if the marriage is still working). The fact that you're seeing these responses so soon tells me that the changes you're making in how you relate to him are something he has always wanted, but since we can't always articulate our wants and needs, you can tell from his behavior how much you mean to him, and how close to the surface those desires must be for him. That's lovely, that you are both getting closer. I am curious what you did, if you can be specific. It sounds like prior to this, you wouldn't trust him in various situations that must have seemed dangerous to you (going off-roading, that sort of thing)? I know from men I've spoken with that that is the kind of thing that makes them sad about their wives; that the wife frequently won't join in something the husband loves to do (doesn't have to be dangerous--there are many kinds of things the husband really likes but the wife won't do). There is a huge sense of alienation when the wife doesn't trust him, too. So that much I do know from experience is very alienating in a marriage, and can be one of the simpler things a wife can do to get closer to her husband. The man usually reciprocates immediately by being more trusting with his wife, which usually means he's much more physical and loving.

A readers' forum post by pericles on Thu, 30/10/2008 - 08:52 | login or register to post comments

Some changes quickly, others took longer

A readers' forum post by a Taken In Hand reader on Thu, 30/10/2008 - 10:05 | login or register to post comments

We too had some quick changes that made us both grin. Like you said, it was little things but it made a big difference to how we both felt. I felt more loved than ever and my husband says he felt like he was finally able to be the man of the house, and that felt like coming home to him. Not to mention the sex got a whole lot more exciting and satisfying for us both and that's when we fell into having sex at least every night and sometimes more than one time per day. This has brought us much closer.

Many of the changes have been taking place over the 2 years since we found this site. When we look back to compare how it was between us 2 years ago with how it is now there's no comparison. Our marriage was never bad but now it's gone from strength to strength. My husband and I both agree Taken In Hand helped a lot. It's not like all the changes directly relate to Taken In Hand but I believe Taken In Hand indirectly caused many of them because of how it affected our relationship and made us feel good and excited about us like never before.

A readers' forum post by a Taken In Hand reader on Thu, 30/10/2008 - 10:05 | login or register to post comments

Changes

A readers' forum post by Louise C on Thu, 30/10/2008 - 20:21 | login or register to post comments

Yes, things in our relationship changed right away after we had a conversationa bout Taken In Hand. We began to relate to each other a bit differently right away, and seemed immediately to get along better than we had done before.

We didn't really talk about it very much after the initial conversation, my husband seemed to grasp the essentials quite easily, and see the benefits to both of us of changing his attitude, and of me changing mine. There wasn't really anything we needed to have a lengthy discussion about. Since my husband is naturally quite bossy anyway, and was well used to being assertive with me in the bedroom since he knew I liked that, it didn't seem too difficult for him to bring that out of the bedroom and into everyday life.

Getting me out of a mood with a few words is something my husband is very good at too. And he has to do it quite frequently, but it seems to come quite naturally to him now. I would think it's quite usual to feel a difference right away once you decide to make a change.

Louise

A readers' forum post by Louise C on Thu, 30/10/2008 - 20:21 | login or register to post comments

Same here!

A readers' forum post by a Taken In Hand reader on Thu, 30/10/2008 - 21:50 | login or register to post comments

Same here!

I have to tell you...I have been reading here for months, never thinking I could have this kind of relationship. My husband is not the type. Or so I (incorrectly) thought. I read an article here about acting "as if already" Taken In Hand (Effect positive change by acting as if...) and figured it couldn't hurt. It's been about 2 weeks now and I'm NEVER going back! My husband doesn't get online and has no clue about this site but it seems he needs no instruction. An already nice marriage is now bliss and I see it only improving. :)

A readers' forum post by a Taken In Hand reader on Thu, 30/10/2008 - 21:50 | login or register to post comments

The speed of change

A readers' forum post by LovingDominance on Fri, 31/10/2008 - 03:38 | login or register to post comments

I've seen quick changes, but don't make the mistake of thinking all your relationship problems have been solved. It gets hard at times. My wife and I have run in to some problems and even completely given up on a Taken In Hand relationship a couple times. Not all problems can be solved by a terse word or a swat on the butt, and those are the problems which may actually take a little longer to solve within the rules of a Taken in Hand relationship. The bottom line is that change takes time, and the amount of time it takes is proportional to the size of the change and the resistance encountered from one or both parties.

Anyway, I'm glad you're having a good experience so far! Good luck to you and yours!

A readers' forum post by LovingDominance on Fri, 31/10/2008 - 03:38 | login or register to post comments

Not as quick to change

A readers' forum post by M- on Fri, 31/10/2008 - 04:59 | login or register to post comments

Loria,

I read your article with interest. When I think of when my husband and I began what we now call Taken In Hand, I don't recall the changes happening as quickly as they are happening to you and your husband.

What I do recall is that it took me quite some time to get with the program. I think I really was testing him- his strentgh of resolve and his strength of character - trying to determine very early on if he was strong enough to be with me - or more importantly to STAY with me. Luckily, he was. Luckily he took his role as head of our household very seriously and was unwilling to allow me to sabotage our marriage out of my own fear.

Today, we are happily married and love one another dearly. There is nothing that he would not do for me and nothing that I would not do for him. Things certainly aren't perfect (no relationship is), so when things get out of control, he puts a stop to it with his voice, a look or by physically taking me in hand - however. The bottom line is he remains firmly in control so we can live peacefully.

I'm so glad you and your husband are finding this wonderful life together. If my marriage is any indication, you are in for an interesting, wonderful experience.

M-

A readers' forum post by M- on Fri, 31/10/2008 - 04:59 | login or register to post comments

Thank you...

A readers' forum post by Loria Amnekia on Mon, 03/11/2008 - 16:19 | login or register to post comments

Oh, thank you for all the wonderfully supportive comments. I've noticed that all of these little changes have helped to keep me away from the swirling black hole of my depression that I slip into every so often. This is the first time we've stumbled into a way to keep it at bay.

We're continuing to make the little changes that seem almost unconcious and will talk about the big changes soon. We talked a friend of ours about it, and she instantly agreed that this is what we need. She's the only person in our lives that would understand that, so I'm very grateful for her support, just as I'm grateful for all the support here!

I'll update soon, and keep making all the little changes that are helping us already.

A readers' forum post by Loria Amnekia on Mon, 03/11/2008 - 16:19 | login or register to post comments

Conflicts resolved easier

A readers' forum post by Shelly41 on Tue, 18/11/2008 - 19:49 | login or register to post comments

I have had very few conflicts with my beau of a year. We discussed Taken in Hand soon after we began dating. I have lots of communication skills (and I know how to use them) given that I teach this stuff.

Having said that, we have had conflicts (everyone does, of course). What I have noticed is that because of my knowledge and skills, we are able to avoid dragging out conflicts (of course, he has communication skills of his own, which is always a bonus). More importantly, because I am willing to defer to him as my leader, potential difficulties become small matters which are easily resolved.

What I really appreciate is how he does listen to my opinions and how he takes what I need and want into consideration before making a decision. He cares about what I think and wants me to be happy. I'm not hard to please and I want to minimize conflict. As a consequence, we have found few areas in which we don't see eye to eye.

I really believe that when a man feels admired and respected by his mate, he is happy and so is she. It is easy to admire and respect my beau, who exhibits strong leadership skills and takes great care to protect me. He leads and I want to follow him. Melt!

Shelly41

A readers' forum post by Shelly41 on Tue, 18/11/2008 - 19:49 | login or register to post comments

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