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Feeling more exposed the more in love I fall

He was there one day. I was raw in emotion. Trying to build a new life, a new relationship. Somehow, I forgot how to do anything except to say "hello". And he smiled back. He was there each day I looked for him. And look I did. I wasn't sure what I was doing besides trying to start anew in a new relationship.

He was insightful, warm, friendly. He let me drive the boat even though I didn't know a route. He guided me skillfully, tenderly as I learned to trust. He is always there for me.

Since those times, I have come far and to a new place of being. Sometimes, I feel almost at a disadvantage because he knows I was not only vulnerable, he saw me reaching. He experienced my first passions. He was there while my hair, metaphorically, was pulled tight in bun..and he helped me to loosen the pull.

And sometimes now, as I look back at how I must have looked so vulnerable and naive and holding a shield to protect my heart, I feel so exposed. I know this all helped to build intimacy and yet, I feel sometimes feel like a schoolgirl.

So I think about pushing away. Hiding behind the shield. I know it would keep him unfairly guessing but it would also protect me. I know he could call my bluff, take the shield from me. If anyone could, it would be him.

The deeper in love I fall, the more exposed I feel...and then what?

‹ I KNOW I need a spanking, but WHY do I need it? How do I convey my desire for him to take charge and take me in hand? ›
A readers' forum post by a Taken In Hand reader on Sat, 12/01/2008 - 04:14

#1 Welcome Vulnerablility

My goodness! What is love if not offering our vulnerabilities to one another? And we cannot appreciate the freedom of being allowed to follow if we do not first understand the responsibility of leadership; even if that leadership comes with guidance. To me, your piece seems to answer the very questions it asks: the vulnerability that feels so uncertain may be the very security you seek. A lot of women truly yearn for the 'schoolgirl' feeling; and when many reach out, nobody is reaching back. You have been given a great gift: you're being allowed to find out more about yourself while also experiencing true intimacy.

James and Tricia

Submitted by James on Sat, 12/01/2008 - 14:28.

#2 Don't worry

It's much better to be vulnerable and exposed and in love than never to have experienced those feelings but for goodness sake don't push him away because you're scared of the feelings. Anyway it should just be a phase. When you're sure of him and he of you all that worry tends to be over.

When you say then what? Well hopefully he proposes or you move in together and you live happily ever after and so it works out for many people.

Submitted by Hera on Sat, 12/01/2008 - 20:14.

#3 Congratulations

Then what? ~smiles softly~ then you just keep opening the doors of your heart to him - never, ever putting up that shield, again. As time goes on, you will find more vulnerabilities, and he will guide you through those, and you will keep building that trust. It is an ongoing process, and life will provide plenty of sources for insecurity and vulnerability.

Enjoy fully, the fact that you have found someone with whom you can share them. Enjoy the love that you have with him. It will just keep getting better, even life's trials can make it stronger. Congratulations on those wonderful, scary feelings! Congratulations on your loving relationship!

Submitted by His kitten on Tue, 15/01/2008 - 23:14.

#4 "To me, your piece seems to a

"To me, your piece seems to answer the very questions it asks: the vulnerability that feels so uncertain may be the very security you seek."

James and Tricia, can you please explain what this means?

Submitted by a Taken In Hand reader (not verified) on Tue, 22/01/2008 - 03:22.

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