I think you've hit the problem squarely on the head. A Taken In Hand-style relationship requires that both parties accept rather paradoxical ideas. The woman has to be willing to take on a role that is once primary and ancillary in her man's life; she is at once below the man, in the sense of discipline, and above him, in the sense of being the absolute focus of his care and love.

The man must be of a constitution to appreciate, nurture, *and* control his woman's emotions, her outbursts, her very soul (if you want to get philosophical about it). Power must not corrupt this man; if he's the right type, it shouldn't be a problem.

The problem is, to quote a phrase, "there are many fish in the sea." It's tough to see the depth of someone over dinner, across a bar, or even at the workplace.

I am 20 years old, and I have no idea where I stand on the maturity scale. I do believe, though, that I am one of those men who finds, or at least seeks, that balance. I just hope I have the patience to hold out for a similarly balanced woman to walk into my life.

I know that I positively shine when my partner tells me I'm a good girl....he manages it in a way that doesn't sound patronising but I still find it odd that I derive so much pleasure from those words.

We have recently been through a fairly rocky period, losing a little of our direction. In the end though he realised that the way to bring it all back into line was to tell me that he needed me to demonstrate how I feel in a very tangible way. He needed me to fully surrender again and this time to sustain it....so I've spent the last week doing exactly that....I've spent my every waking hour doing anything I can to give him pleasure, and that involved finally working out how the Dyson works which is no small thing in my book! The result is that I feel strangely calm, very safe and ecstatically happy today....this morning he told me that I'm "such a good girl" and I melted!

I love plasing him though I do not feel like a girl. I have so many matters to manage... But I learn not to worry too much, I learn to let things go, when it is possible. The only responsibilities that I can not put away are my children and my parents.

He never told me "good girl" so I can not know how it feels like, but maybe it would be freeing and calming...

Hali

I certainly know I don't derive that lovey and lusty feeling from keeping house per se, but I do find myself taking care of domestic chores with renewed vigor lately. It's one of the things I wanted to improve in upon embarking on a Taken In Hand relatinship. The knowledge that a sound spanking may ensue if I don't keep up my end of the bargain is what gives me the lovey and lusty feeling. My husband also seems be more forthcoming with his accolades, including the occasional "good girl" comment, which I like very much. I also like it when he asks me to take care of something somewhat out of the ordinary, particularly when he words it something like, "I'd like you to . . ." rather than the old begging style of "if you get a chance, do you think you could maybe. . . ?" Call me crazy, but I like it when he gives me rather firm instructions with the knowledge that I'll obey, no questions asked. Maybe not all the time, but it tends to spice up otherwise mundane tasks for me a bit.

Lucy

I love pleasing a man. It's one of the nicest bits of a relationship for me. It's almost the essence of my submissiveness. In all contexts I'd rather please than be pleased. I am afraid I tend to please men more by talking to them about my work than having my hand down a toilet cleaning, but that just depends on the man one picks. I've not been out with a dominant man who's wanted me not to work or expected me to do my own or his cleaning. I think that's a bit of a red herring to raise - a necessary convergence between being a housewife and pleasing a man. In fact I've been very nicely surprised by how clever successful men prefer clever successful working women actually. But the principle here I agree with. It also fits with my Catholicism too and the fact we're not here to please ourselves anyway which is a pretty selfish nasty idea. To be fair to dominant men I think largely they want a satisfied woman too, although I did once ask a boyfriend how do you decide whether we do X or Y (in bed) and the answer which amused me was that in essence he did what he wanted and he'd found that always worked which I suppose it does if the women you go out with are those who want to please anyway.

I agree with you. I get tired of hearing "If you get a chance" or "Could you". A firm order would spice things up for me totally. I like his stern voice. It gets my motor started. It is really good motivation.

Yes, that's it. It really does make me feel more feminine when I've worked hard to keep my home tidy, which is a challenge for me. And in a strange way, the fact that my husband has begun to place expectations on my that he didn't previously makes the whole house cleaning thing a bit sexier.

Lucy

Finding Lex was the most beautiful event; ever! I am a naturally dominant person, but would hate to consider myself overpowering or domineering. Exploring this Taken In Hand relationship with Lex has been beautiful, natural and delicious. What is fabulous for me is that this gorgeous woman is extremely smart, strong willed and mature and yet, with me she melts, purrs and whimpers with delight when I instruct her to do something for me.

My instruction requests are diligently carried out, down to the last detail. She is rigorous in her attention to detail. She has the uncanny knack of recalling 100% of my likes and dislikes. I bask in the attention this beautiful woman gives me. In turn, I make every effort to care for her, and ensure that she is at all times comfortable with things. There are times that we have a row, and then a very stern side comes out and to be truthful, I love her spirited responses as her eyes fill with fire. I also enjoy knowing that once I have brought her back to calmness, that I will enjoy spanking her lovely ass. She becomes very affectionate afterwards and will seek all opportunities to please me even further, if that's possible. I hope this does not appear one-sided. It is not. For the first time I feel a perfect balance.

She is mine, and I am glad I found her.

The satisfaction received in pleasing my partner is as much his as it is mine. It is enjoyable to handle the domestic duties of housecleaning so that he has a nice environment to walk in to. And to prepare a meal so that he does not have to do it himself. I am not a housewife but if I was with him or not, I would still have to run my household and so what is the big deal? He takes care of all the "bigger" things that I don't want to do.

When I cook, he wants me to wear an apron to protect my clothes. I learned how practical it is and when I tie it on, even if I am wearing grungy jeans, my "apron dress" makes me feel more feminine. That just builds even more excitment when he walks in the door.

"Pleasing" is an old-fashioned feminine virtue, just as submissive and obedient were once considered feminine virtues. That it makes you feel lovely and lusty (and it does!) is a wonderful updating for the magazine age.

I think it shows courage to say or suggest you enjoy pleasing your partner. It's not submissive, it's not anything but the joy of sharing. Sharing the pleasantness of a nice home, clean and orderly for everyone. But if you look at the entire picture, it's simply a tool. In my world, my submission is taken seriously. My needs and feelings are always strived to keeping me happy. In return, I enjoy providing a nice home, nice meals, extras call them. Anything to show my love. It's not like the world falls apart if I can't vacuum one day or cook another. It's a day by day show of how much I love my family, my husband. On the other hand, I also keep my own self in check. Meaning I am well groomed, if not perfect all the time, but certainly the attempt is always there. But it seems to take courage to say something as wild as that these days. Heaven help the woman who wears lipstick. She may have something to 'prove' by those who don't. Again, if I can arouse, keep happy or please my husband by keeping soft fragrant sheets, or wear lipstick, then why the heck not. He goes to lengths to make me happy. In return I offer my gifts. My appearance that he likes, a home to enjoy and my submission on demand. A very fulfilling life indeed.

~~~Blush

To tell the truth on this thread I'm not quite sure where I fit in.

I have been married for almost 26 years and for all but the last 3 have been a stay at home mom and housewife. Did I take to the role at first. NO WAY!!! I hated cooking and cleaning and it showed in how my home looked. This was a frustrating thing between my husband and I that brought many a sleepless night from fighting about it. Then one day I woke up and decided that I'm just going to master this thing and that is all there is to it. Over the course of 10 long painstaking months I transformed myself into a Marth Stewart type person. Up until last year I became a fantasic cook and decorator and all around domestic goddess. I excelled at doing it and loved it. I took great pride in my home and my abilities. Then a freak accident took those abilities away and I'm learing all over again how to do them.

My point why did I do this? When I soul search it was not to please my husband or to stop the fights it was because I knew I was better than that and I and only I took the needed steps to change that because I wanted to. Now did my husband get enjoyment out of my reform? YES!!!!! He adored it and me and the life that I gave him with these changes. Did that make me happy? Of course it did.

Now I have a successful business that I run within my home and it tends to take away from chores that need doing but him and I do things together. So I have lived both sides of the coin so to speak and see it only as the life that I live at the time. I see fulfillment in both types of life that I lived.

So where do I fit in? I'm not sure. I do enjoy pleasing my husband as he enjoys pleasing me but I don't feel as if it defines who I am or makes me feel lovely or lusty because of it? It might to him but it doesn't to me.

When my husband takes me in his arms and calls me Good Girl I have to say it does at times send shivers down my spine and other times I get angered by it. I guess I'm just fickle and it depends on my moods. Even though we have chosen to live a Taken In Hand way of life I do not feel as if it's changed my perspective on things. We exist for and apart from each other. We will continue to get on each others nerves and still serve our own interests while each others I guess.

Well I babbled enough but I tend to get perplexed at these threads from time to time.

Kathy G

Hi everyone,

After 14 yrs of marriage my way my hubby decided enough was enough. He totally took charge of everything. My body is enjoying it both inside the bedroom and outside. It's my mind that is struggling.

That is why i'm reading your site. I need advice.

Tena