My friend, my lover, my rock

How would you describe your husband?

This is how I describe mine, my friend, my lover, my rock. How do you describe yours?

He has every quality that makes for the best alpha man. He is kind, loving, and sweet and playful. He is strong, protective and takes no nonsense. I could see this all in him from the very first day.

I think being a good leader requires a lot more than just the ability to spank. Anyone can spank! It takes a real man to know when to and when not to. To know what works the best and what to toss in the dumpster and not be afraid to do it.

My husband knows me better than I know myself. He is not afraid to show his gentle side and that is the side that shows 99% of the time. He is not afraid to let me voice my opposition to something he says or does and is willing and open to discuss anything. Even when my views are totally the opposite of his.

If he wants or expects something and I just don't ever in this lifetime see it happening, I tell him and he is understanding and doesn't force the issue. He has the authority in our house but he doesn't use it in ways that will not suit us both or that will put unnecessary stress on me.

He leads with quiet authority. I mean, you know it's there but it's not shoved in your face. With my husband, his dominance is seen in everything he does in and out of the home. He could not hide it if he tried, it's all in the way he carries himself. He is respected at work by his employees not due to his overbearing presence but because of his quiet and gentle ways of dealing with people. He always wants to know the 'whys' of mistakes and how next time a different approach can be taken and he will be the first one in line to help when you do find a new way to go about things.

This is how he leads at home and at work. The kids and I respond and respect him not because he points out what we did wrong and how we broke the rules, but because he shows us how to look inside of ourselves and figure out what the heck made us do what we did and how it effected everyone. To me, that is a lot harder than submitting to any punishment and really puts us on the road to not repeating past mistakes. Not because we are doing things to avoid a punishment but because we now know what triggered it, why we reacted like we did and how to respond next time.

My husband may take the lead, but he makes me responsible for myself. Not that he is not there every step of the way, gently guiding and encouraging, he is and that's one of the things I love the most about him. He is ready and willing to jump in and take the wheel if need be but he would much rather I figure it out myself and he has shown me how to do that time and time again.

Before I met him I never considered myself a strong woman. I always thought that I needed someone to do things for me or tell me what to do. He showed me just how strong I am and that I can do anything that I set my mind to. With his strong but gentle ways he opened doors inside of me that were closed for years. He brought out the strong, loving, special woman that he fell in love with for me to see and get to know. He showed me that it is ok to be afraid of things that you tucked down inside but it was not ok to not deal with them and slowly he is helping me release those demons once and for all.

He is not perfect and at times makes me madder than can be. He is very stubborn and watches the worst programs on TV, but who wants a perfect man?


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The Beat of my Heart

My husband is much the same. He is my soulmate, my very best friend, my lover. He is such a kind and gentle man and to me he is beautiful. He steps in when necessary and gives guidance to our children and to myself. I love how he looks at me , that twinkle in his eyes. His sense of humor when he goes through a drive through with our grown children and does something silly then they hide on the floor in the back seat. I enjoy hearing them all laugh about it.
We have both traveled parts of the world and as beautiful as they are our favorite place is the Pacific Ocean just two hours from our home. It is our treasured spot! There are times when life isn't perfect and times we will disagree. But the good times outweigh the bad.

Spanking is in our relationship but he knows when to use it and when not to. I respect his judgement.

I have an opportunity for a new job and he is very much behind me. He knows my passion and saw this opportunity he thought I would enjoy and talked to me about it. I have been home for a while as rest was needed, but I am ready for something new. He is always encouraging me and I know that he loves me. He just knows things about me that other than God and myself no one else knows.

He wrote me a letter once after our taken in hand relationship started. He told me how I am the breath that he breathes. That touched my heart so much and he is the very beat of my heart. I feel very Blessed to be married to my husband.

My late partner

I'd like to share a bit about my late partner, W.

W. was every bit an Alpha male, but of the gentle sort. He never raised his voice—or his hand—to me—or to his children. Yet I always knew when I needed to listen to what he had to say—and NOW. Perhaps it was the look in his eyes. It was definitely a certain quality to his voice that would give me pause.

Those times when I really needed to listen—and not just "yeah, yeah, whatever"—almost always had to do with my own self care. I am, for example, a workaholic. I came by it honestly, because both of my parents are/were workaholics. Perfectionists, too! So I have a tendency to stay late at work—there is always something else to do! However, when it would get late, and W. knew that I was "shuffling papers," so to speak, he would call me and say, "It's time to come home." I might balk and explain why I needed to stay a little longer, but he would insist, "No, it's time to come home NOW." And I would. The same goes for bedtime. I tend to get wrapped up in "putting my house in order." I want everything "just so" before I go to bed. But W. knew that I would be a mess in the morning if I did not get my sleep. So in the middle of yet another household task, I would feel his hand on my shoulder and his voice whispering, "It's time to go to bed now. Why don't I give you a backrub?" And I would go. He always took care of me in that way.

He was also my "calm in the storm." I could get all in a tizzy over this or that catastrophe, working myself up into a panic attack. He could find me shaking, angry, and nearly apoplectic over the smallest of slights. But all he would have to do was to sit down with me, look me square in the eye, and ask, "So what happened?" And after a few minutes of his listening, really listening, he would have the perfect response, the measured response, that I could not come up with. He was so incredibly wise!

He was the person I relied upon in so many ways. He drove at night, because my night vision is poor. Actually, he drove most of the time, because we preferred that he do so. He made me laugh—even at my oh-so-serious self.

Finally, I am a word person. I write. I talk. I live for words. But W. taught me that words mattered less than actions—and his actions were true.

I will love W. till the day I die, and I miss him every waking moment. I hope that my gentle love has finally found some measure of peace, some final haven from the torment of his mind, heart, and soul.

My First Love and My Last Love

I read your article and I have to say that I have come to discover that my marriage is just what I want it to be. My husband has just started to really discover his alpha male aspect. I always saw this trait in him from the first time we met. I have slowly guided him to accept this part of his personality. He has become so much more than just my husband he is my everything. My whole life I have waited for my alpha male and now he is here. He protects me, loves me, and more than that he is my friend.

When my husband walks in the room I can feel him. I can feel his presence as his dominance fills the room. He has not always had this presence he has just discovered it. Now when I am with him my heart flutters and my mind scrambles because his dominace is my love. I think people tend to forget that he could not be the loving dominant man without his loving caring partner to help him with this choice.

So needless to say that my husband is my life; he is my salvation; he is my only. Even though he might not be perfect in many eyes he is in mine so he is perfect for me. In turn with this development in his personality I have found my way in life. My way is being his wife, his friend, and his life.

How do I describe him?

"My Mr Fix-it" is how I would describe him. He can fix absolutely anything, he can even fix me, which I find quite amazing.