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It's not about sex

Why do you prefer to be in a relationship with a man who disciplines you? For myself it's not about the sex, it is about the outside control and guidance. For me, the discipline must be quite separate from the sex. If we were to have great sex after a serious punishment spanking, I might be tempted to act out to get more. Where is the incentive to change if you get the reward of great sex afterwards?

This is not to say that my relationship doesn't have great sex too. My HOH's masculine authority makes me feel more aware of my femininity, which leads to increased sexual arousal and pleasure more generally, but the relationship is not just about sex. There is a lot more to it than that.

I can't speak for others, but for me, choosing this kind of relationship is not about sexual gratification, and it has nothing to do with believing that men are better people than us either. It is about self improvement through the external control dynamic. My HOH helps me improve in ways I want to improve, breaking bad habits, changing behaviour, even changing the way I think in some cases, through this dynamic and the behavior modification it leads to. And for it to work, the discipline has to be real, and it can't be followed by great sex.

Sue Jenkins

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Can you be Taken In Hand if you're not submissive?
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Thu, 02/10/2003 - 23:07

Comments

#1 Separation of sex and discipline

I agree with you, Sue. It's got to be separate or it's like it's just a kinky sex practice. I need it to be real too, or it doesn't feel intense enough to work.

Submitted by Jenny on Thu, 09/10/2003 - 22:05.

#2 I'm not in agreement with thi...

I'm not in agreement with this. It may not be sexual at the moment it happens but it increases the general sexiness of the marriage doesn't it? Has in our case anyway! We're off the scale now, where before, we were stale.

Submitted by tap dancer on Sat, 15/11/2003 - 03:20.

#3 I agree, Tap

I think couples involved in this type of arrangement have a closer more intimate relationship.

Peace,
Daisy

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.--Edith Wharton

Submitted by Daisy on Sun, 16/11/2003 - 21:26.

#4 Source of behavior change

You ask, where is the incentive to change behavior if great sex occurs following discipline? Would you actually misbehave to get great sex?

I ask, can great sex occur secondary to great love and deep intimacy and respect for one another? The connective effect of discipline as a goal of a DD relationship will strenthen a bond between a man and a woman far more than a goal of behavior modification. When DD is a mutual goal of two people in a couple its power to create great sex is overwheleming and really does not matter when it occurs.

Annie

Submitted by a Taken In Hand reader on Thu, 01/01/2004 - 23:21.

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