This was one of the better articles I've seen here in a long awhile, and I really appreciated it. Most especially:

"If we were hungry, they would eat before I would, if they were cold, they would have my coat while I became colder, that’s my job, I accept my role as the man and my wife accepts her role as the woman."

It is so nice to hear from a man who does not run from his traditional role...it heals something : )

Well, if this works for you and your wife it's very nice, but it has nothing whatsoever to do with why I get spanked by my husband. He spanks me because it makes him feel better to 'take it out on your bottom' as he puts it when he is annoyed with me about something. There is no question of it being because he is more rational and less emotional than me, because this is totally not true of us. He is very excitable and highly-strung, flies off the handle very easily, and is capable of being totally and completely irrational when the mood seizes him. And he is at least as emotional as I am, if not more so, he is certainly much better at expressing emotions openly than I am.

He is in charge because we both like it that way, not because I feel he has more self-control than me, because actually he doesn't (though he is way better at controlling himself since we started Taken In Hand). spanking me does both of us good, it gets rid of any annoyance he feels with me, and it makes me feel more affectionate and more compliant towards him.

When I started reading spanking stories on fiction domestic discipline sites, I found myself both attracted and repelled by the stories I read. The men in the spanking stories were all rather like you, rational and sensible and always in control, and never ever doing the things that their wives were always getting spanked for. These stories both attracted and repelled me, because I sort of wanted my husband to be like them, and yet at the same time I thought how trying it would be to be married to a man who was always right about everything and forever sitting in judgement on me. None of the men in these stories seem to have any human failings at all, and "pictures of perfection make me sick and wicked" as Jane Austen said. Bheaving like a responsible adult is an area where both my husband and I fall short from time to time, but spanking helps us to maintain our balance.

The idea that the man must be a better person in order to be in charge was a big stumbling block to me in accepting that I wanted this kind of relationship, because I knew perfectly well that my husband wasn't. That is, he is certainly better than me at a lot of things, like fixing things, making things, cleaning things, and making money, but I don't consider him to be morally superior or more rational or anything like that, which is what the men in those spanko stories always are. It was the realisation that it was enough that I wanted him to be in charge, and that I was willing to obey him if he went about enforcing his authority in the right way, that made me feel I could take the plunge and tell him I wanted this kind of dynamic in our lives. He didn't have to be 'better' than me, it was enough that we wanted to relate to each other like this, and that he was cared enough to consider my feelings as well as his own.

There may have been more wives getting spanked in the 50s, though there were, I imagine a lot of wives around then who would not have stood for anything like that (I'd like to have seen anyone try and spank my mother, for instance), but I don't see that as necessarily a good thing. Some women may just have put up with it because they felt they had no choice. Nowadays we all have a choice, and that is a great thing. I don't have to let my husband boss me, I do it because I like it. As for making 'mistakes', well the things I get spanked for are generally things that my husband knows are going to occur again, bad temper, sulkiness, insolence, disobedience etc, but he accepts that. Spanking deals with the thing that has caused him annoyance in the short-term, rather than being a permanent solution to whatever 'mistake' I may have made, which is probably going to occur again.

And I know that whatever other failings he might have, there is absolutely no way that my husband would spank me if he didn't know that really I like him doing it. He derives satisfaction from spanking me because he knows he doesn't have to worry that he is doing something to me that I really dislike. If you really hate spanking your wife then why on earth do you do it? Why not do something to her that you both enjoy, instead of something that you both hate?

As for sky-rocketing divorce rates, you are always going to get high divorce rates in societies where divorce is easily available and carries no social stigma, whether wives are getting spanked by their husbands or not.

Louise

What kind of question is that the boss? This is a site where the man takes the woman in hand, remember? I absolutely loved Adam`s article and I can relate to the way their relationship works except for when he wrote he spanked his daughter also many times. Not every woman get`s turned on by being spanked but still needs this kind of punishment her husband gives her. You`ve wrote that yourself many times. There should not be a question like that on this site. My husband is not always calm and self-disciplined, for that matter neither is Louise`s husband who you praise so many times, but I´m still the one who get`s the spanking and no I would not want to spank him for the things he does wrong.

Autumn

Adam, you said: "My wife isn’t afraid of me. We have an equal partnership"

Then you said: "all I have to do is look at her in that certain way and she knows she’s overstepped a boundary. She usually stops whatever action she knows she shouldn’t be doing, and retreats, because she knows when we get home she’s going to be disciplined."

Well, which is it?

Is she fearful of being disciplined, or is she not afraid of you?

She "retreats" upon a look, (your words)...why?

Because she is going to be disciplined by you, you say.

Is that not "fear"?

I am also married, very happily so, and I also do not overstep my boundaries but it's not because I fear a "discipline" from my wonderful husband.

No, I stop (or I feel shame at not stopping my behavior if I go too far) simply because...

*I know it's wrong*.

I have a sneaking suspicion it's the same way with your wife, regardless of what she may say to you about this.

You say that spanking your wife and spanking your child are two different things. Well, my question is this: How so? You say that your wife is spanked because she is "over-emotional" and "badly behaved." You say that she hates being spanked and hasn't expressed an appreciation or desire for it--either before or afterward. That wasn't the exact wording, but that's definitely the impression given.

So if all these things are true, then how is the spanking of your wife different than that of a child? It's non-consentual. She doesn't desire or appreciate it. She is spanked as punishment for "bad behavior." Those factors, especially when combined, all sound like the way a child is treated. If she were spanked for bad behavior and this was a consentual arrangement, that would be different. But clearly, that isn't the case.

I also would like to echo what the boss said. Your assumption is that women are "over-emotional" and men are "self-disciplined." Well, for better or worse, such is often not the case. I definitely have times when I am VERY emotional; but for the most part, I can maintain my calm. I also would like to challenge the notion that when a woman is "feminine," she is automatically "over-emotional." Many here might tell you the exact opposite--that a feminine woman has learned to check herself.

Anyway, if what you describe works in your relationship, then that's fine. But the way you presented it was as though that's the only "right" way. And I'll go further than to disagree with you. I'll just say flat out--it's incorrect.

Well, it`s a known fact that women do cry easier than men, are more likely to feel sorry for a lost pet and are more crazy about looking at babies than men are. So in my eyes that makes women more emotional. Adam didn`t write that all women need to be spanked because they are emotional and out of control. He wrote that his wife needs to be spanked because she`s too emotional and gets out of control at times. Even though Taken in Hand is not a universal need for all women, this is a website for women being taken in hand by men. I think the question was ridiculous, at least for this website.

Autumn

While I will admit that maybe once every six months something freaks me out and I act up in public, my husband isn't perfect in that regard, and I see no reason why I should need correction more than he does.

I, too, resent the implication that women are more emotional and therefore more in need of correction. This should be something both people want. It sounds like it is imposed on her and according to HIM she likes it that way, but we don't hear her side of it.

More emotional or less emotional, women CAN deal with life on their own if they have to. Taken In Hand is a choice, not a necessity for pathetic little females who need a "big strong May-Un" to help them get through the day.

"Pat"

"Well, it`s a known fact that women do cry easier than men, are more likely to feel sorry for a lost pet and are more crazy about looking at babies than men are."

Sorry, Autumn, but if your last comment were a student's essay I should write "Don't generalize" in the margin - in big, fat letters ;-) No, it's simply NOT a known fact. If anything, women's supposed emotional character is culturally determined, because 'boys don't cry' and girls may. But even that is changing rapidly, which, to my mind, is a good thing. At any rate, I wouldn't want my little son to conceal or be ashamed of his emotions, ever.

I think the boss's question was rhetorical. The point she seems to make is that many women want / accept their husband's corrective discipline, even though they are fully aware that their husbands themselves are in no way morally superior or perfect. Spanking in a Taken in Hand relationship is a mutual agreement based on similar yet contrary needs (the wife's need to release tensions and settle conflicts by being spanked; the husband's need to do the same by spanking her); it's not an inherent right on the husband's part based on biological difference.

Finally, despite the fact that Adam denies any erotic feelings on his or his wife's part when it comes to spanking, I, for one, found his article highly erotic. To me, it didn't give the impression that his wife is in any way treated as a child or spanked against her will. She may claim not to like it, perhaps she even feels she doesn't like it, but I find it hard to imagine a 20th /21st century western woman quietly putting up with anything like this for more than 20 years. I wish we could get her view on this!

Hi Adam,

I'm going to put my 2 cents worth in this thread and believe me it's only worth 1 cent.

I have to disagree with everything you said in your article but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I do think you generalize women and men and they are not all in the same mold and act very differently based on their own individual situations.

However you have a successful marriage and have raised a daughter and you both seem happy from your point of view. So you deserve credit for that in a society that seems to be full of disposable families. Kudos on that.

I also would like to hear your wifes point of view. So often on these sites I see a husband talking for her and that bothers me on many different levels. A woman has a voice and should be using it to give her own version of her life. You should encourage her to join this thread as well.

Kathy G

Ì don`t know if you have a little boy Ella, but I raised two little girls and one little boy and even though my little boy was spoiled rotten by the whole family because he was the youngest and nobody ever made him feel like boys shouldn`t cry, he was always a lot less emotional than his older sisters. He`s not afraid of spiders, he can even touch them without getting the creeps, he does not like looking at babies, he says their loud and they stink. My daughters started screaming whenever there was a spider in their room and their little brother had to go in there and get rid of it and they always loved looking at babies. Whenever my son hurts himself he tries not to cry even though I told him it`s ok to cry, where my daughters already cried when it didn`t even hurt.

I don`t think it`s a bad thing for women to be more emotional, but I believe that they are. And I don`t think they were made to be more emotional by the way they were raised, I think their just born that way. Just like when I handed my son a doll when he was about 10 months old and he threw it down and grabed a toy car and my daughters at the same age took the doll and hugged it.

Autumn

I do not agree with the generalization about women. I do not think that people should hold this up as proof that this man is abusive. Lets assume that he is basing his ideas on women on the women he has had in his life. He knows his wife better than anyone else, so maybe she is more emotional than him. I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume his own wife is more emotional than him and taking her in hand is a good way for them to deal with that in their relationships.

When it comes down to it sometimes relationships can be damaged when one of the partners gets completely unreasonable. I have known relationships where this has been the case. If his relationship benefits from him taking her in hand in these moments then I see nothing wrong with it. We can get all offended by his generalizations about women, but I do not think it matters, what matters is his wife seems to respond positively to him when he takes her in hand this way.

I do not honestly think that you completely understand the nature of fear in these relationships. Not all relationships have an element of fear, but fear itself does not prove abuse. I am not afraid of Mike. But I can be fearful of spankings. I have changed my behaviour at the threat of a spanking, and I might look worried should he tell me that a spanking is going to happen when we get home. This is not afraid of my husband because he is a scary man who might hurt me, this is fear for my own bottom. I do not see the fear he talks about as fear of him or abuse at all.

Sometimes the sexual nature of spankings of this kind can be complicated. For some people spankings are not enjoyable. If they are not enjoyable then people will say that it cannot therefor be erotic. Or people say the converse if it is erotic, then it cannot be enjoyable. If people think that way, that is fine. Maybe it is true for them. I have seen other people say it is not sexual for them. I think for some people it needs to not be sexual for it to really work for them. That does not make it wrong or abusive.

Consent is something that is often very difficult for people to understand as well. Mostly because those of us who have it have a very difficult time of saying how it IS consent. We practice what I have seen called consensual non-consent. This means that Mike has my consent to spank me, even if I say no, beg, plead, cry, fight, yell or generally disagree with his assessment of the spanking need. He has my consent to make decisions that I do not agree with. He has my consent to go against my wishes. As contradictory as this may seem, it works for us. Some people decided this explicitly as we did and some people have this implicitly. But I cannot tell from the original post whether or not he has explicit consent or not. I see nothing in what he wrote that shows one way or the other. If he has consensual non-consent, to someone who knows little about this it would not be apparently obvious.

I did not find what he wrote particularly alarming or insulting. I do not agree with his generalizations about women, but do not agree with a lot of what people write. His experiences with women maybe so far that they ARE more emotional. I'm not sure if it has any bearing at all actually. It is easy to say, "Because you generalize you are an abuser" and it is easy to say that something you do not understand is abuse. You generalized yourself about the way non-abusive men talk about their relationships, which I am assuming you are basing not on studies, but on your own opinions and experiences. That is fair I suppose but are you here to try to gain a deeper understanding? This is not the only article on the site that discusses consensual nonconsent. You can do a search on "consent" and find out what others have to say on this if you are interested. the boss wrote a couple, one is: Is this really consensual
At the bottom of that article are two more about being taken in hand against your will. For some women this is a necessary part of their relationships. It does not mean abuse.

Take care,
Tevemer
Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong. -Dandemis

Fear of spiders is not confined to one sex. For instance, my husband is afraid of spiders, I am not. I like them. I get this trait from my mother, who loved spiders and became very angry if anyone killed one.

Some boys do like to play with dolls, especially when they are very young. My brother loved dolls. My youngest sons liked doll when he was very small, although he hasn't taken much interest in them lately. He had a My Little Pony as well.

And my husband has always been at least as emotional as I am, and he is certainly much more open about expressing his emotions. He cries more easily than I do as well. I don't get spanked because I am more emotional than my husband, but because this dynamic suits us. What I dislike about this article is the implication that All women are more emotional than men, and therefore in need of spanking. Even if it was true that all women were more emotional, I still don't believe that all women would benefit from being spanked, for many it would be a wholly negative experience I am also disturbed by the impression I have that this woman is really distressed by being spanked. His description of his wife's reaction to being spanked did not leave me entirely confident that this was something she was happy with.

Also, I have to admit that I am frankly irritated by men who say that they feel miserable about spanking a woman, and that she feels miserable too. Why do something that is going to make both of you feel more unhappy? Is the world not a sad enough place as it is?

Louise

Yes, I do have a little boy who's almost two and I frankly admit that so far he hasn't shown any interest in dolls either. So what? I know lots of little girls who don't (or women who have no maternal feelings whatsoever)! Besides, my little son loves to play with his toy kitchen and spends hours on end preparing coffee and meals for us...

I think it's wrong to generalise from one's own experiences, because you might end up prescribing to people what they should be like. I wouldn't necessarily say it's all due to upbringing. There are most certainly inherent character traits which you are born with, but why should these be dependent on your biological sex?

There's certainly something suspect about first defining certain characteristics as masculine versus feminine when they do show up in both genders, and then defining certain of the feminine characteristics as punishable.

What a nice double bind to put women in. We've got to be feminine. If we're too logical and rational, and do too well in math or science or business then we are "unfeminine" and probably wear army boots.

But if we're feminine then we are flighty and overemotional and need to be spanked for it.

Yeah, thanks but no thanks. A male-led relationship is a choice, and nothing else, it's not decreed by God or nature, and it should NOT be imposed on unwilling wives.

"Pat"

Thank you Jonah for making the case for Adam. You have expressed a sensitivity that I see absent from many of the comments in repsonse to Adam's post. Frankly I don't understand why this one post by Adam has stirred such emotions. For example, Anon wife has gone so far as to accuse him of abuse. How can anyone draw such a conclusion from one post. Do any of those who commented here really know this guy well enough to accuse him of such a dark deed? I have no idea if this guy is a dominant but loving husband or an abusive jerk. But the politically correct chorus denouncing Adam assumes more than they could possibly know about him and the relatiohsip he shares with is wife.

Jonah said: do you truly believe his thoughts and generalizations are outright "dangerous"

For one thing, that was directed towards "Tevemer", not Adam. She said "yes, he's offensive, but it doesn't matter because they are happy (paraphrase)". I object to that attitude. If someone makes a derogatory generalization about ANY group of people, yes, I think a resulting attitude of "it doesn't matter" is a dangerous one.

Jonah asked: (do you truly believe) that he must be stopped at all costs?

Let's not get all melodramatic here, Jonah. (Perhaps you need a spanking to calm you down? ;-P) Where did I ever say anything close to, "Adam must be stopped at all costs"?

Nowhere. In fact, I said several times that if they are happy as a couple, great. Just don't push personal views inferring all woman are inferior to men onto the rest of us.

Stephen said: For example, Anon wife has gone so far as to accuse him of abuse.

I am Anon Wife and I NEVER said that. Go back and read my comments. I said he was contradicting himself, I said that it didn't sound like they were having much fun, I said that his nostaglic view of the 50's is incorrect and most of all I think I've been hardest on his wife in suggesting she "Grow up" and stop this out of control behavior on her own.

I never ONCE said Adam was abusive. In fact, as I just stated above to Jonah, I said more than once that if they are happy, fine, great, bully for them.

Please do not attribute to me things I never said.

Whoever said that particular quote, was, I believe, a little mixed up. To me, if it is consensual, sane and safe, it's not abuse. From what Adam wrote it sounds like he is sane and safe but it is NOT clear that the spankings are consensual..just that they are accepted. But she may feel she has no choice, in which case, whether they are sane and safe or not, it would be abuse. I feel we don't have enough information on that issue.

I think the reason people reacted so strongly to Adam's post is not his particular relationship with his wife (though consensuality is ambiguous there) but that his post is peppered with assumptions about the nature of men and women that go way beyond his personal relationship with his wife.

Over and over he reiterates that women are more emotional than men and that this is the reason why husbands should spank their wives. That's not a personal statement, it's an opinion that, like it or not, ALL wives are overemotional and ALL husbands need to spank them to bring them in line.

Thinking men and women could find much to disagree with in Adam's post and they have done so. Generalizations do matter when they put down an entire group of people. It's not simply PC to recognize that generalizations hurt people, it's the truth.

Had Adam written only about his relationship with his wife, without generalizing to the point where every woman, whether she desires to be Taken In Hand or not, deserves to be simply because she was born female, I don't think there would have been such an outcry, especially on a site like this one.

"Pat"

Adam is just telling us what works for him, and gives us his viewpoint on life. It works well for him, obviously wouldn't work for a bunch of you. But it might work great for others reading it, and in fact, many readers loved what he had to say. His letter really touched them deeply.

The only other man who posted gave us a somewhat conflicted argument:

"...As a man, I do think there are times when women, as a general rule, are overly emotional and irrational on certain issues, or refuse to see the man's very valid point of view."

As a general rule, women are overly emotional on certain issues when seen through a "man's very valid point of view." OK. He agrees with Adam.

"Having said THAT, I will agree that the converse is true: A lot of men will refuse to see a woman's valid POV on other issues."

True statement yes, but it still does not make the above "general rule" invalid. There will always be exceptions to any rule. There are going to be times when the man makes a mistake out of stubborness or pride and that is part of being human.

The point is, this website is about creating male-led relationships the best way we can. It can be a messy process no doubt. Many of you made it clear that Adam's way wouldn't work for you, and others said they would absolutely love to be in one just like Adam's.

Who's right? No one. It's all a matter of individual preference. What works best for one could be a disaster for another.

the boss states "Not all women are over-emotional and behave badly, and not all men are calm and self-disciplined."

Adam's way works for him, and I support him in what works. But he's not offering us the Holy Grail that will work for everyone. His way may work for many but not all.

So to those who are upset at Adam, my question to you then is, what works for you?

If you want your man to lead, what attitudes should he have in regards to spanking you and your role as a woman?

I really wanted to butt out of all this because I've posted too much, I'm afraid, but since that is my husband's quote you are using, I feel I must step in to clarify on his behalf.

For one thing, please know that his comment was meant for me personally, not intended to be published here. Not that he'd care (actually, he would never bother to come into a discussion like this, it just doesn't interest him at all, this kind of thing. Which is interesting, is it not? Because if I were to base ALL men upon my husband's attitude, I would assume ALL men are disinterested in discussion boards about Taken In Hand, that's it's a "female" thing. Obviously not true, since there are three men in this thread alone; Adam, Stephen and Jonah. :) Which proves again that it's always a mistake to assume ANYTHING about "all" men or women, we are all so very different...)

Anyway, it's clear to me that he's not agreeing with Adam at all; he's saying, yes, many/most men often *feel* that way about women, including himself sometimes, but it doesn't make it TRUE.

Just as women can feel certain ways about men but that doesn't make that TRUE either.

Just because someone jumps to conclusions, or has a "feeling" about something does not make it correct. That was his point, although perhaps it wasn't clear enough.

As far as spanking goes in our relationship, we don't use it as "correction" for me at all. I obey my husband because I want to; I love to obey him, it fulfills me deeply. And he is proud to lead me, he finds that role just as fulfilling.

I try as hard as I can to please him because I love him so much. When I fail to please him or I do something wrong, we talk about it. If I was at fault, I apologize but often times we both apologize because he takes his role very seriously and he takes full responsibility for his own errors too.

Hmmm...let's see if I can get this right.

In a way, he feels that if I stop being happy and stop wanting to please and obey him, if I "blow up" or whatever, then he stops and looks at his own behavior. Where has he gone wrong in his leadership? Is there something he's doing unknowingly to cause that negative reaction in me?

I know that sounds awkward; I hope that makes sense. He feels that if I go awry, that's his job, to make sure I don't. Does that makes sense?

So we work together on this, it's not all on me or all on him at all.

I cannot for the life of me think of a time where he has ever gotten "angry" with me because I've tried and failed. Our arguments are usually about miscommunication, not because I've been "bad" or whatever.

He knows I always try my best. And if I fail, I feel bad enough about it as it is so what would be the point of punishing me?

So spanking for us is only a fun or sexy thing. For instance, the other morning I was teasing him, I asked him to please take out the garbage on his way out the door to work and he sighed theatrically, rolling his eyes and making a big deal out of it. "But then I'll smell like garbage when I get to work!" he protested. And I quipped, "Why should today be different from any other day for you?" meaning he ALWAYS smells like garbage. (I hope it is clear we were playing around and teasing because I would never be rude to my husband, nor would he ever whine like that about the garbage).

So he got that glint in his eye and came over to me as I giggled, and he held me up against him with one hand so I couldn't get away and he whacked my ass three or four times. And hard, too! lol! It stung and I yelped through my giggles! Then he turned my chin up to meet his gaze and solemnly told me to never speak so disrespectfully to him again, did I understand?

Yes, I nodded.

Then he kissed me, grabbed the garbage and went off to work.

But it was all play, you know. If I had truly disrespected him, if I had been angry and yelled at him that he smelled like garbage, well! For one thing, that would never happen. We respect each other far too much to ever speak that way to each other!

For another, if I did do something so crazy, he would ask me to come and sit next to him, or in his lap, and we would have a very looooong talk about *Us*. And I would probably end up apologizing and feeling terrible and crying into his chest while he held me and comforted me. And he would look back over his own behavior and try to figure out where he had gone so terribly wrong in his leadership that I would ever dare do such a thing in the first place.

And when he found it, he would tell me about it and he would probably apologize to me for not having been a good leader and we'd hug and then have great makeup sex! aahahahahaha!

I hope that all makes sense, I know I rambled. It's just a little window into part of our lives and how we make this all work for us. :)

I want to add that I'm certainly not saying our way is the "right" way or the "only" way, hell, I wouldn't even know how to quantify it as a "way" at all, it's so complicated but...it works for us.

I'm sure whatever works for all of YOU, if it makes you happy, it must be "right" too. :)

I think that everyone needs to be spanked when they are out of line.. I know that I deserve one after the way I acted over the weekend by not telling him things I should have..When I break one of our rules (doesn't happen that often ) I get a spanking and relize that I was wrong... And he will correct me and afterwards he holds me and tells me he loves me and I know he does...

My view is exactly like Anon wife's above. obviously people differ but if you love each other and she wants to comply and I usually would (when I have a man, in that type of relationship) then if I get it wrong it's not necessarily my fault and punishment realyl plays no part in it.

Instead it's something to talk about, think about how the communication went wrong or the instruction was stupid in the first place or whatever but the spanking part is the fun sexy bit. But I think people either take that view or instead it's real punishment and not sexy at all. Or may be there's a third way - punishment but arouses both of you too. Perhaps all 3 can be taken in hand.

Hello, I've read many of the articles on this wonderful website since I stumbled across it Saturday night.

I have found both Adam's post and the comments on it to be very valuable in that many good points have been made.

I realize that the objection to Adam's generalization/generalisation in British English? regarding women being typically and naturally emotional has been fairly thoroughly discussed.

However, I would like to add that, although Adam's idea is drawn from his experience, that the sample is insufficient (not enough women, and men, to which to contrast them) and not representative enough.

Therefore, I find the conclusion he has drawn, that women are typically naturally emotional, to be invalid. (Is that logical and rational enough?)

I regard his observation to be a highly subjective, emotion- based one which contradicts his statements that he, as a man, is rational and that he does not allow his emotions to override his better judgment, unlike his wife. (I want to acknowledge that another poster has pointed out an inconsistency in Adam's thinking as well).

While we all have our idiosyncrasies and they are what make us human, I don't think anyone wants to be considered a hypocrite.

I'm female and am capable of being both emotional and logical. Logic helped know that I wasn't the crazy one in my marriage (I'm divorced).

So I'm a big fan of logic, but sometimes, perhaps many times, in interpersonal relationships, it's more important to let emotions override logic, because you care for the other person. The object isn't to be right all the time, prove you are smarter (I'm not saying that's what Adam does). Doing that doesn't mean that you win. And even if it did, you would win the battle but lose the war.

With regard to the idealized 1950's household, isn't anyone familiar with Betty Friedan's book The Feminine Mystique, that I think was published in the early to mid 1970's? Wasn't that about how the suburban housewife was actually very discontented?

Just because there were less divorces does not mean that the parties in the marriages were happier. Maybe the man was happy and the woman wasn't. Sounds like my defunct marriage.LOL

"If my wife misbehaves in public, all I have to do is look at her in that certain way and she knows she's overstepped a boundary. She usually stops whatever action she knows she shouldn't be doing, and retreats, because she knows when we get home she's going to be disciplined"

I am not sure if, by being disciplined, Adam means spanking.

If she can be controlled with a look, and corrects her behavior immediately, isn't that discipline?

As it is, that statement gives me chills and not the good kind, but that's probably because I'm a survivor of childhood and marital abuse.

I would be interested in knowing how others of you felt about that statement, as this would help me to better understand Taken In Hand, in which I am very interested.

I am trying to sort out what it is that I want in my next relationship and to reconcile this with the negative experience I had.

This website has already helped me understand that I wanted a dominant husband, but what I got was a domineering spouse (it's my understanding that the word husband derives from a word that means to care for, meaning, care for the wife. Mine thought he was supposed to care just about himself. LOL. So he was no husband to me, and is not a man either).

I think that this site is really unique. Others here have commented on how they were into BDSM or DD sites until they found this one. I had been on mostly BDSM sites. I think Taken In Hand may be what I am looking for, although I'm still somewhat interested in trying some BDSM activities.

One feature of this site that has struck me is how there's so much emphasis on what the HOH does for the woman. On BDSM sites, much is said about how much responsibility that the dominant partner has; but, on the whole, most of it seems to be about all the things the submissive partner must do.

Thank you for reading this, and thanks in advance for your anticipated responses.