Introducing... A: “balance, tranquility, peace”
[THIS IS AN EXAMPLE ONLY. THIS PERSON IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE. - Editor]
I am an independent, professional, divorced white female in my early 40's living in the mid-west here in the States. I am petite, non-smoking, and am looking for a strong, dominant man for a committed Taken In Hand relationship. What I am not is a player; nor am I interested in being someone's ‘sub’, because I view myself as above average in every way.
Doms and masters hold no allure for me. A man who commands my respect won't do it with gags, leather, chains, or by calling me ‘slut’ or ‘slave’. He will only need his quiet presence and a character that speaks for itself. I prefer to be called ‘partner’, ‘friend’, ‘lover’, and hopefully someday ‘wife’.
I am not interested in BDSM practices but rather my belief lies in the more traditional roles of men and women and the promise of a normal (at least by my standards) life of balance, tranquility, peace, and throw in a whole lot of laughs, fun, and love.
I have to admit that very few people really know me but I am fine with that. I have my public and game face that gets me through the day-to-day hassles, but for my family and friends, I am emotionally and physically there for them. I concede that I am private, shy, and quiet, but when comfortable with someone, can be quite chatty (trust me there can be times where one would be looking for the shut-off switch) but what I am not is timid. I believe I have come to a point where I am a whole person all by myself but getting there has been work.
I once saw a show that showcase a famous movie director. He was asked about the trick of making a good movie. He said that ninety percent of a good movie is casting. I can't help but think that is true in a successful relationship. That, along with timing, faith, and trust. While I know that I want Taken In Hand ideas to be a foundation for the relationship, I am not looking for someone to control me twenty-four hours a day. I think that this type of relationship can help create intimacy, trust, respect, and a bond for two people.
Writing this reminds me of a very old joke called ‘genie in a bottle’. A man was walking along the beach near the ocean when he stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, “Okay, you released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah, blah, but this is the fourth time this week and I'm getting a little sick of these three little wishes, so you can forget that. I will give you only one wish.” So the man sat down and thought about it for awhile and said, “I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm to scared to fly and I get seasick. So could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there?” The genie laughed and replied, “That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that. How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel!! No, I think you need to think of another wish.” The man agreed and tried to think of another wish. He said, “I've been married and divorced four times. My ex-wives have always wished I could understand women. To know what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, to know why they are crying, to know what they want when they say ‘nothing’....?” There is a moment of silence in which the genie then replies... “Okay, two lanes or four?”
As in many jokes, there is an element of truth in this one. We assume that men are as intuitive as women are, that they will automatically know what we want even when we don't know ourselves. And when it turns out that men aren't always able to do that or even to want to do it, we get angry at them and tell ourselves they don't care. Convince ourselves that if they really cared, they'd magically know what we want, need, and fulfill it. Then the silences start, then it's a battle, pretty soon it's a war and you two are on opposites sides using all the weapons you can get your hands.
But in this fight, the ammo is usually words that slay each other, attacking your faults, your weaknesses, your personal self esteem, and one's own personal sins. We no longer can count on each other for compassion and protection, instead we become judgmental and ultimately we betray each other, ourselves, the relationship and we are left wondering how this happened.
If I push, I want to feel that whatever I am pushing isn't going to move. That I can trust him to make decisions for us, but still be able to be concerned with what I think and feel. Sometimes it is necessary to be stern and strict, to be the authority figure, yet there is a fine line between that and being a bully who threatens and intimidates. Discipline or the threat of it shouldn't be used as a cheap way for the man to get his way on everything. Rather it is used to make sure that the couple isn't harmed by destructive behavior or outside forces that could drive a wedge between them.
It is a huge responsibility and I actually think it is very brave of men who are willing to take up the challenge of doing that for their women. To be strong enough to take control without taking over. To want to protect and cherish not only her, but the relationship. I think in a Taken In Hand relationship recognizes the fundamental differences between men and women, celebrates it, and thus enhances the values and unique abilities of both sexes so that the couple becomes greater than just the sum of its parts.
If you are of the same mind but different enough to make the relationship interesting, I would be very interested in hearing from you. Please don't let distance be an issue because for the right man, I would move in a heartbeat. Because if I learned anything from reading these thoughtful articles over these past few months, I understand that a man who isn't afraid of being tough or tender, stern or goofy, and who will embrace being their woman's champion is a rare find indeed.
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Have you seen the following articles?
The alpha male and masculine power
I don't want to be a servant or slave
Love and fear
The appeal of a very feminine woman
Consent, control, connection
The dual failures of men
Subjugation or submission?
Is this really consensual?
What's in it for the man? Freedom!
What do you mean, you want to be taken in hand?!