Strength versus weakness

Some might think that a woman who is submissive is a woman who is weak. This is totally untrue. There is a tendency to see the words “submissive” and “weak” as being synonymous but they're not. I think that most submissive women are strong, and they seek strong, dominant men because they fear overwhelming a weak man, and being with a strong, dominant man allows them to relax and be themselves.

Similarly, I believe that there are two types of dominant man – the one who is strong, and the one who is weak. Those who are weak do everything they can to keep their woman in her place. They need their woman to be subordinate if they are to feel okay. They cover their emotional weakness by acting tough. They rule through fear, and do not appear to value consent. In fact, they fear their women.

Rather than grow himself as a person, the weak man tries to force his partner to kneel to look up to him, making him feel big. He needs to put her down. In my view, people like this are bullies in the classic sense: they impose their wishes on others without regard for the other person’s desires. If this is what the woman wants, then okay, but if not, I hope that the woman stands up, looks down at him and realises just how small and pathetic he is, and steps on him. (Yes, in common with many strong dominant men, I loathe bullies).

A man with strength does not feel the need to prove himself dominant or strong, he simply is. Dominance is about emotional and mental strength, and little if anything to do with physical strength (and it is nothing to do with the ability to shout louder than your partner). A truly dominant man has nothing to fear from listening to his partner’s viewpoint. In fact, it makes good intellectual and emotional sense to do so. A dominant man accepts the responsibility of being responsible for the emotional, physical and mental wellbeing of his partner. The decisions to be taken remain his, but asking advice from his partner is something he will do often.

Thus the fundamental difference – a strong dominant man is concerned about his partner, and values her input; a weak dominant man is scared of his partner, and tries to keep her in her place (which means below him). A man who is strong wants his partner to grow and to be all she can; a weak one diminishes his partner, keeping her tied to him.

There are weak dominant men and strong submissive women as well as strong dominant men, and what we should all shoot for is strong partners, not weak ones. Because a weak dominant man is an abusive one, and a weak submissive is clingy, dependent and screwed up.

Stay well all

Random

Have you seen the following articles?
Secretary: a deeper understanding
Maybe these surrendered women are on to something
What does the man get out of it? Many things!
No more waiting!
Dominant to the last
Liberated through submission
Why a man might be reluctant and what to do about it
Journey into true submission
Introducing the intimate control dynamic
What kind of site is this? D/s? TPE? CP? DD? ABCD?

2004 Jan 24 - 12:37 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

Power in relationships

Sam (of Sam & Missy)

After having been both a leader in business, home and military, (and having been led - even dominants must learn to take subordinate roles for the well-being of any organization), I have come to develop conclusions regarding those in power, and how it affects relationships.

In my observations I have arrived at this conclusion: There are two types of power: Positional Power and Personal Power.

Positional Power comes from the position that the person holds. A police officer holds positional power to ticket and arrest, and even kill. The president of a company holds positional power to hire, fire, direct and lead the individuals of a company. The head of the household holds the positional power to lead,direct and discipline the family.

Personal Power on the other hand is embodied within the individual. You don't need a title to know that a person has "it." Personal power is an internal strength that an individual is either born with an abundance of the "stuff," or has learned to take the small seed and develop it into a sense of confidence that exudes leadership, which draws others to follow.

The best leader has both Personal Power (the internal stuff),

and Positional Power (the authority entrusted to him by the people who trust him to properly fulfill the role that is best for the social order - whether it be military, business or household.) The best people that I have led have Personal Power, but for the good of the organization, have subordinated themselves to the Positional Power of the Leader. They are loyal, trustworthy and supportive. They are NOT WEAK. Just the opposite. They are incredibly strong! May I say that it is often more difficult for a person with Personal Power to take a subordinate role than it is for the person with Personal Power to take the Position of Power.

A strong woman has much of the Personal Power that I speak of, but the wise woman recognizes that the social order of a household requires that she take a subordinate role. She submits to the leadership of the husband. She entrusts him with the Positional Power to direct her and the family and to hold her accountable to him - both for her well-being and for that of the family. This difficult role brings honor, not only to her husband, but also to herself. This is not a weak woman. This is one very wise woman who has used her Personal Power to strengthen and uphold her family and the relationship that she shares with her husband.

by Sam2020 on 2004 Jan 24 - 17:35 | reply to this comment

Strong Women

Random,

When I first started exploring this submissive side of myself I was also a bit concerned about being "weak". Let me assure you that is definitely not the case! I am very strong. So strong that I have spent most of my life putting on the "brakes" so that I do not run over people like a bus.

I married a controlling man because I could not dominate him. I mistakenly saw that as strength. I came to realize in a short period of time that, rather than him being stronger than I, I was in fact the stronger of the two. I did not feel the need to bring others down to build myself up. I have met many such "strong" people over the years.

Seeing the wonderful men in groups such as this has confirmed my suspicions. A truly strong person is one who is strong in character and compassion - not because of their muscles or even strong will. Their strength is best seen in their ability to encourage and gain pleasure in watching others grow better and stronger.

Strength is having the power or ability to control or crush something and still be able to refrain from doing so.

Tmir

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Jan 25 - 19:40 | reply to this comment

Strong dominance, strong submission

Random...I think what you say in your article is very true. A dominant man in our sense is as you describe. A weak man is just that...a weak man who hides his weakness by bullying.

An intersting point came up as you described the strong submissive woman. Couldn't one suggest the strong submissive woman has essentially the same character and moral traits as the strong dominant man? They will both want the same thing...what is best for their partner and their shared relationship. Neither will either bully or cling and each will try to enhance the natural abilities of the other.

Personally, I don't see much of a difference between dominance and submission except in a sexual or conventional behavior context, each label deriving in the end from our perceptions of social conventions defining the terms. I think the 'power' that shifts between the two has nothing to do with 'rulership' or one having control but rather comes down to our way of enriching connection and deepening love.

I guess what I am trying to say is that in my view of things there is no real difference between strong dominance as you describe and strong submission. They will both have the same real qualities of inner strength but when these two strengths blend together they form an intimate bond that enhances both their strengths.

Frank Nelson

by Frank Nelson on 2004 Feb 1 - 00:45 | reply to this comment

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