Where these men come from...

You’ve found a man that, in spite of past less-than-satisfying relationships with men, overcomes your opinion of the opposite sex. You've discovered that, unlike others, he is a man that meets the need that you’ve been searching for. And now you ask, “where did he come from?” You ask, “are they born, or are they made?”

The answer is, “YES!”

A man is neither born nor made. He is born male, then (hopefully) matures into what we know as a man. Not that all males turn into what society would describe as the prototypical male. And, more so, not that all men are the type of man that desires to lead his woman, care for her, direct her, and yes, even discipline her.

My point is this: that this dominant (takeninhand-type) man of yours that you have found (or, are searching for) was born with some combination of inherent likes, desires, skill sets and other components. One of those components was a desire for dominance in a heterosexual relationship. But, just like other skill-sets that a person is born with, this desire (I would call it a need) must be developed, and most importantly, combined with other learned behavior to make the package one that is truly cherished by his woman.

The same man that you so admire, while always having that dominant thread running throughout his soul, may have also been a cad, may have also been weak, may have also been cavalier about a woman’s heart. But, time and experience have taught him. He has learned to look beyond his need to simply dominate by understanding the need that his woman has to be conquered, surrendered, and submissive. He has learned that this desire of hers to be dominated matches his own desire to dominate. Yet, he has learned that she cannot simply give it up. He must be worthy. He must understand. He must be intimate with her (not simply sexually intimate, for that is far too easy of a solution.)

No, he must KNOW her, and only then is she conquerable. In knowing her, he must also LOVE her and she must value his love for her. And, inherent in the act of love (again, not just sexual), is his desire to guide, protect and lead, making the best decisions for them.

Yes, he is born with a core. He is wired to dominate his woman. But, it is with time, mistakes, personal failures, and other obstacles that he is seasoned. When understanding, wisdom and maturity have fertilized this core – then you have the man. And this man is searching for his mate. For, as much as you ladies need this man for you, it is important to understand that not all women match up to him. And, when he has found his woman, she is cherished indeed!

Sam

Take the Taken In Hand tour

Have you seen the following articles?
Domestic discipline (DD)
Stereotypes
The making of a dominant man
The exquisite pleasure of childlikeness in a woman
My husband's calm control makes me feel submissive
Could micromanagement work for you, too?
Make each other feel the luckiest person alive!
She wants to be taken in hand against her will?!
Now I want my husband all the time
Could you be a slave, owned, property?

2006 Jul 23 - 19:36 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

True...

Very true and I haven't noticed it's an age things either. One of the best people to dominate me was in his late 20s, but he was confidant, successful with women, very experienced and very innately dominant. I've seen 19 year old friends of my daughters (whom I would never go near of course) who have clear assertive confidence (although one never knows if they're dominant or not) whereas others can hardly speak to a girl at that age, never mind treat her right, care, dominate, take charge.

I think part of it is education, experiences of life, perhaps travel, independence at an early age which some men don't get. Some are just good with women, understand women, want to know about women, prefer women to men, like to get inside their head. Yet others will never be faithful to anyone ever whether they're 19 or 69.

by Hera on 2006 Jul 23 - 23:10 | reply to this comment

Beyond the Self

It helps to have a female component within the male persona. The preceding statement should not be interpreted as an endorsement of femininity in men.

Nevertheless, there must be some empathy and understanding of woman present in the man. The man must be able to get beyond himself - his wants, his needs, his wishes, his desires, and so forth. Otherwise, there is estrangement.

Likewise, there must be an understanding of men with the woman. Although equal mixture is far from ideal, a little psychological androgyny is useful.

by Noone on 2006 Jul 24 - 14:45 | reply to this comment

Where Do These Men Come From

Well,

As far as I can ascertain, most of these men come [at least emotionally] from grade school. Their problem of course is that no matter how hard they try they cannot force the risible notion of cherished womanly submissiveness down the throats of most women.

I have read many of the posts from your readers and both male/female friends have often gotten a good laugh from them. In fact, some suggestions: [1] The vote should be taken away from any female who identifies herself a a taken in hand woman. Obviously she is not mature enough and will only vote as her husband instructs her. [2] Job applicants should be asked if they are a taken in hand woman. If so, they should immediately be informed that unfortunately the company only hires adults. [3] Child social workers should be required to check periodically on any taken in hand mother. Why? Children need mature adults as mothers, not sniveling infants who have to wait until daddy comes home to spank her. I personally who not allow any taken in hand woman [or man] within a 1000 yards of my own children.

Only a man who resents women having the nerve to actually consider herself an adult would come to this site. And this, of course, is the major irony. The men are basically weaklings who cannot bear any criticism, any thought that they are less than omniscent. The plain fact is that men too often need a very good spanking. If there are any women out there who still have a scintilla of strength, character or intelligence I would suggest joining the Disciplinary Wives Club. Next time your man acts like a child treat him like one. Smack his bottom a few times and you will probably get some good results.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Jul 26 - 04:03 | reply to this comment

hmmm...I'd be angry that you

hmmm...I'd be angry that you are trolling, but anyone who takes that much time to formulate a post must be a little interested in the idea. Take all the time you need to come to terms with it. I'm sure as you read a little more you will better understand what this really is.

Don't forget to check out the personals.

by cj on 2006 Jul 26 - 12:27 | reply to this comment

Reply to anonymous of 26 July

Since you have discovered the Disciplinary Wives Club site it seems you have a personal interest in dominance and submission. You must therefore be aware of the nature of such sites - that they discuss a lifestyle freely chosen by the parties, to which both have given consent because it gives both parties pleasure.

If you had read this site properly you would find a great deal of discussion from women who fully support women's social and political rights, as well as many educated and professional women. This relationship style is a personal choice.

Further, if you and your friends rely on an internet site for your entertainment, then may I suggest you get out more.

by Lauren on 2006 Jul 26 - 13:25 | reply to this comment

DWC is Just the Opposite Side of the Same Coin

If you are really concerned about men and women being adults then why would you say the men need to be spanked any more than the women? The truth is that neither gender is better, smarter, or more mature than the other. No woman NEEDS to be taken in hand. She chooses it, at least she should choose it or freely consent to it or else it is something else that starts with an A.

Similarly men who are attracted to the DWC are attracted to that lifestyle because they want it, not because they need it to function as grown men or because they are immature.

"Pat"

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Jul 26 - 21:37 | reply to this comment

Talk about immature

"[1] The vote should be taken away from any female who identifies herself a a taken in hand woman. Obviously she is not mature enough and will only vote as her husband instructs her."

What makes you think a Taken in Hand woman will only vote as her husband instructs her to vote? Clearly, despite your frequent visits to this site, you do not understand what a Taken in Hand relationship is all about. My partner does not want a doormat; someone who cannot decide for herself. I have my own opinions, and they are often quite different from his. That is what makes us work: balance. I have seen many articles on the Taken in Hand site from men explaining they do not want someone who cannot think for herself. Male-led relationships do not necessarily mean the woman has no say or opinion. This is certainly not the case with my Taken in Hand relationship.

"[2] Job applicants should be asked if they are a taken in hand woman. If so, they should immediately be informed that unfortunately the company only hires adults."

I consider myself to be an adult. The fact that I am in a Taken in Hand relationship doesn't diminish my maturity. I can't even imagine why you would say this. Is it because the majority of the women posting on this site are deeply connected to their partners, emotionally and physically cared for, and showered with love? Do you equate this with childishness? Perhaps it is the spanking aspect of a Taken in Hand relationship that you find childish. But there are many couples who post on this site that do not use spanking, ever.

"[3] Child social workers should be required to check periodically on any taken in hand mother."

I agree that children need mature adults as parents, not just mothers. But I don't see why you are so determined to say that Taken in Hand women are immature. Perhaps you are willing to extrapolate on this.

Taken in Hand women can be full of strength, character, and intelligence, just as much as any other woman can be. I know I am. My partner is not a weakling, and he is quite aware that he is not omniscient. I respect and love him, and he respects and loves me. Being Taken in Hand is a choice, made by both people involved. You are obviously drawn to the notion of Taken in Hand, as you admitted to spending a decent amount of time here. I have trouble understanding polyamorous relationships, truthfully I don’t like the idea at all. Therefore I would never hang out on a polyamorous relationship site and criticize the members' lifestyles. That wouldn't be very adult-like of me.

by lex on 2006 Jul 26 - 22:52 | reply to this comment

A whiff of inconsistency?

So, let me see if I understand “Where Do These Men Come From“ correctly.

1) Dominance in men is conclusive evidence that they “come [at least emotionally] from grade school,” and are "basically weaklings who cannot bear any criticism, any thought that they are less than omniscent [exude all odors?].” (Perhaps the intended word was “omniscient.”) But if a woman has “a scintilla of strength, character or intelligence“ she necessarily belongs in the Disciplinary Wives Club.

2) Submissiveness in women is conclusive evidence that they are not adults but rather “sniveling infants.” But men whose needs are compatible with the suggestion “Smack his bottom a few times and you will probably get some good results” are different and do not deserve equivalent derision. (Why is submission and being spanked natural and appropriate only for men?)

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Jul 27 - 01:17 | reply to this comment

It Has Been Tried - Once

A few decades ago, there was actually a serious attempt in the United States to have any woman wishing to be under the control of a man to be committed to a mental institution. It went nowhere.

As for the other adventures in wishful thinking:

1) After passage of the Nineteenth Amendment - that gave women the right to vote in the United States - the percentage of eligible voters who actually voted in elections began to decline.

2) American corporations exported a significant number of jobs to countries where women's rights are less than they are in the United States. China, India, and Latin America are examples.

3) Child welfare agencies in the United States are falling apart. It turned out the government makes a poor surrogate parent when compared to the real thing.

Anyone who does not want a taken-in-hand woman to come within a thousand yards of their children needs to either live in a wilderness area or have a very lot since a thousand yards is almost six-tenths of a mile - and that is what *each side* of their yard would have to measure just to be on the safe side!

The notion of a Disciplinary Wives Club is little more than an anachronism from the days when some very ambitious social engineers thought they were going to rewrite the laws of biology. It is leftover from the early days of feminism when it was erroneously believed that women could be just like men if they did the things like men do them and the roles of men and women were reversible.

Anyone who feels threatened by a husband and wife team who do things alike or togethr is terribly insecure.

by Noone on 2006 Jul 27 - 10:37 | reply to this comment

Oh my God!

I can't bear this criticism!

I guess it's worth being reminded from time to time that some people feel very threatened by us here, even though we're all really, really sweet and no one's forced to visit this site. Funny. I suspect this is a wind-up, though - as others have said, she's obviously a closet spanko. Let's hope she feels better soon.

by Carl on 2006 Jul 27 - 17:28 | reply to this comment

It is clear...

That this poster has no idea what a Taken in Hand relationship is about. Perhaps someday, he/she will. Until then, everything that he/she posted is simply not to the point and best ignored, IMNSHO.

the boss

by sarahdinah on 2006 Jul 27 - 18:07 | reply to this comment

The Disciplinary Wives Club

I understand that the membership of this club is largely made up of men who desire to be disciplined by women, like Taken In Hand,it is a matter of personal desire, not any kind of social engineering, failed or otherwise. There are people of both sexes who have submissive feelings, and it is nothing to do with social engineering, but simply with personal desires.

Louise

by Louise C on 2006 Jul 27 - 18:40 | reply to this comment

Simply Ignore the shot...

I read about a group of GI's in the Pacific campaign during WWII who were dug in on an island and were harrassed by a sniper. They found out over time that the sniper was a terrible shot, couldn't really hit anything, and didn't do any damage whatsoever except irritate the troops. They decided to not return fire because the poor Jap sniper just wasn't worth the bullet.

After a while, the troops sort of just shrugged, smiled, ignored the sniper and went on about their day.

May I suggest that we do the same about these anonymous "Snipers" taking potshots at the site or the topics that we so enjoy? They really can't hit anything and aren't worth the return bullet!

Sam (of Sam & Missy)

by Sam2020 on 2006 Jul 28 - 09:22 | reply to this comment

Re: Where do these men come from

The core concepts of being "Taken in Hand" have nothing to do with spanking or being forced into submitting to a man. It is a state of mind; a willing exchange between a woman who respects a man enough to let him lead her in their personal relationship together. It means that she does not belittle or attack his thoughts, deeds or opinions. If she has a critism, she delivers it to him in a constructive fashion, as a mature adult woman. In return, the man shows his gratitude to this display of respect by cherishing her feelings above all else, and making her the number one priority in his life.

Just my two cents.....

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Jul 28 - 15:12 | reply to this comment

Ignore the shot

What a great suggestion!! I can think of other applications in my personal life. Thanks for the revelation.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Jul 28 - 18:31 | reply to this comment

two cents

The last post is a good description. I heard recently from two friends who explained their need for control. I really think that when you are with a man who will take control, that "need" fades and you feel much happier inside.

Smitten

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Jul 29 - 01:15 | reply to this comment

Response

Well cj:

I am sorry you believed I was trolling. I belong to many webgroups and have never intentionally trolled in my life. Again, I'm sorry if you saw it that way. What I had was simply an opinion that was obviously different than your own.

As for my developing an interest in the taken in hand concept I must respectfully decline. For one thing, I just stumbled on your website while researching an entirely different topic. For better or worse I prefer an equal male-female relationship. I'm not talking about some impossible utopia [we're discussing human beings here after all] but one where both partners/spouses agree that they both need to be taken in hand from time to time [if you prefer to put it that way]. Is it more difficult this way than just being a submissive? Perhaps so. But I'm willing to try.

Oh, and several [did I say several?] people complained that I posted anonymously. Apparently I did, but that was unintentional [I was in a bit of a hurry]. My name is Carrie.

Respectfully yours,

Carrie

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Aug 1 - 08:49 | reply to this comment

Response

Dear Lauren:

Of course I am aware of these sites. And perhaps you have a point. I don't remember suggesting that you or anyone else had no right to be here. However, your point was taken that perhaps it seemed hypocritical to mention the Disciplinary Wives Club. I meant only that, as the owner of this site herself

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Aug 1 - 08:57 | reply to this comment

Response

Dear Pat,

This is a fair enough comment. Probably bringing up the Disciplinary Wives Club was a mistake. I should have spoken of the Spencer Plan instead.

Again,since it seems so matter so very, very much then again I was wrong in the way I phrased my comments.

Yours,

Carrie

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Aug 1 - 09:00 | reply to this comment

Response

I am sorry, I don't know your name. You address yourself as taken in hand so I will use that also.

This is getting a bit repetitive. As for your basic comment, please see my comment to Lex. Again, the Spencer Plan would have been a better choice. I honestly never intended to start the screeds that developed. My own opinion, I'm sure many couples are here intentionally. However, isn't there just the slightest possibility that some start out here simply because let's face it we have been traditionally socialized that there is something wrong [and maybe Communistic!] about any relationship where men are not dominant and women not submissive. And that's what I meant when I mentioned the Disciplinary Wives Club, I mentioned it as an alternative [obviously too strongly for your taste admittedly] and that was all. Your own site suggests that individuals sometimes fight against their own natures and I didn't see anything wrong with individuals reassessing their priorities.

Respecfully,

Carrie

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Aug 1 - 09:35 | reply to this comment

Response

My Dear Carl:

I sorry you can't bear this criticism. But cheer up. Obviously your fellow posters rallied together to shore up your side, which is fine with me. If you took my comments personally I'm sorry.

As for feeling threatened, I hate to disappoint you but I don't. I sort of hesitate to say why, but what the heck, I can't see how much deeper I could get in anyway. The reason I couldn't be threatened is simply that there is no way I can imagine in a 100 years this becoming anything more than an alternative lifestyle for some couples. And again, since you seem to need validation that's fine. However, as far as this becoming the mainstream relationship mode, I just don't think its going to happen. You can't turn back the clock and as far as I can tell most [no not all] couples are going to try, lumps and bumps in the road, misunderstandings and all, some type of equal relationship.

And as for me being a closet spanko, what do you mean closet? I am a warehouse spanko. I never denied it and have no idea where you got that idea. The point is simply that I enjoy erotic spanking as long as the man is the spankee. And no I am not an evil dominatrix. I love men [not necessarily dominant or submissive just human] and would never really hurt a man for anything.

And as for me feeling better, how nice of you to be concerned. Actually, we just got a new sauna [I installed it] and I never felt better or more relaxed. I might gently suggest that you try something like this as well.

I realize of course that I probably disagreed with you [a male] in a non taken in hand fashion but lets face fact's. I'm not a taken in hand woman and never will be.

Yours,

Carrie

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Aug 1 - 10:06 | reply to this comment

Response

Dear Noone:

I would curious to know where you got your "facts." First of all, I am an Attorney [I admit it] specializing in psychiatric law. I would be fascinated to know what movement was afoot where a woman who wanted to be under the control of man was threatened with being institutionalized. I'm sure my colleagues would like to know too because it seems to have missed most of us in the discipline.

(1) As for the vote, I have no idea what asinine "point" you are trying to make and am really too tired to argue. If you somehow think that women gaining suffrage adversely affected the voting process than that is fine.

(2) American corporations? What on earth do they have to do with anything being discussed here?

(3) Again, I realize you have no sense of humor or you would have understood that I was not serious about children being taken away from any parent. In my job I often work closely with the California Childrens Social Services and have a much more hands on idea than yourself of the burden they are under.

As for moving, I'm sorry but I'm staying where I am. I live in Southern California and believe me its crowded. However, I love it here and besides we have a mortgage. As for taken in hand individuals, I really doubt if there are too many around. And no, I haven't done all the awesome "fact" finding you have apparently indulged in. I am just guessing. And if there are,that's fine.

Hate to disappoint you about the Disciplinary Wives Club but it is doing just fine. I also surfed the web and found
Domestic Discipline, another site where wives discipline husbands. If you are interested I would be happy to give you their URL's.

Your very comment about feminism leads me to realize how very little you understand the concept. And obviously there is not enough time to go into this since reams have written about same. Talk about being threatened.

And where on earth did you get the notion that somehow I opposed couples who do things alike or together? I hate to imagine a world where most couples didn't make some effort to share some interests. I imagine this came from your fervid "fact" machine.

Some of the other responses to my post made salient points and I tried to admit it and respond to them with more respect than I presumably did during my last post. On yours, I didn't bother for reasons that are fairly obvious.

Yours,

Carrie

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Aug 1 - 10:55 | reply to this comment

Response

Dear the boss:

First of all, may I gently suggest that there is a difference between misunderstanding a concept and just having a different interpretation. It is true that I have a different interpretation of taken in hand and it is obviously not your own. However, I do feel I have a right to an opinion, even if it does not comport in everyway with your own.

As for future postings, that is not a problem since I never really intended to post more than once. This is not a case of me getting insulted and slamming out the cyber door. I have no reason to. As I said before, no one censored my work or told me I couldn't post. Again, I never intended to post more than once and never would have again except for these responses. Right now I'm busy with a law practice, children, a husband [darn, he burned that oven mitt again; I'm going to have to take him in hand]. Well, you can see I'm busy. So, not a problem.

Yours,

Carrie

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Aug 1 - 11:12 | reply to this comment

Response

Carrie

My full reply to you was abbreviated by whoever moderates this site. Parts of your initial post were intended to be provocative as I saw it and so I was provocative in my reply. Had your initial post demonstrated respect for the other contributors to this site then my reply to you would have been entirely respectful. To be honest, I could not believe you were serious in the ‘suggestions’ you made in your initial post as you appeared to know little of the women who post here, their attitudes and abilities as parents, their political views or their occupations and competencies. I wondered if you were in favour of removal of voting rights, child social worker intervention, etc. in respect of the submissive men who are attracted to the Disciplinary Wives Club site but this part of my post was cut. Do you consider that someone is an irresponsible person merely because they make a personal choice to be submissive in their primary relationship?

You wrote:

“I have read many of the posts from your readers and both male/female friends have often gotten a good laugh from them”

People contribute here in good faith. Some of them are discussing issues that are, for them, fairly significant. Is it necessary to point out that you and your friends derive amusement from their contributions? This was a hostile statement in my view, which is why it attracted the response it did. I’m afraid I do find something slightly disturbing about a group of people who plough into people’s personal experiences, honestly expressed, to provide entertainment for themselves.

by Lauren on 2006 Aug 1 - 12:49 | reply to this comment

From the site owner

Please read the post that began this thread and ensure that your comment is on-topic for that topic. Posts arguing about whether or not it is OK to want a Taken In Hand relationship, and posts about whether or not it is OK to say X on this site, and other posts off-topic for this thread and/or the site as a whole, will be deleted. If you want to discuss the issue of whether or not Taken In Hand relationships should be allowed, etc., please start a new thread rather than writing an off-topic response on another thread. Thanks for your cooperation, everyone.

by the boss on 2006 Aug 1 - 13:46 | reply to this comment

How does Taken in Hand mean Immaturity?

Carrie,

I fail to understand completely how being in a Taken In Hand relationship has anything to do what so ever with maturity. I imagine that women in Taken In Hand relationships are as mature and immature as women who are in "equal" relationships. I can understand the inability to understand the why a woman may want a Taken In Hand relationship though. It is certainly not for everyone no matter how mature or immature they might be.

I'm going to leave other women behind me now because really I can only speak for myself. Being taken in hand by my husband has nothing what ever to do with how mature I am. I am a full adult I can assure you. I am a university educated professional woman who is perfectly capable of doing a job that requires a lot of responsibility. I took 10 years off of my career to raise my children and any Children's Aid worker is perfectly welcome in my home at any hour on any day. It would be a waste of tax payer's money for them to come here, but I assure you I have nothing to hide from them.

So if I am not immature then why would I want a Taken In Hand relationship? It is a fair question I think. It is not because I am incapable of surviving this world without a man. My husband and I lived in a pretty good marriage for 10 years that most would consider "equal". The marriage was not bad, in fact I think it was better than most. At least we never considered divorce. We have always been good friends, with really good communication. This is critical because it would be extremely difficult to have a Taken In Hand relationship without the ability to communicate with one another. Even though we had quite a lot of good sex, it was missing something for us. I never pin pointed what it was exactly until I came across male led relationships on the internet. I had a kind of "Aha" moment. I figured out that a Taken In Hand relationship was exactly what I wanted.

When I told my husband Mike about it four years ago, he was completely floored. Because I am a feminist, who is very independent and knows my own mind, it would never in a million years have crossed his mind that I might want to be taken in hand. Because my husband is such a sweet heart he was willing to give it a go. At the beginning it did not go very smoothly at all. We had a lot of starts, stops, changes of direction and starts again. But what we found that even before we felt we had it "right" it worked for us. My husband having the ability to take me in hand was very, very sexually exciting to us. His ability to take me in hand is very, very powerful for us. We connect on a level now that we never dreamed about before. We have reached a new high in our marriage, and we did not really think it could get much better. As I said it was pretty good to begin with.

Perhaps you feel this power in your relationship where you share power equally. If you do I applaud you. I think that if you are as close, loving, and sexually satisfied as we are in our marriage now then why would you even consider this kind of relationship? Of course it would seem ridiculous at first glance, maybe even the 1000th glance.

It might even seem a bit unfair that my husband would have the power to take me in hand, when I do not have the same power over him. You rightly say that husbands as well as wives can be obtuse, unthinking, uncaring, and immature. My husband is by no means perfect. It is not really about perfection, or who is "better behaved". It is not about who is more mature. For us it is about Mike taking me in hand, and that being powerful for us, but me taking Mike in hand is not. It just does not work for us. Mike taking me in hand is sexy for us, but it goes beyond being sexy. It is very satisfying for us on many, many levels. It has a rightness for us that is very difficult to put into words. People use the world "connected". We connect well when we swing the power into his hands. Obviously if you connect well when the power is equally shared between each other, that is fine too. If that is what works for you, then great.

I guess I have a difficult time understanding the hostility that your post exudes. Why so hostile? Why would you care so much as to post about how much of an imbecile I must be because I do not choose to live my life in the same way you choose to live yours? This is a personal choice for us, and we are very happy living this way. We hurt no one. I living this way does not mean that you must also or anyone else must for that matter. I'm sure you make choices that I would find difficult to understand in your life. But I also hope that I would be mature enough, and open minded enough to take the time to get to know you, and try to first understand why you might make the choice you did, before I called you person without character, and obviously without intelligence who should not be allowed to work, vote or take care of children. I hope that I should never be so quick to judge, and be so harsh in my judgements before I had the information to do so.

Take care,
Tevemer

Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong. -Dandemis

by Tevemer on 2006 Aug 2 - 20:21 | reply to this comment

Born or made

My apologies for deviating from the thread's topic. But I am a happy Taken in Hand woman, so affronts to my way of life are not easily dismissed. Not to mention, I think it is important and healthy to argue differences of opinion.

To address the thread topic, Where these men come from, it is my opinion that a dominant man is born, not made. Just as a submissive woman is born, or a submissive man is born, and so on. Though a person may try to battle his natural tendencies toward either dominance or submission, it is often a futile fight. I believe our brains are wired so that we behave in such ways, making it possible for us to enjoy a spanking, or on the other hand, enjoy administering a spanking. Though a person may try to stifle these urges, I think this only leads to unhappiness. That being said, I think it takes a very specific type of dominant man to lead a woman in a Taken in Hand relationship. Perhaps the subtle nuances that make a Taken in Hand relationship so unique are learned by both parties. But without that inherent dominant core, I don’t think a man can properly or effectively take a woman in hand.

by lex on 2006 Aug 3 - 02:34 | reply to this comment

Naturally dominant

People may have naturally dominant or submissive tendencies, but they don't always know what to do with them. And certain things don't come naturally to everyone. It would never have occured to my husband to spank me, for instance, if I hadn't made it clear that I liked the idea, it wasn't something he would have suggested for himself, because he wasn't wired to be a spanker the way I was wired to be a spankee. He has taken to it over time though.

It doesn't really surprise me that anyone should find the idea of a Taken In Hand relationship strange or absurd, I thought it was pretty strange and absurd when I first discovered this site, and it still seems to me weird that anyone should desire to be in an unequal rather than an equal relationship. The fact that (most of the time) I actually like being told what to do by my husband still seems very mysterious to me.

Louise

by Louise C on 2006 Aug 3 - 06:34 | reply to this comment

Strange and Absurd

The fact that someone finds this site strange or absurd is not surprising or upsetting to me. I am sure there are several people that stumble upon Taken in Hand and find it incredibly mysterious that anyone, especially a woman, would subscribe to such a lifestyle. In fact, the exact reasons as to why I enjoy this are still not clear to me, and perhaps they never will be. There have been a few occasions when a thread has made me shake my head in disbelief at what people do, but I would never post my opinions in a way that hurt anyone else's feelings or mocked their ways, as was the case with this thread.

As for being unequal to him, I wouldn’t define our relationship as such. It is certainly a male-led relationship. But that doesn’t mean it is one-sided. There is a balance that makes it work, and both sides must contribute. We are so different, it isn’t reasonable to expect us to be equals. That doesn’t mean one considers the other to be inferior and the other superior, or vice versa. It means we are inherently different, and we expect, need, desire different things.

by lex on 2006 Aug 4 - 23:50 | reply to this comment

Hurt feelings

Well, nothing that this person said hurt my feelings, because frankly that is the sort of reaction I would expect many people to have to a Taken In Hand relationship, which is why I would never tell anyone I knew in real life about it. There's no way that the opinion of an anonymous stranger could hurt my feelings, that's the great thing about the Internet.

I don't personally see that being different means you can't be equal, there doesn't seem to me to be any reason why different and equal should not be compatible, unless you desire it to be otherwise.

Louise

by Louise C on 2006 Aug 5 - 08:34 | reply to this comment

Equal

Hi Louise, in your previous comment you said “it still seems to me weird that anyone should desire to be in an unequal rather than an equal relationship.” This suggested to me that you believe Taken in Hand relationships to be unequal. Perhaps I am missing the point of what an equal or unequal relationship is... But I was trying to say that despite it being male-led, my Taken in Hand relationship is not necessarily unequal. At least I wouldn't define it that way.

by lex on 2006 Aug 5 - 22:29 | reply to this comment

Hmmm...I believe "Omniscient"

Hmmm...I believe "Omniscient" was the word intended -- and used!

1) Dominance in men is conclusive evidence that they “come [at least emotionally] from grade school,” and are "basically weaklings who cannot bear any criticism, any thought that they are less than omniscent [exude all odors?].” (Perhaps the intended word was “omniscient.”) ...

by Jo Ann on 2006 Aug 6 - 18:12 | reply to this comment

unequal

Well, it still seems to me strange that I should actually like being told what to do by my husband, because I am a naturally bolshie person, and in general dislike being told what to do by anyone. If one person is in a position to tell the other person what to do, then that does seem to me a somewhat unequal relationship. Though on important matters I still have an equal say in everything, I do defer to my husband about domestic matters, and I find it quite strange that I should actually enjoy this. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me even now. I suppose I have always thought of an 'equal' relationship as being one in which both partners have an equal say about everything,and neither tells the other one what to do, which is not quite how it works in our marriage.

Louise

by Louise C on 2006 Aug 7 - 07:57 | reply to this comment

Re: Hmmm...I believe "Omniscient"

Hmmm...I believe "Omniscient" was the word intended -- and used!

1) Dominance in men is conclusive evidence that they “come [at least emotionally] from grade school,” and are "basically weaklings who cannot bear any criticism, any thought that they are less than omniscent [exude all odors?].” (Perhaps the intended word was “omniscient.”) ...

Would you be interested in testing your belief empirically?

Go to the comment “Where Do These Men Come From” (the third comment), and then cut and paste the following sentence (the third sentence in the last paragraph) into a word processing document and run the spelling checker.

The men are basically weaklings who cannot bear any criticism, any thought that they are less than omniscent.

(By the way, I prefer to concentrate on ideas and ignore spelling errors but, since the title of my comment was “A whiff …,” this was irresistible.)

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Aug 7 - 16:34 | reply to this comment

No problem

I don't see why Carrie's comments are a problem. It's brilliant to see "normal" people posting. No one wants to be insular and always affirmed in expressing a view. Lots and lots of men love to be dominated. they find it harder to gain membership of the "Disciplinary Wives Club" than those of us born submissive find finding a dominant man. Even harder for them because of social mores all over the planet. Submissive women can move to India, Saudi and many many other places and be the norm.

Also the points about rights/consent etc are good too but the dominant men I have known have not been old fashioned misogynists, although many do exist, but men who see me as an equal, who see we share a similar but complementary and perhaps rare sexuality and are able to take charge in aeras where I choose that they do but whilst respecting my career and full life. Not sure I'd vote as I was told however.... although many women do in the UK - their husband choose -some Muslim women - postal voting has given men power to cast votes for properly subjugated wives which didn't exist when they had to turn up to vote, although I suppose they could just be denied the transport to do so.

by Hera on 2006 Oct 13 - 23:42 | reply to this comment

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