How do you maintain control in little ways?

Women of a Taken In Hand bent often crave the feeling of being under their husband's active control. They want to feel that sense of deep peace and ecstasy that they get sometimes, more of the time. They want to be aware of their husband's authority and control often, not just sometimes.

That ‘thoroughly taken in hand’ feeling, that ‘just spanked’ feeling, that ‘well-handled’ feeling, that soft submissive feeling, that feeling of peacefulness and ecstasy, that feeling of floating on air, that feeling of being closely connected to him – it's powerful stuff!

But since there are many situations in which it is not possible or desirable to take drastic violent action, it is worth attuning yourself to the little things – the more subtle psychological forms of control. And if you are the husband in a Taken In Hand relationship, it is worth finding out what else, apart from a jolly good thrashing, brings your wife into that submissive state you both love.

So, to female readers: What little things does or could your husband do or say to take you in hand or otherwise bring you into a submissive state? And to male readers: what little things have had that effect, or might have that effect? What little things you have said or done have surprised you in having that effect? Let's make a list, for fun!

Of course these things are very individual so any list we create is going to include many ideas that would not work for most. However, I still think it would be interesting to create such a list, because people often can't think of anything that would work other than a violent thrashing, and if your in-laws are visiting or you are at a Buckingham Palace garden party or something, more subtlety and discretion might be called for. Besides, such a list could spark ideas that might suit the two of you as individuals.

When thinking about what little things do or might make a Taken In Hand woman feel taken in hand, submissive, etc., consider your actual lives as the individuals and couple you are, and ask yourself where in your real, everyday life together could you (if you are the man) or your husband take a little more welcome control here and there. Think about what you are trying to achieve in life, both as individuals and jointly, and check that the ideas you come up with are at least consistent with those larger aims, if not actively leading in the directions you wish your lives to go. The more your control is a real, useful part of your lives together, the less likely it is to start feeling like a bit of playacting. (Not that there is anything wrong with playacting if you enjoy that! It is just a different thing.)

If you enjoy gestures of control irrespective of whether it seems to have a purpose outside the control itself, there are lists of ideas all over the internet that you can use. But for many Taken In Hand readers many of these ideas would feel silly, pointless, disrespectful or humiliating so here, let's concentrate on listing ideas that are more directly connected with ordinary everyday life (‘non-sexual’ control than the control-for-control's-sake ideas or the ‘training’ ideas (‘erotic’ control) one can find on other sites.

If you have an idea or you have heard some ideas you would like to add to the list, click here for the database and add your ideas in the comments on that page.

the boss

Take the Taken In Hand tour

Have you seen these articles?
The carrot or the stick?
Linguistically submissive
Never do without sex again
Hands-on approach
Subjugation or submission?
The resistant woman
What women don't want
We should consider ourselves so lucky
What Taken In Hand has done for our marriage
The subjection of women

2005 Oct 13 - 22:14 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

Control

Violent physical action seldom makes me feel submissive, what does make me feel submissive is when my husband is just firm with me, just tells me quietly and decisively to do this or not to do that. The tone of his voice when he does this is very sexy, and calms me down immediately, if I'm in a temper or getting worked up about something. Sometimes he can just do it with a look, and that's just as exciting. He doesn't need to get rough with me.

by Louise C on 2005 Oct 15 - 21:40 | reply to this comment

Little Ways of Taking a Woman in Hand

the boss,

I'm not in a relationship right now, but years ago when I was in my early twenties,I was involved with a man who was very good at taking me in hand in little ways.

[See My full and complete surrender for more of this comment. - Editor]

by Lolly752 on 2005 Oct 17 - 20:27 | reply to this comment

Little Things

My wife is not to open her own car door when we are out together. The look of delight on her face as she sits quietly and waits for me to come around the car is wonderful.

by J_s Keeper on 2005 Oct 19 - 21:40 | reply to this comment

Control

I love to feel my husband’s control. Unfortunately, sometimes weeks go by when he’s been too busy to take control, and I just need to feel his authority over me, so I push a little, just a little to help me through the busy times. Depending on his mood, I adjust how I push his buttons. When he stops what he’s doing and looks me in the eyes and says my name firmly and in a lower tone, it does so much for me.

This may seem like so little, but there is more going on than just him saying my name. I know he has noticed what I was doing, I know he’s a little irritated, yet he seems to be restraining himself from getting mad at me because he prefers to treat me gently. I love the way he controls himself for me. I know if I push anymore he really won’t like it. Then memories of a past spanking wash over me and I no longer feel the need to pester him, I now feel this desire to be submissive and playful on the off chance that I may have pushed too far and he’s thinking of putting me over his knee. He's been softly reminded I need him and I've been reminded that he's still in control.

I love this control he has over me just by saying my name.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2007 Jan 4 - 21:44 | reply to this comment

I have always found little th

I have always found little things are far more powerful than things of great instensity...

For instance if we are walking and he is holding my hand. When he needs to be firm or is making a decision for me even as simply as ordering me coffee at starbucks.. he will gently slide his hand to my wrist. Just leaving his grip there lightly. To me it feels so intense and loving. Thats my favorite little thing.

by Sora on 2008 Jun 11 - 07:21 | reply to this comment

Little Ways

The small ways S takes me in hand are by giving me 'the look'. He also will stroke my hair and tug it (a little if we are in public; and if we are home, or in the car, he will pull it hard, turn my face towards him & say "enough" in a controlled voice. Another thing he does when we are in public or when the kids are around is come up to me and put his arms around my waist, kiss my neck and whisper "are you forgetting who is in charge?". When we are alone, he might make me sit in a certain chair so I can 'think about' what I just said, or did, or whatever. He will sometimes grab my arm tightly - not enough to leave a bruise, but enough to let me know he's mad. Most of these things make me melt inside and stoke a fire of passion. When we are home, he often makes love to me soon after one of these forms of control. When we are out, he usually finds someplace private for us to go and he kisses me passionately... it's the best 'foreplay' ever.

by M- on 2008 Oct 5 - 16:45 | reply to this comment

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