Is he one of the good guys... or not?

A good guy...

- listens to dissent

- negotiates – tries to reach agreement

- can take a little criticism

- won't call you controlling to shut you up and stop you expressing your criticism/dissatisfaction, etc.

- is not hypersensitive

- doesn't get angry too much

- is reliable

- doesn't muck you around

- doesn't yank your chain

- doesn't needle you

- doesn't treat you disrespectfully and then complain that you are not showing HIM the proper respect

- doesn't put you down

- tries to build you up, not introduce self-doubt in you

- doesn't lay down conditions on being in the relationship with you

- respects things in your life that are important to you

- adds to your life and happiness

- admits and apologises when he has made a mistake.

Jerk clues to watch out for (Walk away even if only a couple of these apply!):

- can't take criticism

- He calls YOU controlling. (SOUND THE ALARM!)

- He has a bad temper/he's volatile/get's angry about things.

- He can't tolerate dissent.

- If only you would just do as he says, everything would be fine and you'd be happy.

- It's all your fault whenever anything goes wrong, as anyone can see. (NOT)

- You're always the one being “unreasonable”, never him.

- He either never admits that he's wrong, or offers profuse apologies for his mistake... only to do something even worse next time.

- He isolates you from your friends and family. Everyone is out to get him, or crazy, or an unsuitable friend for you to have. He makes it a loyalty thing. Him or them. Pick them.

- Your self esteem has suffered. You used to be confident and happy; now you're not.

- When he's loving, he's exceptionally loving. The good times stand out in your mind as being a slice of heaven.

Pat


Have you seen the following articles?
Is your relationship abusive?
Are you in an abusive relationship? A quiz
Is there consent?
One person's abuse is another person's happy marriage
Is this really consensual?
Are you in an abusive relationship? A quiz
Domestic discipline (DD)
Happy living in fear of a man?!
Why would anyone want to be controlled by a man?
Abusive men: Hedda Nussbaum's list of red flags

If you think there might be abuse in your relationship, you might like to read these articles too.