Spanking is the last resort
There's a great deal of talk about spanking here – to the point where a casual observer might think spanking is the main focus.
For my husband and myself, spanking is the last resort.
If I have to push him that hard, go to such outrageous lengths of misbehavior in order to feel his control and strength to the extent of his getting physical with me, then he believes he must have let me down in some way. My husband goes out of his way on a continual basis to make sure I'm always feeling his strength and love, so I never feel the need to push him to the point of actually spanking me.
Much is said about the closeness after a spanking, and the sense of love. I can still get that incredible closeness and calm just from my husband taking me in hand in other, more subtle ways. For instance, when we're out in public and he needs me to calm down or pay attention to him, he puts his hand on my neck and talks very softly to me. That is enough not only to get me to really listen to him, but to turn me into mush inside as well.
He did this while we were shopping a few weeks ago for Thanksgiving. He likes to come with me when if we need do a lot of shopping, so I don't have to lift and carry so many things alone. He enjoys taking care of me in this way and I certainly enjoy watching him grab most of the plastic bags as one and effortlessly flip them into his truck.
Whenever he does something like this that shows he's stronger than I am, I love it. It makes me feel so feminine. It accentuates the undeniable differences between him and me. It makes me feel even prouder to be with him and to once again so very grateful for his care.
Not to mention it just flat-out turns me on.
Anyway, we were shopping in the store, going up and down each aisle, making sure we didn't miss anything when I playfully threatened to spank him if he ever got out of hand with me. Although he knew I was only joking, his eyes widened and flashed at me and he said very quietly, “Don't even think about doing that, ever. I mean it, Amber.” I just laughed, but then, a few minutes later, I swatted him once very lightly on his butt through his jeans.
I couldn't help it, I just had to test him. In hindsight, I guess I wanted to see if he meant it or not.
Immediately, he put his hand very gently on my neck, pulled me close to him rather abruptly and whispered in my ear that if I ever did such a thing again, ever, I would get a very hard spanking when we got home. He went on to say that this was only a warning, but a severe one.
As far as anyone knew around us, he was telling me a secret, not correcting me, so I wasn't embarrassed, but I did get the point. The hand on my neck, the quiet but authoritative way he spoke to me, and the look in his eyes was enough to show me that he was truly in control and worthy of my trust.
I felt safe, reassured and content.
I wonder, in time, if perhaps it won't be enough for him to be just verbal and I'll begin to need him to spank me more? Because there are so many people who write about needing it and wanting it, and yet, fearing it too. I don't feel this in general, although I can understand it on an erotic level, because our sex life is filled with my give and his take, and possession and yielding.
The truth is, I don't like pain and I never will. I don't do this because I desire spankings or punishment. On the contrary, I want to be loved and cherished like never before.
Have you seen the following articles?
What easy-to-say word gives every lover pleasure?
What do you mean, you want to be taken in hand?!
Is there consent?
The importance of making myself available
Where are all the strong men?
The path
Leadership, strength, emotional intimacy
Laying the groundwork for other possibilities
Ask for what you want
She wants to be taken in hand against her will?!
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Comments
#1 Spanking as a last resort
I would agree... my husband does not spank me when I have done something wrong. The look in his eyes and his communication with me is enough to get me to rethink what I am doing. For example, the other day I was in front of our house raking up leaves, etc. I just had abdominal surgery not too long ago and the doctor stressed no strenous activity for 3-6 months. Granted it has been two months and I am feeling pretty good. But my husband caught me in the act of raking and asked me to stop. When I told him I would in a minute and didn't see what the "big deal" was about, he ordered me into the huose immediately. I thought I was really in for it. Not only had I broken the rules for activity, but I was disrespectful as well. When I arrived in the house he gave me a firm and swift whack on my bottom and told me to sit down. He stood over me and looked directly into my eyes and told me that I had been very disrespectful and that it came with some consequences. I thought perhaps I was headed for the bedroom and was really going to "get it". Instead he looked me straight in the eyes and told me to never do that again. Also that I was grounded for the rest of the week and was not to go outside for any reason other than to get the mail. That alone was enough for me. I knew he meant business and I had crossed over the line.
Janelle
#2 Oooh, that got me all aquiver...
What a great post!
There is a lot of emphasis on spankings and the benefits thereof.
However, there is just as many, equally effective ways of dealing with any given situation.
I get a terribly bad attitude when I'm grocery shopping. I dislike crowds, the lights, the humming noises I get into a right little strop.
If my husband "corrected" me that way, it would certainly make me think about my actions. If I decided I was going to continue to act stroppy then I know the consequences of disobediance and disrespect, but to have the firm word, the "scolding", look and authority in his voice and demeanour would have a beneficial affect on me.
Marie...
I DO draw the line at having a dummy (or pacifer) stuck in my mouth.....nooooooo waaaaaayyyyyy!!!! :-)))
#3 Privacy
As I've mentioned before, I'm strongly opposed to overt indications of my husband's dominance in public. If our relationship were a slave and owner affair, then I imagine that accepting a pacifier in public might be erotic. I find public displays unappealing in my particular circumstances, but certainly see that such conditions are quite erotic and effective for others.
I wonder if Aunt Maude and Louise might concur that a pacifier filled with sedatives of the liquid variety, discretely tucked in one's handbag, might not prove somewhat helpful at times? I know that the High Street at holiday time can turn lambs to raging lionesses in less than 12 minutes. As long as no one could see me, I might find myself eager for a draw on such a dummy.
All silliness aside, I think a great many of us prefer a less conspicuous form of male power. The way Noone often describes his relationship with his wife of many years is more the type of power exchange which I fend erotic. What I enjoy at home would not be appreciated in the shopping center.
I suppose it's the sensation of latent energy, the dormant force of my husband’s character and personality that awakens in me a desire to submit. I find the beast, harnessed; controlled; carefully channeled, more effectively powerful than exhibitionistic gestures. Personally, I can’t help but wonder if such crass displays of authority are somehow related not to actual dominance, but more to insecurity. As we all do, I’m offering my opinion, and don’t wish to sound judgmental in any way.
This site provides an invaluable service to all of us, and it’s easy to forget that we’re not discussing the weather here. We’re opening a window into our very psyches and it would be nice to know that we won’t get stung by unwanted and unnecessary waspish comments. I remember long ago encountering the acronym, “YKINMK,BIRYK.”
That means, for those who haven’t encountered this particular abbreviation, “Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But I Respect Your Kink.
If what you’re doing gives you definition, makes you feel loved and secure, and causes you no harm, then keep doing it. As I read about what others do and think, how they relate to their partners, I’m reminded that there are more ways to express human emotion and sexuality than I’ll ever be able to learn or grasp. Maybe I’ll find myself trying new things because of the way others share here. I want to encourage that sharing, not inhibit it in any way.
With growing respect and understanding,
Ameribritwife
#4 spanking
I spank my wife with some regularity simply because she can be a mouthy little b--- who needs the back of my hand. I respect her and she respects me, and that is nature. We, men, are the dominant species. It is pointless to deny it. I wouldn't be with a woman who couldn't admit her place.
#5 Huff and Puff
As an aggressive man who has recently spoken of the displeasure of finding himself in unsavory company I will frankly say, without wishing to overly stress your obviously rich fantasy life, I think you're loony. If you are dominant, you are so at your lady's pleasure. Otherwise, you are simply a brute and a thug. I suspect that you are a dominant man only because you have found a mousy women who admits "her place." It never seems to occur to huffing and puffing bullies that folks have rights to self defense. I suggest you consider this, for many women on this site would assert them with full force and squash you like a cockroach.
I have often been chided here for making species-wide claims that I would never be so goofy to assert. You not only actually do this, but up the ante by claiming different species identity as between males and females.
Ladies honor here. Louise and Hera, I hope you will pile on.
Spanking with the back of the hand seems to me an innovative technique. Thanks for the tip.
#6 Species and sex
Well, of course, when he says men are the 'dominant species' (I assume he means 'domiant sex') he is perfectly right as far as physical strength goes. Virtually any man could spank his wife if he felt like it, overpowering her physically would not be a problem for most men. Men are bigger and stronger than women, that is an undeniable fact. But in civilised societies it is assumed that no man has the right to beat his wife unless she consents to it, and I gather that this person feels that any woman who doesn't consent to it is a woman who 'doesn't know her place'.
I would put it to him that some women do not care for being spanked even if they do desire the man to be dominant, and some women like being spanked even if they don't want to be dominated. I suspect though that these distinctions are probably too subtle for him. Altogether I don't think there is much that one can say to a man like this.
Louise
#7 I don't like pain either!
I'm with you Amber. I don't like pain either. I do not like to be spanked and rarely am I spanked. The things that S thinks are worthy of a spanking are few and far between and I am usually good at steering clear of them.
What I do like & find extremely sexy though is quiet, understated authoritative control. And S uses that authority to take me in hand without putting me over his knee. For exampe, some of his punishments are: he has forced me to kneel in front of him for a specific timeframe, he has forbid me from going somewhere or doing something that I like; he has grabbed me by the hair and forced me to look at him while he scolded me; he has (rarely) yelled at me; when we are out he will put his arm around me very tightly and whisper authoritatively in my ear that I am getting close to crossing the line. With the exception of him yelling at me, all of these things make me melt inside, they make me feel safe, I know that he is paying attention and they make me want him more and more every day... I don't need the physical pain of a spanking to excite me sexually or to remind me that he cares for me. It's his quiet strength and commanding presence that do that for me.