A smile man

Someone the other day asked me “what catches your eye about a woman?” Judging by my company, a divorced broker in his mid-fifties, I knew the question was something along the lines of “what part of the female anatomy is most interesting to you.” I thought for a moment and answered “a smile.” He looked at me, puzzled, and then rephrased the question. “OK” are you a ‘T’ man or an ‘A’ man?” I looked at him again and answered “I'm a ‘smile’ man.” Without sounding like a hypocritical liar who tries to feign some false example of chivalry with the old ‘looks don't matter’ mantra, a smile on a woman goes a long way for me.

Happy people, male or female, smile when content. And some women are honest enough to admit that they like a man who is in control. Well, I'm not ‘controlling’ but I do demand order and without someone being the final say in a home, there is no direction, no authority... no large, loving and slightly scary male to keep the rest of the family from going at one another. So, if a woman wanted me in charge, if she wanted me to enforce that authority physically, if that would make her happy and content, I would be that man. If that would give her a smile, it would be my honor to spank her from time to time... whenever she needed it.

A happy, content, secure woman in love always looks good in a smile... and nothing else whenever possible...

EJZero

Take the Taken In Hand tour

Have you seen the following articles?
How is this different from other male-led relationships?
Who says you have to be submissive?
Communication
Give me intensity or give me death!
Why would anyone want to be controlled by a man?
Could this kind of relationship be for you?
What if your wife feels scared and vulnerable?
The difference between dominant and controlling
Are you the Conan the Barbarian type?
Happy living in fear of a man?!

2006 Jun 25 - 12:56 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

Perfect

So perfectly said, EJ. My man always says that a warm, friendly smile is something he looks forward to.

Smitten

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Jun 25 - 15:43 | login or register to post comments

Smiles

I always find men who smile most attractive. Some dominant men put on these really silly serious faces on BDSM web sites as if hardness in leather is attractive just because you're submissive. May be the leather trousers are just too tight for them....

On the other matter however I would never date a man who was dominating me because is pleases me. It has to be because he can be no other way and he's fundamentally dominant to his core and always has been and in fact could not not be even if he wanted.

by Hera on 2006 Jun 25 - 16:16 | login or register to post comments

I can really identify with yo

I can really identify with your position Hera as expressed in your post here and in other threads. My partner is a man who is naturally dominant and could be no other way. I experience it as entirely different to being with a man whom I have to try to prompt to act in a dominant way to please me. My partner behaves in a dominant way quite effortlessly - it's as natural as breathing to him. There's no hesitance around what I might want him to do or uncertainty informing his actions and decisions in relation to me.

On the matter of the subject of this thread, smiling, a woman's smile is also one of the most important physical attributes to my partner. He's a scientist and an atheist so I recently asked him if he believed that anything of us survived after death. He said the thing of mine to survive after death would be my smile. He says I have no idea how much pleasure he continually derives from it.

by Lauren on 2006 Jun 26 - 02:32 | login or register to post comments

It's true.

As a man I do love to see when a womans smiles; from her eyes you can see she is just a little drunk in admiration . That's what makes my world go round.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Jun 26 - 05:14 | login or register to post comments

Being prompted

Well, the fact is that some men need prompting, and if you've got one of those, what can you do but prompt? Expecting a man to come forth fully formed as perfectly dominant is an unrealistic expectation for most of us, especially if, like me, you are a woman who is somewhat confused about her own feelings on the subject.

I needed 'prompting' as well, to understand my own feelings on this subject. My husband needed 'prompting' to understand what would work in our relationship. He's not perfectly dominant and I, god knows, am not perfectly submissive, but both of us needed to adjust our attitudes a bit in order to reach a more satisfactory understanding.

The author of this article says he wants to be with a woman who would be made happy by his dominance, and that seems quite reasonable to me. Why would a man want to be with a woman who would be made unhappy by it?

Louise

by Louise C on 2006 Jun 26 - 06:15 | login or register to post comments

Well said.

This article was well said EJ and I like your attitude on things. Bravo to you stating that if your wife wanted this and it made her smile you would be happy to do that.

Hera, what is wrong with being with someone who would do something as important as Taken In Hand to make their S/O happy? That is a man in control if you ask me. If a man is not naturally dominant and does so for the person he loves then he IS in control of things I think. He's taking control of the situation to bring happiness and harmony to their lives.

I live in a relationship like this. We are far from perfect at it but everytime my husband takes me in hand so to speak the fact that he's doing this FOR me endears him to me more and it makes me WANT to submit. I think when that happens it's a wonderful thing.

Kathy G

by Kathy G on 2006 Jun 26 - 13:00 | login or register to post comments

Being prompted

Louise

I don't know if your post was addressed to me, since I was the one to mention prompting. The point was in reply to what Hera says in her post and to what I have seen her write in other posts on other threads. I was expressing my personal experience, having been able to identify with what she says. This is not to invalidate anyone else's experience. Every relationship involves an ongoing process of negotiation and feedback on the part both parties. Everyone learns and develops as they go along in life, whether in relationships or out of them, Taken in Hand or otherwise. These things were taken as read by me. People make the choices that are right for their own situations and for them as people.

I also went through a process of coming to terms with my submissive feelings and searching for ways to express them. However since my situation and personality are not identical to anyone else’s, I don’t assume that others will necessarily share my choices and preferences.

I wasn't addressing the OP when I posted on this point although I realised Hera was and I did wonder if this was the right thread on which to continue a point of this kind. However it was simply the most recent of Hera's posts that I had read, so I responded here. I also had an on topic point to add so combined the two.

by Lauren on 2006 Jun 26 - 15:29 | login or register to post comments

Created vs Natural Dominance

Hera, what is wrong with being with someone who would do something as important as Taken In Hand to make their S/O happy? That is a man in control if you ask me. If a man is not naturally dominant and does so for the person he loves then he IS in control of things I think. He's taking control of the situation to bring happiness and harmony to their lives.

There is nothing wrong with 'created' dominance. It may be enough for some women. But the woman will always know that it is being written kind of like a stage play and could fade at any time. If a man is naturally dominant, even if he didn’t fully realize it at first because he had been suppressing it, then being in control is a permanent part of him. Even if he is sometimes too exhausted or dealing with too many things to be as in control as she wants, she knows that the control will always return in full force because it is basic to how he relates to her.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Jun 26 - 19:01 | login or register to post comments

We all create who we want to be

I think to a certain extent we all create who we want to be. There is nothing wrong with that.

When it comes to dominance I think to some extent all men have that inherent in them just like being submissive is in a woman. We stray from those roles whether as a child or even an adult because of upbringing or culture or situations that occur in one's life.

Changing the person you are to please someone else is not a hard thing when something is inherent. I can only speak for my situation but today after a thorough spanking for a misdeed I told my husband that I thought he took to this very easily, his response was "it seems to come easily to me." So is he naturally dominant? Maybe but I know he does this to please me and we both feel it's real and not role playing or like a skit. I have faith that he won't tire out especially when he is reaping the benefits of a happier and more united marriage.

Kathy G

by Kathy G on 2006 Jun 26 - 20:45 | login or register to post comments

because he is a dominant man

On June 26, louise asked:

Why would a man want to be with a woman who would be made unhappy by it? (it is 'his dominance')

Well louise, according to some posters, a man who is 'created' dominant can't help but be dominant. So a created man would not care if a woman is happy or if she is not.

He's just gotta do what a created man's gotta do.

evolutionarily,
RichM

by RichM on 2006 Jun 26 - 21:19 | login or register to post comments

That doesn't follow

If a man is naturally dominant, it doesn't follow that he won't care whether his wife is happy with him as he is, Rich. A naturally-dominant man might well care very much that his wife be happy. He might take a lot of trouble to find a woman with whom he is compatible.

by the boss on 2006 Jun 26 - 21:38 | login or register to post comments

He doesn't care?

Well, a man may have naturally dominant tendencies, but if he doesn't care whether the woman he is with is happy or not, then all the dominance in the world won't make up for that, in my opinion.

Louise

by Louise C on 2006 Jun 26 - 21:43 | login or register to post comments

what follows

the boss,

I have no opinion about naturally dominant, naturally submissive, leprechauns, or unicorns.

I can only offer this snippet:

It has to be because he can be no other way and he's fundamentally dominant to his core and always has been and in fact could not not be even if he wanted
Maybe he would care and maybe he wouldn't. But it would not matter if the boy just can't help it.

RichM

by RichM on 2006 Jun 26 - 21:55 | login or register to post comments

Not “because he is a dominant man”

RichM seems to think that being dominant is the same as lacking self-control, kindness and empathy.

Being naturally dominant just means that a man has the natural capacity to bend a woman to his will. Power is not equivalent to callousness or indifference.

Being dominant and in complete control is very compatible with adoring and worshipping your woman.

As he said, “a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” What one does is enabled by one’s strength, but it is determined by one’s character. It is a weak man who “would not care if a woman is happy or if she is not.”

He seems to be confusing being a bully with being strong.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Jun 26 - 22:34 | login or register to post comments

It is NOT OK!

"according to some posters, a man who is 'created' dominant can't help but be dominant. So a created man would not care if a woman is happy or if she is not.

He's just gotta do what a created man's gotta do"

From what you wrote I could not tell if you thought this was OK. It is NOT OK for a dominant male, or any other kind of male, not to care if his woman is happy. Like other personality traits, being dominant is neither good nor bad, it just is. However, if a male uses his dominance without any concern for the well being of the woman he is with, then this simply makes him a dominant jerk. It is what a male does with his "gifts" that makes him a man. A male who would behave in such a callous way toward the woman he is with is not worthy of being called a man.

by Stephen on 2006 Jun 27 - 00:28 | login or register to post comments

the boss wrote:

the boss wrote:

"If a man is naturally dominant, it doesn't follow that he won't care whether his wife is happy with him as he is. A naturally-dominant man might well care very much that his wife be happy. He might take a lot of trouble to find a woman with whom he is compatible."

This was the case with my partner. He took a great deal of care in finding someone who was compatible. For my part I'm astonished at the degree of compatibility between us. One of his highest priorities is to make me happy. He also likes to be in control in our relationship and I believe he could not have a relationship where he was not the dominant party. The fact is, his being in control makes me very happy.

by Lauren on 2006 Jun 27 - 00:35 | login or register to post comments

psssssssssssssssssssst

Stephen (and the other nameless poster),

In a previous post, I wrote

I have no opinion about naturally dominant, naturally submissive, leprechauns, or unicorns.
What does that mean. What could it mean?

RichM

by RichM on 2006 Jun 27 - 01:09 | login or register to post comments

Whatever works...

I have absolutely no problems with anyone asking their partner to do things to them which make them happy and in all relationships D/S, HOH, takeninhand, DD or the more usual type both people should want to please the other.

I have found what works for me is when I am with a man who has always felt dominant. Such men I've been out with describe early experiences like mine. I was submissive for as long as I can remember.

I have not had a relationship with a man without being very submissive. Now that doesn't make me better or worse than anyone else - it is just how it is. I was the one in the public library aged 12 writing out bits from books which had a dominance theme. I was taking my poor fiance to buy magazines about spankings when I was still a virgin. I seemed to know how I was and what I wanted when I was very young. I'm lucky. It's huge fun. I thought I could make him dominant and indeed he tried to do some of those things I needed but it didn't work as he wasn't dominant and in fact liked me to make many decisions during the long marriage (not that it foundered for that reason at all).

Then since then whenever I've had a dominant boy friend it has been extremely different for me - peaceful, natural, like coming home - my compliance is wanted and rewarded rather than regarded as pointless or dull passivity; someone is aroused by controlling me. I just don't think I could have any other kind of man and I'm lucky to have these choices and to know what works for me.

However that doesn't mean I would sit here and say all women who like to be takeninhand are doomed to fail if they're working with a man who frankly hates it or even who can take it or leave it or even who likes to try it because it means he gets more sex. If it works for you do it. I also think it's very important people work on the marriages they have. You should work at what you have and that's almost always the right thing to do. We can all live without dominance/being taken in hand. It's not like needing water or air to live. Life is about compromises.

But I know for me I seek out those men (and have had discussions with many) who at 18 were pinning the girl to the bed, at 20 were telling her what to do and who don't have to try at it - it's just how they are.

by Hera on 2006 Jun 30 - 09:41 | login or register to post comments

A smile man too...

I really liked this post… ”A smile man”

My husband is a smile man too.

A few years ago we went through (yet another) rough time in our marriage. I wanted to get us both to remember why we fell in love in the first place, and I asked him what he first noticed about me.

Having a butt that would make J-Lo envy (at least when it comes to size… ha ha) and a couple of other body-parts that would make Pam Anderson even more envy, I figured it would be either the one or the other. But he didn’t even think about it for a second. He just smiled at me and told me with so much tenderness in his eyes it made me melt right there on the spot: “It was your smile. You have the most beautiful smile in the whole world. But it wasn’t your mouth or your lips that caught my attention. It was your eyes. I had never before seen a girl smile with her eyes the way you did. One look into your eyes and I was hooked”.

Since that little talk, I have tried to let him see me smile more frequently… I long for him to get back into that “hooked-mode”

by Cody on 2006 Nov 9 - 16:15 | login or register to post comments

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.