The spirit of acceptance that comes through in this piece is very touching, but I am not sure that what you describe quite constitutes letting yourself go in the sense I think the yahoo group poster meant. Or at least, it seems to me that letting oneself go (which I think is a very bad idea) implies not bothering to remain attractive in the eyes of the person one loves, whereas you clearly are extremely attractive to your husband, makeup or no makeup. Letting oneself go is horrible largely because it implies a lack of caring about one's spouse's wishes and pleasure, but Louise, you attend to your husband's wishes by wearing underwear he likes, etc.

Louise, if your husband wasn't interested in underwear, etc., but did like something else (lipstick, say), I am willing to bet that you would be accommodating that preference, even if you felt a bit silly doing so. You clearly care about his wishes.

What constitutes letting oneself go is not necessarily putting on weight, dressing sloppily and (in the case of women) not wearing makeup; it is ceasing to care about and accommodate the other person's wishes, and in such a way that one becomes unattractive to the other person. For different individuals, this will mean different things.

Life has a way of moving on and the sags and bags appear as time scurries by. I have enjoyed makeup since I was a teenager, I color my hair,love shoes and enjoy clothes shopping. Actually underwear shopping is one of my favorites, but that is just me. Do I look like I did over three decades ago? Heck no! I don't need to be 105 lbs anymore, good grief I have had four children.

I haven't always been happy with my body. It still needs help. I use to work out but due to the health issues of the past year I stopped. I got tired and quit. I am however walking now as my doctor wants me to.

My husband was a real hunk when we married and to me he still is. He is balding and is overweight but oh how I love to look at him. I throughly enjoy his company and our relationship. There is no one I would rather be with.

I purchased this card for my husband yesterday while at the store and it made me cry.

What it was talking about was that we know we have been married a while because we are always talking about our kids, we talk about repairs on our home, we keep tabs on my mother who is elderly,take sunday drives and eat ice cream , do laundry,wash dishes and clean bathrooms. Sometimes life is just humdrum. But when I look in my husbands eyes I see the pure love of a newlywed husband. Beyond the balding I see his youth plus the wisdom of his age now. now. And I am greatful for that. He may be overweight but I just see the man I fell in love with back in 1971. Through it all the good, the bad,the ugly, the humdrum and sometimes boring I would do it all again. So we accept each other as we are and help one another to grow and look toward our future with great hope and love.
We have talked about the past and what would we change?

Nothing. Because if we changed it all we wouldn't be who we are today.

When I read about loving husbands who love and accept and want their wives as they are, and don't expect or even want them to dress a certain way or wear makeup or high heels, etc., I am always deeply touched. There is something very special about such love.

I remember meeting a couple like that once. The husband looked at his wife as though she were truly the most beautiful woman in the world. She was actually about 55 (maybe more!) and average looking. But the way he looked at her, and the way he spoke to her and about her, told me that to him, she was a goddess. I quite envied that woman! To be accepted and wanted as one is, is a wonderful thing.

To be able to accept and want a person as he or she is, like that man clearly did, is a wonderful thing too.

But acceptance goes both ways, and I think Louise's acceptance of her husband's desire for her to wear nice underwear is just as special as his acceptance of her as she is now. Some wives would stridently refuse to indulge their husband's penchant for nice underwear (no doubt on the grounds that their husband should jolly well accept them as they are, underwear or no underwear) but Louise doesn't. She accepts her husband as he is, underwear preferences and all.

People are human beings, and we all have our little quirks and preferences, and those who can find it in their heart to accommodate another's preference even if they think it is a bit silly or unreasonable, have a spirit of acceptance and loving kindness that bodes well for their relationship.

And if he wanted me to start wearing makeup or something because he thought it was sexy I would probably make the effort to try, it's just the idea that it is somehow an obligation to look a certain way that I rebel against. Doing something because my husband likes it is one thing, but doing it because "this is what you should do as a woman" is something that brings out my contrary side.

Of course it does! It would me too. It makes perfect sense that you would rebel against the idea that you should become a stereotypical entity (like a Stepford Wife) instead of the full, rich, unique person you are. Such a prescription would be a dehumanising position to take – one that would deny your individuality and your personhood.

Well, I've never worn makeup, so that's not something i've stopped doing because I never started. A lot of men don't care for it, I've found. I always remember my father used to grumble at my mother "Why do you always put that claggy muck on your face?" And I've always prefered casual comfortable clothes to dressing up. The men I've known mostly were more interested in getting me out of what I was wearing than getting me into something. I tend to wear clothes I like forever. The oldest garment in my wardrobe is a wonderful sweater my husband bought me for Christmas 1987 (I gave him careful instructions about where to go to buy it). It's a Peruvian wool sweater with a sea scene on it, with applique boats and pirates and mermaids, and I am passionately attached to it. When I die I want to be cremated in it.

I understand and even kind of agree with what you're saying, but it all comes down to what you as an individual feel makes you look good.

I love blue jeans. To me they are the most comfortable thing in the world, and I feel more natural in them than anything else. I wear them everywhere, except work where they are considered too casual. So I put on a pair of slacks or a dress that make me feel fat and struggle to find shoes that will be passable and not kill my feet or make me fall on my face.

Of course I'm just as fat in my blue jeans as my dress, but I don't feel fat and awkward. I feel like me. I feel active and mobile, not stifled, and to me that's part of feeling beautiful.

I don't think there's anything wrong in wanting to 'look good' for your partner, if that's what makes both of you happy, I merely take issue with the notion that 'looking good' MUST involve dressing up, wearing makeup, being obsessed with your weight etc.

I have never bothered with dressing up, never worn makeup, and although I started to put on weight in my mid-thirties and continued to gain weight for several years, it never stopped men finding me attractive when i was young, and my husband still finds me attractive now. He thinks I 'look good' as I am, and doesn't require me to maintain some sort of ideal weight, which frankly I think is a more appropriate attitude for a racehorse trainer than a husband.