We were virgins when we married

My husband and I were both virgins when we married, and he was 30. That was seven years ago, and though it's definitely unusual these days, our decision to wait was not because of any defect in either of us.

My husband was deeply religious at the time. He always stated that he would never marry a woman who was not a virgin, and since he had that criteria for his future wife, he felt that it was only fair that he held himself to the same high standard. But he did date a lot, and his dates tried to seduce him quite often.

Neither one of us feel like we missed out on anything. Our mutual lack of experience took away some of the pressure, and what we didn't know, we've had fun learning together! :)

Hopeful

Take the Taken In Hand tour


Have you seen the following articles?
Why do some prefer a Taken In Hand relationship to a conventional relationship?
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How is this different from other male-led relationships?
What kind of site is this? D/s? TPE? CP? DD? ABCD?
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A reality check for critics
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Communication
How my husband took my clothing choices in hand
Give me intensity or give me death!

Us too

We're surely in the minority around here, but my husband and I were too when we got married almost 11 years ago. Coincidentally, he was also 30. From my standpoint, in addition to other reasons for staying a virgin so long, I really think there's something to be said for not comparing partners. Since I've never had another partner, I suppose I could be wrong about that, but I certainly have no regrets.

Lucy

Definitely!

Neither one of us has ever felt inadequate or inexperienced. Self-conscious, yes - but that was mainly after I had a baby and was coping with my new shape.

It may not be right for everyone, and that's okay. It was right for us, and I don't regret it.

Hopeful

Years later

When we married we were virgins and have never regretted it! We have learned alot together and wouldn't change a thing. Thirty two years later we enjoy each others company, our sex life and mutually feel we are soulmates. The years have gone by too quickly and we treausre our time together. My husband tells me that I am the breath that he breathes and the beat of his heart. My heart is so full and I am so in love with him that each passing day I hold dear to my heart and each touch of his hand in mine is something I treasure.

virgins at marriage

My wife was, I wasn't. But we waited because I decided that was the morally right thing to do. Perhaps if I were smarter I would have figured out before I got myself into this living hell that she was just really asexual and that's why she was still a virgin and quite willing to wait. But I didn't figure it out. Now here I am, 12 years later, couple kids and sexually frustrated beyond understanding. Every day I wish she would die so I could get on with life. So what is worse? Premarital sex, or hating the person you are married to because you are completely sexually incompatible.

Wow...I generally wouldn't sa

Wow...I generally wouldn't say this because I know how painful divorce is for children, but if you're wishing her death, I think it may be time.

sexually frustrated

I really hate to break it to you but in most cases where a woman is refusing sex then a man is doing something wrong. It also sounds as if you're past the point of being compassionate enough to find out what you could do for her that would make her more receptive to having sex with you. Maybe CJ is right.

Precious Baby I don't think y

Precious Baby I don't think you can assume that someone's low sex drive is their partner's fault - some people may just have a very low sex drive. If it presents a problem in a marriage however then obviously it's worth both parties trying to find some kind of solution.

I had no beliefs about being a virgin when I married. In fact I thought it was sensible to establish whether my partner and I were sexually compatible before making the significant commitment of marriage.

I disagree

Precious Baby

I disagree with you. I have a dear friend who's wife punishes him with no sex. That is not right at all. It does not mean the man is doing something wrong. Sex drives are not equal. If this poor man is wishing she were dead then it's time to seek other methods. My friend has a special needs child and loves his children so he stays in the marriage and goes outside for relief. That might not be the answer but wishing death is a sign of a serious problem. Both are in need of expert help. Good luck!!!

Kathy G

Lauren yes I understand that

Lauren yes I understand that low sex drive could be the culprit, however so could be the lack of orgasm or worse none at all. I agree with you about sexual compatibility before marriage though. The poster seemed hostile towards his wife and I just felt it necessary to point out that women who experience pleasure during sex generally desire their husbands/lovers so maybe some of the blame lies with himself.

Good point

When I was young and foolish but very sexual and a virgin, courting my ex-husband and quite young I made a tape. I still have it. It's called virginity - very funny now to hear... but it's all about as were writings of mine at the time... whether to have sex (which was religiously wrong) so that I didn't end up getting married in order to see what it was like or not. The conclusion was to get on with it before. But even so what I took for dominance and some fairly kinky things (all at my instigation) wasn't (not that we divorced over that). When people are wanting to die, when my ex husband wanted to be dead, told the children so, when one of them suggested it might be better if he were, when we were all of us so hugely miserable I just bit the bullet and although it was hard, it was the right thing to do. I don't think if sex is the only problem though that that is grounds enough.

A virgin until marriage

So you meet someone you fall in love with and everything is going great and then you tell him that you`re not a virgin and just for that one reason he breaks up with you because it`s against his religious believes? I think that`s wrong too, even God forgives your sins. And if a man says he would never marry a woman unless she`s a virgin, I think that`s having a one tracked mind. There`s a lot more to getting married than being a virgin. If everybody would think that way, all people who have been in bad relationships wouldn`t have a second chance. There are more than enough religious people in this world who have been divorced. It`s no garantee to stay happily married just because you decided to stay a virgin until marriage.

Autumn

Not everyone who waits for marriage is asexual

You are so mistaken! Not everyone who waits for marriage is asexual...they may do it because of morals, not wanting diseases etc. I was a virgin when me and my husband married and he was not. We have sex all the time! Just because I waited until marriage doesn't mean that I don't like sex. I love it! Seven timea a week, baby!

Born again virgins

My husband and I weren't virgins when we met. We'd both been sexually active and I had been married and divorced.

Because we'd seen the heartache and confusion that often accompanies sex outside of truly committed relationships, we decided to wait to have sex until we married. We didn't even kiss until six weeks after we were engaged. Keep in mind that I was no angel and my husband sowed plenty of wild oats. We were not "prudes" by any stretch of the imagination. My husband's best friend told him he was a complete idiot for "not test driving the car before you buy it." I told my husband to tell him that one does not need to test drive a Ferrari to know it is a Ferrari.

That said, we got so used to talking to each other without there being the pressure for things to get physical that when we did start our sexual relationship on our honeymoon, we could very openly talk about what worked for us, what didn't, etc. Our sex life is definitely incredible and satisfying; much more so than any relationship we had with other people. We have never regretted waiting.

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