It's not about blame, so forget ‘fairness’!

The King wrote:

I'll add my thanks to Blush for this stimulating post. I too find it a good way to unwind after a stressful day, and my wife loves it. We also find it a good way for me to get out my irritation or anger when there's a problem. It was my wife that persuaded me this is OK. I was worried by it but she was adamant this is one of the main benefits of a relationship in which discipline is sanctioned. What do others think?
I think this is right. One of the main things I read from women and men alike, and a recurring problem for many beginning in Intimate Discipline, is the concept that spanking for discipline must be ‘fair.’ We're not supposed to spank her unless she ‘deserves’ it. Well, that is one approach, but I have seen so many times when this fundamental tenet of ‘fairness’ is more of a problem than an enhancement.

Many of us learn over time that it really does not matter if the woman needs to be spanked or the husband needs to spank her, such as Blush and King describe. Another thing that happens, and I personally believe it must happen more often than it is reported, is that an original disruption in a relationship starts with the husband, not the wife. Yet it is ‘fair’ to spank the wife only when the disruption shows up in her behavior which eventually it surely will. Why would we want to wait that long? Why should the husband not act first to spank her when he already knows taking this control will enrich them both?

If we believe the ultimate intent of discipline is to enrich intimacy, not to blame our wife for the problem, then it only makes sense that the need for discipline can originate from either partner. I think this is recognized by both Blush and King and I believe by many others who share the HOH/HOR dynamic.

Frank Nelson

Take the Taken In Hand tour


Have you seen the following articles?
Can you be Taken In Hand if you're not submissive?
I don't want to be a servant or slave
Consent, control, connection
I want it all, and I want it now!
Obedience
He owns it all...
Each to his own
What do you mean, you want to be taken in hand?!
Is this really consensual?
Could this kind of relationship be for you?
Why is BDSM so popular?

right on

right on, frank. its not on to make it fair-- what does that mean anyway?

shell

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