I have always found getting dressed up a terrible bore, and since I never bothered with it much I tended to attract the sort of men who didn't set a lot of store by it. Most of the men I went out with prefered me in casual clothes. However, I do wear the kind of underwear my husband likes, which is his main concern as far as clothes go. He would prefer it if I wore more revealing clothing, short skirts and plunge-neck tops being his prefered mode of dress for me, but I just don't feel comfortable in that sort of thing. I used to wear those kind of clothes occasionally when I was young, but at my age I can't bring myself to do it. He's quite happy with jeans so long as they are tight. Baggy trousers are anathema to him, so I never wear them. I do have a wrap-around dress that I bought to wear on the beach, it's much easier to change out of a swimsuit into a dress than struggle into jeans, and that drives him wild. And I've got a couple of other frocks that I sometimes wear in hot weather, but we haven't had much of that this year.

With hair I try to compromise between what he likes and what I would prefer, I'd like it shorter than I wear it and he'd like it longer, but I keep it below shoulder-length in order to keep him reasonably satisfied.

I've never worn makeup, and he's never expressed any desire for me to wear it, so that's all right. I suppose I would give it a go if he expressed a desire for me to wear it, but I wouldn't be terribly happy about it, it's such a drag putting the stuff on.

I've never really worried much about whether I'm feminine enough or not, I jsut try to keep a compromise between what my husband likes and what I like. I suppose since I met most of them men I went out with(including my husband) in a hisorical re-enactment society where I was dressed as a man for most of the time, I didn't tend to attract the sort of men who had rigid ideas about what 'feminine' was.

Louise

My partner loves me to dress up just for him....and as he does so very much for me, I feel that dressing to please is the tiniest of "thank you"s that I can offer. He finds it sexy for me to look quite slutty for the bedroom although he'd put his foot down if I went out of the house like that, so most nights my bedtime routine involves putting on heavy makeup rather than taking it off! (I've invested in dark bedlinen too!)

I'm lucky that he totally recognises that sexy undies are a treat for him and not entirely comfortable for me so when it comes to his birthday and Christmas....I buy him something for me to wear for him at his request!

He really enjoys the fact that I ask him what he would like me to wear each day. He chooses whether I should wear my hair up or down too. As for me, I get a huge kick out of knowing that I look the way that best pleases him and to be perfectly honest it's a lot easier than the way I used to be standing helpless in front of the wardrobe each day trying to make up my mind what to wear.

I hate making decisions if I don't have to. To me the biggest benefit of my Taken In Hand style relationship is that other than in my working life, I rarely have to make decisions about anything. It is so comforting to know that somebody else is taking the time and effort to make decisions they have thought through as being in my best interests. It makes me feel truly cherished.

Curious, why do guys like to tell women how to dress, particularly when they will be going out socially? What is it about men that they like other men to notice but not get too close? Competitiveness? And this makes women arm candy.

My husband would always like me to wear more revealing clothing than I do, but I am just too embarrassed to wear stuff like that at my age. Except on the beach, which doesn't count, the wrap-around dress I put on when I come out of the sea drives him wild, but I'd never wear it anywhere else. I do find it reassuring though that he seems to want me to reveal myself rather than cover myself up, this shows that he still thinks I have something worth revealing, which I find touching.

My underwear remains his primary area of interest though, and that he doesn't expect me to reveal to anyone else.

Louise

Dressing sexily is all very well, but I like to be comfortable too. And since my husband's main priority is keeping the house reasonably clean and tidy, and stopping the children from running amuck, I need to be dressed comfortable in order to be able to do that. I would not be able to do housework or break up fights between the children if I was having to worry all the time about wearing sexy clothes. My husband would prefer me in mini skirts, but he doesn't mind jeans so long as they are tight, which seems like a reasonable compromise to me. There's nothing wrong with being sexy, but there's nothing wrong, as far as I am concerned, with wanting to be comfortable.

Louise

I love being dressed by a man. Clothes are an important part of my femininity and sexuality and submissiveness. I virtually never wear trousers for example except for skiing. I almost always wear high heels. (But then I don't do that much cleaning that would require less smart clothes, so it's a question of what life you lead that determines these issues from a practical point of view). What has interested me is that since my divorce I haven't given up how I used to dress for my husband. I still wear the same things in bed etc. Perhaps it will wear off over the years and I'll just dress for comfort. We'll see.

I have posted a comment about dress in another thread but I will add something here.

We dress for basically two reasons. Protection from the elements and of our privacy and to communicate something about who we are.

Everyone understands how uniforms work and they too communicate your "status"... who you are, how you are to be treated or related to and so on.

When we dress, we tend to choose styles that are appropriate to the occasion. If we are going to Home Depot we wouldn't expect a lady to accompany her man in a little black dress, stilettos and a string of Tahitian pearls. Nor would we expect her to wear sweats and those god awful sneakers to the opera.

The above are pretty obvious examples of "inappropriate" dress. In reality we often have more flexibility and it is within the range of options that the more nuanced (and less) come into play.

There are many circumstances today when a woman can wear trousers, flat shoes, little make up, fashion accessories etc. or go the other way and wear heels, a sexy dress, somewhat glamorous make up and jewelry. We might call this dressing "down" or "up"... meaning turning their sex appeal higher or toning it down.

Sex appeal to whom is the next question. The single woman who is "hunting" dresses with the catch in mind more often than not. When she is spoken for her dress takes on another layer of meaning. She now represents her partner as well as herself.

Into this mix throw in the demands of fashion which is driven by "younger" styles.

The spoken-for woman should recognize that her appearance is no less important to her partner than it was when she was in the hunting mode. He still wants to see her as a desirable female, sexually appealing. And he will have very defined ideas of what that may mean.

While most men will readily admit that the styles which appeal to them the most are not necessarily appropriate for every occasion some want their significant others to throw caution to the wind and dress as if only he mattered. This is probably not a good idea in most cases and it could have serious career implications for example.

Men want to believe that their woman is their sexual partner who is meant to arouse desire in him. Desire is not something which arises completely within, a biological need and is not influenced by our environment. It very much is. We are bombarded by sexual stimuli constantly... including the dress of women other than our partners.

To deny that how we present has no bearing on our "affection" is to bury your head in the sand. Sure practicality is an issue. You can't expect to loot like a hottie in the garden or doing the chores... but with some creativity you CAN find a more appealing way ALWAYS to present without going over the top.

While it may be OK for a man to choose everything his lady wears, it is not necessary once she understands his sensibility and reads his reaction to her. It can be that simple. Pay attention to his cues and you will note that he will have no problems leaving them.

Dress is communication. Relationships are communication.

Dress for communication!

SanderO

I'm not the most sociable person. I'm shy. My husband, on the other hand, is extremely outgoing with a commanding presence that results in him earning leadership roles in each of the many organizations he invests himself in. Because I felt awkward, socially, and wasn't very interested in many of his preferred activities, I would often send him off to them by himself even when he asked if I wanted to go.

When we began our Taken in Hand relationship - nearly a year ago, now - I realized that by staying home and trying to avoid notice I was depriving him of something he wanted very much. Why does a man want his woman to meet his friends? He wants to say two things. 1)"This woman is mine," and 2)"Look how valuable she is." At that time I was wearing a lot of sweats and t-shirts, flip-flops everywhere, and never makeup. Over the last year I have gradually been improving my appearance because for the first time I realized the impact that my appearance had on his. I wanted to look nice not for myself, but for him - and doing something for him was a powerful motivator.

My idea of 'looking nice' has evolved: at first it meant the nice sweats and the more fitted t-shirts, then I switched from sweats to jeans, flip-flops to some feminine ballet flats (for my 'everyday shoes'). I bought my first pair of heels since my teenage years, and practiced until I could walk properly in them; today when I went out shopping I wore heels with my jeans. I'm starting to wear just a little everyday makeup, because I see the difference it makes in my appearance. I'm sure that I will continue in this direction, and I am glad of it. I feel so much better this way, so much more feminine, and I can see that my husband takes more pride in me when I take more pride in myself.

Bossman, I just read your post in the other thread about how women should dress, and I do have one question. While I am glad you feel that men should also follow some standard of dress (and are not bent only on imposing one on women), you seem to take absolutely no regard for comfort.

I live in a state where summer temperatures frequently get into the high 80s. Most businesses supply air conditioning, but many homes are not air conditioned, and certainly the outdoors (which is more often than not very humid) is not air conditioned. Your desire to see women only in long sleeves and men never in shorts seems odd to me. In my mind someone who looks cool and comfortable is far more attractive than someone sweating in a suit.

Do comfort and practicality have any role in your clothing preferences, either for you or for women?

My attire changes drastically between work and JohnB. While he does enjoy a few exceptions (like that pair of capris that shows off my rather plump rump), the norm in his preference for me is skirts or dresses, stockings and heels. I will often, but not always ask what he'd like me to wear for a particular outing.

He is also a very practical man, and understands that my work requires jeans for my safety, and that I will be very dirty and unfeminine looking by the time I come home. He also doesn't expect me to clean and take care of and play with the kids while dressed 'to the nines'. Those warm sweats and lounge pants however, are in reserve for times when I must get certain tasks done (or am not feeling well), and it is too chilly for anything more pleasing to us both.

I don't bother with make-up for cleaning house, and really wear very little even when we go out. Just a bit of mascara and eyeliner is all it seems to take to bring out my eyes, some gloss to highlight my smile and make him smile. Since I dearly enjoy dressing to please him, and he understands my necessities for work, this is an easy subject for us.

kitten

We were out together and noticed an attractive women in tight jeans and top, high heels. Tight tight. He turned to me and said he would not want me to dress like that. It wouldn't fly with him. I used to dress that way for years, until I became just a wee bit older and found the current low hip jeans to be just a wee bit silly looking - I did wear them the first time they were in style!

Yet, he challenged my mind and I of course said, "what do you mean"?

He explained it is not that I don't have the figure to wear the tight tight look - it's just that being a little older and in a relationship with him, he saw no reason I needed to dress as if I was "advertisting".

Advertising is not how I look at it. But maybe he has a point.