Why being taken in hand helps
I am naturally submissive to my husband in the bedroom, as he naturally is dominant. This is an expression of our sexual selves. No problem – he gets turned on, I get turned on, everybody's hot and happy.
He also is head of household in a traditional way. He handles finances and has final say in anything he would care to have final say about! He takes care of me. He leads the household for the benefit of myself and my children.
Sometimes I get frustrated simply because it isn't always easy to not be in charge! Sometimes it just happens out of the blue, and I think “this stinks!” And I cop an attitude because things aren't going precisely my way. That's when a DD-type spanking really helps. I think some of the reasons it helps include:
1. Endorphins are relaxing. It's hard to be pissy when your brain is flooded with endorphins.
2. Most of us really like getting spanked, if not during, then after! It's often erotic, even when it hurts like hell. It's hard to be pissy when you're excited!
3. It restores us to our rightful place, looking up to our masterful mates. Whatever it is in our psyches that needs a strong, disciplining man, it's satisfied in a direct and primitive way by being ‘taken in hand.‘ It's hard to be pissy when you are looking up to your strong man from his (literal and/or figurative) feet.
4. We get some powerful attention, and if feeling neglected, misunderstood, or otherwise thwarted was part of the bad behavior/state, then a good spanking and some hugs and some deep talk is very healing. It's hard to be pissy when you are feeling exquisitely understood.
Have you seen the following articles?
Who says you have to be submissive?
Surrendered in love
Liberated through submission
Using the internet to find a partner
Why men start and why they stop
How to break it to a new man
Obedience and autonomy
What happens when he makes a mistake?
My perfect guy, and the marriage he has given me
The sexuality of ‘non-sexual’ dominance
Comments
#1 Endorphins
Susie Joy --
You say endorphins are relaxing but I always thought they make you high. I'd like to know more about the brain chemistry here. Can you enlighten me? How are they relaxing? What is the mechanism? Can you or anybody else direct me to a good resource for information about this?
Bill P.
#2 Endorphins
Endorphins are the brain's natural opiate .
They are the chemicals in the brain that make a man naturally roll over to sleep after sex.
They also work as a pain killer (or muter) in dramatic situations. Have you ever broken a bone? You have pain, but not 'out of control' pain at the moment of the break. You survive the trip to the emergency room and getting the break set. But the next day, the pain really starts to throb. Endorphins are what got you through the first hours, but they don't fire continually. They have to have a 'trigger' (like spanking) either emotionally, physically, or both.
They can also make you 'high'. Ever heard of runners' 'high'? Those are endorphins released after a long run to help the muscles relax and keep them from becoming too sore.
Endorphins are funny little brain chemicals. Even after taking a master's level course in neuropsych, I can't fully explain them. They fire and go to work in different situations with different people and cause a different reaction with each person/situation.
I can explain a few of my endorphin based reactions, however.
One is, in an emergency situation (i.e. car wreck, someone in danger, etc.), my adrenaline kicks in and allows me to assess and address the situation with calm. After the emergency is over, however, I will then start shaking, and the endorphins will kick in to relax me, usually giving me the feeling of exhaustion.
After satisfying sex, being female, most of the time, they kick in and make me feel relaxed, but energetic. I can however, control this response by allowing myself to relax with them, letting them put me into a peaceful sleep.
In response to a spanking session with my dear husband, these brain chemicals kick in to make me feel the most total relaxation that I have ever felt, allowing me to feel so totally loved and loving towards him.
As these brain chemicals (adrenaline included), are so closely tied to the endocrine system and a woman's hormones, I think (in my opinion/experience) that they also work to help level out a female's hormones, but this is another article I will post soon.
#3 Brain chemistry and being taken in hand
Bill P. asked:
Endorphins are a type of narcotic painkiller, in action similar to morphine. Individuals experiencing the effects of ingested or naturally-occurring narcotics often feel more relaxed. Whether this relaxing feeling is interpreted as a high depends upon the individual.
Some people crave the feeling of narcotics (e.g. heroin abusers) and so could be said to experience a 'high' from it, yet others feel sluggish, less facile in speech and language, and lacking in drive to accomplish. For those individuals, narcotics do not make them feel high. The small quantities of endorphins usually produced, for example, after vigorous exercise or other enjoyable activities, usually add to the experience, and sometimes produce what is called a 'runner's high'.
Similarly, when spanking (which releases endorphins) is administered in the context of a loving Taken In Hand relationship, and particularly if spanking is followed by lovemaking, the extra relaxation produced by the spanking-induced endorphins is likely to make one feel especially good.
But this is just the tip of the iceberg of what makes being taken in hand feel so good for the woman.
#4 Tip of the iceberg
> But this is just the tip of the iceberg of what makes
> being taken in hand feel so good for the woman.
And what are in your opinion other reasons as to why being taken in hand feels so good for some women?
#5 Why it feels good
You said:
> But this is just the tip of the iceberg of what makes
> being taken in hand feel so good for the woman.
And what are in your opinion other reasons as why being taken in hand feels so good for some women?
The reason being Taken In Hand works so well for me is because it provides me with the attention and connection that I need. I was a single parent for many years, giving my children and my job all my energy while caring for them - there was no one who cared for me. Since married, I still have children to take up a lot of time and energy & I still have a high powered job that requires my mental focus at least 45 hours per week. The difference is, now there is someone to care for me - and I doubt I would feel that care this intensly without Taken In Hand. Don't get me wrong, S would be a good husband and father without Taken In Hand, but this dynamic allows him to know what I need and provide it to me.
My colleagues and friends see me as a very strong woman. And I am just that. They also see me as responsible, and I am just that. What they don't see however, is my need for A LOT OF ATTENTION from the person I love. So when S takes me in hand in the evening by whispering a command in my ear, it lets me know he is paying attention to me after a long day at work. When we are going out and he desires me to wear something sexy, it lets me know he wants to show me off to his friends - which feels really good. When he politely walks up to me and firmly puts his arm around me while in a social situation to remind me of some agreed upon action that I perhaps forgot, this allows me to know that he is thinking about me. When we are having a heated discussion and I start to slip back into my disrespectful ways and he uses that tone of voice to tell me to stop - or I'll be getting over his knee within minutes (and he does mean minutes! LOL), it reminds me that he knows that behaviour is destructive to us and he will prevent it, it feels good that he wants me enough to do something about it when I am going in the wrong direction. All these little ways of taking me in hand give me the attention I need. And with each gesture, he arouses my sexual desire for him - which we both like.
Reagrding spankings - well I'm in the minority here... I don't like them & do my best to avoid that experience - yet, I know that by the time S is at the point of a spanking, I have gone past the line & the only thing that usually brings me back onto the correct side of the line is a spanking. While he is spanking me, I can't say I feel that way, but I am definitely contrite as soon as I realize I've gone to far & I like that I have someone who can elicit that response from me, because I know that I need it.
Hope this answers your question.