Testing the waters and moving forwards
Greetings Taken In Hand community.
It has been some time since my last post (I stand at the gates, a man lost in how to begin) and I thought it's time thats i share how things are going and where the advice you have all so kindly given me has taken us.
Announcing this subject to my darling fiance was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I finally made sure she remembered to investigate this site. Though all i could get out of her was simple one sentence answers and i just wanted to be sure she was ok with this. I think it is quite a different situation for a man to want to try out this relationship than for a women to bring it up. From reading most of the articles on this site i can see mostly women wish it and a few men, though that could be more women post the wishes. Either way i was hesitant to start now that i got it out in the open, i wanted to see what she dis/liked about many of the ideas here but she wouldn't discuss it. I took this to mean she didn't like any of it. But finally she told me she liked most of it but was just against the spankings. And would not tell me why.
Then one night out of the blue as we wre talking after 'getting ready to sleep' she asked me to give it a try, she lay on the bed and we 'had a go' and i think it clicked that it wasn't so bad but it didn't have 'it' for either of us. But we broke past the 'fear factor' and i believe she really learned i meant to do her no permanent harm nor would i love her less. We just had some fun with it which i think is very important to remember.
Then a few weeks later came her second (or maybe her technically really first) spanking. we had been bickering and i could tell she had some emotions built up that were getting to her. so i pulled up a chair in the middle of the living room and stood her beside then. then i lay her across my knee and 'tanned her hide a little' slowly and not very harshly (her behind is of the more sensitive disposition, probably th most sensitive skin on her body)After she did not melt into my arms, but she did cry and the ran into the bedroom. I went in after her we made up and went to sleep.
Now the third the third was something else all together i cannot say whether she just got more used to the idea, got more comfortable with me in that role or what but this is where i got the inspiration for the title of this article. A few weeks after her second we had a real row i don't know where it even came from nor do i think she did either. just pent up frustration and stress i guess, we both have a habit of holding onto personnel stress so as to not stress out the other. (doesn't work lol) after words she went to bed (we normally fight before bed funny enough) But i was still furious so i stayed up for an hour longer before i went to sleep. when i woke up she was better but i was still mad. she said the words 'i think we needed a fight' then the first thing i thought was 'what you need is a spanking'. Then i decided to do just that. i asked her to get on my lap as we lay on the bed. she did. I began a lecture not about her bahavior but about how much i love her, how much what she did hurt me, that i wanted to be the one to help her get out her frustrations, pent up feelings, stress. I wanted to cleanse her of any of the guilt she had been hanging on to. Then it 'clicked' She started to think about what was bothering her instead of how silly it was to be spanked like a little girl. She let me into her soul guilt she was holding onto about things that bothered her for weeks she let me 'tan' out of her.
i did not have a firm grip on her and to this very second i am glad i did not because what she did next made me feel like more of a man than anything ever. she jumped up looked at me with her tear stricken eyes and just asked me to hold her, and she told me everything. every little thing that was bothering her. (and she normally won't talk about these things more than an off word or two)
well the next week she was unbelievable. She was in such an amazing mood. To the point where she cooked me a huge turkey dinner, feast is more apporpraite, with pie and everything. And whats more as she puttered around the kitchen or got the chores i asked her to do or help me with (i do a lot of the chores as i believe a man is in charge of his whole household and responsible for everything in it, the women does what she does out of love and wanting to help her man) She sang or hummed happy little tunes and practically walked on air for a week.
What a difference a real spanking makes for a connection. I still can't believe it. We were so close one would think we were attached at the hip (and for much of the time we were ;) just the bliss in her was indescribable. The energy with which she attacked every obstacle, job and chore that week was astounding.
I am so happy i decided to stick by my gut feeling that this was the relationship for us. Even if it took me longer than it should. For all the men out there that want to start this and your wife/fiance/girl friend believes it's right for you. go for it. you will not regret it. and if you want some advice from me, be strong in your resolution, be stronger in your understanding, and strongest in your love for her. She will understand talk to her tell her why this will help her, be kind, calm and firm. Convey that this is the strongest test of love a man can possible pass. Because while it is scary and painful for her, you are the man that has to put aside his own qualms to do what is best for the women he loves.
Before i wrap up today as i am sure i took enough of everybody's time. i just want everybody out there to know how proud i am of my dear fiance. She is is strongest, noblest most amazing women that i have ever met and she does me the honour and privilege of choosing me to be her lover. I cannot wait to find out where this new path of our relationship will take us. The faith she must have in me to let me lead her, love her and correct her, could bring me to tears. This women makes me feel like the man i am deep inside, the alpha and that it is ok. I know i will strive everyday to be a better man the yesterday because she deserves it. The amount of love and pride i have in her cannot be put into words so i'm going to stop trying. lol
thank you all for your advice and time.
At least she can't say i don't take action any more. come to think of it she has been quite stressed out and overwhelmed this week;)
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#1 Good
Angelus, that's lovely. I think it's far harder for a man to suggest this type of relationship to a woman than the other way around. When I was engaged I kind of hinted or suggested it to my ex husband, asked him to decide things. He never wanted that. You're lucky if you've found someone who complements you in this way.
I don't think it matters at all whether it is just found/developed or people talk about it in detail together as long as it works. If she resented it or was unhappy she would be cooking you nice turkey dinners so it must have worked. Rows are awful. I expect when you've known each other longer they won't be so frequent.
#2 Forward march!
Wow Angelus! How exciting for you and your fiance! And the love and respect that you have for her resonates in your writing.
My man also introduced me to this kind of relationship and it was very hard for me at first. I could never, however, deny the fireworks that it ignited between us. It is because of that reason why we continue on today!
It is much harder for a man to introduce this idea to his woman but bravo to you for holding true to your beliefs on what you thought was right for you and your fiance. Do be prepared for the bumps along the way because they will come but I believe they call that marriage!
#3 Congratulations!
It seems like you're making really good progress. I suppose it can be very hard for the male part to introduce Taken In Hand through talking. I just started to spank my wife, and found this site later on. I realize now that I propably was very lucky that it turned out so well.
Yes, aren't the week after she's been spanked at the right moment, and you've had a good talk about the best moments you can have in a relationship. I love it when she goes around with light steps, humming a little tune...
Yours, Miroslav
#4 Sounds lovely
Congrats on your success so far. I think everyone has that initial "are we doing this right because it feels a bit silly" feeling starting out. But the important thing is you kept with it, trusted your instinct and were consistent with it. Now she knows she can depend on you, and that, I believe, is the most important part of a successful Taken In Hand relationship.
As for whether it's harder for a man to suggest a Taken In Hand relationship, I'd have to disagree. I think it's much harder for a woman to do so as I find my role to be more passive. It just seems like it'd be harder to explain to a man why it might be appealing for him (considering I find our men take on a great deal of responsibility) than to, say, take your girlfriend OTK for a light bum warming and go from there. I hate to say it, but lately it seems too many men are very happy with "I'll see you for dinner" type relationships where you have limited interaction, and you essentially live as flatmates rather than friends/lovers/partners.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and many happy blessings for a long and fruitful marriage!
Cheers.
#5 So cool!
It was so good to read your update. I am glad that things have turned out this way for the two of you. I agree that less men write here about being the one to ask for this sort of thing. We hear of those wanting to, but very few come back and tell us how it worked out. Thank you for helping out by telling your story.