Each relationship is a unique work in progress

My Missy and I have learned so much from reading Taken In Hand. We use it as a reference in exploring ideas and concepts that others have experienced and commented on. We marvel at the variety of individuals and couples who participate here, and we enjoy hearing about what other folks are doing to improve the depth of their love for each other.

The relationships are described on Taken In Hand remind me of one of my favorite foods. If you've ever visited New Orleans, you may have had the opportunity to try a bowl of Gumbo. This delicious meal is a bit like a soup, but also a bit like a stew. But what's interesting about Gumbo is that it is a concoction of so many ingredients: a little shrimp, a crab claw, maybe a piece of chicken, perhaps some sausage, possibly some okra, and maybe some other components known only to the cook.

One thing's for sure, when you walk into the kitchen and get a whiff of the aroma, you know that something good is on the stove. No two Gumbos are the same, but each tastes good to those who eat it, having been made to suit that family or restaurant. Even when a recipe is passed down from generation to generation, the recipe isn't cloned, but seems to be modified, if ever so slightly, to have its own flavor, to become its own work of art.

What we have learned from reading Taken In Hand is that the relationships that we have observed have a common thread, a similar base, and most have many of the same ingredients. However, we have also noticed that each relationship is a work in progress with similar but not identical ingredients. We have seen couples taking the risk of possible rejection, cultivating a desire for deeper levels of intimacy, introducing various levels and types of discipline, one partner lovingly submitting to her loving, dominant man. We have seen the search for new, or more intense, communication, dealing with the fear that accompanies the first steps in trust, and other components necessary to create the relationship that the couple seeks.

Each relationship is quite different. But who is to say that the warm aroma of one relationship is better than that of another, or that the recipe for happiness in one couple is exactly what is needed for all? While we are grateful for the concepts that we have learned from reading Taken In Hand, one of the most important things we have learned is not to copy someone else's recipe. We have learned that the relationships described in the articles are dynamic and that they are ever moving. We all build our own system, reach for our own needs, and blaze our own trails – because the journey is as important as the destination.

Sam

Have you seen the following articles?
Being taken in hand is hot!
Is this a victory?
Why men start and why they stop
No more waiting!
Dominant to the last
Blanket consent
How can you submit when you feel frustrated?
How I feel before, during and after being taken in hand
Wanting a masterful man
In praise of Fascinating Womanhood

2004 Feb 13 - 22:09 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

Taken in Hand

We too have learned a lot from Taken in Hand, and this site more than any other has shaped our thinking about how to have the best relationship. Thank you to all who write on Taken In Hand.

MJ

by Mary Jane on 2004 Feb 14 - 19:22 | reply to this comment

Common themes

You are quite right in your observations Sam, and I like your "gumbo" analogy (even though it made me hungry).

Each couple must find their own way and not *settle* for something simply because it worked for someone else. By all means experiment, but the discussion that should follow any new experience will help people determine what their individual interests are and whether there is a shared interest or enough common ground to continue in that direction.

One of the great things about this site, as you noted, is that it follows real people who are sometimes showing extraordinary courage in pursuing something new and psychologically risky in their relationships.

I look forward to reading more from your logbook as you and Missy chart your own brave journey.

Howard

by Howard Frank on 2004 Feb 16 - 19:01 | reply to this comment

Each To Their Own...

I read this site daily, and often forward articles (at his request) for my husband to read which has been beneficial to both of us.

We talk every day, sometimes a few times during the day if he's at home. We've made mistakes, had a lot of confusion and uncertainty but we find our own way, eventually.

So, although these articles are great, and it's wonderful to have some "back up" (just to prove to ourselves that we arent really that weird) :-) These artlces are used purely as a general information tool.

We have our own way of applying Take In Hand to our relationship. With or without spankings, again, each situation is unique. We have our own set of guidelines which we try to work within.

I'm not sure I would tell anyone about our life-style choice, at the moment I'd be a little concerned about their reaction. What I do want (and my husband too) is to continue this life-style because although we have only been at this 3 weeks, we have seen a massive improvement in our marriage already.

I am very fortunate in that my husband is quietly authoratitive. At first I thought this was because he was "weak", not strong enough, but how wrong I have been. He does have it in him, he does want to continue this journey with me and he does it was such love, respect, patience and re-assurance towards me.

He's made mistakes, I've made mistakes, we've gotten ideas from some articles in Take In Hand and we are living the life-style that is true for us.

Thanks everyone for your courage in speaking out, and for this site.

Marie...

by Marie on 2005 Apr 23 - 09:58 | reply to this comment

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