Needing my wife

Wanting my wife is a totally physical response to how she looks, behaves, dresses, smells, tempts, excites, talks, ... And, after many years of marriage, she knows how to get my attention.

Needing is, for me, emotional.

Many of us men, unlike many of you ladies, are (sometimes to our detriment) able to put our emotions into a box. We often segregate feelings and then call on them when we want them. It is our way of controlling our world—of protecting ourselves.

There are those days, when I have simply been decimated by the world that I live and work in—when all the defense shields have taken their hits and are weak, when the emotions in the box are seeping through the cracks in the shield and I am losing control. These are the days that I need her—the days that having her close to me, under me, me inside her and she inside me (emotionally, of course—the reverse of the physical act of intercourse).

The wonderful part of it all is that she knows me and is always available to me—waiting to be told that I want her or need her.

You see, I have her very much in hand. And, she has me very much in heart.


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Needing your wife

That was very well put. You're both very lucky to have each other. It makes people very close to need each other and I'm sure women like me always like to be needed, to have a role to play in making things fine if you've had a bad day.

What can be hard for women is when they think men may well need them but he doesn't then, immediately, at that point. Instead he wants to withdraw a bit, recover before he expresses the need so you need to wait. Hard to be patient when you'd really rather give before he chooses to take.

Expression of Need Alters the Balance of Power

It's been my experience that the one who shows the most need loses
the most power. The one who is most able to subdue the expression of
need is the one who controls the relationship.

Mike Starre

Hello Sam

I could not agree with you more on that point. However, I allow my expressions of love and affection to spill over in to my relationship with Debi, my S.O.


say it isn't so

"The one who is most able to subdue the expression of need is the one who controls the relationship.'

Dear god I hope that isn't true.. I have always been the subduer of needs in any relationship I have ever been in.. it is simply my nature to sacrifice my own needs for the needs of those I love. I was hoping to find a take charge kind of man to do the same for me, and we'd both be putting the other first.


"Say it isn't so" ???

First off, I said "subdue the **expression** of need". I don't
think it's possible to subdue a given need itself. But, if I sense
such a lack of expression in a woman, my interest in her depletes
rather rapidly.

Mike Starre

Men want to be desired, wanted, needed

If I were to subdue my desire or need of my fiance, I am sure his desire for me would dwindle to a spark. He needs to feel my need for him—it is part of my consent to his control. If I acted like I simply didn't care, then he would feel that his control of me is not welcome.

His jewel


Sam, I can identify with your post. My husband sometimes does not want to talk when he has had a really bad day. He holds his emotions to the end of our day, after the kids are in bed and then he takes me to bed and ravishes me. I might put up a bit of resistence at first, if I am not in the mood for rough sex, but he quickly gets me in the mood. Usually, when we are finished, he tells me how glad he is to have me, especially on "days like today, when I need you most". Also, he usually talks about what has upset him. Our connection deepens each time this happens and while I feel submissive at first—when being 'somewhat' forced to comply to his sexual need, in the end I feel needed and important (as he doesn't share his thoughts with many.) Both those things are as important as my desire to obey and his desire to be in control.