My wife and I very recently discovered this site and also our desire to begin anew the relationship as Taken in Hand. I have always longed for this and on the discovery of this site my wife of 15 years admitted to me this is a deep desire for her as well.
We have read many of the pages with apt interest and our journey, though just beginning has raised several questions for me as a strong man who was raised as a "Southern Gentleman" but with a deep rooted background as a former United States Marine.
I do find conflict with the power I admit into the relationship. As the southern man I find it easy to take charge and lead my wife through the day but sometimes I have to reel in the former Marine Sergeant when he appears because he can be a bit scary for her.
Is allowing the Marine Sergeant I once was to enter more often a good thing for a new relationship so as to establish my male dominance and intimidate her into hand, or should the southern gentleman step forward first and establish the cool control and allow the Marine Sergeant to rear his head only occasionally, when really needed? She may start fearing punishments such as push ups, mountain climbers and jumping jacks till she drops of exhaustion.
I do not like the idea of the intimidation factor of the former Marine but I also know the southern gentleman may seem a bit like Rhett Butler in Gone with the Wind and not seem strong or firm enough.
I realize that a Taken in Hand relationship isn't about discipline, pain and suffering for the woman. It's her need to be led and controlled by the man who has the final say in the relationship yet allowing her the freedom to grow and always putting her and the relationship first. Being too strict will raise resentment and feel unloving, and being too weak will cause her to test him to make sure he's the right man for the task. So I am faced with the decision of allowing the Sergeant to intimidate her or the gentleman to use a soft hand to lead her in the direction we want to go.
Which way to turn is the question for the day: should I attempt the Marine to start off and allow the gentleman to follow up after the proper amount of discipline is instilled? Any suggestions would be welcomed as well as criticism(s).