Welcome to Taken in Hand. I think most of us here are pretty ordinary, and you belong here as much as the next person. I don't think your desires are so outlandish, either. Some of us here are a bit on the kinky side, and our comfort level and honesty come largely from interacting with each other. I'm certainly not open about all this in "real life," and it makes me wonder how many other seemingly ordinary people harbor such secrets. I think your desires are actually pretty normal; it's just that most women don't want to admit to them, certainly not openly. Just look at the way romance novels sell!

I have had the experience of heating up a pretty ordinary marriage by admitting to my secret desires and bringing them to life. You can probably do this too, though I doubt anyone can tell you exactly how.

Anyhow, welcome! And thanks for writing something - I've been wishing someone would write, and I'd just decided it would have to be me!

Melanie

Just remember your husband is not a God, he is just a man. People think of a Hero based on what they read in fairy tales and exotic books. When the truth is, if your Husband is taking care of you and the children, he is already a Hero, its all how you look at it and perspective. Do not be lead to envy that which is not from your Husband.

If you want to spice up things and live out fantasies, well that's what a Husband is for too. Husbands and wives have fantasies and they need each other to live them out. Its human and perfectly acceptable so long as you both work it out together.

Before a marriage a man and woman needs to know much of what to expect from each other. If during the marriage you want to do something, you simply talk it over, be honest and let him know. If he is open to it, then you both can spark a new flame. A husband will not know unless the wife tells him so, and vice versa, communication and honesty is critical. Just don't expect too much from him because you wouldn't want him expecting too much from you, do not be unrealistic or bitter if things don't go the way you wanted. Take it a step at a time and enjoy each other all the more. Love and respect is what matters, not selfish desires. Plan something that will not just please you, but please him too. I cant imagine a Husband not being open to something that will give him more power and control, and maybe more lovin in bed too.

If your husband is not ok with your ideas, then you need to forget about it. Dwelling on it or getting upset with him will only cause strife and the last thing you should do is desire for what another man does with a woman that you begin to lust for it. Those romance novels that seem so innocent are not much better than internet or magazine pornography. They take your mind from your mate and place it on someone or something else. Your mind and desire should always be for your husband (or wife) and what he/she has to offer you. Love is an obligation and action, not just a feeling.

Good luck Judith, I hope things work out for you.

Judith, we're all simply ordinary people. Sure, Dan *feels* like a Superman and he treats me like I'm his Queen, but we are just normal, everyday folk. I've had a couple of people write me after seeing our picture (it's out there, somewhere ) exclaiming, "But you two look so *normal*!" LOL!

The only difference is, we've taken steps to explore our inner needs and not hide them from each other.

You don't have to use spanking to use the tenets oft described here at "Taken In Hand". Many men and women use traditional roles in their marriage and never spank. I felt a lot like you at first; I read these stories and felt Dan and I were "missing" something. I loved reading how satisfied the women were. How fulfilled the men felt. I wanted that for us too.

So I asked for it. We don't get what we need unless we ask, right? :-)
Who knows, your hubby may jump at this. Many men do. :-)

If you haven't read the Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle yet, and you really enjoy what you read here on Taken In Hand, you might want to give that book a whirl. It's a great start and no spanking. :-)

I wouldn't bother envying somebody else's situation. Romance novels are fantasy; real life never is and never was like that. Don't just do the stuff you have to do, find some things that thrill you and do them. Become more exciting yourself and your husband will pick up on it. Whether or not he ever takes you in hand there'll be more snap, crackle and pop in your marriage.

Personally I love spanking and being spanked but it has nothing to do with taking anybody in hand. So we're on the opposite of that great divide. Yet my life has become a lot more fun since I got hubby into playing at spanking. The thing is, you have to become your own romantic heroine, if you want to bring out the hero.

BTW, men I have met who say they are dominant, usually come off a little too full of themselves to me. I find the ones who go both ways (spanker and spankee) to be much more fun. Oh yeah. Equality IS sexy, whatever you might hear here.

Do what makes you happy.

Judith,

Throughout my life I have been ordinary. I have a wonderful husband and four children. Leading a rather ordinary life, nothing particularly special.

A couple of years ago I decided that I wanted to share with my husband some of the desires that I have had a lot of my life. I felt shy about it so I wrote him a letter. That is how I found the courage to share it with him. You see I thought I was abnormal because of the desire that I had. So he never knew. I was just a regular person with a seemingly regular life.

When I found this site I was so excited that I emailed my husband at work right away. I urged him to check it out. So he researched it and found it to his liking and we talked about it for a while. Then we decided to incorporate Taken In Hand into our marriage relationship. Like anything new it was a place we had never been before. There have been up times and down times.But oh, it has been so good.

My advice to you is if this is something that you desire don't let the opportunity go by. If you have an issue sharing it face to face with your husband then write him a letter. If you have a computer than email him. Just give it a try. You may feel you are ordinary but I suspect that you are a very special person inside. You are a mother, wife , someone's daughter, grandaughter and you are an individual woman with desires.

Life is all too short. A couple of times this year I have had serious issues with my health. Serious enough to take a second look at life and what is important to me. After the first incident I thought all was fine than another health issue came unexpectantly. Don't wait for tomorrow or next year. Don't wait until the kids grow up and leave.
Do something that you want to do. Expand your territory.

Taken IN Hand means different things to different people. Personally I do not know any of these people. However I know through reading their posts that they are wise individuals and love their spouses. I respect that.

As you can tell by reading the posts there is a variety of different topics. Read what interests you than use what it is you agree with. If there is something of interest we usually will discuss it and see if it is something we want in our relationship. My husband is good at listening to my opinion but he makes the ultimate decision.

It has been a while since my husband and I have been able to incorporate the physical part of Taken In Hand because of health issues with me. But with those behind me we are back on track. Through some of the worst times we have been through this year my husband has always been able to take me in hand verbably It has never been out of our relationship it has just taken a different course for a time.

Taken In Hand is much more than just spanking although that is something that we have chosen to incorporate in our relatonship. But there is so much more. It has given so much to us that words just cannot express all that I feel.

We have a marriage that I use to only dream about. Now we live it.

Judith, search your heart and if this is something that you want to live in your marital relatonship than go for it.

I wish you all of the best.

Kat

Hello Judith, I can understand your thoughts except on the other side of the coin. I wonder why I am here and find it rather questionable?. I am married with 3 children with a wife that I believe could benefit from this type of information. I am wondering how my strong willed wife would find this information and how to let her understand that I believe it might help us. Don't quite know if this makes any sense.

Beautifully written Judith - you have described me precisely.... except that I have discussed my feelings with my husband. Alas, he doesn't share my interest.

But still, I keep coming back. Don't tell anyone.