Sometimes a good beating does both of you good
When she's irritable or you're irritable or both, there is no substitute for stripping her down, lying her flat on the bed, and whipping her until she cries.
"What," you say, "Unjust, unfair.... what if it's his fault?"
But the problem is not that someone is at fault but that you're fighting. Who cares who's at fault? Whip her and end the fight. Then take her and love her until she screams again.
But after that, this time hug her and kiss her. You ended the fight. You did what you had to do. You restored the relationship. And don't worry. If yours is a trusting Taken in Hand relationship, not only will she not cry rape or call the police, she will respect you and adore you.
More importantly she will feel respected and loved too. She knows you won't put up with nonsense (whether yours or hers). You both value intensity and love far more than whatever stupid issue made her shriek or you irritable.
Take your wife. She is yours.
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#1 I read your article with inte
I read your article with interest... Your last statement:
"Take your wife. She is yours." fits my life.
I rarely get spanked - but that's not to say that my husband and I don't occasionally argue and become annoyed at one another. When the annoyance hits the limit, my husband takes me to bed (or sometimes the living room floor) and 'forces' himself on me. When I am mad, I rarely want sex, but there is something about him not taking no for an answer that melts me inside - it is the ultimate turn on. I might start out struggling or refusing to do something that he wants me to do, but after a few minutes of struggling and him overpowering me physically - I melt and don't resist him and begin to get that 'taken care' of feeling that I crave.
Now you might be thinking what does this have to do with the original post... well my husband always starts these 'sessions' with the words, "I am going to take you right now because you are mine". It usually angers me because I don't like being referred to as property, hence it makes me resist his advances - but by the end, I'm thinking "Take Me!, I'm yours". :-)
#2 What a great article. I agree
What a great article. I agree with this so much. It truly works well for us. It sure puts an end to long drawn out arguments, and silent treatments.
#3 Who cares?
Well, I care, quite a lot actually. It makes a huge difference to how I feel about being spanked, depending on whether I feel the spanking is justified or not. I have a very strong need to feel that it is 'fair'.
One the occasions (happily very few), when I have felt that the spanking was unfair, it has not made me feel better, on the contrary I have felt upset and agitated afterwards. It wasn't at all a pleasant sensation, and although it may have made him feel better to spank me, it had the reverse effect on me. I don't suppose it's happened more than two or three times since we started Taken In Hand, and as long as it is a very rare occurence I can cope with it, but if it was happening frequently it would be a serious problem for me.
Being spanked when it is not fair is something that does not restore our relationship, on the contrary it drives a wedge between us, though only a very small and temporary one. I don't feel that it is beneficial at all. But obviously it works in your relationship. It's the psychology of the individual, isn't it?
Louise
#4 I agree with Louise ... but....
I know what you mean, Louise, and I agree... kind of... I used to feel like you do too but then one day I realized that my husband paddling me was a big improvement over what he was doing before! My husband's automatic reaction to any conflict is to run away and hide, to escape. He's prone to feeling overwhelmed by conflict. One day when I was feeling furious and upset by him paddling me when I felt like *he* was at fault big time, it hit me that the paddling was "all good," because he WASN'T going away from me. I had told him I needed for him not to do that, and he was "hearing" my need and staying with me instead of going away from me. From then on, whenever there's an unfair, unjustified paddling where I feel like HE'S at fault, I feel good about the paddling, it's his way of reconnecting with me. The hot sex immediately following helps. When I'm being paddled I always know I'm going to get alot of pleasure very soon. ;-)
#5 I Agree Louise..Sort of
I do feel better when I really think she is at fault. And perhaps she feels better when she knows she deserves it.
But in our relationship, it usually improves things when I proceed with the spanking and the love-making, regardless of who is at fault.
#6 Whipping vs. spanking
But, guys, I always thought we made a real distinction between whipping and beating on one hand, and spanking on the other. I wish someone would clarify.
#7 Feeling good
Well, personally I find being spanked extremely painful, and I can't really cope with it very well unless I feel it is somehow 'deserved'. If I don't feel it is deserved then it is really hard to take it. And it doesn't make me feel good at all. The very few times this has happened I have felt emotionally distanced from my husband rather than closer to him. I don't actually get anything out of it that way.
Louise
#8 Beat her
I have to say that as much as I may agree with you about the healing quality of taken in hand style relationships, It never is so healing if the man never accepts responsibility for himself. There is a quality in essence he must possess in order to be wise and mature enough to take her in hand and this quality is essentially, moral probity, rectitude, superiority if you will. For me, If I very resolutely feel inside that I am not in the wrong, his paddling, or spanking me contrarily transmutes into abuse. I know then he is not strong enough spiritually for me..Yes spanking your wife does palliate conflict and tension as in that Friar De Cherubino quote 'It will resound to your merit and her good'...The man will be esteemed and in high regard and the woman will be set on the right path..I believe that but it is conditional..ie. that the man is of high character.I only wish more men of high moral standing seek these relationships. Women do not know whom to trust with their hearts and heads
#9 I agree!
I have to say that I agree with your opinion! Some women have this ability to take the glorious beating of a man, internalize it during, and turn it into the most loving feeling possible after. Especially when it is simply because he is angry. It feels wonderful to know you are taking your man's energy and frustration into your body and transforming it into beauty.
#10 Re: Whipping vs. Spanking
I find it safer to use a whip, but I am experienced with it and never break the skin, for example. With a paddle, it is too easy to make a mistake and hit and break or crack the tail bone. It is also very likely to damage the skin and cause significant wounds. With my hand, I have to do more objective damage (deep bruising) to create the same amount of pain.
With a well made 3 foot single tail whip, carefully used, the pain is sharp but any marks are very superficial -- ALL marks are gone within a few hours. This cannot be said with a hand spanking, unless the spanking is so mild that she feels no real pain. Hand spanking simply doesn't work for us. YMMV
#11 I personally don't like forci
I personally don't like forcing myself on women, because of the ways it makes me feel. The feelings I will have then that I don't like are: feeling like an abuser on some level, feeling like a dominator instead of a leader she trusts and likes to follow the lead of, feeling like I am trying to get something from her that she doesn't want to share spontaniously, I'm all about the viewing things as a sharing frame.
If I have to do things in order to make her follow my lead, that makes me feel like an abuser, and I disqualify her. I don't argue anyways, beacause I don't participate. And I stop whinning by ordering it, it's either speaking with love to me or you're out. We could be making sweet music, instead of arguing.
#12 I don't think so
"Who cares who's at fault? Whip her and end the fight."
As others have suggested this is also not my idea of how a man acts, and this would certainly not restore my relationship. I admire a man who can admit when he is wrong and take responsibility for that, just as much as I admire a man who can take charge. Unjustified whippings would for me lead to resentment. And then there is the important issue of trust.
"If yours is a trusting Taken in Hand relationship, not only will she not cry rape or call the police, she will respect you and adore you."
I could neither trust (in fact, I would probably be scared of him), respect or adore a man with this attitude. That does not mean I find it wrong. This may work for some couples, which is great, but my point is simply that it is not a 'one size fits all'.
#13 I agree...
This also works very well for us. We do not have long drawn out arguments because, regardless of who's at fault, we end it quickly.
I do not feel that it is unfair to be spanked for an argument that was his fault. He always admits when he is wrong and has no problem taking responsibility for it. If he didn't, I am sure I would have a hard time accepting this type of spanking. However, in our relationship, arguments are ended with him spanking me, even when it’s his fault. The fact that we are arguing means that we are both angry. It makes me very happy to know that I can make him happy again, simply by giving myself to him and taking the punishment. I know that spanking me is a huge form of release for him.
The spanking dissolves our anger and allows us to discuss what happened in a calm manner. Arguing with him is a very uncomfortable situation for me, as I am sure it is for most couples. I want him to spank me as soon as possible so we can move on. Knowing that after the spanking, I will have the opportunity to say whatever I need to say is comforting. It might sound strange to some, but it works for us.
Also, when I am irritable, I know that a good spanking is exactly what I need!
#14 I fell the same way you do ab
I feel the same way you do about it. It works great for Duach and me. I hate long drawn-out arguments.
I will take it one step further and say it also works well, for my husband to take his anger out on me. He does not beat me, he spanks me. There is a big difference in the two.
If my husband is anger about something, (even if it has nothing to do with me) he will spank me until he calms down. It works great. We tried this at my suggestion, and it really calms him right down. If he is angry he could be angry for hours, but if he release his anger on my butt... it seems to go right away. He never hurts me when he is angry.
I realize this probably would never work for anyone else, but it does amazing things in our home.
Duach and I are so much in love, and just love being together.
#15 This is different
This would never work for us. I would be highly annoyed and distrusting if S spanked me when he was angry and his anger wasn't the result of my actions.
While I understand the focus of putting the marriage first, it seems to me that if the man put the marriage first, there would be no need for this type of behavior - I'd expect him to get over what ever it is that is bothering him - as any adult must.
M-
#16 I understand what you are say
I understand what you are saying. I realize the way Duach and I live would not work for most people. There is no right or wrong way to live. I think every home must find what works for them.
#17 Whipping, crying, loving...
When I find my wife to be in "that mood" where she doesn't listen or just behaves badly, I have her undress in front of me and stand in the middle of the room for about twenty minutes. Then I give her about fifteen very hard strokes of the whip on her behind. She cries and sobs but never protests. Aftewards she is always very soft and docile and she behaves for weeks. She always ends up admitting that I was right in punishing her. I love my wife!
#18 To domswede on Sat, 06/09/2008
Wow, who could HELP but to love a woman like THAT!!!!
#19 Tension release works
I have been spanked many times in the spirit discussed in the article. Sometimes there is tension between my husband and me but before the harsh words appear my husband ends it with a good sound spanking. Of course this wouldn't work for everyone but afterwards I have a peaceful feeling knowing that the tension is gone. The soreness in my bottom will heal but some memories of words said in anger never go away.
Suzanne
#20 Ordering
To the writer who says he doesn't like forcing himself on women, I wonder how you compel your wife to do something she doesn't want to do? You say that you stop whining by ordering it... Really? Although that works in our home now, it would have never worked before because I would just not stop - especially if I thought I was right! I'd like to know what your secret is... are you taking her in hand in other ways?
#21 My cherished possession
It's precisely the point at which my love acknowledges herself to be my (cherished) possession that I become responsible for her well-being. Anyway, so, yeah - "whip her and end the fight". It's not about "fair" or "deserved" - that's totally off track.
#22 Relate to this
I do the same to my wife, make her strip naked and just stand there while I look at her and admonish her. Then I will paddle her behind until she is sobbing. She is always very contrite afterwards and then I take her to bed for some gentle loving. We have never been stronger!
#23 Yes
mmmm, yes, nice to be forced in this type of a relationship. Some just have far too much talking and not enough action or male firmness.
Although it must be between couples who choose this way of life. In the UK within my lifetime a husband couldn't rape his wife as there was continuous consent. That is how I've always been with a man too but I don't believe in general that should be the law. Similarly 100 odd years ago it was lawful as a husband to beat your wife but not now in the UK. That's obviousyl right too as plenty of couples aren't remotely interested in takeninhand, have no inclination for it and indeed many like the woman in charge which works very well for them.
But we certainly don't want the law changed back and in some parts of the world that remains the law and within some groups http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/australiaandthepacific/australia/4314334/Islamic-cleric-advises-worshippers-to-rape-and-beat-wives.html
#24 Yes I would care!
"Who cares who's at fault? Whip her and end the fight."
If I were punished voicing my opinion on something that was important to me, but he deemed it as too stupid to discuss and punished me, I would be incredibly hurt. If he were in the wrong about an issue that needed to be resolved rather than skipped over or covered up, and I was punished for wanting to solve it, again, I would be incredibly hurt.
This "who cares" attitude goes against what I believe in when it comes to a taken in hand relationship.
"You ended the fight. You did what you had to do. You restored the relationship."
No. There was no closure. Nothing was ended or restored. That's just one more thing she'll be afraid to talk to you about freely and honestly. One less thing expressed. One more thing internalized.
I would grow to resent a man who did things like this.
#25 I'd Care If I Felt Judged.....
LittleLadyJade, I find it interesting that you inserted the judgment "he deemed it as too stupid to discuss" before the idea of being "punished" voicing your opinion. Now, understand, I'm kind of with Louise on this one, because I NEED to be heard, and need to feel the fairness of a discipline for me to get anything out of it (I don't need to "feel good" as she said, but I do need to feel that I got something out of it, even if it was a learned lesson) -- but I just noticed that, in imagining this scenario for yourself, you inserted what, to you, would be the most offensive thing about it -- that feeling of being judged, or not taken seriously, or thought of as stupid or inferior. Am I right about that? I totally would feel the same way, if I got the slightest inkling that my husband was spanking me for this reason.
To be fair to the original post, however, I have to say that we, as readers, tend to layer on top of the situation our own emotional baggage; I do it all the time. I just think what he was describing here didn't really have to do with judging or "punishing" her for her opinion or even for daring to voice her opinion -- what I got from it was that he was taking affirmative action to stop the form of the "discussion" from being a fight and transforming it into something else, and did so using a method he clearly had consent to use.
I agree that we each have to find our way in this strange country we've chosen, and find what works for our relationship. We are all very different people. I just find it interesting how one person's description of what works for him can trigger so many different responses, depending on the experiences and attitudes we all bring to bear. I think we each have the power to be somewhat self-determining when it comes to how we construct a Taken In Hand relationship, and we each have the responsibility to voice our needs, our fears, our limits, and what we are willing to surrender.
Belle
#26 This is seriously the most di
This is seriously the most disgusting and upsetting thing I have ever read in my entire life.
-A VERY happily married woman whose amazing husband wouldn't even thing to hurt her, ever.
#27 I Agree
I agree that the title is not the best and I think the editor came up with it, as best as I can recall.
And I certainly agree that I would never (ever) intentionally hurt my wife. Mild pain seems to help (not hurt) her. On the contrary, I want to protect her.
I also agree that when a man is wrong, he should admit it and apologize. I even agree that the whipping is more profound for me when I know that I am right and she knows that she is wrong. The whipping seems to more profoundly restore the relationship.
But sometimes just ending a fight by having her stand nude, enjoying her, then 'whipping' and loving her, makes her feel better (and me), regardless of the provocation or who was at fault, when both of us are irritable (though I should not be!)
I do agree with many of you. A man should strive to be increasingly spiritually aware as well as extremely conscious of trying to do the right thing. Safe whipping is best used by a man to legitimately correct a wife's misbehavior.
#28 I'm afraid of whips!
I find the thought of most implements (especially a whip!) to be somewhat frightening, but a hand spanking is a good way to end an argument. For Mr. KISS and myself, this is not about him punishing me when he is at fault. In this situation, he spanks me for my attitude.
Of course, I typically will protest that he said this or that which upset me so it is his fault, but even if I will not admit it at the time, I know that he is justified in punishing me for my disrespectful reaction to him. I may find multiple excuses for my behavior, but I still go willingly to the bedroom when he tells me to do so.
However, I might not go so willingly if I received the kind of spankings many Taken in Hand readers describe. Whips and paddles and needing pain the equivalent of a hand spanking with deep bruising ... yikes! A bit of a sting from my husband's hand makes me feel better. All that other stuff would send me screaming in the opposite direction. More proof that we all have different needs and ways of satisfying those needs, I guess.
Mrs. KISS
#29 just my opinion...
But the problem is not that someone is at fault but that you're fighting.
I might be wrong but when I read this article it was more about the fact that there was fighting as opposed to who was at fault. There are a lot of times when couples will disagree and because of that a fight will happen. There are also times when people are just upset or angry but it sounds like we're talking about an actual fight over something and not just that he came home in a bad mood and wanted something to beat.
Sometimes during arguments I can be very stubborn, even when I think I see both sides, I have trouble letting go and the fight seems to continue. I need for him to end it. For me the 'beating' lets me know that he is still in control, regardless of what the fight was about or who was at fault and ultimately, that is what's important.
I don't see it as him trying to push aside my feelings or opinions on whatever the fight is about or to prove that he is right no matter what. I know and trust that he values my opinion but when we get so frustrated that there is no end to the fight or that we can no longer focus on what the fight is about then enough is enough. I think sometimes we get so caught up in our opinion that we get lost in the fight. It's no longer about the fight...it's about the fact that we are now upset with each other, not just disagreeing.
When he 'beats' me, we can both release the tension. We can get things back in balance. Plus...remember what was stated happened after the beating? hug her and kiss her...among other things. Perhaps after... the actual reason for the fight is not so important.
#30 I agree and it has made a huge difference to us
First I would like to say that I agree in as much as i understand the context of "a good beating" to mean a spanking. Obviously, I don't believe the real "Taken In Hand" Man would ever "beat" his wife as in domestic abuse. Having said that; I would like to say that this is my ultimate craving to end all arguments and hurt feelings.
I have spent many years in a marriage of highs and lows without much peace or middle ground. This concept is one that he and I have just recently implemented into our marriage. Now that we have discovered, and are beginning Taken In Hand, we are on the road to real peace and joy. For example, when my feelings are hurt, no longer does he get angery that he is being blamed for something. In the past he would fight with me useing defensive words and then push me away. Now, he comes over to me & draws me in with calm steady words. He will tell me that he is sorry my feelings are hurt, but that I am mistaken and I will be punished. He will then instruct me to go to the bedroom and wait for him. I do as I'm told, even if I am mad. Then he will spank my bottom and speak to me directly but with love until I cry or until I melt. The would-be-fight is over. I end up feeling drawn in, loved, protected and charished by a man I now view as strong, loving and protective. The little girl in me is healed and loved. There is no "right" or "wrong" or blame or hurtful words.. Just love, peace and healing. Oh how I love the strength of a man who will take me in hand.