We're Sam and Missy. We have been married for 23 years and have had a good marriage, one that we have both worked at maintaining. But Sam always had an empty feeling that something was missing both within himself and in the marriage. Missy was certainly a pleaser, and attentive to Sam's needs, and Sam, the ex-Military Officer, MBA, and owner of his successful company, has always been a take-charge guy. He led and she followed. It worked.

Sounds like a pretty good arrangement. So what was missing?

Well, here is Sam's account of the series of events:

For months I have been looking for a part of me that was and has been totally unfulfilled, not knowing what it was. It was certainly sexually linked, but I couldn't find the source of the emptiness and frustration. I explored all types of web sites, sometimes getting entangled in porn, which only led to more frustration and emptiness. How empty I felt.

In continuing my search, I stumbled across the term, “Domestic Discipline.” Again, in searching using this term, I came across a whole bunch of porn sites with models blistering each other, adding to my frustration. This wasn't it. But, then I came across a chat group which I monitored. These were real people dealing with real issues and incorporating domestic discipline into their lives. Yes! This hit home. I wasn't sure why, but I knew that I was on the right path to identify the root cause of the missing link(s).

Now that I was in the ballpark, I needed to find resources to get to the bottom of this issue. I read and read the posts in the chat group, and had to filter through and discard a lot of fantasy junk that people had written in. But in my exploration I was able to get a feel for how the real couples were working together. Well, then came the key: in response to a question by a new member of the group seeking information, one of the women writers referenced the Taken In Hand web site. I immediately jumped to this site and knew that I had found the Motherlode. It was a goldmine of information.

I read the articles and the comments and I found me (my feelings, desire for intimacy, desire to teach and instruct, etc.) embedded in the writings of some of the people who posted to the site. I was excited. I found that the source of my frustration was that I was naturally dominant (not a sadist, not one who looks to beat his wife – I am very gentle with her and naturally protective of her and wouldn't do anything to damage her – but make no mistake, I was clearly identified as dominant). Once I digested this discovery and its impact on me, I explored each article that I could consume. Then I found the source of my emptiness.

After reading some of the articles, I longed for the relationship and intimacy that many of the writers – men and women – described. I read the frustration of some of the women who longed for a man like me who would guide them with a firm, loving hand. Someone who would cherish his wife for who she was, yet discipline her and watch her grow so that she would become even more cherished in his life. I wouldn't be considered a pervert because I could see that my personality was exactly what the women in the articles kept describing. What a relief! What a discovery! I now knew that what was missing in me and our lives was that my need to discipline in an intimate relationship was totally unfulfilled.

But then came a new problem. How do I reveal this to Missy? How do I communicate to her this emptiness in me and in our relationship? How do I bring her into this thought process and not scare her? Even though we had used mild erotic spanking in our lovemaking and we had both enjoyed that, I was very fearful in discussing my dominant nature, domestic discipline, and everything that went with it. I was concerned that she would feel pressured into a lifestyle that she was uncomfortable with, which would create discord in our marriage. Remember, she's a great gal, and we have a solid marriage. I thought, “Hey stupid, if it ain't broke, don't fix it!” But, then I thought about how we often settle for so much less in life just to be safe.

Well, no guts, no glory. No risk, no return. No leadership, no results. Here goes...

I wrote an email love letter to her, describing to her what I had found out about myself and what I desired from our relationship. In the letter, I outlined domestic discipline, as best I could. I also gave her a link to two articles that I had picked out from Taken In Hand, and asked that she read them with an open mind.

After I'd sent it, I felt a huge sense of relief – for a while. Then, I started to feel like Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire, where he developed this concept for dealing with clients in a fair and honest way (this, in a cut-throat industry), and late at night, he distributed it to his peers to be read the next morning. It all seemed right after he let it fly, but when he woke up the next morning, he knew that he had taken an enormous risk and left himself totally exposed. That's how I felt.

In the dark, at 5AM on Saturday I wrote and sent the email letter. She got out of bed around an hour later. All through the morning after she had gotten up, I kept waiting and waiting for Missy to check her email. She normally does this a few times a day and almost certainly does it in the morning. Well, this Saturday, she seemed to take forever to check the mail. It was torture!

Then it happened. In the late afternoon (finally!), while I was watching a ball game on TV, she went into the study and stayed there for some time – a fairly long time. I tried to keep my mind on the game, but it was tough. I kept waiting for her to come out in tears, or with divorce papers in hand, or an angry expression in her eyes. Finally, she came out. We talked.

To my surprise, she wasn't shocked. She told me that she was somewhat confused, not understanding all of what I was trying to tell her in the letter or what she had read on the web site. So, with a knot in my stomach, I explained what I had researched and what I had found. More than that, I asked her if she would be willing to explore this with me. To her great credit, she said that while she could understand how I, the husband, would benefit from this due to my dominant nature, she couldn't understand how the wife would benefit. But, she was willing to go forward – for me!

Because your site is so tastefully done (my congratulations and deepest thanks), I was able to direct her to begin reading more of the articles. If this were a porn site, it just wouldn't have worked for us.

Remember, this conversation started on a Saturday afternoon. By Saturday night, after reading and consuming a number of articles – she must have spent three hours on your site – she had developed a very good understanding as to how much of an impact this could make in her personal growth – something that she had not seen just a few hours before that.

After talking about her (our) discovery well into the evening, we went to bed, and had an intense lovemaking experience. Sunday morning, she told me that she had had a rather restless night while the domestic discipline possibilities raced through her head. On the way back from church, Missy revealed to me that she would welcome my guidance and that she would like to recommend that she be given both ‘reassurance spankings’ as well as ‘discipline spankings’ (something that she learned from one of the articles that she read). She went on to describe the tremendous benefit that she could see from domestic discipline for her and how our marriage would be enhanced in such an intimate way.

I was shocked at her level of understanding in such a short time. What took me months to discover, she had a handle on in hours. Pretty sharp little lady, huh?

Missy told me that she would submit to me, unconditionally. I was to make decisions for us that would impact the intimacy of our marriage. Now, my head was reeling from the incredible series of events that had taken place in such a short time. She has given me the freedom to be me, to be fulfilled, while bearing the responsibility of guiding her to be fulfilled in her role as a woman and wife.

We've started this new journey together. We know that it may be difficult. She has had numerous reassurance spankings and only one discipline spanking. But, the benefits are already starting to flow. She has become so confident, so self-assured that it is amazing to watch. While I have given her a simple set of rules to start working on, she has developed goals that she wants accomplished and is organizing herself to achieve these goals. The intimacy level in our marriage is off the scale and has broken all previous highs.

Where has domestic discipline been all our married life? If only we had found it sooner. But, our new journey has begun. We are excited!

Sam

Take the Taken In Hand tour