I love living under my husband's authority

My name is Dóra, I am 27, Jozsef is 28 and my husband; we have a 5 year old daughter, Katarína. We live in Hungary and have always known each other because we come from the same little village.

I grew up in a family with very traditional values and though my parents always obviously loved each other very dearly there was never any doubt that my father was the head of the family. If my father ever disciplined my mother I do not know, but I am certain that if he decided to do so my mother would submit and not argue.

I do not believe that a marriage can be happy and serve its purpose if the spouses are equal; naturally husband and wife each have different roles, responsibilities and duties. The husband is the head of the wife and by accepting that he also accepts duties and great responsibilities and the wife therefore naturally owes him to be supportive, loyal, respectful and obedient.

Among the husband's duties is to guide and if needed correct and discipline the wife. I believe that a good wife should always with appreciation accept guidance, correction, and discipline from her loving and caring husband as a help to become a better, more successful and happier wife and mother.

From when we were pre-teens I have loved my Jozsef and as we grew up and became more mature I also learned to respect him. Though I by nature am a stubborn and pigheaded person I never questioned that I, as Jozsef's wife, owed him the same respect and obedience as I earlier owed my parents.

It was never discussed or even mentioned between us, but I always took it for granted that my husband Jozsef would not hesitate to correct and discipline me whenever it was needed. The first time it happened was ten days after the wedding and I could not sit comfortably the next several days, but the soreness was a constantly felt proof that Jozsef loved and cared enough to discipline me as necessary and it just made the happiness of finally being his wife so much more intense.

After that first time Jozsef has disciplined me many times. He uses his belt and he also keeps a a rattan cane and a heavy leather strap (cut out of some old harness) hanging on the inside of the closet door in our bedroom. Several times every day I see those tools of correction and am reminded what happens if I am not a good and dutiful wife.

Corrections are not regular but depend on my behaviour. Two and a half months is the longest period of time I ever went without needing to be disciplined, but 3-5 weeks is more usual and I have noticed that PMS increases the risk of being disrespectful and disobedient, and also that when I have been good for a relatively long time then I often need to be corrected 2 to 4 times within the next couple of weeks.

The spankings I get are not in any way part of our sex life. Jozsef is a very gentle and loving and caring husband, but also very consistent in his demands and certainly not lenient when he punishes. I really fear being spanked and I try to learn from every correction, but I know that every spanking I get is given out of love and care and meant to be a help, and it gives me a wonderful feeling of being safe and secure with Jozsef in control and keeping me in line. Even in my most rebellious periods, when I am spanked severely twice in a week, it makes me even more intent on being a good and dutiful wife, and though my bottom is sore am I content and happy. Being disciplined is like a fertilizer that makes my respect and love for my husband grow.

It is possible that being spanked would have the opposite effect on me if Jozsef abused his right to discipline me, but he is too good a man to do that and every time he has disciplined me it has been fair and well deserved, so I have no reason to complain.

One thing more makes me feel that the spankings I receive are good for me: being a good catholic I am very much aware of my guilty feelings and accepting to be spanked for my misbehaviour is a good way of doing penance.

Many people know that I respect and obey Jozsef as the head of our little family; I am not ashamed of it and I do nothing to hide the fact that Jozsef is in control a is an authority figure in my life. Several people also know that I am subject to discipline from Jozsef: My mother (and I am sure she has told my father), my sister, my parents and sister-in-law, a couple of good friends, our family doctor, and our priest.


Take the Taken In Hand tour



Dora, I think it is wonderful that you can be so open about your obedience to your family, doctor and priest. I wish I could tell my family and friends. But here in America...it is not so widely accepted. Thanks for sharing!

what a load of rubbish god ma

what a load of rubbish god made man and woman of equaL VALUE

Expect Respect

I agree. It is sad that as a woman you feel like you are less worthy than your husband. I treat my husband with love and respect and he treats me the same. He does not need to 'discipline' me for having opinions or for 'disobeying him'... I feel sorry for anyone who feels the need to live in this situation.

Don't feel sorry

Better yet, feel sorry for anyone who hasn't the confidence to share what they want in an intimate relationship. Those of us who feel the need to live this way are very happy to have the choice and the option to live the way we wish. I doubt it has anything to do with feeling 'less worthy' as you insist, and you might be surprised at the levels of mutual respect in many such relationships. Hopefully you can begin to read what has been written, and look at this with an open mind :)

Thank you


It's truly wonderful to read that you and your husband have a relationship which works so well for both of you and provides real fulfilment and nurture for you both. You write beautiful and moving prose that gives real insight into the inner workings and soul of your marriage.

I would offer one small caveat, though. As much as this kind of marriage works, and works well, for you and your husband (and so feels like the most natural thing in the world to you),

I would advise against assuming that it is therefore what every man or woman, or every couple, truly needs.

One of the most wonderful people I have met in my exploration of my dominant nature (and my love of the gentlemanly art of spanking, which is a separate but connected matter) is a lovely, warm and naturally dominant woman from Toronto. You would probably have a very interesting time conversing with her, as she is warm, fearsomely intelligent and very understanding of all kinds of different relational, sexual and emotional needs that modern-day society often finds hard to comprehend. But I would advise against telling her that she is in any way not following her truest nature as a woman—particularly if she has a paddle, strap or cane in her hand at the time...

All the best to you and your husband, and I look forward to hearing about you and your relationship if you choose to write more.


I spy a Troll!

Please tell me where is this village in Hungary where ordinary young women are taught such perfect English!

Surely a Troll if ever I saw one!

Take care everyone...


No Troll

Dear Nina,

Thank you for the compliment, I appreciate it and your distrustfulness does not offend me.

If you come I will gladly show you my childhood village and i ma sure you will like it, but it was not where I learned the English language.

My parents insited that I should get an education so I became a teacher and used to teach English language.

My written English is acceptable but I admit that I sound like a circus person when I speak English; when I grew up we did not hear English all the time in movies and music and on TV.

Maybe I should also tell you that I never meant to write for Taken in Hand but was contacted by the boss, who had read my introduction on a Yahoo group and asked for permission to use it here.

Best regards,


Letter by Dora.

Best of all letters and experiences.Turned me on like no other but also enabled me to relate better to a loving wife. She thinks and behaves like Dora. The letter provides reinforcement to our lifestyle,however we know this involves our erotic feelings and intensifies our sex relations . Day to day relationships become better as a result. AL


Clearly a model wife. What a civilised world it would be if all women were like her !

Dora`s posting

Since I`ve been very new to this webpage I just now read Dora`s letter. I know it is over a year old but I was really impressed by the way she explained her relationship. I also think it`s great that people from ohter countries write here. It is very interesting and makes me wonder if in Hungary relationships like that are more excepted then in other countries. Here in Germany I think it`s more like in America, not to many people would except it. My parents have nothing better to do but to insult each other constantly. Even though they know we are happy with each other they would think we`re sick if we would ever tell them what kind of relationship we have. Since their english is not that good and me and my husband talk english with each other they don`t really know always what we say to each other. There are some friends who know a little bit about it, not everything. I think it`s great that Dora can be so open about it without people judging her.

Self discipline

When I first suggested this to my husband years ago, he said, "I already have children and a business. I need you to be an adult." I said, "I am mature enough to see areas I need help in and bold enough to speak my need. Children are not that responsible." I suppose he took that in and evaluated it. Now, he is not all that consistent, but we are constantly learning and moving forward in this relationship.

I feel more loved now than ever before perhaps it is because I am more submissive than ever before. Someone once told me "Being submissive is not about giving an area of your life you want help in, but submitting to things you might not desire to submit to." For me, that meant not being "taken in hand".

Through my submissive attitude, he has become more accustomed to respect and more likely to take matters into his own hands when he feels I am slipping. I suppose I elevated his expectations by submitting to him in so many ways over the years so now—Watch out! and YES SIR!