The Eskimo analogy

Last time I talked about physical discipline as a form of connection, one which, when both parties want it in their relationship, is important not to neglect. This still leaves open the question that friends (both those who would never be interested in any kind of domestic discipline and those for whom sex isn't fun until someone's skin's been broken) ask: How can you possibly expect to change anyone's behavior or attitude if you give them what they want when they do the things you least want them to do? This being a very fair question, I've taken time to try to explain my thoughts and feelings on the matter: so let me call this the Eskimo analogy.

[Now let me first of all apologize to both my readers who are actual Eskimos and those who are specialized Eskimologists; I have never traveled in the wild, barren North, nor have I ever dedicated myself to detailed study of Eskimo life. I'm sure many Eskimos are wonderful kissers, and they may in fact have only one word for snow. The Eskimo in my story is a gentleman formed from received wisdom and my own rhetorical needs.]

Suppose an Eskimo was staying with my family here in New York City. After a long, enjoyable day spent walking through some of the world's finest museums and going shopping at Saks Fifth Avenue, we come home to my apartment and he sees me first give my wife a long, lingering kiss on the lips as I greet her and then, later that evening, as I tuck my children in, kiss each of them on the forehead.

As we are talking over beers in the living room that night, he turns to me and says:

“Max, my friend, I've had a wonderful time here in your city, but there's something I'd have to confess I don't understand, because in my country we do not have this ‘kissing’ that you Southerners seem to enjoy so much.

“Now what I don't understand is this: When you came home, you kissed your wife and it seemed as though it was a very sexual thing between you, which makes perfect sense to me. But then you kissed your children before they went to sleep. Now is it normal for your people to express sexual attraction to their children – or is there something I'm missing here, Max my friend?”

To which I of course offer the following explanation: A kiss can express a lot of different sentiments and create a lot of different feelings for both kisser and kissee.

A kiss on the lips is different from a kiss on the forehead, which is different from a kiss on the back of the hand, which in turn expresses something rather different than a kiss on the palm, or a kiss on the cheek, a kiss on the neck, a kiss on the toes or a kiss on the inner thighs... Something as seemingly simple as touching lips to another person's skin can be incredibly complex in its meaning and one kiss can be entirely different from another. A kiss can express (and generate) intense sexual attraction, it can convey parental or filial blessing, it can be a simple way of greeting anyone towards whom you feel goodwill, it can be an expression of gentlemanly deference and respect, it can be seductive or entirely chaste. It can even have political or social implications (a kiss on the ring) or be the ultimate betrayal of a religious leader.

And so it is with spanking: a simple action requiring only the application of one's hand (or an implement) to another person's buttocks.

Spanking can be entirely erotic, either as foreplay or as a form of sex in itself, but it can also be utterly asexual – often for me it is somewhere in between being purely erotic and utterly chaste. It can be entirely disciplinary – an intimate and ritualistic form of safely, but firmly and physically, expressing displeasure with a particular action or attitude. It can be deeply sensual without being sexual; combined with other forms of stroking, a spanking on the bare can be a wonderful form of relaxing massage. It can be part of a playful game, or a way of de-stressing a beloved partner after she's had a difficult day at work. It can be an entirely non-disciplinary way of providing emotional release for a cherished one who is going through genuine difficulty and cannot find easy release of her feelings in another way. It can be a form of lighthearted flirtation, but it can also be a way of affirming and deepening a life-time commitment to a romantic partner. It can even, apparently, be a form of spiritual practice (perhaps not one accepted by any religious orthodoxy, but still...) in the form of Tantric spanking.

“And so, my Eskimo friend,” I would say, leaning forwards with purpose, “Just as you have your 200 words for the different kinds of snow you see, which to us just looks like so many white frozen flakes, so we have over 200 different kinds of kiss.”

And so I could say the same about spanking – what appears to be a simple physical interaction can convey a far greater number of meanings than someone on the outside might ever guess.

Max Maximovich

Have you seen the following articles?
The paradox of the strong and submissive woman
Out of control, insane, driven by our emotions? No way!
Where are all the strong men?
Using the internet to find a partner
Is there consent?
I want it all, and I want it now!
Cherishing the family: little things have big effects
Help! The one I love nowadays rarely wants sex!
The exquisite pleasure of childlikeness in a woman
What the woman gets out of it

2004 Jan 26 - 22:41 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

Great analogy

What a great analogy, Max!! I learned two things from this article. One; even though I’ve always felt this way about it, this is a simple way to explanation the differences between the various forms of spanking to someone who may not understand. And two; the Eskimos have 200 words to describe snow. No kidding .... is that true?

by Robert on 2004 Jan 27 - 01:50 | reply to this comment

Nice article

Great article Max. I never thought of it that way before. Thanks!

Tap

by tap dancer on 2004 Jan 30 - 00:40 | reply to this comment

The Eskimo Analogy

Well said, Max. Experienced spankers have a large vocabulary of spanking at their disposal. Thank you for expressing that so well.

by anonymous on 2006 Oct 15 - 18:43 | reply to this comment

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