Women I know tend to be feminists who say that they want profeminist nice guys, but what they are clearly attracted to is strong, dominant males able to protect them using violence if necessary. They say they want pussy men but their body language belies their words. As a result, men have had to become similarly hypocritical, saying all the right things about feminism, women and relationships, while in practice being in control in their relationships. Others have buried their desire for control, and appear wimpy. Some women know that they want a dominant guy and are attracted to the dominant guy with the wimpy exterior because the wimpy exterior doesn't totally hide the reality of the guy. The problem comes when the girl thinks the guy is wimpy and leaves him, never knowing the truth.

You may be able to get the strength and dominance and control you want in a nice guy rather than a jerk, but many women end up going for a jerk because those qualities are more obvious in a jerk. Then they get hurt and abused. But you could get the qualities you want in a nice guy. Most guys can be dominant and in control if you tell them you like that. They have merely hidden those qualities in order to attract women, most of whom think they want wimpy profeminist guys.

Don't discount a man just because he looks like a culturally correct profeminist. He may well be a dominant man underneath the rhetoric. Give him a chance. Tell him you are attracted to his strength, and that you like the guy to wear the pants. If you want more dominance, tell him that, and tell him directly and clearly, or he won't believe what he's hearing. Guys tend not to take hints.

Be prepared for a negative reaction, and take no notice. A guy has to react the culturally correct way. Give it time and he'll come around - even if he appears to be a typical nice guy profeminist.

If he never comes around, then at least you know he's not the guy for you - if you're a Taken In Hand type girl.

... when a woman observes a man being violent to protect a woman and when he exhibits good manual dexterity and skill is an economic decision. She has declared that he is attractive as a mate. All this is itself an artifact of Evolutionary Psychology.

For a good introduction to the topic, click: Wikipedia

It's late, I'm tired. Good evening, all.

Lorenzo

One of my husband's young employees came bouncing into work one Monday morning, and gleefully announced that his girlfriend had accepted his proposal over the weekend. "Congratulations," said my husband. "She tested you, and did not find you wanting."

The young man (and the dozen others in the meeting) all paused. "That's right!" he said, suddenly reflecting. "Her dad died earlier this year, and I guess I sort of stepped up and filled his shoes for everyone in her family."

"That's why she said yes," said my husband. This kicked off a lively discussion, and soon most of the paired-up males on the team realized that the women in their lives had committed to them under similar circumstances. All of them made the connection that, in one way or another, they had been accepted soon after they had been tested by their girlfriends in some arena that had seriously mattered -- and they were not found wanting.

Consciously or unconsciously, most women want proof that a man will act heroically on their behalf before they agree to marry. After all, if I'm going to give everything I have for 20 years raising his cubs and tending his cave, I want to make damn sure he'll give everything he has, too, to providing and protecting that investment. I want to know that he's crazy-assed nuts about me, and willing to do whatever wild thing it takes to keep our family whole. A lot of our most enduring courtship rituals are coded ways in which men communicate, via their actions, this same message.

My own husband's test was more acute than most: he put himself between me and an angry person who was going for a gun with the declared intent to shoot me. Within a few agile moments, he secured the gun, effected my escape, and likely saved my life in the process. (Not the usual test, no. And I should mention here that my husband is a serious martial artist, trained for just such moments. Do not try this at home, OK?) It's a bit melodramatic to think your partner would gladly die defending you; but for me, this is not an abstract secnario, but rather proven knowledge. He put his big, bad self in front of a bullet for me, without a second thought for his own safety.

A week later, I was at his side, and have not left it in the eleven years since. He had been tested, and definitely not found wanting.

I make no bones about the fact that I'm submissive in my marriage for the very same reason that I'm one tough cookie to the rest of the world: I was an abused kid, and much of my emotional furniture is arranged to make damn sure that nobody ever messes with me again. Being under the protection and providence of a man who is capable of securing not only my happiness, but also my physical and economic safety, is simply the greatest peace I've ever known.

Both the article itself and the various comments it has elicited are interesting and instructive. But there seems to be a lot of rationalization going on here at the same time. While there are undoubtedly any number of qualifying limitations to the appeal of violence across the board in individual cases, I think the matter runs deeper.

Anyone who works in a prison (as I do) quickly gets used to the rediculously high percentage of truly beautiful women among the visitors, but never quite gets over it. The men they are coming to visit are anywhere from street thugs to bank robbers. They certainly, as a class, don't validate the qualifying limitations on violence that some would put on it. Yet there you have it : the women they attract are, in a disproportionate number of cases, astonishingly beautiful ones. They've generally had their pick of them.

What makes a woman beautiful? Easy, PERSONALITY. (yeah you already said this, I'm just saying it too) Personally women who are beautiful on the outside tend to scare me, a lot of times they have nothing better to offer than a "I'm better than you" attitude. But I'm a sucker for beautiful eyes...and I've yet to see a girl without them.

-Jeremy-

I believe that these men attract beautiful women because they are cocky enough to try. It is a fact that many men are not secure enough to take a chance on being rejected by a beautiful woman but these street thug criminals are full of themselves and have all the confidence that they can take that chance.

Just because a woman is beautiful does not mean that she is lacking in intellect or that she is easy. Beautiful women are spotlighted more and they are always being scrutinized.

I agree that looks are not what counts-- but what if a beautiful woman has the intelligence, class, kindness, strength of character, fortitude and the like--in her overall make-up? What is to be said against this woman then? And are less attractive women somehow more endowed with these admirable characteristics than a beautiful woman is?

What about the women who are not so physically beautiful that are full of spite, mean in character, rude, un-educated, and full of jealousy? Should they be given a kitchen pass to behave this way because they are lacking in the looks department?

The attraction of physical violence is interesting. I hate violent men! They scare me. On the other hand a man that possesses the ability to stand up to unprovoked aggression or threat of physical harm is a man who gets my attention. It does make me feel safe in his presence and the difference between the sexes is never more apparent.

My man is a big guy standing 6'4" tall. He is outgoing but fun in nature and people enjoy his company. He is gentle and kind to women and the respect he has for my gender is honorable. A man approached me while out for afternoon socializing and threatened me with physical harm. I did not know this man and had not said a word to him and he really scared me. My man turned to the guy and placed his hand on the man's shoulder, leaned in to him, and said something that none of the rest of us could hear and immediately this guy apologized to me with complete conviction. He was visibly nervous and concerned with appeasing me. My man was my hero! He was very humble in front of the others but he pulled me close to him and whispered in my ear " noone will ever hurt my Precious Baby--not ever again". I have to tell you that it made some kind of impression on me! I felt so safe and very much at peace. I stayed close to him for the rest of the afternoon.