The NOW Habit

What does a book on procrastination have to do with “taken in hand” relationships? I read Neil Fiore's book The NOW Habit this weekend, and in the process, had an “AH HA!” moment. I'm not a procrastinator (honest, the book was only on my reading list for two weeks), but I chose to read the book because there are some things I just can't seem to get around to, and I was hoping for some insight.

Neil Fiore describes two different methods of motivation, the “push method” and the “pull method”. In using the “push method”, a person feels compelled to perform a task because they “HAVE” to, leading to a natural resistance and feeling of being punished. Using the “pull method” a person is drawn into performing the task because they “WANT” to, creating positive momentum and in a sense making the project easier or more enjoyable.

So many times on this site, a poster comments about a relationship where they were drawn into a “taken in hand” relationship without even really realizing it. There are also a number of comments and questions by people wondering why, if a “taken in hand” relationship is something they (and often, their spouse) want, do they feel so much resistance to its application. Others ask how they can get their significant other to accept a relationship on “taken in hand” terms.

I believe dissection of “taken in hand” relationships would reveal the most successful ones employ the “pull method” much more than the “push method”. This may hold true for relationships on any other terms as well. We all know it's better to pull something heavy than it is to push it (think of front-wheel drive vs. rear-wheel drive). If you're feeling bogged down in your attempts to create a “taken in hand” relationship, perhaps a change from pushing to pulling will make a difference for you.

Anna Grace

Take the Taken In Hand tour


Have you seen the following articles?
Freedom or invested in a deep relationship?
Subjugation or submission?
Why you shouldn't mention the ‘M’ word
Look for love
Being able to be open and honest about my feelings
Si vis pacem, para bellum
What happens when he makes a mistake?
Out of control, insane, driven by our emotions? No way!
Why you should not withhold spanking!
The Taming of the Shrew
How I turned the fantasy into reality
There's a lot of it about
A woman must know that her man cares
Blanket consent
The Night Porter: movie review

2005 Oct 23 - 14:53 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

Push vs. Pull

Long ago I realized the powerful distinction that Anna Grace has expressed in this article. I figured out that, when faced with something that was difficult or onerous, if I presented it to myself in a positive way, my attitude would shift immediately. "Wow, I GET to make a Power Point presentation to 100 people" was so much better than, "Ugh, I HAVE to make a Power Point presentation to 100 people." Try saying that to yourself and see how well it works!

This mental distinction operates the same way for those of us who are deciding to embrace the Taken In Hand way of life. "I GET to submit to my husband's strength and decisionmaking for our family" is much more exciting, positive and expansive than "I HAVE to submit to my husband", which seems to imply a negative stricture on one's liberty. Thank you, Anna Grace!

Cicely

by Cicely1 on 2005 Oct 25 - 12:31 | login or register to post comments

Insight

Hello Anna Grace..
I concur with your accessment of most relationships (where given a chance) would do well to choose the "pull method". However, alot can be said about pushing...and here's what I mean:

If someone or something, I believe in your example you used the front wheel drive vs. rear wheel drive car example, has the strength to propel something forward, it's always better..and often times more stable, than pulling...ie, a top fuel dragster wouldn't do well pulling its way down the race track.

Now, what in the back forty does that have to do with a taken in hand relationship?? I honestly believe that some people do much better when pushed, albeit if the person BEING pushed is receptive to being led.

Who really knows...everything is subjective. Afterall, I'm still wondering...

Ken

by Ken Who on 2007 Jan 1 - 07:23 | login or register to post comments

Cars?

It seems to me that this would make more sence if we could apply value to the variables. Let's assume the front wheels are the man and the back wheels are the women. If a women wants the front wheels to pull it might be helpful to stop pushing. That would be like "acting as if". If the man is trying to initiate this relationship, then by all means pull gently, and see it the back wheels will follow.

As long as I am on the car thing, I think a taken in hand relationship can be like a four wheel drive. All wheels moving in the same direction and the front ones (the man) doing the steering. You could get over a lot of rock terrain that way.

by Good Girl on 2007 Jun 26 - 01:16 | login or register to post comments

PUSH VS PULL

I think 4-wheel drive is the best! LOL! A little pushing and a little pulling -- it should be a mutual thing. And I think (sticking with your metaphor) that women are the "front wheels" more than men, trying to pull them into this kind relationship they want.

by Adjel on 2007 Jun 28 - 20:04 | login or register to post comments

Vvvrrrooooommmm!!!!

Four wheel drive is the best way to go! That will get you over the rockiest scapes, up the steepest climbs, and out of the muddiest messes. All the wheels working with their full-strength effort and in the same direction. Add to that the ability to tag-team the driving for who is best suited to which terrain, and you will 'win' the life-long relationship 'race'. (o;

~shifting into high gear to get my tasks done, now~
kitten

by His kitten on 2007 Sep 27 - 17:02 | login or register to post comments

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.