Can you take her whenever you want?
This is a question for the men on this site who:
- are in a Taken In Hand relationship with a woman who isn't deathly ill
- have it as an agreed part of their relationship that they can take their woman whenever they like
- are willing to be honest.
Don't reply unless you fit the above criteria. Reply annonymously for obvious reasons.
Consider the times when you and your wife have been together at home and you have wanted to have sex with your wife. On what proportion of those occasions has your wife been not up to it?
A readers' forum post by a Taken In Hand reader on Sat, 21/04/2007 - 15:39
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#1 Straight info...
It is understood between us that my wife is to be available to me - on request (I don't like to use the word, "demand," in this scenario). She knows that she can request to be available in the morning, or at another time, if she isn't feeling quite right. I can either allow this delay, which I normally do, or require that she follow through - which I very seldom would do.
I do try to be aware of what's going on within her and around her that may put her out of sorts. I also know that when she requests a delay that there is typically a solid reason behind it. She seldom makes that request. When she does, I want to know the reason behind it. It helps to fish out if there's anything that I need to know about something that may be affecting our relationship.
Sam (of Sam & Missy)
#2 Personally, I like seducing m
Personally, I like seducing my woman. I have to admit, my ego's fragile and if she's not enjoying it then I'm not either. So if she's in the mood, then she's always up for it. It gets dull if I can have her whenever I want, where's the challenge in that?
Also, I know many men who get enough sex at home but who have had affairs, they like the thrill of the chase. In the end, men want what they can't have (;
#3 I can have her whenever I want
I fit all the above criteria.
She's usually into it, but she tends to lie there passively and receive me even if she might not be in "the mood". The only times she rejects me are when she is mad at me due to some argument. At those times I like to force her, just to remind her who is boss. This dynamic seems to work well for us because she loves being taken and you can't really be taken without resisting.
At the end of the day, it's understood that I shall have her when and how I want her, full stop.
#4 Whenever?
S.E. Asian wives would not even understand the notion of refusing sex. To do so would be an open invitation to their man to look elswhere. What's more they appear to always enjoy the experience, either for the physical satisfaction and/or knowing that their man prefers to dine at home rather than eat out.
Lest we get carried away with some absurd notion of male 'pig-heaven', the pillow-talk that follows is where we really get down to business. When the man is relaxed and happy, that's when she wants to talk about all the things she's been keeping quiet about and needs to resolve.
In the context of this admirable site, even a good spanking followed by sex, pours blessings on her head - and she knows it. The man is renewed and invigorated. He becomes ever more deeply entrenched as a 'family man'.
A rare few men don't, but there's always some bad apples.
#5 Almost
I fit the above criteria.
The proportion of occasions on which I don't get it when I want it is only about one time in 10, and then it's because it's the time of the month or she's feeling unwell or overwhelmed by what she has to do. I'm happy with this. It don't get much better! I never met a woman that would literally do it every time I want it without exception. Not that I'd want it if my wife was very ill or if it was otherwise impractical, but we do have differences as to whether it's ok if she's got a bad cold or is on that time of the month.
#6 The question should be restated
The question is "can you take------". Of course i can. However, the more proper question would be "will you take her whenever you want".
My reply is that it depends on her excuse. If she is really sick or ill then I would never bother her.for me, being in control doesn't mean being a bully.
But if she is "resisting" half-heartedly or posing certain other traits which men have always been unable to understand then I would do whatever I want because in that case I know she would be wanting me to assert control over her. Then I will just go with all guns blazing.
A male perspective from Pakistan.
#7 Finding out
I fit this description although it took 14 years for my wife to tell me. I had actually wistfully dipped into Taken In Hand a few times before she came up with it. I showed her an article (When rape is a gift - thank you 1000 times for that article!) and she saw herself in there somewhere.
I look for signs that she's not in a good mood and am not really interested in these cases. We both agreed that even still, it was not possible for me to get this completely right all the time.
It really made a difference to our love life. There's only ever been one time when she'd rather not have. Actually, right at the moment we are pregnant and I can't bring myself to continue with a pregnant woman like this but I'm sure we'll return. It's quite intoxicating and there's no going back!
It's hard to describe the feeling of exhilaration as a guy to have this power. I'm a retiring, even shy person in real life and I'm sure I am misinterpreted by most women as being weak. That annoys me from time to time, but I just think to myself how lucky I was to find the woman I did. In fact, my wife is the bossy one in our household, but somehow that has made it even better for both of us that I have the power to take her whenever and however. It is that much more delicious to see her meekly receive me and accept her role as my woman.
One happy husband
#8 Usually, in the end I'm glad we do it!
I have a nasty cold right now and my fiance wanted and asked for sex the other night. First let me say that it was nice that he asked and didn't demand even though it's his right. I have to admit that I felt he was kinda putting my feelings aside for his sexual needs. When I voiced this to him he kinda pouted a little then said it was fine and we could do it when I was feeling better. In all honesty if he pressed the issue I would have submitted without further argument. I'm his and he can have it when he wants it. I didn't want to pass the cold to him either. Sometimes when I tell him I'm not in the mood he tells me tough and we have sex anyway. Usually, in the end I'm glad we do it.
#9 Whenever *He* wants?
Of course he can have me whenever he wants. I can't actually imagine not being in the mood, though. I love sex, and I love him. All he has to do is touch me or say something dirty and I'm immediately "in the mood" so why would I reject him?
#10 Most women make you WISH you didn't want it
Found this site when googling something unrelated(how did that happen?)
I've never heard of anyone getting it whenever they want it. Most women are very good at making you lose your desire for it, whether by making sure you know they're not into it even tho they don't come right out and say it, or by being too busy or not feeling well or it's that time of the month(never mind you don't care what time of the month it is) or by making likea martyr. Most women either make you lose all desire for it or they make you WISH you didn't want it.
Show me the woman that's up for it any time for real and I'll show you a liar. I don't believe it.
#11 He can certainly have me whenever he wants
LoveMyPugs writes:
As a woman myself, I'd hate being asked if I am willing to have sex. That would be a big turn-off. Maybe you would have felt better about it had he just taken you without asking.
My husband tells me that I am the only woman he has ever met whom he has been genuinely able to take whenever he has wanted sex.
I know how bad it feels to want sex and be rejected sexually by your partner, so I could not bring myself to say no to my husband - ever. I believe it's his right as my husband to have his wife whenever he wants, period. To me that means being willing with a full heart, not half-heartedly. Like some men have posted, it's easy for women to kill their husband's desire for it by being less than enthusiastic it.
I would never feel like you described, LoveMyPugs:
That is an awful thing to say to your man. That could hurt him alot. No wonder so many men turn off to their wives and on to other women: the other women make them feel desired again. Not many men want to feel like selfish bastards who don't give a s**t about their wives' feelings. I guess it depends on the man, but be careful about making comments like that or you might lose him or his desire. I myself think of every act of sex - or rape LOL! - as a gift from my husband.
And besides, I'd have thought sex might have taken your mind off your illness and made you feel alot better. Sex is a good 'cure' for many ills, if you let it be.
#12 Liar
Well, I can tell you with absolute honesty that I am in fact up for it any time. My partner isn't always because of some of the things you mentioned, but if it was up to me I'd be initiating sex all the time.
#13 The right to sex
I don't believe anyone, man or woman, has the right to sex whenever they want it, that's a ludicrous notion. Everyone has the right to say 'no' if they are feeling ill or or in pain or very tired or something. Having sex will not make you feel better if you are really feeing like death warmed up and just want to rest. Nobody should be bullied into having sex when they are feeling terrible.
And the idea that a man is going to go running off to another woman because his wife occasionaly says 'no' because she's ill or something, honestly, what kind of selfish, immature man would behave like that? Not a man who's worth having. This suggests a level of immaturity that is quite staggering.
However much you may enjoy sex, there are always going to be occasions (for men too) when you're just not up to it. if you can't make allowances for that, then I don't think you should be in a relationship at all, it's simply unrealistic.
A man who wants a woman who never says 'no' should get himself an inflatable rubber doll and have done with it. and even she might get a puncture now and again ("not tonight dear, I'm deflating").
Louise
#14 The time of the month
As far as the time of the month goes, it tends to be my husband who is put off by that rather than me. Occasionally, if overwhelmed by lust, he will make love to me anyway even if I am in a gory state, but his lack of enthusiasm afterwards is always bit dampening. "It looks like th eBattle of Culloden in here" was his accurate but unromantic comment to me after one such incident.
Louise
#15 Thank you! My point exactly!
Louise -
That was all I was trying to say. I thought it was unfair of him to expect sex from me when I'm sick. If I get the feeling that he's tired and exhausted from working all day in the heat I don't ask for sex and I certainly don't make him feel bad about saying no if I do ask. I love sex as much as the next woman but I find it hard to believe that there are women out there who want sex 24 hours a day seven days a week. Do these women have "perfect" lives or what? Do they have all the time in the world and never get sick, stressed or anything? I do ask for a rain check occassionally and can usually back it up with a good reason. If my fiance doesn't think it's a good excuse then he will call me on it and tell me tough because we are doing it anyway. Usually when he does that I end up enjoying myself anyway. That's all I was saying. Thank you for clearing it up.
#16 The right to sex
"And the idea that a man is going to go running off to another woman because his wife occasionaly says 'no' because she's ill or something, honestly, what kind of selfish, immature man would behave like that? Not a man who's worth having. This suggests a level of immaturity that is quite staggering."
Quite so! What kind of woman could seriously imagine that her man would go running off to another woman just because he missed his sex once in a while. It does indeed suggest a staggering level of immaturity. Would she be worth having?
Defining maturity for other people is a tricky business.
Growing older is mandatory, finding 'maturity' is optional and depends on who and where you are.
But you make a fair point Louise. I have the 'right' to vote but I don't have to. You have the 'right' to go against your husband's wishes but you don't have to.
The 'right' to sex is not a right at all. It's merely an assumption, interpreted in different ways by different people.
Let's just say that the exercise of this illusory 'right' requires a degree of 'maturity'.
#17 Wow...1. Sometimes it is se
Wow...
1. Sometimes it is selfish to insist on sex (or in my mind even to ask for it). Why put a woman in the position of having to say, "honey, I love you but I don't feel well enough."? When I'm sick I like to be touched and cuddled, but I certainly don't want sex. Why make a woman feel guilty for not being able to deliver? Why make her feel like she can't ask to be touched, cuddled, and taken care of at a time when she needs to be taken care of more than you do?
2. You may not care of it's her time of the month, but maybe she does. Sex is a pretty disgusting concept when there's not blood involved, it's far worse when there is. Would you like to have sex if you were dripping blood from your penis?
3. If you lose all desire for it because she won't give it to you once, or has the guts to call you on your selfish request, you must not have liked it too much to begin with. I hate sex, so it's really hard for me to connect, but I love chocolate. If I couldn't have chocolate one out of ten times that I wanted it, I would still enjoy it the other 90 percent of the time.
#18 The right to sex
Louise:
"I don't believe anyone, man or woman, has the right to sex whenever they want it, that's a ludicrous notion."
I find this comment a bit bizarre on this website - mind you, I guess a lot of people are here to try to work out exactly what makes them tick and why.
So, clearly the above statement is true just as much as something like, "Nobody should hit somebody else when they are angry with them" and "Women should have the same rights and privileges as men". Certainly no man should assume that he has the right to take any woman in hand that he likes. It has to come out of some agreement. But that doesn't invalidate the whole concept because the woman may crave (viscerally!) that her man does any of the above - including taking her whenever he feels like it.
A happy husband
#19 Right to sex
Whoever means a "right to sex" seriously seems to be selfish, man or woman. In a relationship you should be interested in partner's mood and needs and other comes from it. If your man needs sex it is a need not a wilfulness. If she is tired or what it is her mood which is a part of her. Respectful and loving relationship reflects it. In spite of your mood you can oblige. If her mood is not into it you can act to change her mood. How easy if there is love.
Hali
#20 Suffering and sex
Possibly the problem is that some women are too stoical in their sufferings and don't make it clear that they're not up to it. This is never a problem in our house. Bravery in the face of sickness or pain is not one of my conspicuous qualities, and my moans and exclamations of "OH God I wish I was dead" every time there is something wrong with me generally gives him a hint that I'm not going to be in the mood. and if I'm too tired (happily a rare occurence these days), I have generally fallen asleep before he gets to me anyway, which again gives him a hint. Perhaps some women just go in too much for the stiff upper lip, and their men don't realise that they're not up to it.
Louise
#21 right to sex
My husband technically has the right to sex whenever he wants because that is what we have agreed upon. If he did not take my thoughts and feelings into consideration and insisted on taking his right when I’ve said I'm not in the mood I would very soon rescind the right on the basis of he is not mature enough to have it.
We have it in place so that he doesn't have to ask if I'm in the mood or tentatively make advances he can just assume that it's ok unless I say I would rather not. Sometimes I've not felt in the mood but have chosen not to say anything but in a short time I have been. Other times if I’m not up for it no amount of him fiddling about is going to get me in the mood. In those cases I say I'm not in the mood but I am happy to give you relief. If I’m unwell or unhappy I would be really disappointed in him if he only thought with the part of his anatomy that has no voice or conscience. I expect more of him.
Sully
#22 Good Judgement
You know, I think we are forgetting something here. Just because some of us are in relationships where our partners *can* take us whenever they want doesn't necessarily mean that they do. I've never once had him try to do anything sexual with me while I was sick, or on my period, and although I would have absolutely no qualms about complying, I think one of the reasons I am so satisfied in my relationship has to do with the fact that he exercises good judgement with his control.
Actually I think this applies to all areas of the relationship. I don't have to hold on to much control because I know that he is not a selfish bastard who is going to make me walk out in traffic, or do anything else harmful to our family.
I'm not entirely sure why this thread has sparked such strong feelings, but let's just keep in mind that giving someone the power to do things "whenever he wants" comes with an expectation that it will be used wisely. We wouldn't be with these people or in the dynamics that we have if that were not the case.
#23 To Happy Husband
I assume that even you might have qualms about making your wife have sex if she was ill or in pain, or perhaps I am overestimating you. I doubt that any wife is going to be able to be up to it 100% of the time.
And my husband would no more spank me if I was feeling ill than he would force sex on me. "I'll just give you double when you're better" is his usual comment at such times, which gives me something pleasant to think about and spurs on my recovery.
Louise
#24 Quote: "This is a question fo
Lots of women here appear to be in a serious need of a spanking.
#25 Good Thing..
The women here answer to their own partners and not random people on a website huh? :)
#26 To Louise
Louise:
"I assume that even you might have qualms about making your wife have sex if she was ill or in pain, or perhaps I am overestimating you."
Absolutely. We spent 14 years of me being ultra-considerate and PC until she said that she didn't want that. Since she trusts me and knows I'm not interested in making her feel bad for the sake of it, we feel comfortable with the present arrangement. Btw, she's pregnant now and I can't bring myself to continue as normal, which is a case in point. We haven't discussed this but it just seems wrong to me to force myself on her while she's pregnant and therefore I also have no particular desire to.
Now I presume with spanking you don't get the choice, per se, even though you trust he won't abuse his privilege and would change the agreement if he did. That seems to me to be equivalent to saying he can spank you when he wants to. And in that respect it is exactly the same arrangement my wife and I have with regard to sex. I guess that in both cases, all bets would be off if either man abused that.
In principle, my wife (and I guess you also) could say anytime "not now, I don't feel like it", and I would be emasculated forthwith but that would take away exactly the essence of the power exchange that is underway. Making love to or spanking a woman who just doesn't concede is more or less impossible. It would quickly escalate into an assault of the ugliest kind and I guess you won't find many guys who truly find that appealing.
Now, the thing I found bizarre was that, a priori, it's much more mainstream (whatever that ought to mean - less kinky, perhaps) to imagine that a woman might want her man to make love to her whenever he felt like it, than that a woman would want her man to spank her whenever he felt it was appropriate. Don't get me wrong, I sympathize with both positions and am absolutely not trying to criticize your feelings in this respect. It just sounded a bit like the pot calling the kettle black.
One happy husband
#27 I fit your qualifications yet
I fit your qualifications yet find it difficult to answer because I am not certain what you mean by "[my] wife been not up to it." If you mean she wasn't in the mood at first but I proceeded and she came around, then I would say that's the majority case. If, instead, you mean she was definitely against it and I forced myself anyway then that just doesn't happen if for no other reasons than those given by other posters above.
#28 In serious need of a spanking?
Certainly. My husband's been away for twelve days, and will be away for another twelve days. It gets to you after a while, especially if you're reading about other women getting it when you're not.
What's it to you if people reply who don't fit your criteria anyway? You're not obliged to take any notice of their answers, just read the ones that appeal to you.
And kindly don't tell me that I need a spanking - tell my husband, damnit!
Louise (mean and kranky and getting krankier and meaner by the minute)
#29 Sex on tap
I'm a woman so spank me! Hah, only my husband can do that!
Before I ever found this site I said to my husband that he could take me when he wanted. Before that, he used to kickstart his heart in the morning in the bathroom, but all he got was cold and a tired arm. I felt sorry for him and offered him my loving gift. Sometimes I'm not in the mood for a start, but my body soon responds and I enjoy it.
I do see it as a gift that I usually really enjoy giving. On occasions he doesn't want the gift because he can see that I'm tired, ill or just not emotionally in the right place. I trust him to make that judgement call and he knows me well enough to never get it wrong.
I do think some women use sex as a weapon. I have to admit that I used to do that; it filled my husband with resentment and he preferred the bathroom at that point!
Jane M
#30 Misunderstanding
It seems to me that this thread issues from misunderstanding. I dare to guess so because of my own experience. I experienced that one spouse can be of a less sexual drive than the other; for many years it was me first and than in recent years my husband. I believe that being not satisfied in sexual needs is torture. I also believe that the partner with less need may not understand the nature of the partner's condition. As to what my husband used to say in distant years, he did not believe that woman's less desire is not artificial, he tried to persuade me that I want something what I did not (these were pre-Taken In Hand years, we really got to an edge of hell several years ago).
In my previous post I mentioned respect and love which solve the problems. Understanding is also necessary, but this folows from communication and trust. If I express my feelings and my mood I expect my partner to believe me.
Let me share one more experience. My mother taught me that man's sexual need should be met. Long years I used to conform with no respect to my mood. This was disastrous for my sexual joy and I started to hate sex. Nevertheless I continued to conform. As I used to "the stiff upper lip" (as to Louise) in other points too, there grew a distance between me and my husband which led to the disaster mentioned above. I tried to "communicate" by refusing sex. He did not understand. He "turned another side" (gentle expression). One step to divorce we found each other, started a journey which led to our present heaven. This journey went through an effort to understand, followed by learning to communicate, to final trust. Love was always there but it deepened and changed. From desire not to lose the other to desire for the other to be happy.
Hali
#31 spanking rules
This may be a difference between Taken In Hand and d/s. In d/s the women are often expected to obey the wishes of other men and other men often have the expectation they will automatically be respected and obeyed by others' women. In Taken In Hand there is not that expectation.
The only people who decide when and if I am to be spanked are my husband and myself. If you expect the women to remain meek and quiet I'm afraid you have come to the wrong site.
Sully
#32 Dynamics
There's ample evidence on this thread that the dynamics of a Taken In Hand relationship vary widely depending on the attitudes of the partners. Perhaps the thorny subect of sex brought out other, more deeply held, notions about the 'ideal' relationship.
In any relationship, to give freely of oneself is powerful but risky. It can be the road to Heaven or Hell.
So it's not surprising that some contributors have a bagful of 'caveats' at the ready, in case they think they might give away too much. In some cases it appears that even being Taken in Hand is merely a temporary privelege that may be revoked at any time.
#33 Caveats
Well, my dictionary says a caveat is a 'warning, provisio, process in court to suspend proceeedings.' That seems a fair enough description of how i would react if my husband started trying to make love to me when I was sick or in pain. The words "For God's sake, can't you see I'm dying?" would probably spring to my lips. fortunately it's not a situation that's likely to arise. I cannot imagine that many men, however sex-crazed, would really be enthusiastic about making to love to a woman who was groaning and moaning "Oh God, I wish I was dead" at frequent intervals. I would have thought it would cast a bit of a damper over the proceedings for even the most priapic of men.
Since sex was not a major point at issue when we started Taken In Hand it's never come up anyway, me getting my hands on the vacuum cleaner(or rather my reluctance to do so) has always been more of an issue between us than him getting his hands on my body. My body is available to him most of the time anyhow (when he's here), but there are times when the spirit may be willing, but the flesh is too weak. women who are up for it 100% of the time have got a lot more stamina than I.
Louise
#34 Gift and privilege
Isn't sex the core of a relationship between man a woman? Women choose to be Taken In Hand because of erotic thrill of it, to my opinion. If you behaved so as to erode the sex engine of the relationship you undermine the relationship itself.
And yes, a consent to be taken is a gift and a right to take is a privilege which you must be worth. But it's worth trying, I guess.
Hali
#35 General
Interesting thread.
What a shame to say that. I've never been with a man who has wanted to avoid me then nor would I refuse him although it would always be his decision. I don't do squeamish men or men who think sex is disgusting at all. but that's a side issue.
People who aren't familiar with Taken In Hand and who are from mainstream UK/US culture would find the notion of continuous consent alien to them now but not in the past by any means. Remember in my life time, and I'm not very old, we have only just changed the law in England to the effect that a husband could rape his wife (obviously a correct change and most people aren't and don't want to be in the kinds of relationships some of us prefer).
I wasn't married to a Taken In Hand type man but in my last relationship I don't think I ever refused him nor would I have wanted to and nor did he ever ask, he took which was fine, not that we lived together. If we had the realities of day to day life or not feeling well etc might have required a bit of discussion and consideration. I think the principle can be that if you really don't want it and feel you have to say, then say and then leave him to decide and sometimes he might just decide his need is stronger and it's not exactly going to kill you to submit to it and I'm quite happy with that kind of a decision.
#36 Not looking at whole picture
I saw your question, and it dawned on me that when you are so deep in a relationship with your wife, you can tell what kind of day she's had just by observing her. Her posture, he pattern of speech, her energy level all tell the story. I heard someone say once that he didn't need to ask how you are doing today. You already told him. In a Taken In Hand relationship, a man's goal is to make his wife happy and secure. If he is worrying only about himself, he isn't being the leader he is meant to be and needs to be. I find myself turned on when she's ready to be taken. If she isn't ready to (something is preventing it) it would be ill-advised to try to think of sex then and there. Love is something that needs to be about we and us, not I and me.
#37 I can take my wife anytime I want - and this is what she wants
For our first 28 years of marriage, I usually had to "make an appointment" to have sex with my wife. Five years ago, to salvage a marriage, I introduced her to ideas about male-controlled relationships. Among many things we worked on to improve was our sex life.
Today I can take my wife anytime I want. This is what she wants. I have taken her in the middle of washing dishes, and she is always eager to please me. Being completely controlled by me is what pleases her. We have sex more often now in a month then many times before in a year; which doesn't really have to be that often. The times she is ill, has a headache, or in a bad mood I won't try. She would probably agree to it, but it wouldn't be enjoyable for either of us.
#38 Not a man, but will say what
Not a man, but will say what it is like with my husband and me. He can and does take me whenever he wants, when we are alone. The exceptions are when I am really ill with migraines. It is what we both want, and I love it.
#39 Very sexy orthodox Jewish rituals
On a slight tangent there are so very sexy orthodox jewish rituals relating to menstruation - niddah - the sexual denial, the ritual, the rules... very erotic.
#40 Whenever he wants it.
I am a woman who believes in never saying 'no' to sex except for two reasons: yeast infections (thankfully very rare) and 'that time of the month'. The Bible even states in 1 Corinthians that spouses are not to withhold sex, that infidelity could occur. I just happen to love sex and feel it's wrong to refuse one's husband. He can have me any time, any place, and in any positon. The problem is, my husband doesn't appreciate my willingness. My sex drive is too high for him, I guess. His is basically dead. In fact, I'm not convinced he even likes sex all that well. (he loves ESPN, though) So many husbands complain about their wives pulling that "I've-got-a-headache" bit, and here my husband has carte blanche, but doesn't care..... I feel defective.
#41 ...make you Wish...
Well, I'm NOT a liar. I honestly love sex, and men. I thank the Lord for the wonderful differences between our two sexes. I also thank Him for the pleasure of sex. My husband CAN have it from me on demand and I'll always submit willing and eagerly. The problem is he couldn't care less about sex. I'm sorry you seem to be unappreciated, and definitely under loved. I wish I could help you. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so unappreciated, underloved, and frustratingly sexually deprived!
#42 Husband not wanting sex much
Many women want more sex than their husband wants: this is a very common problem. Even Laura Doyle alluded to this problem in her book, The Surrendered Wife. (She has a chapter in which she urges wives not to be sexually demanding, because this can make a man feel emasculated, and that is the last thing to do if you want sex with him.)
Whether it is the man or the woman who feels deprived, it is very painful, and somehow, the problem has got to be solved one way or another, for their marriage to flourish. There is a brand new book out by the ever-brilliant Michele Weiner Davis (all her books are worth reading): The Sex-Starved Wife: What to Do When He's Lost Desire, by Michele Weiner Davis. I have not read it but it looks excellent, as I'd expect.
In her earlier book, The Sex-Starved Marriage: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido, she explained why it matters if one or other spouse feels sexually deprived, whatever the frequency they enjoy. Sexual intimacy is what makes the difference (or a large part of the difference, at least) between a marriage and a platonic friendship, so if one person is feeling deprived, that is not something to blow off as "not my problem".
On the other hand, it does not follow that the answer is to harangue your husband or emasculate him or in any way make him feel bad for having less desire for sex. Michele Weiner Davis also explains why that too is counterproductive.
I do hope things improve soon.
#43 Various options..
Various options. Avoid older men and big age gaps. Or get them to take testosterone/seek help. Get.. of course in a nice way, not haranguing. Make sure they are normal weight (not standard obese UK/US weight) and take exercise which improves sex drive. Be nice. See a sex therapist if it's still a problem. Check out all physical causes. Ideally people should be with someone who cares enough about them to realise that if something is a problem for her then it's also his problem although sadly not everyone is like that.
Finally may be live with less than you want. It never killed anyone.
#44 To: Most women make you WISH
To: Most women make you WISH you didn't want it...
You need a different woman.
MOST (not all) Taken In Hand woman love sex as much as men do. Part of being in this type of relationship is that it is erotic, sexy and can make everyone just a bit more lustful!
Keep looking - the right woman is out there. You just have to spend the time getting to know her first before you can enter a Taken In Hand relationship. (We did not enter into this type of relationship until we were married because I needed that solid committment before submitting to him. It's worked quite well for us!)
Keep looking! She is out there!!!